Am I the only one who HATES comments on my loss?

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  • Foodiethinking
    Foodiethinking Posts: 240 Member
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    Disable it from posting on the feed then!
  • ArtsyGarbage
    ArtsyGarbage Posts: 38
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    I've lost a total of 50 lbs (40 before joining) and I really don't like it when people comment on my weight at all. I would rather they say I look happy and alive and glowing than "thinner." I had someone at work ask me what I did to "fix myself." I'm still 25 lbs away from my goal, and my one friend who has noticeably gained 35+ lbs is now starting to say that I look "too thin" and that I'm obviously being very unhealthy, when in reality I *know* that I would benefit from losing more weight.
    It's just annoying.
    But when I get comments I do react politely. The only people who have stopped commenting are my immediate family, because I've told them it bothers me.
  • 9bars
    9bars Posts: 40 Member
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    I was very awkward with it in the beginning, but I meet a lot of people in my job so the comments are constant and I've got used to dealing with it. Most people are lovely, one friend tells me every time I see her how fabulous I look and it puts a big smile on my face as its so genuine. Some do bug me though, I had someone say Friday..oh yes you have lost a lot of weight, they were all talking about you earlier (her dept). I'm sure she meant it nice and its natural people talk, but it made me feel horrible.

    I also had family members who never bother with me from one year to the next turned up at my work to gawp as they had heard I had lost weight, they were quite open that they had come to see my weight loss. Their fake compliments made me feel like something in a freak show.

    I do wonder when it stops and people get used to you being a healthy weight. It had settled down for a couple of weeksand I thought great that's it, but I've been exercising more so although no weight loss I've lost some inches and this week had lots of comments and questions again. It is nice to know your hard work is paying off though :)
  • kelly_e_montana
    kelly_e_montana Posts: 1,999 Member
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    I don't like it either. If someone says, "You look good," that's fine. However a big production surrounding the concept of "loss" and "diet" is another thing. I am in recovery for an eating disorder and weight loss can be a good thing or a bad thing, and they don't know anything about that.

    Secondly, I work out a lot with weight training. Almost every day someone comments on my weight loss. I tell them I'm not really losing weight and they tell me I'm lying. I tell them I've been gaining muscle and they can't see my muscle under my clothes, so they don't believe me. It is insulting to argue with me asking about my "diet" when I am not dieting. I am busting my tail in the gym every day gaining muscle, not "being a good girl and sticking with my 'diet.'" I work in a bar and drunk people think my life is theirs to dissect.
    I have to eat many meals in front of drunk people. I work by myself. They all talk about my food choices and where it's going to end up on my body or comment on my "diet" if I'm drinking protein. GRRRRR. Food is personal. It's like having someone in the bathroom with me all the time.
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
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    I can't stand when people comment on my weight loss. Or ask about what I'm eating etc.

    I can't quite put my finger on why it bothers me so much. I really feel like it's none of their business. I feel embarreshed if they mention my weight, and almost angry if they ask what I'm eating, like I'm being judged or held accountable to them or something.

    Anyone else feel like this?

    EDIT: In real life. People who know me.

    I do too. So i never tell people "I'm dieting" or mention anything about weight loss.
  • amblight
    amblight Posts: 350 Member
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    If someone says they can tell that I've lost, I don't mind it at all.. but when someone asks me what I'm doing to lose weight, I want to crawl in a hole and hide. I'm not exactly sure why it bothers me so much.. because I'm just eating better and getting more exercise. I guess it's the humiliation of someone wanting to know why I'm not as fat as I was?

    You know, that last sentence I think is very true: When ever I do answer people who ask how I lost, I usually say it's more a question of how I gained - I gained 15-20kg (33-44lbs) VERY quickly by drinking exessivly, and the bad habits that came with that (5am fries on the way home, drinking noting but cold chocolate milk for the next day to cure hangover, feeling to sick to move at all etc.), so it's no wonder that just by dropping that, I lost quite quickly too.
  • amblight
    amblight Posts: 350 Member
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    Do you think the comments in the real world put to much pressure? That's what I feel . If I gain some back because of a bad week then I'm conscious of their comments.

    On here I love the support it's very uplifting. I guess the difference is most people here are on the same journey.

    That's probably true too, the pressure.. For example, I told my grandma one time that I was trying to watch my white bread, rice and pasta intake a bit (I didn't even mention it in connection to weight loss - I study food science and nutrition, and we had talked about what everyday foods were essential, and which didn't hold much nutritional value, and those items were the ones on the list that I didn't feel I would miss anyway), and now everytime we meet, she quizzes me on how much bread I've had, and if we are doing a big lunch with the whole family, she will say "Oh, don't send the bread basket to amblight" etc.

    And yes, I do feel like it's different here, because people are in the same boat. People I know in real life are either very lean, or have given up (in fact, my mom is the only person I know who is obese besides me - and she is very sad about haven gained back everything + more that she lost 10years ago, so we are not in the same boat)
  • amblight
    amblight Posts: 350 Member
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    Just lie and tell them you haven't lost any weight and don't know what they are talking about. End of conversation.

    I do sometimes, especially if it's people I see frequently. I had a class reunion not so long ago, and then it was a bit difficult to say I hadn't lost, but I see my mom maybe every 2 or 3 weeks, and now I just say I haven't lost since she saw me.
  • amblight
    amblight Posts: 350 Member
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    Yes, I look very different. Yes, I'm much better. No, you may not touch me and no it's not your business to broadcast my weight loss to the world.

    This exactly!!
  • Therealobi1
    Therealobi1 Posts: 3,261 Member
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    i really like the comments. the skinny comments just make me laugh as i know i am not skinny. they are my friends and i dont see why i should be upset for compliments on my hard work. i have even had comments from my daughters teachers at school and even my other halves tenant has complimented me. a colleague from work i havent seen in over a year was gobsmacked when he saw me last week. none of it is a prob.

    its part of the process you will have to find a way to get used to . what i do find amusing is that people only tell u when u have lost no one ever tells u anything when u are fat but they are both obvious
  • LouiseChe
    LouiseChe Posts: 24 Member
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    I float somewhere in between on this. I don't mind the positive-phrased comments. In fact, I find them motivating and encouraging. However, some people might need to learn a bit of tact. I had a long holiday and a few days before work I met one of the woman I work with. She said, "Wow, you've lost weight? Guess I'll be the main fat person at work this year!" I had no idea how to respond - I know she meant it as a compliment (at least I think she did) but I was also a bit offended. I did a nervous laugh and changed the subject.

    That said, I've generally found that people are pleased for me and are really nice and genuine about it. I do understand about not liking the 'how are you doing it?' comments. For some reason that makes me feel uncomfortable and awkward too. However, I've always been a shyer, not want to be the centre of attention kind so when it is broadcast in front of people I get a bit anxious.
  • hortensehildegarde
    hortensehildegarde Posts: 592 Member
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    To be perfectly honest, I think it's my old friend 'fear of failure' creeping up again. I don't want people to know that I'm trying to lose weight, because I don't want them to see me if I don't succeed or if I lose the weight and gain it back again.

    this. I don't want people to know I am trying because then they might know I care or might see me fail.

    Also I agree with the people that it makes you feel like you were/are less worthy if you don't lose the weight.

    I just would prefer for no one to notice, but that is another benefit of doing it really slowly I guess.
  • withabandon
    withabandon Posts: 168 Member
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    I am also really uncomfortable with it. But I also believe it's inappropriate to comment on someone's weight either way - too skinny, too fat, whatever.
  • ball_FXDWG
    ball_FXDWG Posts: 44 Member
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    I ran into a woman today I use to work with who I don't see often, she asked me if I stopped eating with a smile before getting serious and saying with complete sincerity "you aren't really sick are you?"

    I still feel extremely overweight but comments like that make me feel better. I also saw a girl I went to high school at a restaurant today and she had no idea who I was. That is also a good feeling in a way but also weird, like I'm hiding something by not revealing it.
  • SomeNights246
    SomeNights246 Posts: 807 Member
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    It depends for me.

    I have found that some of them actually seem slightly negative. Such as being told "You're getting TOO skinny" when I was still overweight. Often, I get that it's meant as a compliment. But it makes me feel uncomfortable. How do I reply? I mean, really? What do you say? Thank you never seems to be sufficient.

    The things I feel like stamping on a shirt and wearing everywhere:
    1) Yes I am the same person.
    2) No, there is no magic pill that made me lose weight.
    3) Yes I had to change my lifestyle.
    4) No, it was not a fad diet.
    5) No... I am not going to disappear.
    6) The rest of me? This IS the full me!
  • Therealobi1
    Therealobi1 Posts: 3,261 Member
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    To be perfectly honest, I think it's my old friend 'fear of failure' creeping up again. I don't want people to know that I'm trying to lose weight, because I don't want them to see me if I don't succeed or if I lose the weight and gain it back again.

    this. I don't want people to know I am trying because then they might know I care or might see me fail.

    Also I agree with the people that it makes you feel like you were/are less worthy if you don't lose the weight.

    I just would prefer for no one to notice, but that is another benefit of doing it really slowly I guess.


    Regardless of fast or slow if we have a lot of weight to lose eventually they will notice. I think we just need to deal with tactless people appriopriately and just say thank you politely to the positive comments. Unfortunately you cant control what other people will do and say. One thing I will correct people on is when they say I am on a diet. I politely tell them I am not on a diet. I eat the same things I always did just less of it.
  • ashleysarvi
    ashleysarvi Posts: 66
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    For me it depends on the comments, friends and family that are into fitness Im good with their comments because they are meant to be positive and we can talk about or fitness goals and advise each other. But most of my co-workers and friends tell me I am getting too skinny or I am already skinny I don't need to do any of this yadda yadda. And I feel like those are meant to be more negative, so I don't like hearing that, my body...my choice...I need to be happy with it no one else.
  • ClementineGeorg
    ClementineGeorg Posts: 505 Member
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    I can't say I hate them, but they sure make feel uncomfortable.

    In the first year since I started MFP and losing weight, weight loss was a `no-no` subject for me. People comments are always strange... they comment about counting calories, what I eat, how I eat, why I'm not losing 10-15 lbs per month, how X and Y losed quicker, and so on. And I dislike weight loss comments.
    I am counting calories, eating 1700-1800 calories a day, exercising at home, doing it slowly and MY WAY. I couldn't have done it another way, so others people advices are most times irelevant.

    I still hate comments about the weight loss process, but as I coma closer to a goal body, I do enjoy people noticing I lost weight and telling me. But please stop there; don't ask me how I do it, why I do it, what diet am I following, where I workout and so on.
  • jennie5693
    jennie5693 Posts: 42 Member
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    I don't like it because it means they viewed me as fat before.

    Other people's acknowledgement of what has disgusted me about myself for so long... hurts.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    I don't feel quite the same way as you describe but I do feel like I understand what you are saying. Occasionally someone will comment in such a way that I feel like they're saying, "You were gross before and now you're almost normal!" Worse is when they say something like "Keep it up!" because while they may have the best intentions to me it sounds like, "Yep you're still fat better keep going to be less fat!"

    Try to take the comments at face value. Or just ignore them.

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