Husband eats what he wants/ I'm trying to lose weight
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Well, now I just feel like an un-supportive *kitten* hat. Yesterday I went on a good 30 mile ride on my bike and ate about 3200 calories including a snickers bar for some quick recovery and a few slices of pizza...I did this all in the presence of my wife...I mean I was sitting their shoveling pizza into my face while she ate a salad. Very inconsiderate of me...next time I will just let my body go to waste in the name of support.
Congratulations on your obviously high metabolism.
And I wouldn't worry about your eating habits in front of your wife...
I'm sure she thinks you're an *kitten* hat for various other reasons anyhow.
:-) Just what I was thinking.....
I suspect that she doesn't object to him eating more, she objects to him pushing his eating habits. For example, my husband (who is rapidly losing his much-vaunted metabolism, and may have to make some healthy changes himself) would park himself in front of my treadmill and eat a bowl of ice cream with cookies and drink a big glass of whole fat milk. F*cker. Inconsiderate asshat. The entire workout and the following day I was dreaming of ice cream, cookies and milk. In bulk, not some little taste tease like they say with their portion control BS. So I went to him and said, "F*cker, inconsiderate asshat, I love you but if you do that again I will immediately burst into tears." (If that didn't work I was prepared to threaten to slip laxatives in his whole milk.) So he cut back on that.
I'm still reading through all this, but...
...if your husband is rapidly losing his metabolism, he should go to a doctor. Age-related reduction in metabolism is gradual and not *that* significant. (However, I suspect what appears to be a noticeable decrease in metabolism is actually a noticeable decrease in his activity level. People tend to do that as they get older...and then they blame the older age instead of the decreased activity.)
ETA: Okay, yeah, your husband sounds like an *kitten* hat. :flowerforyou:0 -
Hi,
I think your husband should try to support you or at least make it easier for you, Why you may ask? because I myself was like him. I to can eat what I want and what not, The Thing I realized people have their own way to get motivated some people need none So my wife is the type that get easily sucked in to bad so I had to change for her. So long your around bad influence its going to be hard till corrected : )0 -
I've said this is another thread and I'll say it here: you're the one trying to lose weight, not him. He's not making you eat those things. It's all about self control. And honestly, I'd feel selfish for telling my husband that he can't enjoy food he likes because I'm trying to lose weight. Unless he rubs it in your face or tries to get you to take part, then let the man eat what he wants.0
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My husband is OK. Sometimes he brings crap home but usually he's health conscious like I am.
The people at work that eat junk all day and I have to sit next to, on the other hand:
in the end, our weight is our own problem, it's based on our own decisions, and we have to own it. It helps to set some house rules to accommodate both spouses.0 -
I don't see how eating he likes makes your husband unsupportive. If he were trying to get you to overeat unhealthy food that would be another thing.we are the ones on diets not our spouses coworkers friends or neighbors.0
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Hey OP, I believe I understand how you feel. It's not that he is actively trying to stop your weight loss. It's just that he doesn't get it. He's not in the same boat as you, so of course he doesn't get it. Friend me if you want. I have a husband who doesn't get it, either. He tells me I'm beautiful the way I am and he loves me the way I am. And I believe him. I'm not calling him a jerk or saying he's sabotaging me because he definitely isn't. It would just be a lot easier to change your life if your partner in life were making that same change. I understand what you're saying.
Just to make myself clear, I am NOT saying my husband or hers should change their eating habits to conform to us. I'm just relating to her.
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As this is actually a fairly truthful account of actual events (though instead of tears I may have threatened violence) and we are actually (although from this limited data set you might have trouble believing it) very happy together and in general, one can see a good husband/man can still be an asshat to his wife while she is losing weight. This doesn't even touch on issues like fear of her rejection if she gets skinny/hot/fit, fear of fun patterns changing if she gets healthy (like the mutual buffet ransacking plus lazy sundays plus saturday night dinner/movie/drinking on the town, plus post-work snackies in front of the tv....), fear of judgement once she is fitter than him, fear of her being fitter than him, fear of his own lack of self-control or diminishing physical capacity....
So all those people saying totally unsupportive crap like "it comes from within.." Sure, yes. OK. But that's already been said, so move on peace sign.
It sounds like you married someone who can be a bit of a man-child. (Though I can't judge. At times I feel like I married one, too) Compromise, agree on a set of rules. I bet the amount of time you spend working out, or at least wanting to, is only a fraction of the time spent compared to giving in to things on his terms. Surely there could be agreed time designated for both your workout time and his cuddles and buffets...0 -
I TOTALLY know what you mean. My aunt is pregnant (yay!!!) but she has awwwful cravings. My house is filled with nutter butters and thin mints. :sad:
You just have to stay strong!! What's helped me is that my aunt and I go over foods that she bought for herself in mind. That way, I don't touch them 0 -
I moved a lot of the junk food to a basement pantry. That helps me a lot because I don't have to see it when I'm packing the kids lunches.
Is he taller than you? Could you give him a high shelf for the junk food?0 -
Although other people have made valid points, I know how you're feeling. I'm in a similar situation in that I'm trying to get fitter and be healthy while my husband eats a lot of unhealthy snacks and doesn't exercise.
More recently as I have been feeling more despondent about his eating (and sometimes the bad influence on me) I have hinted at things (e.g. him perhaps not eating 2 packs of crisps most evenings) and of late he seems to be making a few positive changes - toast or something, instead - although this has been helped by me simply not buying crisps at all any more...
I struggle with an ED and diabetes, so he's never going to be in the same boat as me, but likewise I do get a bit worried about his health, or lack of it. However, I know that just worrying or nagging wont help, so I need to just focus on my own diet, and try to buy and cook healthy food for all of us.0 -
I'm dealing with the same. His weight just falls off if he just cuts what he eats by a little bit. He lost 30 lb just stopping with mc donalds for a MONTH! I have hashimoto's so it's slower than normal, but still.
I just let him eat what he wants and don't let it affect me.0 -
I understand what some others here don't....its almost like trying to quit smoking with your S/O always smoking around you. It can be very difficult. I've had bad eating habits my whole life and those are very hard to break!
My point of view is, it is ME who needs to change and I can't force my bf to do it with me to make it easier. If he wants to, Great! My bf is very supportive and if he eats things he knows I would want and shouldn't have, he eats it out of my sight instead of right in front of me. He's also great at "getting rid" of things I don't want in the house.
LOL
We share the shopping and cooking and we try to avoid the really bad stuff like cookies and potato chips etc...and look for healthier alternatives. He's great that way! If he cooks something that is high calorie or fat, I reduce my portion and have a salad or something with it to fill up. He still buys his pepsi, I will just have a small sip to satisfy any craving I might have then have a large glass of water.
It is hard to try to eat better and make better choices when others around you make the bad choices seem so easy and enjoyable! Maybe talk to him to see if he can meet you halfway. Share the shopping and cooking so you get stuff you want and he gets what he wants. There are ways he can be supportive without having to do exactly what you do. You just need to talk about it and figure it out as a family!
Being in a relationship with someone often means compromise and should ALWAYS mean support! You just need to figure out how to support each other! I would do anything for my bf to help him with anything as long as it was a safe, healthy thing of course!
Good Luck! :flowerforyou:0 -
I agree with MissKim - for some it is like trying to quit smoking or drinking. When my husband started to reduce alcohol consumption - I quit buying it and having it in the house. I quit having my nightly glass of wine (because then he would want to drink too) - I was trying to be supportive and not sabotage his attempts at a lifestyle change. He realized that maybe having several drinks after work wasn't such a good idea anymore and we decided to limit ourselves to splitting one bottle of wine on Sunday night.
His next goal is to quit smoking........
One of my big downfalls was soda - so we pretty much quit buying pop all together. We both drink Tea/crystal light/water/ coffee/etc. If it is in the house, I tend to drink it. He still buys a 12 pack and takes it to work. he still gets soda when we go out - and that is fine.
Sometimes, just having the support and respect is helpful - especially at the beginning while you are really trying to change the habits. Now that I've had no pop for over 2 months - I don't even want it. I buy a 2 liter for when the kids come over on Sunday (home from college/dinner) and its fine.0 -
I actually do understand. It really bugs me that there are people who can eat whatever they want whenever they want and seem to never gain weight from it, whereas I LOOK at a chocolate cake and gain 20 pounds.
Reality check: I'm not them, and never will be. My body doesn't work that way, chemically.
There are things that are hard for anyone consider who's trying to lose weight:
**Make peace with this being your journey, not his.
**Blaming him for choosing to eat whatever he wants is really an excuse.
**You have to do things differently (from what you used to do or what he does) if you want to see results
**It's okay for you to be selfish in wanting to lose weight. This is one area where it's actually okay.
Your husband may or may not decide to join you, and either way it's okay. My husband continued to eat what he wanted for about 6-9 months into my journey. That's when he made an MFP account and said he realized that he thought he was eating reasonably healthy and really wasn't.
You can do this. Trust me.0 -
I'm dealing with the same. His weight just falls off if he just cuts what he eats by a little bit. He lost 30 lb just stopping with mc donalds for a MONTH! I have hashimoto's so it's slower than normal, but still.
I just let him eat what he wants and don't let it affect me.
Don't let Hashimoto's give you an excuse. As long as you are on medication and your levels are normal, you can lose weight as easily as some with a normal thyroid.0 -
i don't understand why people are so angry, when the original poster was just looking for people committed to weight loss. it's difficult to watch someone eat chips, pizza, yummy things with no regard while you're trying to eat healthily. i think it's a fair point. it's much easier to stay on track when people are like-minded.
sometimes i get annoyed coming on to the mfp message boards, seeing someone ask a normal question and see them almost getting attacked.
anyway, that being said. my life is the same. my husband eats what he wants, while i try to eat healthy, normal portions. MFP helps. Feel free to add me as a buddy, original poster!0 -
I'm the one who controls what I put into my face, nevermind what anyone else is doing. So it takes me 5-6 minutes to order my dinner when we go out. So I choose broccoli instead of the french fries this time. So I drink water most of the time instead of the pretty frufru drink with fruit on the rim. I know my efforts will eventually pay off. I can't control what other people eat, nor do I want to. I only have control over myself.0
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I know how that is. My girlfriend pigs out on chips and cheese and everything else while I'm trying to get fit. I just see it as a challenge and a sense of pride knowing I didn't succumb to my desires.0
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i don't understand why people are so angry, when the original poster was just looking for people committed to weight loss. it's difficult to watch someone eat chips, pizza, yummy things with no regard while you're trying to eat healthily. i think it's a fair point. it's much easier to stay on track when people are like-minded.
sometimes i get annoyed coming on to the mfp message boards, seeing someone ask a normal question and see them almost getting attacked.
anyway, that being said. my life is the same. my husband eats what he wants, while i try to eat healthy, normal portions. MFP helps. Feel free to add me as a buddy, original poster!
People aren't angry, they are just pointing out the obvious. If you want to lose weight, it takes strength and commitment and willpower and personal responsibility. It's called REALITY. To deny these facts is only fooling yourself. The sooner you understand and embrace these things, the faster you will have success. You can sit around and moan about how hard it is when you have all this temptation right in your face, or you can conquer it. Your choice.0 -
I can relate!
My boyfriend and I recently moved in together....however we've both been gaining weight since we started dating a couple years ago. He has only gained a few pounds, and will shed them in the summer the minute he starts running again. I, however, have always struggled with my weight and am finally ready to do something about it!
He is very supportive, but he talks about food all the time, and comes home and tells me about the burger or pizza he had for lunch that day. I have tried to enlist him as a work out buddy, a cooking buddy, etc...but he just isn't really into it.
I have finally just decided that if he won't do it with me, I can't make him. I do the shopping and cooking for the most part, so he is just going to have to deal with the fact that I am not going to buy junk food anymore, or cook fattening dinners, and the fact that I am now waking up an hour earlier to work out.
I know he will still support me, but at this point I have to do this for ME and set my own rules....not leave it up to him.0 -
I can relate!
My boyfriend and I recently moved in together....however we've both been gaining weight since we started dating a couple years ago. He has only gained a few pounds, and will shed them in the summer the minute he starts running again. I, however, have always struggled with my weight and am finally ready to do something about it!
He is very supportive, but he talks about food all the time, and comes home and tells me about the burger or pizza he had for lunch that day. I have tried to enlist him as a work out buddy, a cooking buddy, etc...but he just isn't really into it.
I have finally just decided that if he won't do it with me, I can't make him. I do the shopping and cooking for the most part, so he is just going to have to deal with the fact that I am not going to buy junk food anymore, or cook fattening dinners, and the fact that I am now waking up an hour earlier to work out.
I know he will still support me, but at this point I have to do this for ME and set my own rules....not leave it up to him.
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My husband is supportive but he is also tall and thin....seems like a common thread. He will make an ice cream sundae at 9 pm and eat it in front of me!
I guess you just need to want to lose and know how good you will look and feel after you have! Thats the reward!0 -
I can relate!
My boyfriend and I recently moved in together....however we've both been gaining weight since we started dating a couple years ago. He has only gained a few pounds, and will shed them in the summer the minute he starts running again. I, however, have always struggled with my weight and am finally ready to do something about it!
He is very supportive, but he talks about food all the time, and comes home and tells me about the burger or pizza he had for lunch that day. I have tried to enlist him as a work out buddy, a cooking buddy, etc...but he just isn't really into it.
I have finally just decided that if he won't do it with me, I can't make him. I do the shopping and cooking for the most part, so he is just going to have to deal with the fact that I am not going to buy junk food anymore, or cook fattening dinners, and the fact that I am now waking up an hour earlier to work out.
I know he will still support me, but at this point I have to do this for ME and set my own rules....not leave it up to him.
Makes sense. Good approach.
However, just to be clear, a "fattening dinner" is any dinner where you eat too many calories. (I think I know what you're saying, but literally interpreted, assuming there are enough potential calories on the table, any meal can be fattening.)0 -
I know it sucks when people eat things you love in front of you but you have to realize that that is the real world and it won't change once you lose the weight so you gotta move past it. You can't control what other people do so don't try. Just focus on you.
My hubby eats lots of stuff I don't and sometimes I drool over it but I always say he can eat what he wants and to to not change because of me. It doesn't help me to not be around it, it helps me to be around it and fight through it and it does get easier with time. I think my hubby could stand to lose a few but that is for him to decide.
And my gawd the office, why does there have to be like 100 tables set up with donuts, candy, bagels, etc.??? No wonder there is a weight problem in society, we can't stand to be away from food for a minute! I'm somewhat of a germaphob (sp??) so I don't touch any of it for that reason as well lol0 -
It's all about portion sizes. I can cook anything for dinner but I know where my limits are. I made chicken fajitas one night for dinner but instead of using a tortilla I put all the fajita contents over a bed a of spinach. I let him do his plate how ever he wanted but I measured everything which hit my plate. I have been successful in losing weight but I do not deprive myself of things. I still eat chick file and 5 guys because its what he wants but I cut the burger in half, only eat a few fries, and plan ahead. I do not starve my self through the day but make sure what ever I eat balances with my exercise so I have the flexibility for my meal with him. I think I can attribute my success to my relationship with my food scale. You will lose when you learn and only eat portion sizes. A portion of mixed nuts at first looked like a joke but now its just right. I am 13lbs down with a goal to shed another 48.0
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I live with my 32 yo husband and 20 yo son...they eat what they want, they don't work out, they stay fairly fit and trim.
If you saw my grocery cart you would think I had a split personality.
veggies, fruit, lean meats, skim milk, low fat cheeses, greek yogurt then...
oreos, fruit loops, canned spagetti crap, french fries, chicken fingers etc
Guess what it's all for me...well except the canned spagetti...ick.
I haven't changed what I eat just how much of it.
This weekend I bought a bulk pack of chocolate covered almonds and threatened my husband's life if he ate them....:laugh:
Support doesn't come from those around you depriving yourself, it comes from encouraging you to keep going when your will power is lagging, it's telling you how great you are doing and how proud they are of you, it's about building a squat rack for your birthday and buying bars and plates for you for christmas..and not interferring with your workouts by grabbing your boobies while in OHP position...(wait my husband does that...jerk):bigsmile:0 -
i don't understand why people are so angry, when the original poster was just looking for people committed to weight loss. it's difficult to watch someone eat chips, pizza, yummy things with no regard while you're trying to eat healthily. i think it's a fair point. it's much easier to stay on track when people are like-minded.
Nobody is "angry"...people are just pointing out how completely unrealistic it is to think that just because you're doing X, Y, and Z that everyone else will. News flash...living a lifestyle that is nutritionally driven and fitness centric is a pretty lonely one...most people do not live such a lifestyle...living such a lifestyle is going to mean that you're going to have to find whatever it is within yourself that you need to find to keep on keepin' on and rock your nutrition and fitness.
Snacks and chips and sodas in the break room aren't going away at work...friends and SOs with different dietary habits and exercise habits are just reality...I have like one friend who is actually into health, nutrition, and fitness...everyone else is pretty much SAD all the way and looks at anything more vigorous than walking the dog a few days a week as "excessive" and over the top, especially for "my age". Get used to it...it's reality...living this lifestyle is pretty much a go it alone kind of proposition in many respects.0 -
I know it sucks when people eat things you love in front of you but you have to realize that that is the real world and it won't change once you lose the weight so you gotta move past it. You can't control what other people do so don't try. Just focus on you.
My hubby eats lots of stuff I don't and sometimes I drool over it but I always say he can eat what he wants and to to not change because of me. It doesn't help me to not be around it, it helps me to be around it and fight through it and it does get easier with time. I think my hubby could stand to lose a few but that is for him to decide.
And my gawd the office, why does there have to be like 100 tables set up with donuts, candy, bagels, etc.??? No wonder there is a weight problem in society, we can't stand to be away from food for a minute! I'm somewhat of a germaphob (sp??) so I don't touch any of it for that reason as well lol
I have found that what others eat around me and the tables of foods don't seem to affect my weight as long as *I* don't eat any/too many of them.
While this is just my own n=1, I suspect that it's a solution that may work for others too.
*shrug*0 -
OP was just looking for some support on here. She wasn't complaining about her husband eating what he wants. She never said she expected him to change his habits. I can't believe people read so much into it that she didn't say. It clearly looked like she was just asking for some friends to support her.0
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Lol. I know the feeling! I was annoyed with my husband yesterday after a shopping trip from witch he brought home bacon and chips ice cream ect, and he planned to make burgers that night! agh! But after a min I realized whatever extra calories I take in I can jump on my bike and work off. I was able to have a smaller burger minus the bacon and chips and it worked out ok. By all means it's still frustrating, but no one is holding a gun to my head to lose weight or to keep piling it on. It's all on me. 0
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