Judgy know it all's...
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In, because I love how these threads end.0
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I've noticed this on MFP as well. Some people, when they achieve success, think they've figured out some universal truth and if they could just get everyone to buy into their wisdom, everyone would achieve the same success on the same timetable.
Obvious but it's true: We're all different.
I usually get the "It's so easy for you men" comments. You have no idea how hard it's been for me.
:huh:
You didn't read the post/thread, did you?0 -
You're doing great.
He still loves you.
Men and women are different.
I wouldn't talk to him about it.
Smooch instead.0 -
This has been on my mind for sometime.
My husband lost around 60 lbs three years ago by starting to run and watch his diet better. He still can eat and still eats some junk here and there but he runs about 5 miles five times per week. Honestly, I loved him the same as when he was bigger. Maybe more but I'll get to that.
Meanwhile, I can name all the excuse monsters as to why I put on weight during that time. I got big and I was lazy. I was not/am not happy with how I look. Anyway, in January during a serious talk we were having he mentioned how he'd lost weight and I'd gotten big. It wasn't said in a mean way but having someone who is suppose to love you unconditionally telling you that you need to slim down hurts no matter how you say it. He doesn't criticize me but I know he's not as attracted to me as he once was which is an awful feeling.
Anyway, after that talk I came back here and started a diet bet. I am down almost 10 lbs but its coming off so slowly. I hate that. I have no patience. My husband will travel for a few days and eat junk and put on 8 lbs and in a few days he'll be down 10 lbs. Not the kind of thing I want to hear when I'm busting my butt and losing 1.5 in a week. I know I'm doing it the right way but its so frustrating. I feel like he's judging my slow weight loss because for him, it seems to fall off effortlessly.
Last month during my TOM I put on a few pounds, I tried explaining water weight to him and I could just tell he didn't buy it. Way to really pi$$ off a raging hormonal woman, let me tell you.
I'm not giving up and he really is supportive when it comes down to it. He's come with me to buy new running shoes and goes grocery shopping with me and those things really help. I just hate feeling judged by someone who's suppose to love me.
It's incredibly difficult ot separate your emotions from the things other people say. But it sounds very much like that is what happened here.
I have a perfect example, just before I decided to start losing weight, my friend and I were speaking (she's a counselor and very upfront but I've never heard her say anything to someone she was trying to help that was mean.) I said something about not having time and it was nearly impossible to do in my schedule around Minion(my son). Her response was by text, she said "You don't want it enough." And I burst into tears and cried for 8 hours. Couldn't understand how she could be so mean to me. We spoke later and she clarified, saying I didn't want it enough wasn't an insult. It was an objective view of my situation. I had priorities and changing my lifestyle didn't rank high enough to be worth the change.
The issue was that I was /pissed/ at myself for not giving my health priority. I put my career and my kid first. Except there isn't anything wrong with that, it's just opinions. All she did was point to the line I'd drawn. Sometimes people point out a crack in our armor we weren't aware of. It's OKAY to spiral off into that emotion upon discovering you weren't fully aware. It's not okay to stay there. This problem may be that you have been comparing yourself to him and it makes you feel unaccomplished. That's a problem all it's own.
Humans have a thing called the Spotlight complex. We think we're center stage all day every day. Everyone is obviously watching and judging every move we make, they pay attention to every thing we do. So when they are being inconsiderate we judge them as though they said it knowing how hard we are working. So what I started doing, was treating every interaction like no one could see anything I did ever. It's amazing how nice things got. The friend later said something about if I was feeling better and I explained what I'd decided and she was amazingly supportive. When Someone undercuts something I've done, I don't get offended, I just explain. Odds are they didn't see what I've done. Don't assume your husband knows what's changed and by how much. And never assume he's being judgemental. I try to stick to people being neutral at worst. Unless they are obviously being jerks. If it's even a little ambiguous I'd give them the benefit of the doubt.0 -
Getting all judgy are we? Yes, I read it. If you object to something I wrote, maybe you should spell it out.I've noticed this on MFP as well. Some people, when they achieve success, think they've figured out some universal truth and if they could just get everyone to buy into their wisdom, everyone would achieve the same success on the same timetable.
Obvious but it's true: We're all different.
I usually get the "It's so easy for you men" comments. You have no idea how hard it's been for me.
:huh:
You didn't read the post/thread, did you?0 -
What you posted had nothing to do with the OP. It appears you read the thread title and nothing else.
Her SO is supporting her. She even explicitly says so in her post.0 -
If it hurts your feelings don't talk to him about it. Sit him down and tell him, "I love you. I appreciate your concern. But new rule: We are not ever to speak of my weight again."0
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You are doing GREAT! Just keep doing what you're doing...just think about where you will be a year from today...at 1.5 pounds per week. That is awesome and incredible!
I know exactly how you feel. My husband has always been smaller than I am. And when my weight got to a point where I realized he was no longer as attracted to me...well...that hurt more than I can tell you.
It just takes time. It just takes putting effort into it one day at a time. You will get there!
Of course men lose weight more quickly. Its in their very make up! They have testosterone to help them...and larger muscle mass...and they also have larger lungs, which means they don't get breathless as quickly as women do.
So don't even worry about it. And don't even try to explain TOM and water weight to them...they really don't want to hear about it. Just keep doing what you're doing. Things got better for me...
...they will get better for you, too! ONE DAY AT A TIME!
:flowerforyou:0 -
This has been on my mind for sometime.
My husband lost around 60 lbs three years ago by starting to run and watch his diet better. He still can eat and still eats some junk here and there but he runs about 5 miles five times per week. Honestly, I loved him the same as when he was bigger. Maybe more but I'll get to that.
Meanwhile, I can name all the excuse monsters as to why I put on weight during that time. I got big and I was lazy. I was not/am not happy with how I look. Anyway, in January during a serious talk we were having he mentioned how he'd lost weight and I'd gotten big. It wasn't said in a mean way but having someone who is suppose to love you unconditionally telling you that you need to slim down hurts no matter how you say it. He doesn't criticize me but I know he's not as attracted to me as he once was which is an awful feeling.
Anyway, after that talk I came back here and started a diet bet. I am down almost 10 lbs but its coming off so slowly. I hate that. I have no patience. My husband will travel for a few days and eat junk and put on 8 lbs and in a few days he'll be down 10 lbs. Not the kind of thing I want to hear when I'm busting my butt and losing 1.5 in a week. I know I'm doing it the right way but its so frustrating. I feel like he's judging my slow weight loss because for him, it seems to fall off effortlessly.
Last month during my TOM I put on a few pounds, I tried explaining water weight to him and I could just tell he didn't buy it. Way to really pi$$ off a raging hormonal woman, let me tell you.
I'm not giving up and he really is supportive when it comes down to it. He's come with me to buy new running shoes and goes grocery shopping with me and those things really help. I just hate feeling judged by someone who's suppose to love me.
If you want, I'll take a screen shot of my weight history. I weigh every day and there is a distinct pattern that happens to follow a general 28 day cycle. Jaggedy line trending up. Steep drop. Jaggedy line going up. Steep drop. Etc.0 -
I think that there are some things that you just have to look at before you say them and see if you are waiting for a response to validate your situation. I try to talk to my husband about weight loss and he really does not seem to care or to be able to identify with my struggles...I cannot fault him for not being understanding because he has never been in my shoes and he is not an emotional eater. Although I would love for him to be able to relate, it is just not something he has experienced. I would suggest surrounding yourself with like minded people who have lost weight and know what it is like to go through weight loss or those that have the same type of eating/fitness struggles. No one IRL that I deal with can relate, but I have the best MFP friends for support so I turn to them when I need an ear to listen to me and give weight loss advice. Best of luck with your weight loss!0
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If it hurts your feelings don't talk to him about it. Sit him down and tell him, "I love you. I appreciate your concern. But new rule: We are not ever to speak of my weight again."
This is not a bad approach if talking with your spouse about your weight makes you feel bad. Surely he doesn't want his comments to hinder your effort rather than help you.0 -
First off, there is no physical way that he can gain 8lbs of fat in a weekend, unless he's eating extremely high calorie foods for pretty much the entire weekend. So when he "gains 8lbs" it's really water weight, and once he goes back to his normal eating and exercise habits the water weight goes away and he is back to his normal. So don't let that make you feel like you're failing.
Second of all, 1.5 pounds a week is awesome! Maybe you need to have a serious sit down with him and tell him how you are trying (and succeeding btw) but you are not feeling like he's supporting you. There's nothing that can send you into a spiral faster than feeling like you're just going to be judged even if you're doing all the right things. Maybe he doesn't realize how much it's affecting you.
Keeping going!
Exactly this. Don't give up, you're doing all the right things!0 -
This has been on my mind for sometime.
My husband lost around 60 lbs three years ago by starting to run and watch his diet better. He still can eat and still eats some junk here and there but he runs about 5 miles five times per week. Honestly, I loved him the same as when he was bigger. Maybe more but I'll get to that.
Meanwhile, I can name all the excuse monsters as to why I put on weight during that time. I got big and I was lazy. I was not/am not happy with how I look. Anyway, in January during a serious talk we were having he mentioned how he'd lost weight and I'd gotten big. It wasn't said in a mean way but having someone who is suppose to love you unconditionally telling you that you need to slim down hurts no matter how you say it. He doesn't criticize me but I know he's not as attracted to me as he once was which is an awful feeling.
Anyway, after that talk I came back here and started a diet bet. I am down almost 10 lbs but its coming off so slowly. I hate that. I have no patience. My husband will travel for a few days and eat junk and put on 8 lbs and in a few days he'll be down 10 lbs. Not the kind of thing I want to hear when I'm busting my butt and losing 1.5 in a week. I know I'm doing it the right way but its so frustrating. I feel like he's judging my slow weight loss because for him, it seems to fall off effortlessly.
Last month during my TOM I put on a few pounds, I tried explaining water weight to him and I could just tell he didn't buy it. Way to really pi$$ off a raging hormonal woman, let me tell you.
I'm not giving up and he really is supportive when it comes down to it. He's come with me to buy new running shoes and goes grocery shopping with me and those things really help. I just hate feeling judged by someone who's suppose to love me.
You admit he supports you and his actions show he loves you (if he didn't, he wouldn't put up with such neurotic stuff). I see a lot of venting towards him for anger that you really have directed at yourself.
This0 -
Girlfriend, losing 1.5 lbs per week is AMAZING and certainly nothing to be ashamed of. I'd sit your guy down and tell him exactly how you feel. He needs to know that he's making you feel like crap with these little things he does.
I know if my husband made any negative comment whatsoever about my weight loss, he'd have a mouth full of my fist. He's naturally thin and working to bulk up while I'm working my butt off to lose these last 10 lbs. The other day we were driving somewhere and he asked if I could go through the McDonalds drive thru so he could get something to eat. I did and as we were waiting for the food, he said he was proud of me. I asked why and he said because I didn't order anything for myself. I had already eaten, but he knows as well as I do that I could've had something from McDonalds as well. Him saying he was proud of me for resisting made me feel all warm inside. He's told me numerous times that he doesn't think I need to lose weight and makes it very clear that he thinks I'm beautiful, but he's super encouraging of my weight loss because he knows it'll make me feel better about myself. Having completely judgement-free support is hugely helpful to me, and you deserve to have that, too!0 -
I have been on WW for awhile and because of $ I switched over to MFP. Of all the things I learned with WW was that 1/2 - 1 lb a week is the healthy way to lose and they healthy way to be able to keep it off. Keep in mind woman have many more hormonal issues to deal with that can in turn hinder our weight loss. Keep doing what you are doing and it will all pay off in the end.0
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It really doesn't sound at all like he's judging you. You say he's supportive and that is a HUGE advantage! We women can be our own worst critics. Maybe you are judging yourself a little harshly. Stay the course, compliment your hubby on how well he has done and refuse the negative. Speak life!
This. We men like to think that every problem has a simple A-to-B solution. Like changing a lightbulb. While you're thinking of your weight loss on several different levels of thought, I can guarantee that his train of thought is "Ug. Wife need motivation. Me man. Me motivate. Ug. Work harder, woman. You must work harder. Ug.". We have the best intentions at heart, it's just unfortunate that we can't understand that not every problem needs fixing.
+1
and stop raggin' on yourself.0 -
Not sure what he's doing to make you feel like he's judging you. In all honesty, it sounds like you're really insecure and comparing yourself to him quite a bit. Everybody is different and weight loss for you is going to be a completely different journey than his.
Stop focusing so much on what he did or what he's doing and concentrate on you.0 -
Just because you don't understand it or agree with me doesn't mean it "had nothing to do with the OP". Perhaps it was you who didn't read it closely enough.What you posted had nothing to do with the OP. It appears you read the thread title and nothing else.
Her SO is supporting her. She even explicitly says so in her post.
She wrote:I feel like he's judging my slow weight loss because for him, it seems to fall off effortlessly.
Last month during my TOM I put on a few pounds, I tried explaining water weight to him and I could just tell he didn't buy it. Way to really pi$$ off a raging hormonal woman, let me tell you.
I didn't say he didn't support her. I pointed out that some people - and he appears to be one of them- think that what works for them works for everyone. She wrote, he is "judging my slow weight loss because for him, it seems to fall off effortlessly". That ties to my comment that some people think that what works for them works for everyone.
I hope that clears that up for you and I can get back to reading HER story and quit being subjected to criticism of my comments.0 -
It is SO frustrating that its so easy for men. Their metabolisms are faster than ours, so its easier for them. Definitely slow and steady wins the race. I consider any loss of weight a win, even if its only a tenth of a pound, better than putting it on. I have to say though my SO is very supportive, although he still cooks way too much food (he does all the cooking) it is my choice how much I eat. Maybe sit down and have a talk with him about what it would mean to you for him to be supportive and how his opinion of you means so much to you. Maybe he'll be more careful about what he says.
Good luck on your journey.
It's not their metabolism, it's their higher muscle mass to fat ratio.0 -
I just hate feeling judged by someone who's suppose to love me.
Telling someone they're fat or unfit or unhealthy isn't being judgemental.
Those are just observations.0
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