Relationship frustration
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Okay, so here's an update :explode: :
Last night I came home from a 10 hour shift. I hate PORK. The night before, the girlfriend had made chops and left the pan in the sink, along with Tuna Helper :indifferent: . When I got home last night, it smelled soooooooooo bad. Her backpack of clothes was tossed on the floor and I knew she had been there. I was in disbelief that she wouldn't at least wash the stinky dishes at the very least! So I went to the gym and met up with her, I just started running because I was ready to explode. I came home and did all the dishes while she was showering from the gym. As I washed the last cup, she had the nerve to pop out and ask if I needed help! :mad: Then, I go to the bathroom and there's a disgusting sight of tissue and blood in the toilet with hair clogging the sinks!!!! I stormed off to my grandparents to do laundry and vent how much I'm fed up with her. I come back home and she's already in bed. I turn on the tv in the front room and sleep on the recyliner....in my own apartment.....which I pay for EVERYTHING.
She sent me a text message asking if I was still mad. Now I tried texting her because I'm honestly still upset cause' she left another mess in the living room. She's saying that she ALWAYS does the dishes and sarcastally apologises for missing last night (as if the stench wasn't noticeable). The contradiction in her argument was last time I had to sit down and talk to her about it and now it's back at square one. Unfortunately folks, this is not the first time this discussion has been had. But rest assured, it will be the LAST. Based on her being soooo rude on her retorts without even trying to hear ME out (she'll just cast my argument aside and say I only hear what I want to hear ironically) I just asked her to pick up her things and leave the key on my desk.
She is special and it honestly hurt me just saying that to her but I don't deserve this crap. I'm barely handling my messes working long days and trying to focus on my health, if she can't do the same with her part time job, then I have nothing left to offer.
Thank you guys for your comments. Keep em' coming now with this rocky aftermath. :brokenheart:0 -
Okay, so here's an update :explode: :
Last night I came home from a 10 hour shift. I hate PORK. The night before, the girlfriend had made chops and left the pan in the sink, along with Tuna Helper :indifferent: . When I got home last night, it smelled soooooooooo bad. Her backpack of clothes was tossed on the floor and I knew she had been there. I was in disbelief that she wouldn't at least wash the stinky dishes at the very least! So I went to the gym and met up with her, I just started running because I was ready to explode. I came home and did all the dishes while she was showering from the gym. As I washed the last cup, she had the nerve to pop out and ask if I needed help! :mad: Then, I go to the bathroom and there's a disgusting sight of tissue and blood in the toilet with hair clogging the sinks!!!! I stormed off to my grandparents to do laundry and vent how much I'm fed up with her. I come back home and she's already in bed. I turn on the tv in the front room and sleep on the recyliner....in my own apartment.....which I pay for EVERYTHING.
She sent me a text message asking if I was still mad. Now I tried texting her because I'm honestly still upset cause' she left another mess in the living room. She's saying that she ALWAYS does the dishes and sarcastally apologises for missing last night (as if the stench wasn't noticeable). The contradiction in her argument was last time I had to sit down and talk to her about it and now it's back at square one. Unfortunately folks, this is not the first time this discussion has been had. But rest assured, it will be the LAST. Based on her being soooo rude on her retorts without even trying to hear ME out (she'll just cast my argument aside and say I only hear what I want to hear ironically) I just asked her to pick up her things and leave the key on my desk.
She is special and it honestly hurt me just saying that to her but I don't deserve this crap. I'm barely handling my messes working long days and trying to focus on my health, if she can't do the same with her part time job, then I have nothing left to offer.
Thank you guys for your comments. Keep em' coming now with this rocky aftermath. :brokenheart:
oh man over! HUGS buddy!!!
ugh I don't know what to say to make you feel better, but if you feel relief then you know you did what was best for you....:flowerforyou: ....sorry things turned out this way!!! again...hugs!
Ali0 -
Thats too much. I hope you people get your way outta this. All the best! :flowerforyou:0
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((HUGS))
Based on my past experience, it doesn't get better...trust me on that one
I think people can change...if they REALLY want and if they really believe they need to (or want to) change
BUT if they are inherently inconsiderate, lazy and rude..that's a tough one to overcome and I think would get worse over time and try throwing some kids in the mix
I know it doesn't make this any easier though...
I think it's a great thing that you realize you don't deserve this and want better for yourself....
I hope all works out for the best
Kim0 -
Okay, so here's an update :explode: :
Thank you guys for your comments. Keep em' coming now with this rocky aftermath. :brokenheart:
Dude... obviously it was already headed this way :brokenheart: Just know that right now you ned to deal with you! And in a positive manner as well (guess we all have that as a responsibility, huh?). Sol now onto a brighter, cleaner, and pork free future. Yeah it sucks, and it hurts, but is for the best. You deserve nothing less buddy! Hugz.0 -
You guys all rock, regardless if there was only one person's point of view I didn't agree with but definitely respected for posting.
Two mutual best friends have arranged for her and I to get together and talk this evening. I will stand my ground. I wish I could be a heartless jerk and just write her off like a bad check but I need closure, even if we maintain our current position of not being together. I will update this as soon as I get home, along with my food journal as well. :huh:0 -
I've been following this thread and wanted to post up my support for you and your decision. If things are truly as you stated you did the right thing. It's one thing to compromise on "major" issues when you have kids, a mortgage and minivan payments hanging in the balance. Without them, why make yourself crazy with a recurring irritant that doesn't appear to be getting better and has no hope of doing so.
People can change, if THEY really want to, but mostly people settle into habits and patterns that they like and wont change for others. Hell, this site is a perfect example of what can happen when people are internally motivated. Without that, we all stay(ed) fat (or sloppy, or drunk/high, etc...) until WE make that decision. If she's not wired that way, nothing you say will make her change until she wants to. You're young, don't compromise on whats important to you now; you'll have plenty of time for that later! Stay strong, be nice, but be firm. Best wishes to you......Mike0 -
Hi
Just wanted to say GOOD LUCK talking things out
My hunch is you will know what to do (based on how she reacts/responds) after you hash things out
Maybe she didn't realize how much of a problem this was becoming..
GOOD LUCK again!
((HUGSS)
Kim0 -
I hope your meeting goes well. Sometimes two people can be attracted to eachother and even like eachother, but are not compatable living together. Sometimes it just doesn't work that way. Doesn't make it any easier :brokenheart: And then when one has deceived themselves into thinking they're something their not - like always doing the dishes when obviously not, etc., it doesn't help. To compromise and to understand there is an issue you have to be able to admit there is a problem. Stay strong - we're here for you!!0
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Two mutual best friends have arranged for her and I to get together and talk this evening. I will stand my ground. I wish I could be a heartless jerk and just write her off like a bad check but I need closure, even if we maintain our current position of not being together. I will update this as soon as I get home, along with my food journal as well. :huh:
Good luck with your talk tonight... just do what feels right for you. My thoughts are with you!0 -
good luck hon!!! I think being around mutual friends will ease the tension...just be true to what you want and who you are....it will all work out for the best either way kiddo! rooting for you!:flowerforyou:
hugs!
Ali0 -
It sounds like you have given this a lot of thought and I think you are making the right decision. If she respected you then she would be wanting to help you out and please you. You sound like a very respectful guy who is employed, living on his own, leading a healthy life, I would say see ya later hunny. I think you will be just fine without her. Keep searching you will find love and respect sooner or later probably when you least expect it.
Isn't this site kinda great all the love and support out there!
Love MFP ...... so glad I stumbled on it one day!
Good luck bud xoxoxo0 -
Good luck with your talk! I do beleive people can change, but they have to want to. So hopefully she is willing to listen and hear your side and agree to change.
My boyfriend and I both do things that get on each others last nerve....He goes nuts when I leave hair in the drain (on accident) and don't keep up with the litter box, and I hate when he leaves his dirty clothes all over the living room floor and forgets to flush the toilet. We all have faults and to some degree you have to accept the other persons faults just as he accepts mine...but your situation sounded totally one sided and it sounds best that you two either go your seprate ways, or you come up with a compromise that you both agree to.
I take it she was kind of just staying with you, in your apartment? It sounds like she only worked part-time and maybe didn't have the funds to split everything 50/50, but since she does have some funds she should be contributing whatever percentage her salary allows. At the very least she should have household responsibilities....making messes and not cleaning up after yourself is just plain rude, let alone when it is in someones house that you are in a relationship with.
When I first met my boyfriend he ended up basically living with me in my apartment for a few months. Him officially moving in wasn't an option since it was too small for the both of us long term, and my landlord wouldn't allow double occupansy. So since it was MY apartment and he wasn't reaping full benefits of really living there, I didn't feel that he should really be splitting all the expenses, so I paid for the majority of things. He was also quite messy and we couldn't seem to get past the "this is my place" thing and he didn't feel he needed to clean MY house or do MY dishes.
This arrangement wasn't possible long term so we planned to move to a new apartment that would be OURS together just as soon as we could and things have defintely improved. We worked out ahead of time who would pay for what, and who would do what chores. Sure we have the occasional gripe about leaving dirty dishes around or not taking the garbage out soon enough, but since it is HIS apartment too, he feels more responsibilty toward picking up after himself. If you guys are able to work things out, I suggest you lay out some ground rules of what you expect such as what, if anything she will pay for, and what chores she needs to be responsible for. I think if you kept on going how you were, you would eventually grow to be very resentful of her (which it sounds like you already had a little) and things would blow up sooner or later. Good luck!0 -
I hope your meeting goes well. Sometimes two people can be attracted to eachother and even like eachother, but are not compatable living together. Sometimes it just doesn't work that way. Doesn't make it any easier :brokenheart:
Ditto!
Hugs!!
I hope you can come to peace with whatever happens!
hmmm racking my brain for a appropriate quote lol
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Good luck in this hard time. I hope your talk goes well.0
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Good Luck!0
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