Please help!

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  • Booksandbeaches
    Booksandbeaches Posts: 1,791 Member
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    OP, there's nothing to be embarassed about. You did nothing wrong. You couldn't have anticipated this based on his previous conduct. You didn't invite this man's touch and freezing in the moment is a totally normal HUMAN reaction and that still doesn't make it ok for him to do anything to you. If you were raised to be a people pleaser, it's very difficult to speak up for yourself. I get that because I once was like that too.
  • dreawest
    dreawest Posts: 208 Member
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    I agree and I honestly hope the OP resolves the issue at hand. Guess having been through a similar situation myself in the past has struck a nerve....

    You got felt up by an old man?

    WTF! I get that we like to joke around here sometimes and I expect a certain amount of trolling but what is wrong with you that you think being abused is funny? If you were joking with friends that is one thing but honestly in a topic such as this one why men feel the need to blame the woman or joke about women being assaulted it beyond me.

    I know its not worth pointing it out to you but seriously? Salt on the wound a**hole? Please let us know when you are having a bad moment so we can return the favour and kick you when you're down.
  • NataBost
    NataBost Posts: 418 Member
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    really need advice on this,

    I am a 41 year old and married and have two children,

    my problem is this, I work part time at a convenience store in the town I live in. I've gotten to know quite a few people and gotten pretty close to some of the regulars that come in ( like have coffee and they sit and chat with me) most of them all 70 or older men.

    there is this older man, I know he has to be in his 70's that fell ill and ended up in the hospital. He is a farmer who we have even purchased beef from, so my whole family knows him. I was sad to hear that he was so sick and in the hospital so I've asked his family how is doing.

    He is finally back home and well enough to come up the store where I work. I was happy to see him and came around the counter to give him a hug to welcome him back. He pretty much felt me up and kept saying I felt so good and he missed me very much. and as his hands were on my breast he asked if I minded because I felt so good. I was just so shocked and stunned that all I could do was look at the ground. This man I kinda thought of as a father. I don't think I ever lead him on or gave him any idea that I was interested him. for one, he is old enough to be my father, and that is the way I thought of him. and I'm married, he knows my husband, and my kids, (which by the way, my daughter will never be around him again). I'm just so shocked and am still in disbelief that this happened to me. I was raped when I was 20, and got over that pretty good, but this episode just brought back all the horrible feelings and memories.

    I'm just wondering what I did so wrong to make him think I liked him that way and wanted him to touch me...


    and edited, this is not a joke or for fun, I just need this icky feeling to go away...

    Report the sexual assault that he just perpetrated. I doubt you were the first and only. Seriously doubt it. He has probably been doing it for years, and now gets away with it because he's seen as a harmless old man.

    It's illegal for a reason. You were the victim of a sexual assault.

    FINALLY. Thank you.
  • mesicali_chica
    mesicali_chica Posts: 71 Member
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    Talk to him, if he doesn't understand, go to plan B.
    Plan B: Tell your husband, let him handle it.

    Go with plan B.

    Go with Plan B for sure tell your man and let him handle it. (I am sorry this happend to you. We are living in a different era and even this smallest hint of compassion from a nice lady can be misundstood by a lonely old man.)
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
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    I agree and I honestly hope the OP resolves the issue at hand. Guess having been through a similar situation myself in the past has struck a nerve....

    You got felt up by an old man?

    3859271924_24af790d82_o.gif

    She was sexually assaulted and is frightened because she has a violent, abusive husband.

    Put the gifs away, moron.

    (I know better than to jump into misunderstandings like this...but I can't help it.)

    Time out. I think the gif and comment was directed at the other user who said he had been through something similar before...and *not* at the OP.

    You may still want to level your rebuke at them just the same, (and it may be absolutely warranted still), but it looked like it might be based on a misunderstanding and I thought I'd jump in to try to clear that up.
  • pawnstarNate
    pawnstarNate Posts: 1,728 Member
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    I agree and I honestly hope the OP resolves the issue at hand. Guess having been through a similar situation myself in the past has struck a nerve....

    You got felt up by an old man?

    3859271924_24af790d82_o.gif

    She was sexually assaulted and is frightened because she has a violent, abusive husband.

    Put the gifs away, moron.

    (I know better than to jump into misunderstandings like this...but I can't help it.)

    Time out. I think the gif and comment was directed at the other user who said he had been through something similar before...and *not* at the OP.

    You may still want to level your rebuke at them just the same, (and it may be absolutely warranted still), but it looked like it might be based on a misunderstanding and I thought I'd jump in to try to clear that up.

    ^ spot on. It wasn't directed at the OP. But, if you wish to sling your heat at me. I'm good with that. OP....I've read most of the posts in here and you have many that gave great advice. But, it's honestly up to you to make the right choice on how to handle. Saying that, there is no wrong choice except letting it slide.
  • 3P0X
    3P0X Posts: 302
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    A sincere apology to all members for my behavior on this thread as it was not my intention to upset OP.
  • favoritenut
    favoritenut Posts: 217 Member
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    I'm not upset or angry at anyone, I really appreciate everyone that has responded and with very helpful words. and like someone said, its up to me now!

    Thank you all!
  • Deipneus
    Deipneus Posts: 1,862 Member
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    Report the sexual assault that he just perpetrated. I doubt you were the first and only. Seriously doubt it. He has probably been doing it for years, and now gets away with it because he's seen as a harmless old man.

    It's illegal for a reason. You were the victim of a sexual assault.
    I'm astounded that I had to read this many pages of responses before someone FINALLY responded that sexual assault is a police matter.
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 9,022 Member
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    OP, can you speak with a counselor about this before doing anything?

    Yes I know it is a criminal offence but realistically there is not going to be any evidence to prosecute so I dont think reporting to police would help.

    I also think the man may be acting out of character (as you say you have known him a long time and he has never been like this before) if he has been sick, he may have brain damage from a stroke or early dementia.

    A counselor can help you deal with your feelings from this and also feelings that it dredged up about your previous rape as well as help you move forward, how to approach your husband, etc.

    I think it would be much better to handle this with professional support than trying to go it alone.
  • danasings
    danasings Posts: 8,218 Member
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    I would love to talk to my husband about this, but sometimes he isn't very understanding on things, somehow I'm afraid he will think this is all my fault.

    You have a more serious problem than getting felt up by a 70 yr old man.

    This was my first thought.

    Wow. I hope you take some of the excellent advice here and tell this man, in no uncertain terms, that what he did was NOT okay. He violated you. You are a human being, and you deserve to be treated with respect...but you have to make that choice to allow yourself to think of yourself that way.

    Good luck, OP. I truly wish you the best. ((Hug))
  • danasings
    danasings Posts: 8,218 Member
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    Just hypothetically... What would you do if he had done this to your daughter? Picture what you would do... Now do the same to stick up for yourself!

    Also excellent advice.

    Of anyone were to lay a hand on either one of my children in a harmful way, he/she would end up my my foot on his/her throat.
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,932 Member
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    He crossed a very distinct line. It is true that he may be going mentally, but that is for the police, not you, to try and determine.
  • EvgeniZyntx
    EvgeniZyntx Posts: 24,208 Member
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    I would love to talk to my husband about this, but sometimes he isn't very understanding on things, somehow I'm afraid he will think this is all my fault.

    You have a more serious problem than getting felt up by a 70 yr old man.

    This was my first thought.

    Wow. I hope you take some of the excellent advice here and tell this man, in no uncertain terms, that what he did was NOT okay. He violated you. You are a human being, and you deserve to be treated with respect...but you have to make that choice to allow yourself to think of yourself that way.

    Good luck, OP. I truly wish you the best. ((Hug))

    Assaulting a woman in a public work place suggests that a few inhibitions have gone south. I would suggest that before confronting him you discuss with someone in your workplace that you were groped. There is no shame to what happened to you, it is not your fault. It is an illegal act and an emotional one, I hope getting it out helps. By mentioning it to a coworker or manager, you should be able to get backup when/if you decide to speak with him. He probably should be barred from entering.

    The fact that you were assaulted and feel you can't talk to anyone is very common and possibly wrong. When my daughter was assaulted (in circumstances where many a person would have blamed her for putting herself in danger) she reached out to me immediately and openly. It saddens me that more than a few persons found this exceptional or others, having gone through similar situations, felt they had no one to talk to. Find the person of support.

    If needed, prepare you discussion and couch it in clear terms. "Something awful happened to me. I want to share it because I need your support. Your support means that you will stand behind me in what I decide and how I decide to handle it. Nothing more, nothing less." .... Or however you want to prep the discussion.

    You are not to blame. The hand that groped you was not put there by you. Even if you had stood there in the skimpiest of outfits, or had been passed out drunk, assault is not ok.

    No.

    Oh, and report it - this guy needs the fear of the law, to get some closure for you and to protect others.

    And if your husband reacts poorly and blames you in anyway, try to educate him. An assault is a cusp moment, are you going to live with that as a hidden thing?

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