Mum not approving of my muscles, A bit of advice..Please x

2

Replies

  • HollisGrant
    HollisGrant Posts: 2,022 Member
    You look beautiful, healthy, and feminine.

    I am an older woman. Looking back on my life, I can tell you one hard lesson I have learned about mothers: respect them but do what YOU want in life. Find your own values, your own taste, and make your own decisions. You are an adult and your own person. It is your life, not your mother's life. Never, never let your mother rule your life.
  • sgvdms
    sgvdms Posts: 33 Member
    I think you look great, you do you girl, make yourself happy irregardless of what other people think of how you should look :)
  • SpecialSundae
    SpecialSundae Posts: 795 Member
    So my question to you guys are:

    1) Has the same thing happened to you with your family commenting on your toned and defined look and wanting you to look slimmer like you did before?

    I was always bigger but my mum did comment (and grumble) about me lifting weights to begin with. She said she was having nightmares about me turning into a body builder on stage.
    2) Do you think I should go back to how I was before? So basically lose my muscle and get back to the scales being lower?

    No. Your muscles aren't bulky, they aren't un-feminine and you look great. Plus more muscle mass is a really good thing for your general health and fitness.
    3) Shall I just carry on with my lifting?

    Hell yes!
    Or if this has happened to you - You can relate etc???

    As I mentioned above, I've had some flack from my mum (and from colleagues at work) for going seriously into the strength training, but after a year they're admiring my "toned" arms and asking me for advice on getting started with strength training. I eat twice as much as most of my colleagues and never have to worry about bingo wings or muffin tops.
    Where shall I go from here.................Stop it all, Carry on etc???

    Keep going. Appearance is a consequence of fitness and even the strongest women (other than some of those who abuse steroids) still tend to look feminine and curvy.
  • fairygirlpie9
    fairygirlpie9 Posts: 288 Member
    1) Has the same thing happened to you with your family commenting on your toned and defined look and wanting you to look slimmer like you did before?

    No but I'm not at your stage yet - wish I was. However, my weight loss has made my mum jealous and conscious of her own body so perhaps there is some jealousy here too.

    2) Do you think I should go back to how I was before? So basically lose my muscle and get back to the scales being lower?
    I think you should do what makes you comfortable with you. Everyone has their own preference as to how they look. But your body is yours. F the scale.

    3) Shall I just carry on with my lifting? If you enjoy it and if you are satisfied with the results you are getting.


    P.S. You are not going to look like Jodie Marsh because you don't have hot air balloons for boobs or a witches hook for a nose. Aside from that though I don't actually think her body is that bad.
  • FromHereOnOut
    FromHereOnOut Posts: 3,237 Member
    You look AHHHMAZING!!

    It sucks about the bra size change, but think of it this way: by building lean muscle mass, you will never have to worry about "dieting" and "limiting" yourself the way a "skinny" (or "skinny fat") girl does. And by the time you are your mum's age, you'll be maintaining a beautiful figure without a second thought.

    And anyway, I don't know about you, but I don't take my fashion cues or "what's hot" cues from my mom. She just doesn't know yet, that....
    47243_426374543945_751848945_5117239_4820378_n.jpg
  • 2013sk
    2013sk Posts: 1,318 Member
    Thank you everybody for your replies - I have finally had the time to go through them all!

    Its a hard situation as I am very close with my mum, and of course I am going to listen to her 'Opinion' - Yes it is only her opinion!!

    So.........After thinking about what she has said, and how I feel, I think I am going to try and reduce the size of my arms and muscles, as like I said before my back has got a lot broader and bigger. Also with my thighs - I feel like I am living in leggings - And not my skinny jeans that I love!

    So I need your help please............!

    How do I still keep my muscle, but be a lot smaller if that makes sense? The slimmer toned look, Not as big as my profile pic!

    But I don't want to lose all the hard work and muscle I have built up.

    Thanks for your advice - Look forward to reading how I can get a bit smaller.

    Thank you xxxx
  • SugaryLynx
    SugaryLynx Posts: 2,640 Member
    I'm sorry, I looked at your profile picture but couldn't find anything to fix. You are perfect. Your mom should love and respect who you are, no matter what that is. :flowerforyou:
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    You are beautiful! Tell your mum that you are grown woman and capable of making your own decisions about your health.
  • Blokeypoo
    Blokeypoo Posts: 274 Member
    I'm getting more muscular and my Mum isn't a fan, but then I don't like her fat *kitten* so we're quits!
  • 2013sk
    2013sk Posts: 1,318 Member
    I'm sorry, I looked at your profile picture but couldn't find anything to fix. You are perfect. Your mom should love and respect who you are, no matter what that is. :flowerforyou:

    Ha Ha!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh us women always want to fix things - Never happy are we!
  • 2013sk
    2013sk Posts: 1,318 Member
    I'm getting more muscular and my Mum isn't a fan, but then I don't like her fat *kitten* so we're quits!

    That is sooooooooooooo funny!!!!

    I'm literally wetting myself.........................!!!!!!
  • qtgonewild
    qtgonewild Posts: 1,930 Member
    for what its worth, i think you look great.
  • SugaryLynx
    SugaryLynx Posts: 2,640 Member
    I'm sorry, I looked at your profile picture but couldn't find anything to fix. You are perfect. Your mom should love and respect who you are, no matter what that is. :flowerforyou:

    Ha Ha!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh us women always want to fix things - Never happy are we!

    My mom told me to never lift over 50 lbs or I'd get bulky. I didn't listen. I love looking strong, I feel as women it's breaking a barrier that is the misconception that we are the weaker sex. Everyone has different ways to combat this, whether it be smarts or bravery, strength is my go to. Ultimately, do what you feel is in YOUR heart and yours alone. Your mother is not you. You are beautiful and unique. Embrace this and don't let others sway what you desire.
  • caroldavison332
    caroldavison332 Posts: 864 Member
    Hello from D.C. You look MAHvelous girl! You have nice womanly curses on top of those muscles. Because you muscle up so quickly Mum may be afraid that you are going to convert to one of those fasting, breast less, body building competitors. Throw Mum a bone by ocassionally doing your hair, nails and make up, and throwing on a dress to let her know that you are in touch with the feminine side too. Keep working it. Your bra BAND size and jeans sizes are increasing where you are developing muscles. This is a good thing. Besides, as a woman of color you have a greater likelihood of heart disease and you need to work out life long to protect it. And thanks for reminding me to put peanut butter in my oatmeal.
  • 2013sk
    2013sk Posts: 1,318 Member
    I'm sorry, I looked at your profile picture but couldn't find anything to fix. You are perfect. Your mom should love and respect who you are, no matter what that is. :flowerforyou:

    Ha Ha!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh us women always want to fix things - Never happy are we!

    My mom told me to never lift over 50 lbs or I'd get bulky. I didn't listen. I love looking strong, I feel as women it's breaking a barrier that is the misconception that we are the weaker sex. Everyone has different ways to combat this, whether it be smarts or bravery, strength is my go to. Ultimately, do what you feel is in YOUR heart and yours alone. Your mother is not you. You are beautiful and unique. Embrace this and don't let others sway what you desire.

    I love the strong toned look too - Way better than the skinny no definition look - And I love working out, I love food, and I love going to the gym - So don't want to stop it or reduce it!

    By the way you look fantastic - I have looked through your pics ... : ) Before & After looks great!!!! Well done!
  • 2013sk
    2013sk Posts: 1,318 Member
    Hello from D.C. You look MAHvelous girl! You have nice womanly curses on top of those muscles. Because you muscle up so quickly Mum may be afraid that you are going to convert to one of those fasting, breast less, body building competitors. Throw Mum a bone by ocassionally doing your hair, nails and make up, and throwing on a dress to let her know that you are in touch with the feminine side too. Keep working it. Your bra BAND size and jeans sizes are increasing where you are developing muscles. This is a good thing. Besides, as a woman of color you have a greater likelihood of heart disease and you need to work out life long to protect it. And thanks for reminding me to put peanut butter in my oatmeal.

    Your exactly right - She thinks I am going to look like Jodie Marsh - That's why she is jumping out her seat - Bless her little cotton socks!!! She is so not into the gym and fitness ha ha!! She doesn't get why I go so much haha!!! But when you enjoy something and get a buzz - Your addicted... Like me.

    I just need to reduce it a bit that's all - Oh yes I love a bit of nails and make up!!

    Yes Peanut butter is my favourite........Yum Yum Yum!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • SugaryLynx
    SugaryLynx Posts: 2,640 Member
    I'm sorry, I looked at your profile picture but couldn't find anything to fix. You are perfect. Your mom should love and respect who you are, no matter what that is. :flowerforyou:

    Ha Ha!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh us women always want to fix things - Never happy are we!

    My mom told me to never lift over 50 lbs or I'd get bulky. I didn't listen. I love looking strong, I feel as women it's breaking a barrier that is the misconception that we are the weaker sex. Everyone has different ways to combat this, whether it be smarts or bravery, strength is my go to. Ultimately, do what you feel is in YOUR heart and yours alone. Your mother is not you. You are beautiful and unique. Embrace this and don't let others sway what you desire.

    I love the strong toned look too - Way better than the skinny no definition look - And I love working out, I love food, and I love going to the gym - So don't want to stop it or reduce it!

    By the way you look fantastic - I have looked through your pics ... : ) Before & After looks great!!!! Well done!

    Never give up and do what your heart tells you ♡ I'm the happiest I've ever been when I stopped listening to the negatives. And thanks! :) Been a long journey and I've had my fair share of unnecessary comments. I think, sometimes, people don't understand the weight of their words and how it can affect others.
  • jasonsdragon
    jasonsdragon Posts: 21 Member
    Ask yourself this.....Do YOU like the way you look, Do YOU like the way you feel?

    Even if it is your mom, why would you need ANYONE else approval as long as you are excersizing and eating healthy. Its YOUR body to take care of, nourish and own for this life time. Take care of it and it will take care of you.
  • evedroid
    evedroid Posts: 134 Member
    really?!

    1. youre 27. youre an adult and entitled for your own decision, you need your mums approval for nothing
    2. its your body, no one elses. again, you do whatever you feel like is best for it/you
    3. your profile reads 'It's all about how YOU feel inside, not what everyone else says....!!!'

    so... really?!
  • ashenriver
    ashenriver Posts: 498 Member
    Years ago I remember watching a show on discovery (when it was still an actual science show). They were talking about muscle growth in women.

    They showed photos of women rock climbers, the interesting thing was that when the women first started rock climbing they did get for a lack of a better word 'bulky'. But after awhile the women were just as strong but had lost the 'bulky' look. They had lost a lot of mass.

    I would keep lifting and see how your body changes in a few months.
  • skeo
    skeo Posts: 471 Member
    I kind of did the same thing with my mom, I showed her an image on my phone of the type of body I was aiming for, very lean and had strong muscles and visible definition; I asked her if she liked it, and she flat out said no. To be honest at first it was a bit detering, but then I just shook it off and told myself, it's my body, I like it, and it's not harmful. So til this day, I just don't worry about it, and I tell her to touch my biceps from time to time, and she flexes hers at me as well, I think she has come to accept it. She has seen how it's made me happier, and I believe to a parent all that should matter is how your child feels.

    I hope your mom comes around, but don't let it effect you. If strength training makes you happy, keep at it, if not, then don't; simple as that. I think you look great though. :flowerforyou:
  • smkean
    smkean Posts: 132
    Hey,

    Your profile says you are 27, so its just too bad if your mum doesnt like how you look, so long as you are healthy.
    Most men like a LITTLE bit of muscle, but who cares, its about how YOU feel about yourself when you look in the mirror.

    Everyone else can shove it.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    British parents over 40/50 are a bit behind the times with social agendas such as femininity/masculinity, bodily autonomy and so on, so don't worry about what they have to say too much ;D
  • runs4zen
    runs4zen Posts: 769 Member
    You're a big girl and look great. So...

    1. Stop showing your mom any pics of you that show off your muscles
    2. Wear cover up clothing when you're around her
    3. Until or unless someone else is paying your bills and taking care of all your business for you and claiming you on their taxes as a dependent...your life belongs to you. Do what you want, when you want and how you want!

    :drinker:
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    Ask yourself this.....Do YOU like the way you look, Do YOU like the way you feel?

    Even if it is your mom, why would you need ANYONE else approval as long as you are excersizing and eating healthy. Its YOUR body to take care of, nourish and own for this life time. Take care of it and it will take care of you.


    THIS is what I was going to say.

    If you like it, then that is all that matters. It's not like you are being unhealthy and putting yourself in danger, which would be an exception.
  • leaner426
    leaner426 Posts: 89 Member
    It's your body, you're an adult, shape it however you want to. You are the one who has to live with it now and in the future and its the only body you have. If I changed myself to suit my mom I'd be running a comb through my extremely curly hair (ouch), have blue eyes, have kids and grandkids, be employed (ok, we agree on that), I wouldn't have a law degree...and be thoroughly miserable. I'm almost 50 and she is 91, considering I was born with curly hair you think she'd have adjusted to that one by now! :-) As someone who spent too long letting others control her life, follow your heart not their directions. Good luck!
  • erickirb
    erickirb Posts: 12,294 Member
    Most of the results/muscle you are seeing is most likely a result of lowering your BF% and uncovering the muscle you already have making them appear larger, as to grow the muscle you will need a caloric surplus (Not sure if you are in a surplus or deficit).

    Have you measured arms, chest, legs, to see if you actually got bigger, I bet your measurements are actually down, not up. If they are up it may be only slight, newb gains and water retention in the muscles to protect them (pumped look) but doesn't last too long.
  • kjo9692
    kjo9692 Posts: 430 Member
    I know how you feel. I have a mother who since I can remember has always tried to control every single aspect of my life. And I've usually been influenced by it. She doesn't get her message to me in the kindest way possible either, it's really stressful and gets me down.

    I know it's hard to do because you've probably been following her advise and comments for the longest time, but please only do what's best for you. There's nothing bad about building muscle, it's actually freaking great for you! If YOU like how you look and would like to continue looking like that and even put on more muscle then go for it! Don't let other people influence you about how they think you should look, regardless of what they are for you (parents, siblings, other relatives, friends, etc.) because it's not going to affect them, it's going to affect you!

    All my life my mother has made sure to pass her own fears onto me and I always (used to) lived by her fears, not by own experiences. A silly one, is that she never wanted me to pluck my eyebrows (yeah, silly) because hers were ruined for plucking them the wrong way and I never plucked my eyebrows and always looked like a Neanderthal. I didn't like it, but couldn't change it because she didn't want to. One day I just figured out that I should start doing the things that I believe are good for me and the things that I like, regardless of what anyone thinks. I plucked them, and they look great.

    In short, just do what you want to do because it's only going to affect you, no one else.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    I agree that you can't let her input affect your goals. If you like the way you look and feel and want to continue on, go for it! You can't live your life for anyone else but you. Not everyone likes a defined look.

    Plus, I have to say, I think they way you look in that picture has a lot to do with your posing/flexing and the lighting. If you were just posing in a more relaxed manner like your other pictures, your muscles wouldn't be as noticable. I say this because one of my best friends is in amazing shape and has fairly muscular arms - most of the time you can't tell though because they're relaxed and just look toned and nicely defined. She still looks feminine and gorgeous!

    if you hadn't asked, I'm pretty sure she either hadn't noticed yet or it wasn't enough to make a comment about. Either way, I don't think it's anyting you should worry about...

    And as far as how your bras and jeans are fitting - I guess that's up to you. If you're more concerned about being a particular size then yeah, I guess lay off on the lifting and lose the muscle so you can fit into the same size. Otherwise, enjoy and be proud of your fantastic physique and go buy new bras and jeans!
  • thebigcb
    thebigcb Posts: 2,210 Member
    you are smoking hot, do what makes you happy.

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