Please help!
Replies
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Just tell him the truth, you were in shock.Why do you women not react in the moment and stop it right there and then? I can assure you your husband is going to wonder why you didn't stop him....
this is why I feel he will blame me...and say I did something to provoke him.
It happens.
Sure but be prepared as most men (myself included) overreact in such situations.0 -
I think THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT bears repeating.
However you choose to handle it, please, please remember those words and take them to heart.0 -
Why do you women not react in the moment and stop it right there and then? I can assure you your husband is going to wonder why you didn't stop him....
That is bull****. Things happen quickly sometimes, and take people by surprise. As a husband, I would not wonder so much why you did not stop him as I would wonder why you did not tell me about it.0 -
Why do you women not react in the moment and stop it right there and then? I can assure you your husband is going to wonder why you didn't stop him....
That is bull****. Things happen quickly sometimes, and take people by surprise. As a husband, I would not wonder so much why you did not stop him as I would wonder why you did not tell me about it.
thank you0 -
I tend to overreact, but you must also remember people are different.
Just tell him the truth, you were in shock.Why do you women not react in the moment and stop it right there and then? I can assure you your husband is going to wonder why you didn't stop him....
this is why I feel he will blame me...and say I did something to provoke him.
It happens.
Sure but be prepared as most men (myself included) overreact in such situations.
She could have had a thousand things going through her mind. Her mental state wasn't "THERE" at the moment, shock does happen and this is not at all her fault. Perhaps next time, she will be more on guard when someone approaches her, but you must live and learn and this is a part of that.0 -
Are you kidding?? Let your husband handle this??
This is YOUR life and YOUR issue. In NO way do you outsource the handling of your issues to someone else.
Confront the guy. Tell him what he did was not okay. Make sure he understands that the next time he comes near you he gets hit hard.
THEN tell your husband. AFTER you have handled it. And if he says anything to indicate you might be at fault even slightly then tell HIM that's not okay.
THIS^^^
I will add speak to your boss and then tell the old coot if it happens again he will be barred. it's beyond unacceptable to do this. Now on the other side if this guy is 70+ it may well be an indicator of a health issue (Alzheimer's has people doing weird stuff they would never have done previous to it, so can strokes so mention it to his family too because it may be this)0 -
I tend to overreact, but you must also remember people are different.
Just tell him the truth, you were in shock.Why do you women not react in the moment and stop it right there and then? I can assure you your husband is going to wonder why you didn't stop him....
this is why I feel he will blame me...and say I did something to provoke him.
It happens.
Sure but be prepared as most men (myself included) overreact in such situations.
She could have had a thousand things going through her mind. Her mental state wasn't "THERE" at the moment, shock does happen and this is not at all her fault. Perhaps next time, she will be more on guard when someone approaches her, but you must live and learn and this is a part of that.
10 x 10
Loud and clear.0 -
You had a horrible experience in your past, and this has clearly brought back that unhealthy mindset. You wonder "what you did to make him think you wanted it," that's a victim voice and it's NOT who you are. Don't let that voice in. You did NOTHING to make him think his actions were okay. His illness is no excuse for having crossed that boundary.
He is in the wrong.
Tell your husband, and tell him how it made you feel, and stay the hell away from that man.
bump0 -
Why do you women not react in the moment and stop it right there and then? I can assure you your husband is going to wonder why you didn't stop him....
That is bull****. Things happen quickly sometimes, and take people by surprise. As a husband, I would not wonder so much why you did not stop him as I would wonder why you did not tell me about it.
Nonsense!! Have been there myself and I can tell you most women would object to such advances. Go grab a piece of *kitten* at your local store and see what happens....it ain't going to end well mate.
This all boils down to the husband, whether he is possessive...emotional or perhaps insecure. This will determine how he will react in said situation.0 -
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Are you kidding?? Let your husband handle this??
This is YOUR life and YOUR issue. In NO way do you outsource the handling of your issues to someone else.
Confront the guy. Tell him what he did was not okay. Make sure he understands that the next time he comes near you he gets hit hard.
THEN tell your husband. AFTER you have handled it. And if he says anything to indicate you might be at fault even slightly then tell HIM that's not okay.
I would have confronted him right when it happened with a nice punch in the throat, regardless of how old the guy is.
And I would also talk to somebody about it if it helps you build the courage to confront him next time you see him to let him know how disgusting he made you feel.
Your husband should be a good first place to go when you have something serious like this you need to talk about.0 -
thank you guys, just talking about it, has helped. and yes the next time he comes in, I will be on alert, and I will stay away from him, and I will try to find my voice and speak up.0
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Why do you women not react in the moment and stop it right there and then? I can assure you your husband is going to wonder why you didn't stop him....
That is bull****. Things happen quickly sometimes, and take people by surprise. As a husband, I would not wonder so much why you did not stop him as I would wonder why you did not tell me about it.
Nonsense!! Have been there myself and I can tell you most women would object to such advances. Go grab a piece of *kitten* at your local store and see what happens....it ain't going to end well mate.
This all boils down to the husband, whether he is possessive...emotional or perhaps insecure. This will determine how he will react in said situation.
True, most women may react differently. But that does not mean that the OP did anything wrong, or has anything to be ashamed of because of her shock and lack of reaction. If her man knows her at all, and is aware of her personality traits, he SHOULD BE understanding and use a little common sense and discretion rather than just flying off the handle. In other words, he should act like a grown man and not a boy.0 -
Just tell him the truth, you were in shock.Why do you women not react in the moment and stop it right there and then? I can assure you your husband is going to wonder why you didn't stop him....
this is why I feel he will blame me...and say I did something to provoke him.
It happens.
Sure but be prepared as most men (myself included) overreact in such situations.
That's your own problem. Not hers or any other woman's. Seek help. Stop giving advice when you need therapy yourself.
And to the OP, the same goes to you. There is counseling and professional services out there to get you out of just such a situation. Please take advantage of them. We're literally talking about your life here.
Please take care of yourself. :flowerforyou:
Aren't you a little ray of sunshine
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Why do you women not react in the moment and stop it right there and then? I can assure you your husband is going to wonder why you didn't stop him....
Wow, aren't you and enlightened individual. 'Us' women don't all behave the same way but as someone who normally can deal with anything and stands up to people when someone is being made uncomfortable I can tell you that I too have frozen, not wanting to make a scene, not knowing what to do, not wanting to make a big deal out of it, maybe its just me...
Its a parting gift from 'you' men that chose to asult me as a child.
I have learned to say something in the moment but that was a hard won victory. And as for knowing her husband thank god you don't know mine. Mine was so good about me talking it through so many times about feeling frozen and trapped and helped me decide what I wanted to happen. He didn't understand why I froze at first, having no abuse experience himself, but was so supportive and is super proud when the last time it happened I was bold and strong upfront. I don't need to hide behind my husband but I sure am glad he has my back!0 -
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Good to hear, darling! Keep your chin up. Perhaps even tell your boss about it.. So you have a witness in case the guy comes back in again and goes for round 2.thank you guys, just talking about it, has helped. and yes the next time he comes in, I will be on alert, and I will stay away from him, and I will try to find my voice and speak up.0 -
thank you guys, just talking about it, has helped. and yes the next time he comes in, I will be on alert, and I will stay away from him, and I will try to find my voice and speak up.
You find that voice, because you don't deserve that crap and you are worth sticking up for!0 -
Just tell him the truth, you were in shock.Why do you women not react in the moment and stop it right there and then? I can assure you your husband is going to wonder why you didn't stop him....
this is why I feel he will blame me...and say I did something to provoke him.
It happens.
Sure but be prepared as most men (myself included) overreact in such situations.
No man overreacts in this situation. Insecure little boys respond that way. That's your own problem. Not hers or any other woman's. Seek help. Stop giving advice when you need therapy yourself.
And to the OP, the same goes to you. There is counseling and professional services out there to get you out of just such a situation. Please take advantage of them. We're literally talking about your life here.
Please take care of yourself. :flowerforyou:
Exactly this right here.
To Mr. 3P0X - what if this happened to your daughter? Would you overreact and find a way to blame her?
You need to reexamine WHY you would react that way. Especially if you have daughters or intend to have children in the future.
ps. Do a little research on why victims of sexual assault "freeze" it's perfectly natural response, you f*ckin tool!
GAH!!!0 -
What I'm not is the kind of man who blames a woman when she's been assaulted. You said yourself that you are, so I think very little of you as a person.
Thank you! I know there are mostly decent people out here but sometimes seeing someone defend a position like that really throws me. Glad to see there are some men on here willing to provide some support.0 -
So sorry you went through that, especially if you had a similar (I guess worse) experience in the past. Please don't think that telling your husband about it will make him think you caused this, I guess I don't know him but I don't think he'll react that way.
I've realized many victims of sexual abuse think that they were at fault, and I guess you've heard this many times, but please always remember that this only happened because that man is SICK, not because you led him to do that in any way.
This being said, confront him next time you see him about the issue and let him know that it was not okay. I don't know the guy but try sharing what you went through with someone else that you trust who can stand by you in case he tries to make another move at you. Then go to the plan B everyone has proposed in case you didn't make yourself clear enough to him.0 -
If he did that to me I'd slap him. But hey, that's just me. I don't take kindly to sexual assault. I don't care how sweet he was in the past or what kind of connection there was, that's clearly gone out the window. F**k chatting it out with him.0
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Just tell him the truth, you were in shock.Why do you women not react in the moment and stop it right there and then? I can assure you your husband is going to wonder why you didn't stop him....
this is why I feel he will blame me...and say I did something to provoke him.
It happens.
Sure but be prepared as most men (myself included) overreact in such situations.
That's your own problem. Not hers or any other woman's. Seek help. Stop giving advice when you need therapy yourself.
And to the OP, the same goes to you. There is counseling and professional services out there to get you out of just such a situation. Please take advantage of them. We're literally talking about your life here.
Please take care of yourself. :flowerforyou:
Aren't you a little ray of sunshine
What I'm not is the kind of man who blames a woman when she's been assaulted. You said yourself that you are, so I think very little of you as a person.
The feeling is mutual, I don't think you are able to comprehend the logistics of natural human behavior. Also I never stated that I blame women for being assaulted, my question was merely to ask why don't women handle the situation right there and then.
As a boyfriend I would feel more at ease knowing my girlfriend handled the situation and have set boundaries to such men that harass her...this in return creates more trust between partners.0 -
Hi OP. Can you google to find any Crime Victims services in your area. I work for an agency that provides these types of services (they will not think your victimization wasn't "bad" enough,if that's what you might think for not calling them). With your history I think it would be helpful to get some advice from people trained to help others work through this type of stuff.0
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Goood to see when we get old and sick we will still be grabbing boob ,it makes me not fear old age . 0
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Just tell him the truth, you were in shock.Why do you women not react in the moment and stop it right there and then? I can assure you your husband is going to wonder why you didn't stop him....
this is why I feel he will blame me...and say I did something to provoke him.
It happens.
Sure but be prepared as most men (myself included) overreact in such situations.
No man overreacts in this situation. Insecure little boys respond that way. That's your own problem. Not hers or any other woman's. Seek help. Stop giving advice when you need therapy yourself.
And to the OP, the same goes to you. There is counseling and professional services out there to get you out of just such a situation. Please take advantage of them. We're literally talking about your life here.
Please take care of yourself. :flowerforyou:
Exactly this right here.
To Mr. 3P0X - what if this happened to your daughter? Would you overreact and find a way to blame her?
You need to reexamine WHY you would react that way. Especially if you have daughters or intend to have children in the future.
ps. Do a little research on why victims of sexual assault "freeze" it's perfectly natural response, you f*ckin tool!
GAH!!!
If it was my daughter the guy would be drinking through his *kitten*....0 -
Just tell him the truth, you were in shock.Why do you women not react in the moment and stop it right there and then? I can assure you your husband is going to wonder why you didn't stop him....
this is why I feel he will blame me...and say I did something to provoke him.
It happens.
Sure but be prepared as most men (myself included) overreact in such situations.
That's your own problem. Not hers or any other woman's. Seek help. Stop giving advice when you need therapy yourself.
And to the OP, the same goes to you. There is counseling and professional services out there to get you out of just such a situation. Please take advantage of them. We're literally talking about your life here.
Please take care of yourself. :flowerforyou:
Aren't you a little ray of sunshine
What I'm not is the kind of man who blames a woman when she's been assaulted. You said yourself that you are, so I think very little of you as a person.
The feeling is mutual, I don't think you are able to comprehend the logistics of natural human behavior. Also I never stated that I blame women for being assaulted, my question was merely to ask why don't women handle the situation right there and then.
As a boyfriend I would feel more at ease knowing my girlfriend handled the situation and have set boundaries to such men that harass her...this in return creates more trust between partners.
Then make sure you never date someone who has had traumatic experiences that have affected their way of dealing with such situations. So before you start dating someone sit her down and ask if she has ever been violated in one way or another. (This is sarcasm BTW)
A few years ago at work... a coworker started by touching me in a "friendly" way firt on the shoulder, then on the neck, then on the ear... It was hard to find my voice too, but I completely blew up on him the one day. Our bosses heard my blow up and he was suspended and then transferred to another department.
Worst thing was that one of the superintendents hated me from this day on, because his "star" employee was switched over to another department... It was my fault right? I was provoking him? Ya right...
Our upbringing and past experiences all have a huge impact on how we react in these situations... Some of us were taught to be "good little girls" or some of us were mistreated and told telling on someone is bad... We live in an F'ed up world... I really hope you never have a daughter...0 -
The feeling is mutual, I don't think you are able to comprehend the logistics of natural human behavior. Also I never stated that I blame women for being assaulted, my question was merely to ask why don't women handle the situation right there and then.
As a boyfriend I would feel more at ease knowing my girlfriend handled the situation and have set boundaries to such men that harass her...this in return creates more trust between partners.
You're dumb. Stop talking.
+10 -
Jy is donners onnosel jou dom wetter
Well that's not nice!0
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