The only thing that my Granddad left me in his will was half

24

Replies

  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
    When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $4.95 a minute.
  • MzBug
    MzBug Posts: 2,173 Member
    When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $4.95 a minute.

    Uhhh, are you SURE its a woman?? LOL
  • Wiitabax
    Wiitabax Posts: 284
    The longest sentence known to man: "I do."

    :D I always watch my wedding vid. played backwards, so I can see myself leave the church a free man! :laugh:

    Hey... and BIGAMISTS BEWARE!!!

    You know the punishment for bigamy?

    TWO mothers-in-law!!!


    :laugh:
  • Run4iiiiiit
    Run4iiiiiit Posts: 489 Member
    what happens if you get scared half to death twice?
  • Wiitabax
    Wiitabax Posts: 284
    what happens if you get scared half to death twice?

    :laugh: I'm too scared to find out!!!


    Hey... and if a cat wanted to commit suicide - would it have to do it 9 times?
  • Wiitabax
    Wiitabax Posts: 284
    What I start to the day!

    I came home to find all my doors had been forced open and everything was gone, completely empty!!!

    What kind of sick person does that to someones advent calender?

    :laugh:
  • hardworkinghedonist
    hardworkinghedonist Posts: 17
    Festive! I like that one!

    Why is a pirate called a pirate?

    Because they ARRRRR!
  • Wiitabax
    Wiitabax Posts: 284
    Festive! I like that one!

    Why is a pirate called a pirate?

    Because they ARRRRR!

    Terrible!

    Love it!

    :laugh:

    Here... cornflakes, cheerios and oatmeal go into a bar.
    "Sorry, you'll have to leave" says the barman, "we don't serve breakfast in here"


    :laugh:
  • Wiitabax
    Wiitabax Posts: 284
    Hey... there's this chap walking with a crocodile on a leash.

    A policeman asks him what he's doing with it.

    "Don't worry" says the man, "I'm taking him to the zoo!".

    The policeman is relieved and walks away.

    The day after - the man and his croc is there again.

    "I thought you'd taken him to the zoo" said the policeman.

    "I did" said the man, "but he didn't enjoy it... so I'm taking him to the cinema today to watch the new 'Harry Potter' movie to make up for it!"

    :laugh:
  • randyv99
    randyv99 Posts: 257 Member
    :laugh: All of these jokes are terrible! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • Wiitabax
    Wiitabax Posts: 284
    :laugh: All of these jokes are terrible! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Phew! I'm glad you've said that Randy lol - I have a reputation for really bad jokes!!! I've studied humour and comedy for years and I LOVE the corniest and crappest jokes!!!

    Another 'gem' -

    what was Jack The Ripper's dog called?

    Jack the Russell!


    :laugh:
  • MooseWizard
    MooseWizard Posts: 295 Member
    Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows?

    They’re making headlines!
  • StacySkinny
    StacySkinny Posts: 984 Member
    Bumpity-Bump

    I better wait until tomorrow to read the rest, it's late and I don't want to wake my boyfriend up with my laughing. Keep 'em coming, guys! I love it! :D
  • StacySkinny
    StacySkinny Posts: 984 Member
    Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows?

    They’re making headlines!


    HAHAH! From someone who often wakes up with pillowcase lines on her face - this is priceless! :D
  • Wiitabax
    Wiitabax Posts: 284
    Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows?

    They’re making headlines!

    :laugh:

    Terrible lol, I love it!!!

    :laugh:
  • Wiitabax
    Wiitabax Posts: 284
    Bumpity-Bump

    I better wait until tomorrow to read the rest, it's late and I don't want to wake my boyfriend up with my laughing.

    You ever thought about buying him a Microwave bed?

    They're great - you get 8 hours sleep in 3 minutes!!!

    :laugh:
  • pink_and_shiny
    pink_and_shiny Posts: 1,036 Member
    *Super Mario Bros. geek hat on*

    What's Mario's favorite pants fabric?



    Denim, denim, denim...
  • LandBsdotingchauffeur
    LandBsdotingchauffeur Posts: 237
    How do you scare a unique mouse?

    Unique up on them (you sneek up on them) :D
  • MooseWizard
    MooseWizard Posts: 295 Member
    How do you scare a unique mouse?

    Unique up on them (you sneek up on them) :D

    How do you catch a tame mouse?

    Tame way, unique up on it.
  • Wiitabax
    Wiitabax Posts: 284
    lol, these get worse - and yet better at the same time!!! :laugh:

    What's the difference between a stoat and a weasel?

    One is weasally recognised...

    The other...

    Is stoatally different!

    :laugh:
This discussion has been closed.

Categories