Am I the only one who HATES comments on my loss?

amblight
amblight Posts: 350 Member
in Motivation and Support
I can't stand when people comment on my weight loss. Or ask about what I'm eating etc.

I can't quite put my finger on why it bothers me so much. I really feel like it's none of their business. I feel embarreshed if they mention my weight, and almost angry if they ask what I'm eating, like I'm being judged or held accountable to them or something.

Anyone else feel like this?

EDIT: In real life. People who know me.
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Replies

  • animatorswearbras
    animatorswearbras Posts: 1,001 Member
    No, and I think most people think they're being encouraging so put a warning on your profile that you don't like it, I ask people what they're eating because I want to lose weight too, I'm not interrogating people. Out of curiosity what did you expect on a weight and fitness site except for people who you've invited to be friends who may have similar goals to comment on your losses and diet?

    Edit sorry thought you meant on MFP
  • MizMiami305
    MizMiami305 Posts: 188 Member
    Disable it from posting on the feed then!
  • sjg2205
    sjg2205 Posts: 2 Member
    I feel like this also. I'm not talking about this site as mentioned by "animatorswear", I'm referring to mainly comments by other friends and work colleagues.
    I have always considered myself to be overweight but a few years ago I lost 5tone but was still technically "overweight". During the period I was losing weight, colleagues used to meet me in the corridor and say "here's skinny" or "look how loose your clothes are" etc etc. I know they were trying to be encouraging but I could see others including strangers looking at me. I felt they were saying "skinny?? - she's still fat".
    The attention made me feel more self-conscious than I had been when overweight.
    Unfortunately I put the weight back on, hence I'm now using this site. Hopefully I will be able to handle the comments better this time.
  • amblight
    amblight Posts: 350 Member
    Oh, I don't mean on here, I meant in real life - I don't mind people clicking 'like' etc. here, because they don't know me.
  • animatorswearbras
    animatorswearbras Posts: 1,001 Member
    Sorry hun wrong end of the stick, yeah that sucks
  • amblight
    amblight Posts: 350 Member
    I feel like this also. I'm not talking about this site as mentioned by "animatorswear", I'm referring to mainly comments by other friends and work colleagues.
    I have always considered myself to be overweight but a few years ago I lost 5tone but was still technically "overweight". During the period I was losing weight, colleagues used to meet me in the corridor and say "here's skinny" or "look how loose your clothes are" etc etc. I know they were trying to be encouraging but I could see others including strangers looking at me. I felt they were saying "skinny?? - she's still fat".
    The attention made me feel more self-conscious than I had been when overweight.
    Unfortunately I put the weight back on, hence I'm now using this site. Hopefully I will be able to handle the comments better this time.

    Luckily the people who comment the most on me, don't do it as publicly! I would die!
  • knra_grl
    knra_grl Posts: 1,566 Member
    I am sure you don't have to explain your daily food intake just tell people you are tracking calories and it works and maybe they should try it. I recommended MFP to my boss (someone I actually like at work lol) he is diabetic and could really benefit from tracking his food.

    edit - also most of the weight I have gained has been in the past 16 yrs of working where I do - they have seen the weight gain over the years and I am more than happy for them to see and acknowledge the weight come off :ohwell:
  • lambchoplewis1
    lambchoplewis1 Posts: 156 Member
    Funny that I don't like the comments either. I don't look at others and wish they would not look at me. I am afraid that if I gain some back, they will be talking behind my back saying " see, I knew she couldn't keep it off". I don't notice peoples clothes etc. I think it is judgmental and it doesn't matter in either weight direction.
  • LeanneHarrington3
    LeanneHarrington3 Posts: 100 Member
    For me (in real life) I think people telling me I look good or whatever is a bit like them saying "You looked ****e before".
  • Obnoxa
    Obnoxa Posts: 187 Member
    I don't mind it being mentioned in passing but I don't enjoy it when somebody makes a big production about it and starts drilling me; that feels a little invasive. So yeah, I completely understand where you are coming from.
  • Noamsh
    Noamsh Posts: 79 Member
    For me it depends on the kind of comment. When I see people I haven't seen in awhile and they're complimenting me on how good I look, it makes me really proud of myself.
    But when people who I see all the time tell me things like "' you look good now, you've lost enough, stop dieting already", when I turn them down to go eat or something because I don't have calories that day, it pisses me off. It's not any of their goddamn business how much I eat, what I eat and when.
    It all depends on the context.
  • amblight
    amblight Posts: 350 Member
    For me (in real life) I think people telling me I look good or whatever is a bit like them saying "You looked ****e before".

    That's what I very often feel too! Here the other day my brother found a year old pic of me, and just raised his brows in a disapproving way and said 'well, it's good you've lost weight now!'
  • amblight
    amblight Posts: 350 Member
    I don't mind it being mentioned in passing but I don't enjoy it when somebody makes a big production about it and starts drilling me; that feels a little invasive. So yeah, I completely understand where you are coming from.

    When I'm visiting my mom, every time I get up from a chair she goes "Oh, don't sit back down, I want to keep looking at you properly!" etc. And it's even worse if my grandma is around, she will clap on my stomach, and keep asking about how many carbs I'm eating.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    Family are the worst, they say and do weird stuff. I think that you just have to get used to it and brush it off. I don't like when people say I am getting skinny. I'm not skinny. I am fit.
  • mrdexter1
    mrdexter1 Posts: 356 Member
    I can't stand when people comment on my weight loss. Or ask about what I'm eating etc.

    I can't quite put my finger on why it bothers me so much. I really feel like it's none of their business. I feel embarreshed if they mention my weight, and almost angry if they ask what I'm eating, like I'm being judged or held accountable to them or something.

    Anyone else feel like this?

    EDIT: In real life. People who know me.

    It s called communication/conversation, and getting uptight and angry about something so trivial is more to do with your problems than anything they have said.

    Be nice , chill or see a shrink !!
  • Roberta__F
    Roberta__F Posts: 8
    I know what you mean. As a woman, you just always get so many unsolicited comments about your looks. Whether it's positive or negative, it makes me feel uncomfortable, too. Like it's my duty to look a certain way.
  • Deipneus
    Deipneus Posts: 1,861 Member
    I can't stand when people comment on my weight loss. Or ask about what I'm eating etc. Anyone else feel like this?

    EDIT: In real life. People who know me.
    I liked it at first. Then it got old.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    ironically, most people want the comments and don't get them. There are a million posts on here in RE to "when will people notice?"

    I always comment that generally speaking people don't comment on weight, even if it is to say, "wow...you look great."...because most people end up thinking that same thing..."like so I just was a big fat *kitten* before."

    I think you're in the minority OP...all the way around.

    I for one dig it...nobody really says anything about my weight loss anymore, that was all said and done about 9 months ago. Now people tend to comment on my physique in RE to major changes in my body composition, muscles, etc...I work hard for it so I certainly don't mind talking about it or trying to get my friends into the gym either.
  • Spewze72
    Spewze72 Posts: 82 Member
    I like to think the best of people...so if someone asks "Have you lost weight?", I like to think that THEY feel they are paying me a compliment by noticing. I don't automatically assume they thought I looked like crap before. I know I did, still do...long way to go!!

    Mind you...I confess that there are a couple of people I know very well (both slim) but only see once every few weeks, who always, 100%, ask me approvingly if I've lost weight, even though it's obvious that I haven't, or actually I've put it on. I try to accept it as a way of them saying "you look nice today", but a nasty little part of me thinks they're just being disingenuous and might as well say nothing. Can't do right for doing wrong, eh!!
  • GertrudeHorse
    GertrudeHorse Posts: 646 Member
    I personally don't think it's appropriate to comment on someone's weight or diet in "real life". On MFP it's different because you are more open about what is going on and what your goals are. In day to day life you don't know what is going on for someone behind the scenes so it's more respectful not to comment unless you know them extremely well. I'm with the OP on this one. Just my two cents.
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
    I don't mind the weight loss comments when I am actually losing. However, at my last job I had two or three people whose always made such comments if they hadn't seen me in a few weeks. One of them asked me how much I had lost when I was at my highest weight! It was like it was just their default catch up with the fat girl.
  • condoleezachiapet
    condoleezachiapet Posts: 105
    I actually really enjoy when someone comments on my loss, but only if it's been a significant amount. My mother used to assess me almost every other day, alternating between criticism and praise for the minutest visible change. Her comments would determine my self-esteem for that day. That was certainly traumatic, but I won't go into that.

    I'm really proud that I was once overweight. The results are a testament to my own discipline. Sure, people will remember me as the former fat girl. Ultimately, it's up to you to make people see you as the confident and fit person you are now, or will become.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    Usually that would be a feeling of uneasiness from a lack of certainty about your methods. If you were sure you were exercising and eating properly, I think the majority of people would welcome praise and feedback.
  • crevices
    crevices Posts: 226 Member
    nope im with you. from the beginning ive been doing it for myself etc and i mean when someone compliments me obviously im not annoyed, but once it becomes "are you sick? do you even eat anything? are you sure you're healthy?" then im pretty annoyed lol, and they dont even say it with genuine concern. i also know people who repeat themselves everyday "omg ur so skinny what do u do?!!?!?!" and i tell them over and over again and they wont stop
  • Velum_cado
    Velum_cado Posts: 1,608 Member
    I don't "hate" it, but it does sometimes make me uncomfortable. A couple weeks ago someone said to me, "You look so much better!" Well... thanks, mate, but I didn't think I looked *bad* before. That is a judgement about me. Not the former me. I was the same person 162 lbs ago that I am now, I'm just smaller and have different habits. So saying that is a judgement about ME.



    For me, I think it's something like that. I think I was beautiful before, and I think I'm beautiful now. I think there's also something there about talking about my body and my habits, which are big issues for me. But people don't mean these comments badly, so I simply smile, say "Thank you, I feel loads better" and change the subject.
  • PunkyRachel
    PunkyRachel Posts: 1,959 Member
    yes! I agree I also don't like when people commit on my weight loss. I was so upset after attending my brothers wedding in December because of this. I had at least 3 guest (who knew me when I was fat) tell me "I'm too skinny and need to stop" really? I enjoy compliments like, "you look great" or yor doing great!. When people start getting negative I get unhappy and want to punch people
  • 1two3four
    1two3four Posts: 413 Member
    I hate a big display. Or really obnoxious, "Oh my god", shrieked across the room. Or if people try to spin me.

    I don't mind people asking privately, like if we're sitting down for lunch or even my hair dresser making a comment in a salon I've been going to for 20 years where the only people that over hear are 3 or 4 others that have known me since I've been coming there.

    A year ago my aunt saw me for the first time in about 9 months and I'd lost 70+ pounds at that point and I died when I saw her coming at me because I thought, "Oh no! Here it comes..." but she just hugged me and quietly whispered praise in my ear.

    So, I don't mind nice respectful tact, comments. I just mind the loud or inappropriate ones that want to know what I've done or how much I lost. I won't even answer if I don't like the tone of the question. There's a way to make comments and a way not to.
  • PunkyRachel
    PunkyRachel Posts: 1,959 Member
    For me (in real life) I think people telling me I look good or whatever is a bit like them saying "You looked ****e before".

    That's what I very often feel too! Here the other day my brother found a year old pic of me, and just raised his brows in a disapproving way and said 'well, it's good you've lost weight now!'

    LOL I feel your pain, My brother used to call me "fatty" all the time instead of using my name. "Hey fatty come here" etc. He has yet to say anything about my weight loss, not once! The last 2 times I saw him he used my name, so I'll take it! Much better than him calling me fatty.
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
    Yeah! The nerve of some people, thinkin' they can just walk around complimenting people! Keep it to yourselves, jerks!!
  • bjshields
    bjshields Posts: 677 Member
    This is funny, because my mother's family especially comments on weight loss EVERY time you see them, and I HATE that it's such an issue in the family, like if you lose weight you are more valuable or something. It's not something I want to pass along to my kids. These are also people who are in love with money, so go figure.

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