Things my father said.

RoadDog
RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
edited September 22 in Chit-Chat
My father had to go into the hospital for Open Heart surgery. It was risky. He survived, but died of a heart attack not too long after that. He was a stoic man. Ex-Marine. Everyone called him Big John or Sonny. I called him Dad. The other day I was going through some boxes of pics; looking for a picture of me when I was younger. My daughter need it for something. Anyway...came across a letter from my Dad. I got it the mail the day after he went in for his surgery. He didn't think he was going to survive. I would love to share it with you, but it is just between my father and I. For the most part, he wanted me to know how he felt about me. Loved me. How proud he was. It rambled on for two pages. I read it then put it in a box. He survived the surgery, but he never brought up the letter and neither did I. I wish I had. He died soon after. At a BBQ. In my back yard. He was enjoying himself.

Anyway, the other day, I said something to my youngest. She gave me that look. Said "You sound just like Grandpa." I realized she was right. I took it as the best compliment.

Your father have any sayings? I'd like to hear them. Here are some of my fathers' witty remarks.

"Use your Head for something besides a hat rack!"

"If I have to get out of this chair, I'm going to fill the room with uppercuts!"

"Don't make me come up there!"

My favorite was when I was in high school. I started every sentence with Man, kinda like Dude now. I said something to my Dad at the dinner table and eneded it with Man.

He yelled. "I'm not a Man! I'm your Dad!"

Took him a minute to realize what he had said.
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Replies

  • momma69
    momma69 Posts: 16
    This is mt Grandps not my dad..but it cracks me up everytime we talk because it is the same!
    My Grandpa ...when ever we talk I ask...what are you doing...his reply is always...stacking bb's...I always ask how is that going..he always says...not worth a sh**! LOL
  • iTim__
    iTim__ Posts: 6,823 Member
    I was a clumsy child. When I'd drop food in my lap while eating, he'd say, "Doesn't matter how much you feed it, it is not going to grow."
  • xXmimiXx
    xXmimiXx Posts: 564 Member
    Hey,

    So sorry to hear about your Dad. My dad passed away when I was seven. I can't really remember many things he said but the one thing I do remember doesn't represent him as the amazing, intelligent guy he was but it does show his witty side:-

    "I don't give a fishes t*t!" haha

    Thanks for sharing :flowerforyou:
  • abeare
    abeare Posts: 504 Member
    Sorry to hear about your dad.

    Here's one from mine:

    Whenever someone knocks on the front door my dad cant seem to just say come in, that would be too boring instead he yells out “Come in, you’re out!”
  • catcrazy
    catcrazy Posts: 1,740 Member
    It must be lovely to have happy memories of your dad. I drew the short straw when it came to fathers i'm afraid

    I don't have any sayings that my dad said that I could type out without there being too many stars bleeping the words out, but I did take something good away from it all and that is to be the best parent I can so my kids and any future grandkids can look back at memories of me with fondness. I want my kids to remember me the way youre remembering your dad


    Thanks for sharing
  • Suzy12
    Suzy12 Posts: 284
    What a warm, wonderful post! Thank you for sharing. I lost my biological dad when I was 7. My step dad died a few years ago (who I was also very close to). I don't remember a lot about my dad really. But my step dad was also a stoic, common-sense man. During deer hunting season he'd wear this big brown long-john looking thing and I used to tell him he looked just like a big teddy bear (yes, he was a large man!). He'd just laugh. He always tried to be stern, but it never worked for him. He just left that to mom. He only finished the 8th grade, but he was smarter than most people I've met. He taught me to fish, camp, and respect the planet. And to be honest. All priceless skills!!

    If you want to know the one thing he "said" that sticks out in my mind?? Whenever we took a road-trip, he'd sing: Mares eat oat and does eat oats and little lams eat ivy. A kid 'ill eat ivy too wouldn't you? I sang that to him the night he died.

    Thanks again Road Dog. You've warmed my heart this morning!!
    Suze
  • maryann73
    maryann73 Posts: 763 Member
    My family has crazy thick hair. Dad always says "If you want to lose weight, take a bath and cut your hair!" lol!
  • msemejuru
    msemejuru Posts: 229
    My mother loves scrapbooking so we get together for big family gatherings she oftens has a new book ready. While we look back at pictures of my brother or I doing something goofy my father always laments "I can't believe your mother made me stay sober for that".
  • JennaM222
    JennaM222 Posts: 1,996 Member
    :laugh: :laugh:
    I was a clumsy child. When I'd drop food in my lap while eating, he'd say, "Doesn't matter how much you feed it, it is not going to grow."
  • ZebraHead
    ZebraHead Posts: 15,207 Member
    Mike - Thanks for sharing that.

    My dad is also gone. Some of his more memorable sayings:


    "*kitten* in one hand and wish in the other and see which one get full first"

    "That was hotter than a fresh f**ked fox in a forest fire"

    "Keep it in your pants"

    "I'll hit you so hard the next thing you know will be the last thing you remember"

    "that guy, you know, nipplehead (or peckerhead)


    Pick up a book called *kitten* My Dad Says. I think you'll find it a good read.
  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
    Mike - Thanks for sharing that.

    My dad is also gone. Some of his more memorable sayings:


    "*kitten* in one hand and wish in the other and see which one get full first"

    Forgot about that one. Probably one of my Dad's faves. Use it all the time myself. I don't even have to say it anymore. Just lookat my daughter and hold my hands out, palms up. She rolls her eyes.
  • AwMyLoLo
    AwMyLoLo Posts: 1,571 Member
    Thank you for sharing your story :flowerforyou: It warmed my heart.

    Dads are very special people, and while mine has never been the most affectionate, lovey-dovey, dad, I've always known how much he loves his girls.

    "Head 'em up! And move 'em out!" every night at bedtime when we were little. :smile:

    "AHH, DONKEY D*CKS!!" :explode: When he's working on something and it isn't going well. haha :laugh: He's so mad but how can you not laugh when someone says that?
  • FeistyKitty808
    FeistyKitty808 Posts: 53 Member

    If you want to know the one thing he "said" that sticks out in my mind?? Whenever we took a road-trip, he'd sing: Mares eat oat and does eat oats and little lams eat ivy. A kid 'ill eat ivy too wouldn't you? I sang that to him the night he died.

    My Dad used to sing that too :smile: Funny those silly little things you remember...
  • AwMyLoLo
    AwMyLoLo Posts: 1,571 Member

    "If I have to get out of this chair, I'm going to fill the room with uppercuts!"

    That's hilarious!
  • Alysgrma
    Alysgrma Posts: 365 Member
    Thanks for sharing..my dad is also gone and I had forgotten this saying until your post.

    We would go for Sunday drives and sometimes us kids would think we were lost...Not dad.
    "We aren't lost we just don't know where we are" priceless!!

    Mary
  • TheNewJessieMae
    TheNewJessieMae Posts: 767
    lol My dad says "I'm apt to beat your *kitten*" when he gets really silly
  • just4peachy
    just4peachy Posts: 594 Member
    I’m not sleeping; I’m checking my eyelids for cracks.
    Well aren’t you slicker than snot on a doorknob?
    He was as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
    Sweating like a hooker in church.
    Hotter than a two dollar pistol.
    (On smoking ultra light cigarettes) It’s like sucking on a t*tty through a sweater, it don’t do nothing but get the sweater wet.
    I’m gonna hit you so hard your momma will hurt.
    (On having to wear your seatbelt) Wanna fall out of the car? Your mom fell out of a car when she was little, that’s why she’s brain dead.
    It’s colder than a witches t*tty in a brass bra.
    She’s sharper than a bowling ball.
    It’s colder than a well diggers *kitten*.
    It’s raining like a cow pi$$ing on a flat rock.


    There are a ton more but most of them are either racist (against EVERYBODY, his discrimination knows no bounds) or completely inappropriate to post. Or repeat.
  • ZebraHead
    ZebraHead Posts: 15,207 Member
    He was as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

    made me think:

    "Busier than a one legged man at an *kitten* kickin' contest"
    "Busier than a one armed paper hanger"
    "Hotter than 47 hells"
    "Queerer (strange not gay) than a 3 dollar bill"

    He would twist "people in hell want ice water' into "people in ice want hell water".

    "So poor I can't even pay attention"
  • brittlynne3579
    brittlynne3579 Posts: 217 Member
    Love my dad!!! Here are his faves:

    "I'll ALWAYS be able to beat your a** no matter how old you and I are"
    (Talking to my two older brothers)

    "Don't give me tools to go squirrel hunting when there is a bear out there"
    (On how we should tell him the WHOLE truth when we screw up and get in trouble)

    "Sun shines on a dog's a** every once and a while"
    (When we justify doing something really stupid and how it may work out)

    And my ABSOLUTE favorite that I quote constantly...

    "If you're passionate about everything, you're passionate about nothing"
    (Letting us know that instead of being 'passionate' about a million things and half a**ing them, focus and do a tremendous job on one thing and shine)
  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
    My father never apologized. Granted, he was rarely wrong. Once, though, I had got in trouble for something I hadn't done. I was about 15. Can't remember what it was, but I think I was accused of doing something in the neighborhood. Anyways, my father came outside and tol me to go to my room and stay there. After I went to my room, he went to figure out what had happened. About 30 minutes later, he came up to my room.

    Told me, "You can come out, I found out you didn't do it, BUT it's just like something you would have done."

    That WAS an apology from my Dad.
  • ZebraHead
    ZebraHead Posts: 15,207 Member
    Skipped school one day (only time ever I swear). My girlfriend too. Her house burned down and her parents called for all the older high school kids to come home and help clean up. Vice principal put her being absent and me being absent together and busted me the next day with a 'fake' note.
    They got my dad on the phone the next day saying I couldn't come back until he met with the principal. My dad shut them down and said "I give my son permission to sign my name to his note" and "I'm not coming in there wasting my time for this crap" and "I'm sending him to school and he will be allowed in". Then the person on the other end caved and my dad hung up and turned to me and said "Don't let this *kitten* happen any more, I don't have time for it". And that was the end of it.

    One night when I was like 16 I came home slightly intoxicated. My mom got on me and as I was sliding down the hall to my room my dad came staggering down the hall bouncing off the walls a few times and said "don't come home like this anymore, you're getting me in trouble".
  • HealthyChanges2010
    HealthyChanges2010 Posts: 5,831 Member
    bump
  • just4peachy
    just4peachy Posts: 594 Member
    He was as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

    made me think:

    "Busier than a one legged man at an *kitten* kickin' contest"
    "Busier than a one armed paper hanger"
    "Hotter than 47 hells"
    "Queerer (strange not gay) than a 3 dollar bill"

    He would twist "people in hell want ice water' into "people in ice want hell water".

    "So poor I can't even pay attention"

    My dad said most of these too!

    Another favorite: I'm gonna knock you into next week.
  • elainegsd
    elainegsd Posts: 459 Member
    My father never apologized. Granted, he was rarely wrong. Once, though, I had got in trouble for something I hadn't done. I was about 15. Can't remember what it was, but I think I was accused of doing something in the neighborhood. Anyways, my father came outside and tol me to go to my room and stay there. After I went to my room, he went to figure out what had happened. About 30 minutes later, he came up to my room.

    Told me, "You can come out, I found out you didn't do it, BUT it's just like something you would have done."

    That WAS an apology from my Dad.

    My dad saidvsomethingbsimilar when he was wrong, and he was wrong a LOT! He'd say "did you ever do anything wrong that I didn't punish you for?". I'd say "Yes." He'd reply "Well, this is for THAT time."
  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
    Forgot about this one.

    "Back when men were men and women were damn glad of it."
  • just4peachy
    just4peachy Posts: 594 Member
    "It's like riding a moped, it might be fun but you don't want your friends to see you."
  • ZebraHead
    ZebraHead Posts: 15,207 Member
    About my girlfriend at the time:

    "Yeah she's OK but do you want to wake up looking across the breakfast table at her for the rest of your life??"

    "She's like Pizza (you like pizza right)?, We'll you want eat pizza three times a day for the rest of your life??"

    Can't believe I forgot this one he was fond of saying:

    If it Flys, Floats, or F**ks it's cheaper to rent...
  • just4peachy
    just4peachy Posts: 594 Member

    Can't believe I forgot this one he was fond of saying:

    If it Flys, Floats, or F**ks it's cheaper to rent...
    ZebraHead, do we have the same dad?
  • ZebraHead
    ZebraHead Posts: 15,207 Member

    Can't believe I forgot this one he was fond of saying:

    If it Flys, Floats, or F**ks it's cheaper to rent...
    ZebraHead, do we have the same dad?

    He was an old Army Lifer maybe they traded sayings around in there?
  • just4peachy
    just4peachy Posts: 594 Member

    Can't believe I forgot this one he was fond of saying:

    If it Flys, Floats, or F**ks it's cheaper to rent...
    ZebraHead, do we have the same dad?

    He was an old Army Lifer maybe they traded sayings around in there?
    Mine was Air Force, guess they really are all the same :happy:
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