I know this is stupid but..

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2

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  • CoffeeNBooze
    CoffeeNBooze Posts: 966 Member
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    ahh don't worry about it, at least you know he's a jerk NOW instead of developing feelings for him and finding out later. Try not to tie your self esteem to how men react to you. He gave you a compliment, nothing more and nothing less. I know it sounds cheesy and overdone but do things to boost your own self confidence (working out, hobbies, dancing, anything you enjoy!) and your confidence will shine towards others..which makes you more desirable.
  • JoanneC1216
    JoanneC1216 Posts: 166
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    I had my share of jerks and my share of awesome men. Don't let this one get to you, there will be others that are just as much of an *kitten*. It's not you, it's them. Eventually a nice man will come along and there are many, I promise :-)
  • 1PatientBear
    1PatientBear Posts: 2,089 Member
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    Obviously he gave you a compliment for a reason, guys do NOT go out of their way to give compliments.. EVER. Keep your head up, confidence is a very attractive trait!!!!

    Ummm....that's not true at all. Some of us give compliments all the time. The difference? Guys who actually LIKE women will value them, give compliments and make them feel special.

    OP, there are plenty of jerks out there. He's not the first one you've met and he won't be the last. Just ignore him and know that you are better than that.
  • loubidy
    loubidy Posts: 440 Member
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    Yip all the time. This year I'm trying not to over think things. Just going to go with it because it seems everytime I put my all in I get hurt so this time I'm going to wait.
  • Mr_Bad_Example
    Mr_Bad_Example Posts: 2,403 Member
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    Obviously he gave you a compliment for a reason, guys do NOT go out of their way to give compliments.. EVER. Keep your head up, confidence is a very attractive trait!!!!

    Um, have you ever been around men before?
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    Obviously he gave you a compliment for a reason, guys do NOT go out of their way to give compliments.. EVER.

    :huh: I have random men compliment me frequently -- most stopping me at work (which I would consider going out of their way) I don't think every single one of them is trying to bone me -- some maybe. But most just really like my hair or nails or whatever and want me to know they noticed.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    Obviously he gave you a compliment for a reason, guys do NOT go out of their way to give compliments.. EVER. Keep your head up, confidence is a very attractive trait!!!!

    Um, have you ever been around men before?

    Ahahaha!

    I love you.
  • Amanda_Tate28
    Amanda_Tate28 Posts: 168 Member
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    I've got a few more years under my belt than you do so listen up: He was a jerk before he met you. He was a jerk the night he came over and guess what??? He's still a jerk as I write this.You were just his most recent addition. Really, be grateful you found out so quickly and didn't waste any more of your time. What I'm trying to say is that there are a lot of creeps out there and you are going to run into them. The best advice I can give you is to immediately remove yourself from the vicinity of any jerks as soon as you figure out what/who they are.

    On how to prevent this from happening in the future:

    1. Own your own space. You invited an unknown quantity (said jerk) into your space and received an unexpected outcome. Never ask someone you've just met into a personal space, mentally, physically, or emotionally. Go out for coffee, meet at the library or a bar, but never bring someone to your home turf (work or home) until you know what/who you are dealing with. Trust me, actually knowing takes a lot longer than you would think.

    2. Protect your heart as you would your stuff. You wouldn't leave you phone or some clothing around for anyone to do what they wanted.

    3. Ditto your self esteem and self respect.

    4. Guy hitting on you??? Fine, that's nice but you have goals to achieve and stuff you want to do with your life. IF he's really interested he will persist. If he's just out to up his numbers he'll move on.

    Sound like I've been there and done that???? You betcha!! I was stomped on, mistreated, and disrespected until I finally figured out that I didn't really need a guy and that I could take care of myself. Around age 26 I got it. I learned to be happy with myself. Eventually, at 35, I married the most wonderful guy on the planet. He's not fabulously wealthy, he doesn't look like Brad Pitt (although he is pretty cute) but respects me and treats me like a queen and that, THAT RIGHT THERE is what you really need from a man.

    Im glad you have found a great guy. :] Yeah I took him to a common area not my room. Lol never let people in my room unless they are close friends. We have large common areas with tables.

    Thank you for your advice.
  • Amanda_Tate28
    Amanda_Tate28 Posts: 168 Member
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    It's not stupid. It is exciting to be hit on (feel special) and then awful to feel like just anyone. Just remember that some guys are great, some aren't. Just like everyone else on this earth. And because HE sucked doesn't mean YOU do. :) Keep going!! Chin UP. And interesting fact: I was hit on far more when I was overweight than I ever was when I got to a healthy body weight. (Lots of factors in there... marriage, attitude, etc) point being... you're worthy of the attention at any size. Embrace it! :)

    Thank you. :]
    I will try to keep my head up and just love myself. Super hard for me but anything worth doing is not easy.
  • mfp2014mfp
    mfp2014mfp Posts: 689 Member
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    To find I'm just another drop in the bucket hurts.

    1. You're not, and if he thinks you are, who cares he's a d%@!

    2. Ask youself what kind of woman do you want to be? React to these situations based on your ideal. It sounds silly but its a good way to practice being confident. Fake it till a make it.
  • RllyGudTweetr
    RllyGudTweetr Posts: 2,019 Member
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    His behavior is a reflection on him. It is not a reflection on you, or on other guys. Don't give his behavior more authority than it already carries. He's a dipstick; not everyone is.
  • uconnwinsnc
    uconnwinsnc Posts: 1,054 Member
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    We're not all jerks. Don't shut everyone out just because of a few bad apples.
  • Mr_Bad_Example
    Mr_Bad_Example Posts: 2,403 Member
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    Obviously he gave you a compliment for a reason, guys do NOT go out of their way to give compliments.. EVER. Keep your head up, confidence is a very attractive trait!!!!

    Um, have you ever been around men before?

    Ahahaha!

    I love you.

    I love you too.

    Wait, could that be considered a compliment? I shouldn't give those out being a man and all.
  • miqisha
    miqisha Posts: 1,534 Member
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    He is a jerk, and he was a jerk to everyone, so it wasn't aimed at your personally. He called to you because you are attractive and you shouldn't let his rubbish get to you and make you lose your self confidence. Keep in mind, that sometimes in life you have to go through a whole bunch of jerks to find that one good one. Don't make that force you to shut yourself off from the world of men.

    Feel better and good luck!!!!
  • rowlandsw
    rowlandsw Posts: 1,166 Member
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    Sadly guys like that are why it's so hard to date. By the time you find someone you click with they've already been hurt so much it's hard to get them to let you in. I've run into guys with that issue too, they've been burned enough to have problems trusting/dating but they don't talk about it like women are willing to. I literally had next to no luck dating until 2008 and even though that didn't end as well as it could have it led to who i'm with now. You just have to keep at it, always go into it with some reservations and your guard up but never give up.
  • tworthen79
    tworthen79 Posts: 1,173 Member
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    Not all men are jerks. And I don't think this guy would go out of his way to give a compliment and not mean it. Maybe he really does find you attractive, but didn't like to be a room full of your friends. Some guys may feel like their been judged or examined. Maybe invite him to coffee in the park...alone(not with your buddies) and see how it goes. Don't pass him up just yet. I say give him another shot!

    Also: Did he disrespect you? Did he say mean things to you? Or did just show up and not give you all his attention? Standoffish? I say if he insulted you then yes, move on. But if he was just standoffish, shy, non talkative or overly nervous( saying distasteful comments) I wouldn't say he's JERK.
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
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    We've all been there. What's really great is when they hit on you, and then just move on to the next girl in the room, and then the next. That makes us all feel UBER special. Honestly it reflects on the guy, not the girls he's hitting on. It certainly doesn't say anything negative about you.
  • Booksandbeaches
    Booksandbeaches Posts: 1,791 Member
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    I've got a few more years under my belt than you do so listen up: He was a jerk before he met you. He was a jerk the night he came over and guess what??? He's still a jerk as I write this.You were just his most recent addition. Really, be grateful you found out so quickly and didn't waste any more of your time. What I'm trying to say is that there are a lot of creeps out there and you are going to run into them. The best advice I can give you is to immediately remove yourself from the vicinity of any jerks as soon as you figure out what/who they are.

    On how to prevent this from happening in the future:

    1. Own your own space. You invited an unknown quantity (said jerk) into your space and received an unexpected outcome. Never ask someone you've just met into a personal space, mentally, physically, or emotionally. Go out for coffee, meet at the library or a bar, but never bring someone to your home turf (work or home) until you know what/who you are dealing with. Trust me, actually knowing takes a lot longer than you would think.

    2. Protect your heart as you would your stuff. You wouldn't leave you phone or some clothing around for anyone to do what they wanted.

    3. Ditto your self esteem and self respect.

    4. Guy hitting on you??? Fine, that's nice but you have goals to achieve and stuff you want to do with your life. IF he's really interested he will persist. If he's just out to up his numbers he'll move on.

    Sound like I've been there and done that???? You betcha!! I was stomped on, mistreated, and disrespected until I finally figured out that I didn't really need a guy and that I could take care of myself. Around age 26 I got it. I learned to be happy with myself. Eventually, at 35, I married the most wonderful guy on the planet. He's not fabulously wealthy, he doesn't look like Brad Pitt (although he is pretty cute) but respects me and treats me like a queen and that, THAT RIGHT THERE is what you really need from a man.

    Great post! I was going to say some of the same things.
  • ripzone13
    ripzone13 Posts: 83 Member
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    Oh girl. If I'd have known now at 33 when I was 20, I would have saved myself a whole lot of heart break and or jerk interactions. You can't let anyone else define who you are. You have to love yourself. You must keep your standards high. I swooned anytime a decent looking guy showed me any attention. I was thirsty for it because I wasn't showing myself enough attention. The fact is, if some guy is a jerk and you see it right away, consider it a blessing and walk away quick...cause he prob won't change. Most of the guys I stressed about in college, I look back now and think WTH was I doing? And most of those guys have not gotten very far in life. Treat yourself well, and keep your standards high, if I guy see's that in you, a good one will try and win you over. Chin up girlie, you're better than that =)
  • SoreTodayStrongTomorrow222
    SoreTodayStrongTomorrow222 Posts: 252 Member
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    You probably get hit on way more often than you realize - and you're just completely oblivious to it. Anyway, work on your self-worth and don't have that "Man Haters Club" mentality. It does more harm than good.

    Finally, that guy was just one more drop in YOUR bucket - if he's an @$$hole - he clearly has something to be insecure about as well.

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