I'm dying, 18,000 cal binge, final tommorow? :(
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Your post really struck a cord with me. For many years I battled disordered eating, disordered body image and bulimia. My inner voice constantly told me that I wasn't any good, I was a failure, I wasn't worth anything. I kept thinking that losing weight would be my magic ticket. With the help of counselling, I was able to move forward with my life. Sadly I missed so many potentially good years not experiencing things. I say I started life when I was about 25 and I had to allow myself to start trying new things and not be scared of "failure".
I can empathize with the stress of school - that was when my bulimia peaked. The stress of studying, paying rent, not being sure I was in the right program, working, and trying to succeed and live up to everyone's expectations was too much for me. I couldn't cope. I avoided studying and tried to cram - then would get so stressed over the cramming, knowing I would walk into that exam and fail. So I turned to food. Which turned to guilt. Which turned to purge. And the whole cycle would begin again.
There were days when I told myself "I'm not going to do it today". Then I would dream of food all day and find myself at 4pm at home and surrounded by food that I would mindlessly eat until I was so uncomfortable.
It takes work to overcome but it is SO do-able. Find a counsellor you like and start developing strategies. You HAVE to face the emotions and figure out why you are doing what you are doing. Give yourself permission to fail or not do as well as you want (in a job interview, nobody asks you what you passed with, they just want to see that you have x degree or can demonstrate x skills). Try new things! Get out of the house and break things up. Discover who you are, what you want and what you enjoy - not what everyone expects of you. Sometimes these are big life decisions. I changed careers, had to quit working around food, tried new things and found hobbies that I love (and some that I didn't!). My strategy for school was learning to break studying into small manageable chunks - start studying the week before the exam and set the timer for 30/45/60 minutes. Then put it away. Do the same the each night until the exam. I reduced my stress - I could committ to studying until that timer went off and then I was free. Over a week, you do the same amount of studying as cramming but you retain it better without the stress.
I still binge everyone once in a blue moon. But now I know why (usually strong emotional stress). My binges are small. I can stop them. I am in control of my life. I know my stressors and can plan around them (I probably won't ever go back to school because I recognize the pressure is too much for me). Overall I am very happy with my life - I do the things that I love and live my life the way I want to. I have a better relationship with my mom (who was another root of my stressors) but I had to overcome her expectations of me living the life she wanted.
The only way to stop the cycle is to stop beating yourself up and discover why YOU are a great and important person (because you really are).0 -
Some people that have posted might not have an eating disorder but they certainly have a "lack of compassion disorder".
I think much of it is ignorance rather than a lack of compassion to be fair. If a person has no experience of BED or has never come across it before I am guessing it seems like a lack of willpower / gluttony thing and hence the reactions.
I do think it is great that it is being discussed more openly these days and generally (although not always) in a much better fashion. I think many people suffer in shame and in silence when in reality it is affects huge numbers of people in varying degrees and is nothing to be ashamed of at all.0 -
and please, to everyone who wants to judge the amount of food she ate: DON'T.
Don't try to compare this behaviour to what you are used from YOURSELF. So simply DON'T DO IT. This is really hurtful to read!
It is not her fault and she surely did not WISH to eat so many kcal. This is what a binge is, when you are totally out of control.
This is very disordered eating and you are absolutely not helping by making comments like "oh wow that's really a lot"
of course it is. And she ate it, so she KNOWS already. She is desperate about help. Don't pour salt in her wound.
And please, don't give "advice" half- heartedly if you know nothing about this topic.
Your "advice" like 'maybe fast because fasting can be very helpful and you don't need any more kcal after such a day anyway' can be very, very hurtful, stressing and counterproductive.
It does NOT MATTER how big her binge was and comments like "I wouldn't force myself to eat tomorrow" just indicate "wow you really shouldn't eat tomorrow just think of what you ate today"
Stop it.
It is NECESSARY to eat normally again. It is NECESSARY and even though fasting CAN be helpful for HEALTHY people, it is an IRRESPONSIBLE advice in a case like this.
So PLEASE. If you don't have actual KNOWLEDGE about this topic, leave. Otherwise, you will do more harm than you realize.
Quoting this because it needs to be said again. People, please read this before posting advice.
I have no advice to give the OP on the eating part, as I don't have any experience with eating disorders.
The only thing I can tell you is to ask for help. College is a very stressful time. This is the first time in your life that you don't have your parents to tell you what to do, and that alone is scary. See if there is counseling available at your campus.
If you have a decent relationship with your parents, then talk to them about the stress you are under. You may be afraid that they will look at you differently and be horrified, trust me, they wont.
What will hurt them the most is that you needed help so desperately and didn't trust them enough to ask them for help.
They love you, and see the wonderful person you are, even when you can't see it yourself.
And don't isolate yourself. Everything is worse when you are alone. :flowerforyou:0 -
wow.0
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Isn't that a medical condition? i think i saw something on A&E or something. Its like these people are regular eaters and then out of no where go on a crazy eating rage.0
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I feel you. This has happened to me too.
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That is a lot of food. I'm impressed. How can you afford it?! My housekeeping would be horrendous if I ate that much.
Seems you're in a vicious circle.Suggest you get out of it 'cos this isn't good.
That is a lot of food. I'm impressed. How can you afford it?! My housekeeping would be horrendous if I ate that much.
OMG REALLY?????????????????????????0 -
OP I urge you to find a therapist who you connect with and will help you. if your current therapist is not helping, perhaps through your schools medical center you can find another or a different mode of help. If that is not an avenue of help then a hotline for eating disorders would be my next suggestion.
What you need is a professional support network who can help guide you and instruct on your journey towards physical and mental health.
You have made an amazing first step in that you very bravely admitted what you have eaten and posted it for others to see. Already you have show that you are stronger than you think you are!
As for your test and eating: eat to nourish your body and study what you can at a normal pace. Remember that you have been learning this material all along, it is not new to you. Somewhere in your brain the information is there! Do something that relaxes you and it will help you de stress so that you can concentrate better. go for a long walk, swim, meditate, paint, - whatever works for you
HUGS. you can do this. baby steps0 -
Good God! You haave way too much time on your hands. Get busy with friends and family and why are those things at your reach in the first place?
You are new to this site. My suggestion to you is to hold off posting on threads that you don't understand, and spend more time reading posts to educate yourself on the various eating disorders that some people on here are dealing with. You will be amazed at how much you can learn. I know I was.
It is easy to post quick replies that sound reasonable and benign to you, but when dealing with someone in the middle of a crisis, flippant remarks can be very damaging.0 -
Good God! You haave way too much time on your hands. Get busy with friends and family and why are those things at your reach in the first place?
Nasty. U obviously are perfect and never have food issues. Then why r u here??? I don't usually write a negative post to anyone but this really bothered me as I can be busy as ever and then for no reason, go on a binge. Yea, it is better when busy but I am not perfect.
Agreed. The poster who made that remark was unkind. The OP is obviously dealing with a diagnosable disorder and doesn't need that kind of nastiness directed towards her.0 -
Every dawn is a new beginning.
While the consequences remain, you mind set doesn't. It's not the food, your grocery lists, or even the final exam. There is something in between the lines you will have to deal with. You wrote something that glared at me, "My friends and family would...if they knew I ate this much." It appears you are carrying a weight of "am I good enough." I could be totally wrong here, but that's what it sounds like. I encourage you to take it slow. Start learning who you are and feeding positive encouragement to your self. Low self esteem shows up in the worst ways sometime and we fix it with food. What that does is causes us to feel even worse about ourselves to where we give up . I'm proud of you for calling it like it is. Start empowering yourself with positive words and realize, just the mere fact that you are trying you are worth it and NOT a failure.
Hang in there....
As far as eating, my suggestion is to start today with your regular meal plan. You also may not be eating enough calories if you are binging. When we get hungry, we get angry, when we get angry we want to eat :-). (It's natural, your body's cortisol levels respond to stress and pack on fact, this the binge.)
This is all from experience........you are good enough to keep going, you are also very worth it!0 -
OP:
I encourage you to continue working with your therapist and finding community groups in your area. (through your college or referral from therapist) Therapy can be a long road for many, but it is worth it once you begin to learn new coping mechanisms and learn new skills to apply to life. You deserve to feel better and I hope one day you believe this.
In the meantime:
Here is the hotline from the National Eating Disorders Association:
1-800-931-2237
The website states:
We are here every Monday-Thursday from 9:00 am - 9:00 pm and Friday from 9:00 am - 5:00 pm (EST). Our helpline volunteers will be there to offer support and guidance with compassion and understanding.
You can also click to chat with someone from this page:
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-help-support
edit for clarity0 -
Nothing you can do about the binge now. Forget about it, and start fresh tomorrow.
Everybody screws up once in a while.
THIS0 -
I've done similar things. I just have to forgive myself, learn from that experience and tomorrow's a new day. The bingeing behavior isn't good for me to do, but staying in that guilt and shame keeps me in a really bad spot. I actually checked out an OA meeting last night because of these sorts of issues. My binges lately haven't been to bad, maybe only 1,000 calories, but I still feel that guilt, shame, repulsion, and lack of self-acceptance. Even though I've lost a good bit of weight, those internal struggles, the true root of these problems are still there. So, I understand, and just one day at a time try to not binge I guess is all we can do?0
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OP just wanted to say that you are really brave and that this is a first step. Ignore the people who are being incredulous - there's an equal amount of people who have posted on here who are incredulous at their callous behaviour.
Good luck, tomorrow is another day.0 -
Wow um, what impels you to eat so much? And a good thing to note is
- People cannot be supportive of you if you are not of yourself. People cannot motivate another person, completely.
- A jar of chocolate...seriously? What even tells you to do that?
- Eating all those veggies and fruits along with horrible food does nothing for your body, except maybe trick yourself into thinking you did good.
I'd really think about what you want in life, I'm a week into a vegetarian lfiestyle and thoguh it's hard, the most I intake a day is 1200-1300 calories. My recommended is 1900. Low carbs, low everything.
It's hard but think about what you want in life ~ I wanna be healthy and fit, I wanna be able to do things without my knees hurting.
If I was you, my aim would to be less of a prick. #justsaying
Totally agree. So unhelpful and judgemental. Binge eating disorder is a mental illness! If you can't be compassionate then don't post.
This^^^ You've obviously never had an eating disorder and your "advice" doesn't help. OP, I agree with those that encourage you to seek help. When I developed my ED, it was just considered some sort of moral weakness (see the original post here). Therapy wasn't available, or was directed to giving drugs for depression which increased hunger and weight gain. Recently I learned that when we binge the dopamine in our brain does the same thing that it does in cocaine addicts, gambling addicts and alcoholics.
And that brings me to the next point: Don't fast! Fasting could trigger another eating binge and that's the last thing you want. Forgive yourself and go back to your eating plan.
Also, there is a website http://pockethungercoach.com that a poster in one of the groups on MFP suggested. I went there last night The website is free and it helps you realize why you want to binge and the consequences (physical and emotional) of the binge. Hope this helps.0 -
don't starve yourself- I had a eating disorder-so I know the feeling-please my friend-seek help and listen to positive people on here-you don't have to dye-you are worth it my friend- today I learned to eat healthy and workout- but it took time-you can friend me if you like-I have overcome the binge and starving disorder-and learned that I am worth it- I am reaching out to you and saying we can do this journey together
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That is a lot of food. I'm impressed. How can you afford it?! My housekeeping would be horrendous if I ate that much.
IrrelevantSeems you're in a vicious circle.Suggest you get out of it 'cos this isn't good.
She obviously knows that - hence the post
Really? If I can't afford something, I can't get it. Simples.0 -
As binges go, yours is very impressive! Don't forget it but leave it behind you. This is a new day so make it a good one. Yesterday is old news.0
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Really? If I can't afford something, I can't get it. Simples.
Simple - not easy. Big difference.0 -
How is you not being able to afford that amount of food any concern of hers? Seriously - your suggestion is that she be more poor. Not very helpful, really.That is a lot of food. I'm impressed. How can you afford it?! My housekeeping would be horrendous if I ate that much.
IrrelevantSeems you're in a vicious circle.Suggest you get out of it 'cos this isn't good.
She obviously knows that - hence the post
Really? If I can't afford something, I can't get it. Simples.0 -
ETA: OP, sorry I should have addressed you too but useless people like that totally piss me off and distract me from what actually matters. You've gotten some really good advice about maintaining the work you're doing in therapy, and acknowledging your binge but not dwelling on it, so I won't go on. I hope you take that advice.0
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I've spent the last 10 minutes saying "EIGHTEEN THOUSAND CALORIES?!?!" over and over, to myself.
Wow.
Is that your profile pic? How the hellz did you fit all that in that little body?
Anyway........ rather than repeating the same old advice from above. All I'll say is, good luck on your exams. I hope you pass 0 -
That is a lot of food. I'm impressed. How can you afford it?! My housekeeping would be horrendous if I ate that much.
IrrelevantSeems you're in a vicious circle.Suggest you get out of it 'cos this isn't good.
She obviously knows that - hence the post
Really? If I can't afford something, I can't get it. Simples.
If you can't afford food, I suggest that you consider disconnecting your internet service.0 -
I am not an expert (on anything), but I hope things get better for you.
RE: Your test...one of the answers is "B". :-)0 -
Let the flame wars begin...
Apart from the advice about 'B'
that's solid.0 -
Let the flame wars begin...
Apart from the advice about 'B'
that's solid.
Can we at least all (but maybe one) agree that this post:0 -
OP, I have so been there and it sucks and I want to give you this flower :flowerforyou:
I handle day afters like this: I eat if I am hungry. However, sometimes I am genuinely not and I don't force myself. I do try to drink calories those days -- fruit smoothies or protein shakes when I am thirsty. I try very hard to hit at least 1,200 because I know if I don't, I will setting myself up to be VERY hungry the next day and for me, the cycle repeats.
ETA: I hope you are working with somebody to help you. I commented just because I want you know you are not alone.0 -
Let the flame wars begin...
Apart from the advice about 'B'
that's solid.
Can we at least all (but maybe one) agree that this post:
HAIL!
Perhaps then we can build from this common ground...
...and people will forever remember this day as the day that MFP first found the unity on which its inevitable world domination and reign was established.
Well, that, or the last few comments in yet another thread that was locked and forever forgotten.
*shrug*0 -
IDIOT!
Please can you clarify who you were directing this post towards? If you fail to use the quote function then the presumption is that you are directing it towards the OP which is not cool.
If you meant to quote one of my posts however then I may fall off my chair laughing...0
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