Huge Emotional Setback

Ask him if he will go to marriage counseling with you. Even if he refuses, you can go yourself. Buy The Love Dare book and try to save your marriage.

Oh dear. Find a GOOD therapist, fast. Redo your hairstyle, get new clothes and go out with the girls. Hubby will realize what he lost. Hugs to you--this can be very hard but build a bunch of solid supports around you so you have a way through the hard moments.

I would seek out counselling. Decide yourself whether or not you are going to make attempts to save the marriage or if you are going to let it go, you don't want to be wondering 'what if' down the track at any time.

A very similar thing happened to me. I had been very clear cheating was never an option from the start.
Funny thing is now I would of forgiven him the cheating but it was the constant lying for quite a number of months (to my face) I could never of gotten over.

I wish you all the best.
Be good to yourself!
Remember HE might not like you as a person, but someone out there will love you to bits.

Ask him if he will go to marriage counseling with you. Even if he refuses, you can go yourself. Buy The Love Dare book and try to save your marriage.

With all respect it's not generally possible to save a marriage with someone who "doesn't like you as a person". That said, I agree the OP should seek counselling.

It could also be motivating to try new activities, put yourself out of your comfort zone and meet new people, spend time with friends and family, practice self care and be as awesome as you can be. Good luck! Motivation is hard when you are going through something like this, so appreciate the little things you can do as well.

ETA: AmyZ46, your comment took me from furious rage to a big grin. Glad to hear you found someone so awesome.

I know it's hard to see through the pain at the moment but just keep on keeping on. Put yourself first and do what you need to do to get through this tough time.
Try to remember that you should NOT feel worthless. He is being a real turd and that is nothing to do with you being a 'bad person' or whatever. You truly deserve better, and you will be better off without him. Nobody deserves that kind of disrespect. He put your physical health in danger and he hurt you emotionally. That is not acceptable.

Seek the comfort of friends and family, good books, movies, music, art, nature, pets, whatever you find peace in. These things will see you through. Heartbreak is truly a hard thing to get past but so many of us have dealt with it and come out all the better for it. Like AmyZ46 I too have found an awesome guy after being with someone who was a real scumbag. It really is amazing how different some people can be.
Having said that though, I would be happily single if I hadn't met the current bloke. Anything is better than being with someone who sucks.

Let him have his scummy life and move on with yours. Chase your dreams, live the way you want to live, do things that you love to do. Embrace it. You deserve happiness :flowerforyou:

Definitely go to counseling for you, it will help you get through this. The counselor will undoubtedly assign you "homework" of things he/she wants you to think about between visits and going for long walks is a really good time to think about it and coincidentally also a good exercise time for you. Right now the cookies/ice cream are comforting but they often make us feel bad later. If you can start using exercise time as "you time" then you will start to find comfort in that instead.

I know it feels like it right now but divorce is not the end of the world and things will get better. *hugs*

Oh no I'm sorry

Even if you don't stay and work it out, definitely find a good therapist. I went through this with my guy but decided to stick it out. He said he didn't love me any more and wanted someone else.

We went to couples therapy and it helped tremendously.

But find out what you really really want and be truthful with yourself. Whatever you decide, I hope everything works out for you.

Best of luck.

I am sorry that your spouse cheated on you and says hurtful things like he doesn't like you as a person. Consider going to a counselor to take care of your self and get yourself healthy. It doesn't make any difference if he doesn't want to go. In fact, it is telling. Hubby might be a jerk and you may decide to leave him. You want to be as emotionally healthy as possible to deal with this.

Either way, someday you will be happy again.


In the meantime, It's easier to act happy until you feel happy than wait until you feel happy.

Eating for strength will help you body be healthy and feel strong. Please continue to do so. I am surprised at HOW HAPPY I FEEL WHEN I EAT WELL.

Consider using your anger to promote an exercise routine.

Hugs and kisses.

Taking care of yourself is the best revenge there is to someone who has hurt you. Make a happy life for yourself, forgive and move on.

^^yep

Regardless of weight, size, numbers on a scale, physical appearance, whatever, YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE. Period. Full stop. So, you were with someone who decided you weren't worthy of at least respect. It is terrible, a big emotional drain, and a sucktastic thing to go through. Absolutely. It can be an absolute learning experience and a great gateway into a better, happier, more fulfilled you if you let it. Been there, done that.

You may need a counselor. It can help just to have someone to talk to that is being paid to actually frickin' listen to you and has the skills to give you advice and the experience of having seen this dozens if not hundreds of times Consider it, definitely. If he's willing and you want to try to rebuild, then go for it -- that's definitely your choice. It's not the choice I'd make, but that is a very personal question only you can answer. I'd recommend solo counseling even if you are going to try to work on the marriage, so that you have time alone with a counselor and can work out your own stuff without your husband as an audience. You can then have a different counselor for marriage stuff. Again, only if you choose it. I tried that route, despite knowing I couldn't stand to be with him any more, because of pressure from his church to 'think of the children' -- it was wrong for me and fortunately I figured that out quickly. May not be wrong for everyone though, but don't let external pressures make that choice.

If you want to get healthier at the same time you are going through this, I encourage you to do so. Just don't go TOO overboard and bite off more than you can chew and then feel like you failed and such. Also, a good secondary or tertiary reason for losing weight can definitely be to shove it in his face with how awesomely fit you are -- but don't make that your primary reason, otherwise you're just giving him too much power in your life, and he obviously doesn't deserve any power over you at all.

I was totally an emotional eater, and it is hard to get past that, especially when a bunch of other stuff was going on, but it is doable, and you are worth getting healthier. I got divorced at 27, had 4 kids under the age of 3, and went on to gain a ton of weight. I met the love of my life 12 years ago, and we've been together ever since, and the fact that I was 240 then or got up to 291 didn't matter in his love and attraction to me, because he loved the person I was. That person was tempered and shaped by the asshattery of my ex, and it took a bit, but I did choose early on not to let my anger toward the ex rule or control my life, I chose to be the better person and just be my OWN person. That gave me a comfort level and confidence in myself that was necessary in being on my own two feet, raising kids, and just learning to be happy and be me.

Work on you. Be the best you. And don't worry - you do come through these things. Battered, bruised, sometimes a bit fatter, sometimes a lot thinner, but you can come through and be stronger, better, more awesome, more confident, and all of that -- you just have to choose it.

Take some virtual hugs from me. You need them! ::hugs:: and go kick some self-actualizing butt

Sorry, that is terrible! I can only imagine your grief!

This sucks, and I'm really sorry to read this.

I know it can be difficult to get over an ended relationship, but you have to do what's good for you! A million bags of cookies won't solve your problems. In fact, they might add to them. I'm definitely NOT saying that you should feel guilty if you do give in and eat unhealthy for a while, but you might start experiencing these feelings.

Just focus on what's good in your life! Think of the future! It's always full of possibilities! It will be challenging to eat healthy, but you will feel SO much better in the end. Gather the support of your closest friends and family, and focus on you!

Also, I noticed you mentioned in your profile that you have two kids. Imagine what an inspiration you will be for your children if you can overcome this obstacle and avoid emotional eating! They will learn from you that nothing is impossible!

Good luck, I'm rooting for you! You can do this

I don't know what your situation it or what the past is with your husband, but I do know this - I should have walked away the first time he cheated and left well enough along. Instead, I tried and tried for a number of years to salvage the relationship, and what did I get in return? I got cheated on again, and he continued his decline - not working, being on the computer all day chatting, reading, and looking at some "adult" material (and not the normal stuff, sick twisted stuff!). He said he loved me, never gave me a reason for the cheating, and eventually I just felt like he needed help that I could not give him - I was done. The first time he cheated I stayed in bed for 3 months, quit my job, I was devestated. The next time I was just angry, and after the cheating and other factors of emotional and sometimes physical abuse because he would get so uncontrolable at times... I couldnt do it anymore, and I was not sad about it because I had grieved so hard through the last year of our marriage that I cried all I could.

If he doesn't "like you as a person" or whatever, then no... I wouldn't go to counseling only because I wouldn't risk having to change who I am to keep someone who was not faithful and could just say something like that to me - the trust is broken... And although you may be able to forgive, you'll never forget.

I definitely know what you are feeling right now - take care of yourself. Once you feel up to it, you may discover things about you that you never knew! I actually chopped off the majority of my hair when I first left and I was also motivated to lose a lot of weight. Now I'm happier, in a healthy relationship, and things are great!

he... is on another marriage, and heading for another divorce.

oh my, so painful. You wont believe it now but later on you will say it is the best thing that ever happened to me. Not one more day with this creep who doesn't deserve you . I have been thru it, for me it took my appetite which is weird because I usually eat over anything but I was young and wanted to look good and make my life good. Go and do the same, my husband was a drinker back then and now he has someone else to put up with his as# in his older years not me, thank goodness! I found me someone good!