Mum not approving of my muscles, A bit of advice..Please x

2013sk
2013sk Posts: 1,318 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi Everyone,

A bit of background information about me, I have always been slim at 5 ft 9, Pretty active and I love my food. I am quite lucky, I can sort of eat what I want and get away with it, But don't get me wrong, I do work out - So if I have had a naughty day - I go to the gym and burn it all off : ) Just like most of us do.......

Now for some time I have been lifting weights into my cardio, and for some reason I have one of them bodies that will respond and change quite quickly, For example..... if I want to lose weight, I will lose it quite quickly. If I want to get bigger, I can etc.

So from doing the weights, but body composition has changed completely. My shoulders and back has got bigger/broader. The muscles on my arms are starting to show, Just lik the muscles on the top of my thighs. I am toning my legs, and slowly trying to work on my abs now.

Now this week I took a picture of myself in my gym clothes before I was off to do one of my workouts on my mobile phone for a progress picture for myself (The one you can see on my front profile)

Last night I thought I would show my mum my picture - And to be honest I got quite upset : (

She started to say she doesn't like how I am looking, That how I am looking so much bigger these days.... So straight away, I got paranoid and said so do you think I am getting fat? And she said 'No No No'!!!! But you never used to look like this.

'Your shoulders have got a lot wider, Arms are bigger etc. I just don't like it. Your going to end up like that Jodie Marsh girl' Basically my mum doesn't like the muscles on girls - That's fine... That's her opinion, Also my mum just isn't into fitness, and doesn't understand macros, carbs, protein, BMR, TDEE etc...!!!!!

Anyway - My whole point of posting this forum is - I said to her last night, Shall I stop it all and get back to how I was before? And she said 'YES' if you could that would be great!

Ok before (If you go through my pictures on here, sorry don't know how to post on this forum) You will see I am slimmer/skinnier - But now I am a lot more toned, and of course I weigh a lot more now. As I have built up a far bit of muscle. I think I am currently around 146/147lbs.

To be honest I don't really care what I weigh - The number means nothing to me anymore. I am obviously trying to bring down my body fat % and build muscle!

So my question to you guys are:

1) Has the same thing happened to you with your family commenting on your toned and defined look and wanting you to look slimmer like you did before?

2) Do you think I should go back to how I was before? So basically lose my muscle and get back to the scales being lower?

3) Shall I just carry on with my lifting?

I'm really confused today, and feel a bit crappy to be honest! So any good advice would be greatly appreciated.

(Ps) The only thing that bothers me is my bra's have got tighter... Has this also happened to anyone else? Ok yes my back has got bigger obviously as my shoulders are, but how do I get this down. I was a 34b, now I have brought a 36b. Also skinny jeans are tighter on the legs - But obviously this is from them being a lot more toned and bigger now - Shall I slim them down!

Please have a look at my pics - And the one on the front page is of me now!!! Any good advice would be great!

Or if this has happened to you - You can relate etc???

Where shall I go from here.................Stop it all, Carry on etc???

Sorry if I am rambling on and on.....!!!

Thank you all very much............ xxx
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Replies

  • fredgiblet
    fredgiblet Posts: 241 Member
    I'm still in the losing weight phase, but I'll tell you my perspective.

    Women with a little muscle are sexy.

    Granted the female bodybuilder in competition form look isn't so good, but a little bit of biceps and abs looks GOOOOOOOOD. That being said, BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE, don't worry about your mom's opinion, have the body you want to have, if you want some muscle, go for it, if you don't want muscle then stop, it's as simple as that. Make you own choice about how YOU want to look.
  • VBnotbitter
    VBnotbitter Posts: 820 Member
    Your profile says you are 27, so it really has nothing to do with your mum.

    Building/maintaining muscle is not just about looks but about how you function especially when you get to your mums age and older.

    Keep at it you look great
  • whitebalance
    whitebalance Posts: 1,654 Member
    Make you own choice about how YOU want to look.
    And about how you want to feel.
  • KatherinesRiver
    KatherinesRiver Posts: 128
    Absolutely. This change is all up to you and yes, muscles on a woman are sexy. A lot has to do with your attitude. Go for it.
  • glenelliott5872
    glenelliott5872 Posts: 150 Member
    Women need more fat then Men to function properly after that it is up to you. I personally find the women bodybuilder look unattractive but toned and healthy is fantastic.
  • Toms_healthish_food
    Toms_healthish_food Posts: 9 Member
    Aslong as your happy with the way you look thats all that really matters at the end of the day, keep on lifting I say.
  • workout_ninja
    workout_ninja Posts: 524 Member
    I totally get why you are upset. Mums have a huge influence on us and no matter what age we are, we still value their opinion.

    However, in saying that, looking at your old pics, i think you look fantastic now. much more tones and defined and you should be proud of your accomplishments
  • Omar_USAF
    Omar_USAF Posts: 27 Member
    I think you look fine. along as you enjoy working out, and your satisfied with the results thats all that matters. I know she's your mother but you have to live your life not hers. (If it makes any sense) Good luck with your decision.
  • Dewymorning
    Dewymorning Posts: 762 Member
    It is your body, what do you prefer?

    I think that is the answer on what you should do in terms of your body.

    As for your mum I can understand why you are upset, and parents will have their opinions. So far my mum has been really supportive of my changes, but if I ever get to the stage of bulking it will be interesting to see how she reacts. :O
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    if your mum hadnt said anything, you would never have posted this as you were happy with your progress, right? yes she's your mum, so you asked her opinion, but you are an adult, you can make you own choices, its your body...

    stop caring so mcuh what other poeple think!
  • Monty_P
    Monty_P Posts: 62 Member
    My mum is Thai and she likes the petite look. I will never be petite. I'm 5'8. And I like a toned, fit body. So I've told her on many an occassion that I do not give two s**ts what she thinks!

    So do what you want and feel comfortable with!
  • Omar_USAF
    Omar_USAF Posts: 27 Member
    Lol Preach ^
  • jr235
    jr235 Posts: 201 Member
    I think some people just don't get that no one makes a woman crazier than her mother, no matter her age. ;)

    The most important thing is how you feel about you look. If your profile picture is you currently I think you're hot (heterosexual female here, so no creeping happening). Carry on how you like and see how feel!
  • Natmarie73
    Natmarie73 Posts: 287 Member
    The most important thing is that you are happy with how you look. If your mum has issues that is her problem, not yours. Perhaps you can explain that muscles are healthy and you have no intention of looking like Arnold Swarchnegger which is probably what she is afraid of.
  • Therealobi1
    Therealobi1 Posts: 3,262 Member
    I think you look great. Mum's do know how to say things that upset us the most it is just the way it is.
    Not everyone understands woman and weights and woman and muscles. One of my friends asked me last year if i wanted muscles just because I picked up a pair of dumbells.

    Am glad you posted as I read the bit about bra getting tighter. that has happened to me and I havent gained any weight. I thought that was weird.

    Keep up the hard work. x
  • 2nd_Coffee
    2nd_Coffee Posts: 10
    There is nothing wrong with the way you look, just the way your mum thinks...

    It's her opinion but it doesn't make her right.

    DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY!:drinker:
  • nenshali
    nenshali Posts: 331 Member
    I know this is kind of hard to handle.

    This is not about the age, your mom stays your mom and in some way, we always want our mom's appreciation, don't we?
    And even though this journey is not about her, of course it is upsetting if she says something like this.
    If I were you, I would feel extremely hurt, to be honest.

    But I can only agree, think about what YOU really want. This is not about "what does the majority here find attractive"
    if I were you, I would definitely continue. I love toned woman bodies, they're awesome. And in my opinion, YOU look awesome. And I personally prefer the "toned" you over the "skinny" you.

    But this is about what YOU feel and what YOU want to reach, to gain, to have. Even if you follow her advice and give in, you might satisfy her; for a short time. She'll find something else she would do different if she were you. And maybe your current/next partner tells you that s/he prefers toned bodies more. What to do then?

    Your feelings have priority. :flowerforyou:
  • Chopstheduck
    Chopstheduck Posts: 23 Member
    I think you look fantastic!

    There are lots of people who feel that muscles on women are not feminine and don't like it. My husband prefers the skinny look, and hates my muscles. I constantly get comments about mine. BUT it is MY body and I feel sexier with tone and definition.


    Don't let your mum dictate to you over your body, but maybe keep photos where you are flexing to yourself ;)
  • Chadomaniac
    Chadomaniac Posts: 1,785 Member
    Phuk what people say
  • OverDoIt
    OverDoIt Posts: 332 Member
    It is your body. Nobody on the earth has the right to tell you what to do with it.
  • sijomial
    sijomial Posts: 19,809 Member
    Opinions are like arses - everyone has one and sometimes they stink!!

    But you can't allow anyone else's opinion about body shape preferences to be more important than your own, not even your Mum's. There's also generational and personal perspective differences in what is seem as "feminine".

    I think you should be proud that you are healthy, fit and strong. Being all those things doesn't exactly make Jessica Ennis-Hill unfeminine or unattractive does it?
  • RhysJ13
    RhysJ13 Posts: 72
    I can only really mirror what other people are saying. Firstly; it's your choice - it's what makes you happy. Secondly, you look amazing. Thirdly, skinny girls might look good in clothes, but fit girls look good naked!
  • darrensurrey
    darrensurrey Posts: 3,942 Member
    I don't see the problem. I think you look great. Marry me. Oh, hang on, you're taller than me. :brokenheart:
  • SteveJWatson
    SteveJWatson Posts: 1,225 Member
    It looks like what is happening is that your BF% is lowering, plus your muscles will retain water/glycogen from lifting.

    As your bodyfat% lowers you will see your muscles more. I think you look great and all your effort in the gym is paying off big time - but you must do what you feel comfortable with.

    It takes a long time to realise that you don't need your parents approval, especially if you have had a happy, stable upbringing - I had a similar thing with my tatts (I know it isn't quite the same). My dad always said he would disown me if I got tattoos because he has a couple of really **** ones that he got when he was in his teens and drunk that have caused him a lot of embarrassment. Learning that your parents experiences of something will not nescessarily be yours and then having the strength of character to do what you are going to do is something it takes a long time to get a handle on. I got my tatts in my 30s and I love em. My parents know - we do not discuss it.
  • arrseegee
    arrseegee Posts: 575 Member
    You're healthy, you look strong and you still look very feminine. But mums will always worry and I know from the experience of a friend who took up weights that her mum was concerned she'd scare off a potential partner, "no man wants to date a woman with bigger muscles than him" and all that nonsense. Your health is better off if you're strong than being small and skinny, so I think you're just going to have to accept that perhaps your mum has a different idea of what a great body looks like.
  • JessieMay1995
    JessieMay1995 Posts: 11 Member
    Ignore your Mother. As much as I'm sure she loves you, it is YOUR body and it is up to you what you do with it. If you're happy with your new muscles keep lifting! If you're not go back to the way you were before. It's all bout what makes YOU feel happy and confident with yourself :)
  • HollieDollieeeex
    HollieDollieeeex Posts: 116 Member
    Firstly you’re looking amazing at the moment… More shapely than you did before… Women are supposed to have curves right?? This is like dejavu for me. MY MUM SAID the same.
    I am doing this for myself, for my own achievement, setting my own goals and addicted to the results. Along your journey you will learn to brush negativity off.

    Don’t get me wrong I love my mum to bits but her opinion is not relevant to me, remember...

    ‘opinions aren't facts, take them in and let them go’

    If your mum isn't interested in fitness like mine isn't she will have the view of muscles on girls is gross, but that’s HER perception. My mum has now accepted that I’m not taking note of her, what she thinks is ‘constructive criticism’ and she now embraces it. It’s only because they are not that way inclined so they can’t relate.

    I know you deep down you love muscles, hence the ‘I want your back muscles’ post on my wall.

    Do everything in your life for you, be happy in your own skin, don’t take any notice of the ‘BODYBUILDER’ detrimental bullsh*t comments.

    Smile, hold you head up, keep your heart strong & go lift xx :explode:
  • littleburgy
    littleburgy Posts: 570 Member
    You're an adult, you do what you want. She'll get used to it...at least she'll have to. There's worse things to worry about besides some muscles!
  • katylil
    katylil Posts: 223 Member
    Building/maintaining muscle is not just about looks but about how you function especially when you get to your mums age and older.

    This is so true.

    I think most of the women on here understand that mother's are always hard people to please. But at the end of the day, you're strong and fit and healthier than you were before. This gives you a better chance at a happy, healthy and long life and really, isn't that what she wants for you most of all?

    Do a simple Google search and show her the results online of what weight-lifting does for your health: improved bone density, less risk of osteoporosis, increased stability and coordination, helps prevents diabetes, better metabolic rate... The list goes on!

    Maybe sit her down and explain to her gently that this isn't all about how you look, it's about how you feel. And from the sounds of it, before she said anything to you: you were feeling pretty awesome!

    And as an FYI, you also LOOK awesome!
  • David_AUS
    David_AUS Posts: 298 Member
    You look very feminine and in great shape. It is hard to take what appears as criticism from those who opinion you value. Personally I think you just need to be clear what your values are in life and do what you feel to live towards these values. My opinion is to keep doing what you love and stay healthy. My opinion for what it is worth keep up the great work you should be proud of how you look.

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