Please help!
Replies
-
I live in a very small town less than 800 people so everyone is related to everyone, except me, so one of my very good friends...this is her father-in-law,,,, which it makes it really hard to mention it to anyone in town. I normally would never come on the internet about something like this, but right now I feel I have no one to talk to...
0 -
Jy is donners onnosel jou dom wetter
Well that's not nice!
Consider the source.0 -
really need advice on this,
I am a 41 year old and married and have two children,
my problem is this, I work part time at a convenience store in the town I live in. I've gotten to know quite a few people and gotten pretty close to some of the regulars that come in ( like have coffee and they sit and chat with me) most of them all 70 or older men.
there is this older man, I know he has to be in his 70's that fell ill and ended up in the hospital. He is a farmer who we have even purchased beef from, so my whole family knows him. I was sad to hear that he was so sick and in the hospital so I've asked his family how is doing.
He is finally back home and well enough to come up the store where I work. I was happy to see him and came around the counter to give him a hug to welcome him back. He pretty much felt me up and kept saying I felt so good and he missed me very much. and as his hands were on my breast he asked if I minded because I felt so good. I was just so shocked and stunned that all I could do was look at the ground. This man I kinda thought of as a father. I don't think I ever lead him on or gave him any idea that I was interested him. for one, he is old enough to be my father, and that is the way I thought of him. and I'm married, he knows my husband, and my kids, (which by the way, my daughter will never be around him again). I'm just so shocked and am still in disbelief that this happened to me. I was raped when I was 20, and got over that pretty good, but this episode just brought back all the horrible feelings and memories.
I'm just wondering what I did so wrong to make him think I liked him that way and wanted him to touch me...
and edited, this is not a joke or for fun, I just need this icky feeling to go away...
Report the sexual assault that he just perpetrated. I doubt you were the first and only. Seriously doubt it. He has probably been doing it for years, and now gets away with it because he's seen as a harmless old man.
It's illegal for a reason. You were the victim of a sexual assault.0 -
The altziemer comment someone made earlier may be important to consider as well. If you know his daughter in-law you could simply enquire if he has been behaving differently lately. Because if thats what triggered his behavior he may get worse and confrontation could make him violent. The family may appreciate you letting them know, if you are uncomfortable discussing it just focus on his behaviour. You can downplay it and still 'brush it off' but say it was weird because he'd never done that before. Maybe ask the question about his behaviour first and if they say he's fine then just say it was nothing, he must have just had an off day but it made you think because of his age but if they say he is acting off then explain the touching.0
-
+2
The feeling is mutual, I don't think you are able to comprehend the logistics of natural human behavior. Also I never stated that I blame women for being assaulted, my question was merely to ask why don't women handle the situation right there and then.
As a boyfriend I would feel more at ease knowing my girlfriend handled the situation and have set boundaries to such men that harass her...this in return creates more trust between partners.
You're dumb. Stop talking.0 -
Just tell him the truth, you were in shock.Why do you women not react in the moment and stop it right there and then? I can assure you your husband is going to wonder why you didn't stop him....
this is why I feel he will blame me...and say I did something to provoke him.
It happens.
Sure but be prepared as most men (myself included) overreact in such situations.
That's your own problem. Not hers or any other woman's. Seek help. Stop giving advice when you need therapy yourself.
And to the OP, the same goes to you. There is counseling and professional services out there to get you out of just such a situation. Please take advantage of them. We're literally talking about your life here.
Please take care of yourself. :flowerforyou:
Aren't you a little ray of sunshine
What I'm not is the kind of man who blames a woman when she's been assaulted. You said yourself that you are, so I think very little of you as a person.
The feeling is mutual, I don't think you are able to comprehend the logistics of natural human behavior. Also I never stated that I blame women for being assaulted, my question was merely to ask why don't women handle the situation right there and then.
As a boyfriend I would feel more at ease knowing my girlfriend handled the situation and have set boundaries to such men that harass her...this in return creates more trust between partners.
Then make sure you never date someone who has had traumatic experiences that have affected their way of dealing with such situations. So before you start dating someone sit her down and ask if she has ever been violated in one way or another. (This is sarcasm BTW)
A few years ago at work... a coworker started by touching me in a "friendly" way firt on the shoulder, then on the neck, then on the ear... It was hard to find my voice too, but I completely blew up on him the one day. Our bosses heard my blow up and he was suspended and then transferred to another department.
Worst thing was that one of the superintendents hated me from this day on, because his "star" employee was switched over to another department... It was my fault right? I was provoking him? Ya right...
Our upbringing and past experiences all have a huge impact on how we react in these situations... Some of us were taught to be "good little girls" or some of us were mistreated and told telling on someone is bad... We live in an F'ed up world... I really hope you never have a daughter...
Best response thus far.
*applause*0 -
Just tell him the truth, you were in shock.Why do you women not react in the moment and stop it right there and then? I can assure you your husband is going to wonder why you didn't stop him....
this is why I feel he will blame me...and say I did something to provoke him.
It happens.
Sure but be prepared as most men (myself included) overreact in such situations.
That's your own problem. Not hers or any other woman's. Seek help. Stop giving advice when you need therapy yourself.
And to the OP, the same goes to you. There is counseling and professional services out there to get you out of just such a situation. Please take advantage of them. We're literally talking about your life here.
Please take care of yourself. :flowerforyou:
Aren't you a little ray of sunshine
What I'm not is the kind of man who blames a woman when she's been assaulted. You said yourself that you are, so I think very little of you as a person.
The feeling is mutual, I don't think you are able to comprehend the logistics of natural human behavior. Also I never stated that I blame women for being assaulted, my question was merely to ask why don't women handle the situation right there and then.
As a boyfriend I would feel more at ease knowing my girlfriend handled the situation and have set boundaries to such men that harass her...this in return creates more trust between partners.
Then make sure you never date someone who has had traumatic experiences that have affected their way of dealing with such situations. So before you start dating someone sit her down and ask if she has ever been violated in one way or another. (This is sarcasm BTW)
A few years ago at work... a coworker started by touching me in a "friendly" way firt on the shoulder, then on the neck, then on the ear... It was hard to find my voice too, but I completely blew up on him the one day. Our bosses heard my blow up and he was suspended and then transferred to another department.
Worst thing was that one of the superintendents hated me from this day on, because his "star" employee was switched over to another department... It was my fault right? I was provoking him? Ya right...
Our upbringing and past experiences all have a huge impact on how we react in these situations... Some of us were taught to be "good little girls" or some of us were mistreated and told telling on someone is bad... We live in an F'ed up world... I really hope you never have a daughter...
Why shouldn't I have a daughter? Cause I would raise her not to tolerate such behavior from men?0 -
Just tell him the truth, you were in shock.Why do you women not react in the moment and stop it right there and then? I can assure you your husband is going to wonder why you didn't stop him....
this is why I feel he will blame me...and say I did something to provoke him.
It happens.
Sure but be prepared as most *kitten* (myself included) overreact in such situations.
FIFY0 -
0 -
@favoritenut: Just do your thing, darling. Ignore the negativity that was posted on here and keep that chin up!0
-
This content has been removed.
-
The feeling is mutual, I don't think you are able to comprehend the logistics of natural human behavior. Also I never stated that I blame women for being assaulted, my question was merely to ask why don't women handle the situation right there and then.
As a boyfriend I would feel more at ease knowing my girlfriend handled the situation and have set boundaries to such men that harass her...this in return creates more trust between partners.
You're dumb. Stop talking.
Jy is donners onnosel jou dom wetter
MyFitnessPal Site-wide Community Guidelines
18. Please Post In English On The Main Forums
Moderators in the main forums speak English. Because we need to ensure that our moderator team can properly understand and evaluate all posts, we request that all posts on the Main Forums are made in English. If you wish to post in a different language, we encourage you to join a language-specific group.
:flowerforyou:0 -
Why shouldn't I have a daughter? Cause I would raise her not to tolerate such behavior from men?
Because you would act like she was doing something wrong if she reacted in a way that doesn't conform with how you want her to. With the number of people that get sexually assaulted being so high there would be a good chance she would be victimized no matter what you do to protect her. And while I can tell you think you're big on protection you seriously suck on compasion and helping someone deal with the after effects. Way to revictimize a victim champ.0 -
Why shouldn't I have a daughter? Cause I would raise her not to tolerate such behavior from men?
If women stop tolerating *kitten* behavior from men you won't have to worry about having a daughter.
Now just stop. This thread is not about you and how poorly you'd react if your spouse was assaulted. It's bad enough that she seems to have a husband who thinks the same as you do.
Honestly I'm more concerned about that than the old guy. I really hope the OP seeks out the help she needs. No woman should be in that situation.
I agree and I honestly hope the OP resolves the issue at hand. Guess having been through a similar situation myself in the past has struck a nerve....0 -
Why shouldn't I have a daughter? Cause I would raise her not to tolerate such behavior from men?
Because you live in a disillusioned world... Not your fault I'm sure...
https://www.rainn.org/statistics0 -
Just tell him the truth, you were in shock.Why do you women not react in the moment and stop it right there and then? I can assure you your husband is going to wonder why you didn't stop him....
this is why I feel he will blame me...and say I did something to provoke him.
It happens.
Sure but be prepared as most men (myself included) overreact in such situations.
That's your own problem. Not hers or any other woman's. Seek help. Stop giving advice when you need therapy yourself.
And to the OP, the same goes to you. There is counseling and professional services out there to get you out of just such a situation. Please take advantage of them. We're literally talking about your life here.
Please take care of yourself. :flowerforyou:
Aren't you a little ray of sunshine
What I'm not is the kind of man who blames a woman when she's been assaulted. You said yourself that you are, so I think very little of you as a person.
The feeling is mutual, I don't think you are able to comprehend the logistics of natural human behavior. Also I never stated that I blame women for being assaulted, my question was merely to ask why don't women handle the situation right there and then.
As a boyfriend I would feel more at ease knowing my girlfriend handled the situation and have set boundaries to such men that harass her...this in return creates more trust between partners.
Then make sure you never date someone who has had traumatic experiences that have affected their way of dealing with such situations. So before you start dating someone sit her down and ask if she has ever been violated in one way or another. (This is sarcasm BTW)
A few years ago at work... a coworker started by touching me in a "friendly" way firt on the shoulder, then on the neck, then on the ear... It was hard to find my voice too, but I completely blew up on him the one day. Our bosses heard my blow up and he was suspended and then transferred to another department.
Worst thing was that one of the superintendents hated me from this day on, because his "star" employee was switched over to another department... It was my fault right? I was provoking him? Ya right...
Our upbringing and past experiences all have a huge impact on how we react in these situations... Some of us were taught to be "good little girls" or some of us were mistreated and told telling on someone is bad... We live in an F'ed up world... I really hope you never have a daughter...
Why shouldn't I have a daughter? Cause I would raise her not to tolerate such behavior from men?
Please stop. Your behavior in this thread is making me uncomfortable, and I can only imagine how it's making OP feel. Your words are not helpful nor are they wanted. Please leave the thread alone.0 -
Thank you guys for all your support, I wasn't going to post on this, but I had to talk about it. And I hate to say, but talking to someone face to face about this is very embarrassing to me...not knowing how my friends will judge me. As everyone knows, some people tend to blame the victim. And I'm not meaning just me, little kids that get victimized or anyone in that matter. I just really didn't ever expect this from him. He was a friend to me so I thought and to my husband.
Thank you all. you really helped. now it is up to me to find my voice....0 -
I agree and I honestly hope the OP resolves the issue at hand. Guess having been through a similar situation myself in the past has struck a nerve....
You got felt up by an old man?
0 -
I agree and I honestly hope the OP resolves the issue at hand. Guess having been through a similar situation myself in the past has struck a nerve....
You got felt up by an old man?
Ex was raped by a friend...0 -
Egads.
Any security camera footage of this assault?0 -
OP, there's nothing to be embarassed about. You did nothing wrong. You couldn't have anticipated this based on his previous conduct. You didn't invite this man's touch and freezing in the moment is a totally normal HUMAN reaction and that still doesn't make it ok for him to do anything to you. If you were raised to be a people pleaser, it's very difficult to speak up for yourself. I get that because I once was like that too.0
-
I agree and I honestly hope the OP resolves the issue at hand. Guess having been through a similar situation myself in the past has struck a nerve....
You got felt up by an old man?
WTF! I get that we like to joke around here sometimes and I expect a certain amount of trolling but what is wrong with you that you think being abused is funny? If you were joking with friends that is one thing but honestly in a topic such as this one why men feel the need to blame the woman or joke about women being assaulted it beyond me.
I know its not worth pointing it out to you but seriously? Salt on the wound a**hole? Please let us know when you are having a bad moment so we can return the favour and kick you when you're down.0 -
This content has been removed.
-
really need advice on this,
I am a 41 year old and married and have two children,
my problem is this, I work part time at a convenience store in the town I live in. I've gotten to know quite a few people and gotten pretty close to some of the regulars that come in ( like have coffee and they sit and chat with me) most of them all 70 or older men.
there is this older man, I know he has to be in his 70's that fell ill and ended up in the hospital. He is a farmer who we have even purchased beef from, so my whole family knows him. I was sad to hear that he was so sick and in the hospital so I've asked his family how is doing.
He is finally back home and well enough to come up the store where I work. I was happy to see him and came around the counter to give him a hug to welcome him back. He pretty much felt me up and kept saying I felt so good and he missed me very much. and as his hands were on my breast he asked if I minded because I felt so good. I was just so shocked and stunned that all I could do was look at the ground. This man I kinda thought of as a father. I don't think I ever lead him on or gave him any idea that I was interested him. for one, he is old enough to be my father, and that is the way I thought of him. and I'm married, he knows my husband, and my kids, (which by the way, my daughter will never be around him again). I'm just so shocked and am still in disbelief that this happened to me. I was raped when I was 20, and got over that pretty good, but this episode just brought back all the horrible feelings and memories.
I'm just wondering what I did so wrong to make him think I liked him that way and wanted him to touch me...
and edited, this is not a joke or for fun, I just need this icky feeling to go away...
Report the sexual assault that he just perpetrated. I doubt you were the first and only. Seriously doubt it. He has probably been doing it for years, and now gets away with it because he's seen as a harmless old man.
It's illegal for a reason. You were the victim of a sexual assault.
FINALLY. Thank you.0 -
Talk to him, if he doesn't understand, go to plan B.
Plan B: Tell your husband, let him handle it.
Go with plan B.
Go with Plan B for sure tell your man and let him handle it. (I am sorry this happend to you. We are living in a different era and even this smallest hint of compassion from a nice lady can be misundstood by a lonely old man.)0 -
I agree and I honestly hope the OP resolves the issue at hand. Guess having been through a similar situation myself in the past has struck a nerve....
You got felt up by an old man?
She was sexually assaulted and is frightened because she has a violent, abusive husband.
Put the gifs away, moron.
(I know better than to jump into misunderstandings like this...but I can't help it.)
Time out. I think the gif and comment was directed at the other user who said he had been through something similar before...and *not* at the OP.
You may still want to level your rebuke at them just the same, (and it may be absolutely warranted still), but it looked like it might be based on a misunderstanding and I thought I'd jump in to try to clear that up.0 -
I agree and I honestly hope the OP resolves the issue at hand. Guess having been through a similar situation myself in the past has struck a nerve....
You got felt up by an old man?
She was sexually assaulted and is frightened because she has a violent, abusive husband.
Put the gifs away, moron.
(I know better than to jump into misunderstandings like this...but I can't help it.)
Time out. I think the gif and comment was directed at the other user who said he had been through something similar before...and *not* at the OP.
You may still want to level your rebuke at them just the same, (and it may be absolutely warranted still), but it looked like it might be based on a misunderstanding and I thought I'd jump in to try to clear that up.
^ spot on. It wasn't directed at the OP. But, if you wish to sling your heat at me. I'm good with that. OP....I've read most of the posts in here and you have many that gave great advice. But, it's honestly up to you to make the right choice on how to handle. Saying that, there is no wrong choice except letting it slide.0 -
This content has been removed.
-
A sincere apology to all members for my behavior on this thread as it was not my intention to upset OP.0
-
I'm not upset or angry at anyone, I really appreciate everyone that has responded and with very helpful words. and like someone said, its up to me now!
Thank you all!0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.7K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.3K Health and Weight Loss
- 176K Food and Nutrition
- 47.5K Recipes
- 232.6K Fitness and Exercise
- 431 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.6K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8.1K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.4K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.8K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 1.2K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions