To Tell Or Not To Tell

Clash1001 · March 2014

My husband and mam know that I am trying to improve fitness and make healthier eating choices...and hopefully lose a little weight in the process!

I have tried before, and told people at work, friends etc...

I know from past experience that as soon as you mention the word 'diet' every man, jack and dog feels the need to impart 'pearls of wisdom' and suddenly becomes an expert on weightloss. Whether it be espousing the virtues of cabbage soup, thirty meals a day or never, ever, ever eating a carbohydrate again, it appears that as soon as you mention that you would like to lose a little weight, everyone wants to give you an opinion on just what you're doing wrong.

It also gives them the right to interrogate you about your starting weight, current weight and goal weight, and pick apart every meal you ever eat. One colleague even asked me about my bowel movements, whilst advocating a high fibre diet.

281Danielle · March 2014

I was afraid to tell my husband because I have talked and talked about it for years now, even tried last summer and lost weight but just ended up gaining all but 5 pounds back. I felt like he would just feel like it was me talking again and not actually doing it but I did tell him and he hasn't really been supportive and not really nonsupportive, I think he is just waiting for me to give up again but that's not going to happen this time. It has given me even more motivation to workout and eat healthier so I can prove myself to him. My whole family knows I am trying to lose weight just like I have tried many of times before and I don't know if they think I'm going to actually do it this time or not but like I said I just use it for motivation, I want to prove that I can and will to myself and to them.

knra_grl · March 2014

Thanks for all the replies. I have told my mom because she is the one buying the food (I'm unemployed and living with my family until i can move out), but I don't think I'm going to tell anyone else--maybe my brother or my cousin, both of whom wouldn't have anything to say either way. My family (I have 2 aunts, grandmother, cousin, my mom and my brother that i live with) have always been rather vocal about anything they don't approve of--my weight being one of them. A few years back, my aunt decided I was too heavy (I was fine with where I was) and tried to get me a Jenny Craig subscription because I didn't fit her idea of pretty. I know that if I said anything to her, she would just smile smugly and make a comment about how she told me to lose weight 5 years ago, so I won't say anything to her until I've lost enough for her to notice (although it took her a week to notice I got my hair cut--chopped several inches off--, so it will take a while for her to notice anything).

Just do what needs to be done - this is for you not them - just know that you are doing something that will end with you feeling fabulous about YOU!

Mr_Knight · March 2014

Earlier, I posted on a thread that I'm leery about telling my family about trying to lose weight and I was wondering if this is something others have felt too. I'm afraid that if I tell my family about this and I don't lose the weight that they won't understand and will be unsupportive. That's just who they are--at least when it comes to me; anything i do is never good enough.

From that is sure sounds like you have significant unresolved issues with your family.

Personally, I'd just keep it to myself and git'er done.

Mr_Knight · March 2014

I know that if I said anything to her, she would just smile smugly and make a comment about how she told me to lose weight 5 years ago, so I won't say anything to her until I've lost enough for her to notice...

A big part of being successful at this process is being able to admit when others have been right, because that is a huge step in being honest with oneself.

It sounds to me like you still have some ways to go in that regard, to be honest.

Kenazwa · March 2014

I have told and failed so many times that nobody takes me seriously anyway.
So I don't tell anymore.

TheBadToe · March 2014

I didnt tell anyone. I just got busy, when the family noticed the changes they got on board

GiveMeCoffee · March 2014

I didn't tell anyone when I started, I just started when I dropped about 20 pounds my husband made a comment and asked what I was doing differently. Since I didn't cut anything out of my diet, he had no clue. At about 40 pounds lost people starting asking what I was doing.

SharonNehring · March 2014

I have not told my family yet. They live 700 miles away so I only see them a couple of times a year. My plan is to surprise them on our next visit.

I have many of the same thoughts as you. What if I tell them, then am not successful in this? And for those I see more regularly, I really do not want them being the food police, telling me what I shouldn't be eating. (Are you really eating that?? Ugh!)

My husband knows of course because he does the cooking in our house and has had to adjust what he fixes. But, I haven't even told him exactly how many pounds I've lost so far. I think because he sees me daily, he probably doesn't even see it, just as I have a hard time seeing the change at times too. I'm planning to pull out my wedding dress next month on our 15th anniversary, to show him just how much I've lost. It may even be a little too big.

So my 2 cents are, share if you want but don't feel obligated to. Let your progress speak for itself.

littleburgy · March 2014

Do not tell anyone you don't trust. You are not obligated to tell them anything.

ScifiGirl1986 · March 2014

This may sound weird but when I have lost before and they tell me how great I look then I almost feel defensive like they didn't accept me when I was bigger.

This is also part of my problem. I know that they don't accept me the way that I am because they have always said little things, cutting remarks about how my weight will keep me from getting a boyfriend or having friends because no one wants to be seen with someone that looks like me. When I was a teenager, my grandmother used to tell me that I would need to lose weight to get a bf because they want girls to sit on their laps without breaking their legs. I wasn't even that big back then--maybe 20 lbs overweight and I didn't look it (when looking at prom dresses with a friend she was shocked that i needed a 16 because she thought i looked thinner than that). There were also the times when she would pull out her wedding picture and point out that she was only 94 lbs when she got married. That stopped when I asked her why she was so old (for that time anyway) when she got married if the only reason I was single was because I was fat.

To Tell Or Not To Tell

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