Scared of being slim

I think when we are little and don't know how to cope it is different, we do what we have to. But now we are adults we cannot use it as an excuse and we have to deal.

I don't recall seeing a lot of posts in this thread where the fear was being used as an "excuse" not to lose weight. Most of those responding have either lost or are in the process of losing weight and dealing with this type of fear is another thing to be worked through along the way.

Joselo2
Just had to express it, part of me is stil hanging back with the weight loss because I am scared of being slim. I've always been fat ever since I was a child, and ever since about 16, I have been what could be classed as really quite exceptionally large. It's just how I know myself so part of me worries I'll lose part of my identity, even if it is a negative part. Being this size hasbeen helpful to me some ways, I guess it is protection, it makes me feel safe. It particularly made me feel a bit protected against relationships, and if this isn't TMI, sexual stuff. I know lotsa of people my size and bigger do enjoy these things but I guess I thought it'd make me less visable. It just makes me feel safe I guess, like people see me as innocent an things, maybe vulnerable because obesity is such an obvious sign of a personal weakness. I suppose I feel like people would be kinder and have less expectations of me (I don't think I am right about knder since I get alsorts of hate for my size!). I can't describe it well, sorry for such a rambling post. Just like, the thought of being slim scares me. Even now I can't see my goal as being anything less than still chubby, and even that seems scary. I don't know, just thoughts I am having. I am stll trying though because the other half of me would love to be slim.

I can understand where you are coming from J, mostly people are good but there are quite a few people that are jerks and just plain *kitten*. I myself have been overweight for quite a long time and although I did hate that part of me and I didn't like it at all and thought of myself as a slob it kept people away from me, it kept the possibility of any kind of relationship away from me. I didn't have to deal with people, I didn't have to deal with the fear of rejection, I didn't have to deal with developing a relationship and the downfalls that it can entail such as my GF cheating on me (which has happened to me in the past). I didn't have to deal with any of that because no one would look at me and find me attractive enough to want to try and and a small part of me was fine with that at that time, heck that part of me still wishes it was like that so I wouldn't have to deal with what comes with developing relationships and such. (Ladies can be a pain in the keister, and yes yes I know we men can be too)

Don't give up on losing weight though you can do it, take a look in the mirror and ask yourself is this what you want to look like? Are you really comfortable with it? If not then take it slow and steady J don't rush it because as you know it takes hard work and dedication and you need to bust through those mental barriers of yours so rushing it will not help you at all. Slow and steady wins the race, I believe in you most everyone in this thread believes in you, look yourself in the eye and believe in you. YOU CAN DO IT!

PamelaD88
I relate to you 150%. I really don't know what else to say but that. It gave me great relief reading this post. That I wasn't the only one. I thought it was just me :-D So happy and relieved right now! I'm not morbidly obese, but for me, it's the fear of failure. So I do it, I lose the weight (which I've lost some of before) and I fail. So all that work is nothing. It's a fear. I am working on breaking down that mental road block. I know what I"m eating, I know what to be aware of, etc. You have to figure out what is your fear.

You Pam can do it, you have it in you that competitive streak of yours. Just aim at the goal you have and don't give up you can do it I know you can, just keep pouring that gasoline in the generator and you'll do fine You're not a noob are you? I didn't think so.

And yeah for those of you who do not understand and think that this fear of ours is just an excuse it's not, it's something that we have to deal with in our heads a mental block that we need to take a sledge hammer too and it's a time consuming process that does not happen over night. I'm still dealing with my fears, my nightmares and I've lost over 100 pounds since the beginning of my exercising and dieting. So please *points at a door* if you do not have anything encouraging, or supportive to say in this thread because it is not helping, the door is right there and we all would appreciate it if you left.

I think this is a fantastic thread, especially in light of the fact that OP is not "making excuses" but rather doing the inside work that will make long-term success more likely.

I think it's brave and it's clearly something a lot of people relate to. I myself actually relate to this "armor" mentality and I'm terrifically excited about losing weight and making changes in my life, so it isn't an excuse on this end either.

Thanks for sharing.

Just had to express it, part of me is stil hanging back with the weight loss because I am scared of being slim. I've always been fat ever since I was a child, and ever since about 16, I have been what could be classed as really quite exceptionally large. It's just how I know myself so part of me worries I'll lose part of my identity, even if it is a negative part. Being this size hasbeen helpful to me some ways, I guess it is protection, it makes me feel safe. It particularly made me feel a bit protected against relationships, and if this isn't TMI, sexual stuff. I know lotsa of people my size and bigger do enjoy these things but I guess I thought it'd make me less visable. It just makes me feel safe I guess, like people see me as innocent an things, maybe vulnerable because obesity is such an obvious sign of a personal weakness. I suppose I feel like people would be kinder and have less expectations of me (I don't think I am right about knder since I get alsorts of hate for my size!). I can't describe it well, sorry for such a rambling post. Just like, the thought of being slim scares me. Even now I can't see my goal as being anything less than still chubby, and even that seems scary. I don't know, just thoughts I am having. I am stll trying though because the other half of me would love to be slim.

I understand you.. I had those thoughts at times before. It helps to have a trusted best friend and other trusted people in our lives, especially if that very special bff is a guy, and that is what can help us feel safe with others.
I guess also not having the fat covering us is a huge change in how we feel about our body. We no longer have that coat around us, and it can be kinda strange. But that is the real you that has always been there, it just was tucked away under that coat. Now that you are slim, and are enjoying and doing things you prolly couldn't do before, like exercise awhile, walk longer amounts each time, think about the good things about your body that you could not do before, and look forward to all the things you now can do, now that you have taken that heavy coat of fat off.

This 'fear' is a HUGE part of why some people (including me) struggle to shift weight. If you have ever looked into The Gabriel Method, he talks about how your brain is programmed to keep you fat for your own protection...because all of various reasons.

Some abuse victims talk about how being fat protected them from the abuse, others have discovered that they subconciously had the desire to big to deal with an intimidating person in their life...my 'fear' is that I lose the weight and nothing changes...I'm still crap with men, I still have confidence dips on nights out...I used to have this belief that if I lost the weight my life would be perfect I was slim (but what if it wasn't, what else could I do?).

Part of my weight loss journey has been accepting myself and being happy with who I am now. I've adopted an attitude off 'It would be nice to be slim for lots of reasons, but I'm pretty frickin happy with my life right now"

It's all part of the process...The Gabriel Method, definitely worth a read!

It's weird that you posted about being scared to be slim. I've had the same thoughts for years, and always felt ashamed about expressing them. Thank God for MFP! For a long time, I associated being slim with disease, hunger, starvation, and near-death. I know not all that is true. I'm a freaking Registered Nurse for God sake! I know why people fill the hospitals more than not. So many people don't have this resource or were never taught about making good choices. I've just always been very curvy. I even found in my last relationship, that once I lost 25 lbs, we broke up. That kind of freaks me out. Here I am single, and what if I find an insecure man dealing with our relationship the same way I am about my body. What is even more interesting is that I still have men ask me for my number daily, but I'm not really getting the type of guy I want. I feel like this body in its current condition is holding me back from having the best relationship of my life, and from being married. This is really a debilitating issue to have. I get it. I don't care what people are telling you on here. You might have a need to work out something psychological but you are not alone. This topic is what MFP is for...finding support. Thank you for having the courage to talk about it here. You certainly made me feel better sharing my experience here.

Can I make a challenge for you to look at it from the point of view to become healthier? Because I know people who are slimmer and it changed their own personality and out look on life, not necessarily in a positive way. I think what the person who immediately posted after you, is that you shouldn't be afraid of what society says of you, how they think of you. You are changing who you are for the benefit of yourself and no on else. You want to be stronger, be more confident, you want people to notice you in a better light than the way that they see you now. And weight loss is NOT an overnight process, it takes time. And when you let go over emotional strongholds, the physical ones will come off as well. :-D You can message me, if you like. Have a good night!

Just had to express it, part of me is stil hanging back with the weight loss because I am scared of being slim. I've always been fat ever since I was a child, and ever since about 16, I have been what could be classed as really quite exceptionally large. It's just how I know myself so part of me worries I'll lose part of my identity, even if it is a negative part. Being this size hasbeen helpful to me some ways, I guess it is protection, it makes me feel safe. It particularly made me feel a bit protected against relationships, and if this isn't TMI, sexual stuff. I know lotsa of people my size and bigger do enjoy these things but I guess I thought it'd make me less visable. It just makes me feel safe I guess, like people see me as innocent an things, maybe vulnerable because obesity is such an obvious sign of a personal weakness. I suppose I feel like people would be kinder and have less expectations of me (I don't think I am right about knder since I get alsorts of hate for my size!). I can't describe it well, sorry for such a rambling post. Just like, the thought of being slim scares me. Even now I can't see my goal as being anything less than still chubby, and even that seems scary. I don't know, just thoughts I am having. I am stll trying though because the other half of me would love to be slim.

Uncharted territory can be frightening. For some reason, in my mind, I can't see myself being slim. I really can't. I'm pretty imaginative, but I have zero concept on what it might look like on me, and I'm a little afraid, too.

I'm afraid of how people will respond to me because I've been overweight since my late teens.

I'm afraid of still having dozens of body insecurities even after I've put all this work in.

I'm afraid of getting to my goal and then possibly losing control and gaining it all back, undoing years of work.

I'm afraid off... etc etc etc. There's so much. It's a legitimate fear, and your concerns surrounding it ARE valid. Don't let people tell you you're wrong for feeling the way you do. You do for a reason, and that reason is likely just simply that you don't know what it'll be like, and taking the steps towards it gives you anxiety, probably not unlike showing up to a new job or new school for the first time. You don't know how this is going to go - except this anxiety lasts sooooooo much longer, and can build upon itself if you let it.

I hear you. The thought of slim can be very scary. But like others have suggested, finding out the root causes of that are beneath that fear can go along way to discovering why your size has felt safe. I found mine keep me protected from being visible, being overweight allowed me to hide behind it, amongst many other reasons. Over all it simply felt too much to lose my weight, so I cling to it. Since having support to work through things I have begun to realise to achieve all want from my life, to have the career I want, I need to safeguard my health so I can live my life...I am beginning to learn that I deserve more than hiding away.

I hope you find your answers, please know you are not alone in this conflict. Take care and good luck x