NOW you like me???

_JPunky
_JPunky Posts: 508 Member
in Chit-Chat
So, my sister and I were having a conversation the other day...

I was joking with her about how my brother's childhood best friend has been coming on to me lately via FB. He's suddenly telling me how beautiful I am...how amazing I am...yadda yadda yadda...

My sister was OUTRAGED for me. "NOW he likes you?? He's known you since you were 10 years old and NOW he likes you??? You're the same exact person that you've always been, but suddenly NOW that you've lost weight he likes you NOW?!"

I understood exactly what she was saying. Honestly, I've seen this a disturbing amount since I've lost all my weight.

Getting hit on by people you've never met = Nice compliment.

Getting hit on by people who've always known you but never seemed interested before = "Oh yeah, you must REALLY like me for who I am on the inside. (Rhymes with) Sucker."

I understood her outrage because it hit me the same way months ago when it first started happening. Now, it's a little annoying, but I get a little amusement out of shooting those guys down.

Has anyone else run into this? Do you feel the same way?
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Replies

  • downsizinghoss
    downsizinghoss Posts: 1,035 Member
    not necessarily. I am not the exact person I was 10-15 years ago. I am motivated, I am energetic, I get out and do things.

    I am the same person in a lot of ways, but I am also much more confident. Confidence is attractive.

    So I do get the frustration. But I can't say that I am the same person I always was. Not totally. I am a bit more "me" now.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    I haven't directly dealt with this specifically, but there was a guy who blew me off in high school. I saw him years later at a bar with abunch of my friends. After talking with him for a few minutes, he wrote down his number. I turned around to walk back to my friends and I tore it up Vince Vaughan in Swingers style. It was awesome.
  • Chieflrg
    Chieflrg Posts: 9,097 Member
    I've been in shape most of my life except when I was sick for a year so I haven't gone through this.

    I would say, sometimes people feel differently as they mature. Maybe he wasn't confident when he was younger. Just because you are smaller in size didn't mean he didn't find you attractive. Of course this is probably the exception in most cases but something to think about...
  • other678
    other678 Posts: 12 Member
    I feel you..
  • _JPunky
    _JPunky Posts: 508 Member
    not necessarily. I am not the exact person I was 10-15 years ago. I am motivated, I am energetic, I get out and do things.

    I am the same person in a lot of ways, but I am also much more confident. Confidence is attractive.

    So I do get the frustration. But I can't say that I am the same person I always was. Not totally. I am a bit more "me" now.

    I completely agree with you that that's a valid argument...IF said person hasn't seen you in a long time ...Which actually is the case with this person...and is probably why I was more amused than outraged by his sudden interest.

    But for someone who has known you the entire time...were you not already "you" with your friends? Because I've run into this as well. Someone who has known me for years, knew me as part of a crowd where I was very much myself...but NOW he wants to tell me that he wants to date me because he's always thought I was such an amazing person. Where was he 60 pounds ago? I was pretty damn amazing then, too.

    The thing is, I get. We all have a little bit of a shallow side...we like what we like physically...BUT it can still seem offensive when someone likes you post weight loss and didn't pre weight loss...

    That's just my opinion on it.
  • RebelliousRibbons
    RebelliousRibbons Posts: 391 Member
    Is it possible that maybe he always liked you and never hadt the courage/ right circumstances to say anything?

    Yes, it could be weight-related, but it is also possible that it isn't related? Your weight didn't just change over night.
  • 1PatientBear
    1PatientBear Posts: 2,089 Member
    So, my sister and I were having a conversation the other day...

    I was joking with her about how my brother's childhood best friend has been coming on to me lately via FB. He's suddenly telling me how beautiful I am...how amazing I am...yadda yadda yadda...

    My sister was OUTRAGED for me. "NOW he likes you?? He's known you since you were 10 years old and NOW he likes you??? You're the same exact person that you've always been, but suddenly NOW that you've lost weight he likes you NOW?!"

    I understood exactly what she was saying. Honestly, I've seen this a disturbing amount since I've lost all my weight.

    Getting hit on by people you've never met = Nice compliment.

    Getting hit on by people who've always known you but never seemed interested before = "Oh yeah, you must REALLY like me for who I am on the inside. (Rhymes with) Sucker."

    I understood her outrage because it hit me the same way months ago when it first started happening. Now, it's a little annoying, but I get a little amusement out of shooting those guys down.

    Has anyone else run into this? Do you feel the same way?

    Pay attention to the movie. Stephen Baldwin is gold in that flick.
  • thatismesammyg
    thatismesammyg Posts: 71 Member
    This is pretty juvenile really. Do you like this guy and enjoy his compliments? Then who cares if he didn't like you before. He likes you now. Jump on the stick, if you want and tell your sister to mind her own business. If you don't like this guy, tell him to take a hike. Stop caring about how others used to view you. You've changed and they've probably changed as well.
  • _JPunky
    _JPunky Posts: 508 Member
    I haven't directly dealt with this specifically, but there was a guy who blew me off in high school. I saw him years later at a bar with abunch of my friends. After talking with him for a few minutes, he wrote down his number. I turned around to walk back to my friends and I tore it up Vince Vaughan in Swingers style. It was awesome.

    I had a moment like that once, too, MB! It was a guy I went to high school with, but this was when we were early 20's.

    He starts trying to hit on me in a bar and while we're talking the conversation turns to this:

    Him: "I remember you from school...you always seemed like such a know-it-all."
    Me: "I remember you, too. You always seemed like such an *kitten*."
    Him: "I was obviously really wrong about you..."
    Me: "Yeah...But I wasn't."

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • _JPunky
    _JPunky Posts: 508 Member
    So, my sister and I were having a conversation the other day...

    I was joking with her about how my brother's childhood best friend has been coming on to me lately via FB. He's suddenly telling me how beautiful I am...how amazing I am...yadda yadda yadda...

    My sister was OUTRAGED for me. "NOW he likes you?? He's known you since you were 10 years old and NOW he likes you??? You're the same exact person that you've always been, but suddenly NOW that you've lost weight he likes you NOW?!"

    I understood exactly what she was saying. Honestly, I've seen this a disturbing amount since I've lost all my weight.

    Getting hit on by people you've never met = Nice compliment.

    Getting hit on by people who've always known you but never seemed interested before = "Oh yeah, you must REALLY like me for who I am on the inside. (Rhymes with) Sucker."

    I understood her outrage because it hit me the same way months ago when it first started happening. Now, it's a little annoying, but I get a little amusement out of shooting those guys down.

    Has anyone else run into this? Do you feel the same way?

    Pay attention to the movie. Stephen Baldwin is gold in that flick.

    Haven't started it yet. Got distracted. lol
  • mister_universe
    mister_universe Posts: 6,664 Member
    Perhaps he liked you before but didn't find you sexually attractive.

    We all like to pretend that looks don't matter, but that's a lie we tell ourselves. If you weren't attractive enough to engage his attentions before, that's as much on you as it is on him.

    Good news is he still likes you enough on the inside to go ahead and express interest.

    Don't blame him because you made yourself more attractive.
  • Muddy_Yogi
    Muddy_Yogi Posts: 1,459 Member
    It could very well be that he is attracted to the determination that you are now showing....
  • 2Dozen
    2Dozen Posts: 66 Member
    Perhaps he liked you before but didn't find you sexually attractive.

    We all like to pretend that looks don't matter, but that's a lie we tell ourselves. If you weren't attractive enough to engage his attentions before, that's as much on you as it is on him.

    Good news is he still likes you enough on the inside to go ahead and express interest.

    I am glad someone said it.
  • ebayaddict0127
    ebayaddict0127 Posts: 523 Member
    I was chubby and shy as a kid and in high school I lost weight, got a tan, and was less shy. Suddenly all the asholes who made fun of me or were jerks, were like "Hey there.." One guy in particular who viciously attacked me verbally for no reason as I sat quietly on the bus, suddenly wanted to be my friend. I told him right to his face that I hated him and walked away. He was DEVASTATED and kept asking my friend later why I hated him so much. Of course he neglected to remember the 30 minute bus ride where he told his friend how fat and ugly I was.

    Oh.. and he's super fat now. And.. ugly.

    And yes I told him I hated him in high school. I probably wouldn't do that now. But I guess my story is slightly different. Former jerks suddenly found me attractive. Why should I give them the time of day?
  • _JPunky
    _JPunky Posts: 508 Member
    This is pretty juvenile really. Do you like this guy and enjoy his compliments? Then who cares if he didn't like you before. He likes you now. Jump on the stick, if you want and tell your sister to mind her own business. If you don't like this guy, tell him to take a hike. Stop caring about how others used to view you. You've changed and they've probably changed as well.

    I'm not actually interested in this person and he lives 900 miles away so it's kind of a moot point to me anyway. And I actually did tell him to take a hike...by telling him he's like a brother to me...lol

    It was just what led up to the conversation about how offensive she finds it. I just thought it was interesting and wondered how other people who may have lost a lot of weight felt about it.

    But thanks for your concern about my maturity. :flowerforyou:

    ^I've always wanted to use the flower for you in that way...
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    Even if someone likes you for your personality, most still need or at least want to be sexually attracted to their partner.

    He didn't find you sexually attractive then.
    He finds you sexually attractive now.


    Now that he is interested, you can ask yourself if he has the personality and sexual attractiveness that YOU are looking for.
  • _JPunky
    _JPunky Posts: 508 Member

    Don't blame him because you made yourself more attractive.

    Probably the most fair argument that could be made about this. Real :flowerforyou:
  • karl39x
    karl39x Posts: 586 Member
    Well, at least he waited and didn't try hitting on you when you were 10 years old...
  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
    I know when I've been a smaller size in the past it changes me. I dress better, chat more, smile more, & come across as more approachable.. Or even do the "approaching" myself. To me all of that plays into how attractive you appear to other folk.



    Edited to add - Could be the fact he's your brothers mate too.. Most blokes don't take it that well when their friends hit on their sister.. Just saying.
  • RobsGirl_lds
    RobsGirl_lds Posts: 211 Member
    If someone is a long term friend then that like you as a person and have for a long time. Well now you have changed your physical appearance and they are seeing you not only as a friend but someone they are physically attracted to. I don't see how this is something to get uppity about. You DID change!
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    Sometimes when a person loses weight and starts to feel better about themselves, they start projecting a different vibe - more confidence, more openness. Maybe people are responding to your new vibe as much or more than your weight loss...I agree with the poster who said you may just be more approachable now...
  • Sovi_
    Sovi_ Posts: 575 Member
    Is he hot
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    I haven't directly dealt with this specifically, but there was a guy who blew me off in high school. I saw him years later at a bar with abunch of my friends. After talking with him for a few minutes, he wrote down his number. I turned around to walk back to my friends and I tore it up Vince Vaughan in Swingers style. It was awesome.

    I had a moment like that once, too, MB! It was a guy I went to high school with, but this was when we were early 20's.

    He starts trying to hit on me in a bar and while we're talking the conversation turns to this:

    Him: "I remember you from school...you always seemed like such a know-it-all."
    Me: "I remember you, too. You always seemed like such an *kitten*."
    Him: "I was obviously really wrong about you..."
    Me: "Yeah...But I wasn't."

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Hahahaha, nice!
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
    I haven't changed a huge amount from my before and after. But I DO get more comments... Because somewhere along the way I started loving myself and being comfortable in my own skin. That shines through and people have noticed me. I smile even more, laugh even more, and am pretty fun to be around.

    Maybe you don't see it, maybe your sister doesn't, but maybe other do?

    Also, taking better care of yourself is an attractive trait in itself. I can't fault someone for finding you more attractive because you are investing more into yourself.

    Congrats on the loss!
  • Begood03
    Begood03 Posts: 1,259 Member
    You are flat out gorgeous, if it took him this long he is crazy.
  • _JPunky
    _JPunky Posts: 508 Member
    You are flat out gorgeous, if it took him this long he is crazy.

    Awww! Thanks!
  • donyellemoniquex3
    donyellemoniquex3 Posts: 2,384 Member
    bumping for later.
  • djeffreys10
    djeffreys10 Posts: 2,312 Member
    Perhaps he liked you before but didn't find you sexually attractive.

    We all like to pretend that looks don't matter, but that's a lie we tell ourselves. If you weren't attractive enough to engage his attentions before, that's as much on you as it is on him.

    Good news is he still likes you enough on the inside to go ahead and express interest.

    Don't blame him because you made yourself more attractive.

    I745023.jpg

    If I don't like someone's personality AND find them attractive, I'm not interested. If I like someone's personality and they change to become what I find attractive, I may be interested where I wasn't before. People can say that makes me shallow if they want. But I'm pretty sure those same people aren't interested in someone who they find physically unattractive for whatever reason either.
  • _firecracker_
    _firecracker_ Posts: 185 Member
    Perhaps he liked you before but didn't find you sexually attractive.

    We all like to pretend that looks don't matter, but that's a lie we tell ourselves. If you weren't attractive enough to engage his attentions before, that's as much on you as it is on him.

    Good news is he still likes you enough on the inside to go ahead and express interest.

    Don't blame him because you made yourself more attractive.
    This. Fitness and being active are big turn ons for me and have before made a so so guy more attractive when they've turned a new leaf and started to get in shape. And you most likely are exuding more confidence since losing the weight.

    I noticed the same trend when I stopped being such a tomboy and started wearing heels and skinny jeans. I still talk about cars and swear like a sailor, but some guy friends have sung a different tune towards me because they find the girlie side attractive. I don't find it offensive in the slightest. Sometimes even when a person makes no apparent changes they can become more attractive due to our changing perspective in life.
  • _JPunky
    _JPunky Posts: 508 Member
    I'm going to have to disagree with you guys.

    I really DO agree with you in regards to if you've just met someone. Physical attraction is a HUGE part of it.

    But if it's someone who has known you for a long time (which is what we're discussing here)...I've dated a few guys (and even married one) that were not at all what I find physically attractive...but who they were MADE them attractive to me. So, I found them incredibly handsome (even in a physical sense) once I knew them.

    I really do believe that what's on the inside can make you attractive or ugly on the outside, as well.

    But maybe that's just me...

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