why do men cheat?

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  • thatonegirlwiththestuff
    thatonegirlwiththestuff Posts: 1,171 Member
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    Cheaters cheat because they are ****ty people with no respect for their partner or their relationship. Period.

    Disagree. While they do make a bad choice(s) and do have issues, doesn't mean they are bad people, per se.

    Lack of morals indicates a bad person.

    Yes, but take testosterone and androgens in men for example. The more androgens in the body, the less empathy and ability to 'connect' with others, shown via a number of studies. Couple this with the sex drive effects of androgens, and you have a recipe for cheating and an inability to empathize with others...men can rationalize it under these circumstances. Of course, this doesn't legitimize cheating, self control is still possible. But, there are reasons behind everything.

    On the flip side, women cheat too. And it's not due to androgens obviously.

    I have no idea what the actual numbers are...but I highly doubt that men cheat more than women by a considerable amount, if at all.

    So, in theory then....the fitter the man, the more likely he is to cheat?
    *Note to self, do not date men from my gym*
  • trojan_bb
    trojan_bb Posts: 699 Member
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    Cheaters cheat because they are ****ty people with no respect for their partner or their relationship. Period.

    Disagree. While they do make a bad choice(s) and do have issues, doesn't mean they are bad people, per se.

    Lack of morals indicates a bad person.

    Yes, but take testosterone and androgens in men for example. The more androgens in the body, the less empathy and ability to 'connect' with others, shown via a number of studies. Couple this with the sex drive effects of androgens, and you have a recipe for cheating and an inability to empathize with others...men can rationalize it under these circumstances. Of course, this doesn't legitimize cheating, self control is still possible. But, there are reasons behind everything.

    On the flip side, women cheat too. And it's not due to androgens obviously.

    I have no idea what the actual numbers are...but I highly doubt that men cheat more than women by a considerable amount, if at all.

    So, in theory then....the fitter the man, the more likely he is to cheat?
    *Note to self, do not date men from my gym*

    That would be a stretch I think ;)
  • Lina_Loo_15
    Lina_Loo_15 Posts: 31
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    Cheaters cheat because they are ****ty people with no respect for their partner or their relationship. Period.

    Disagree. While they do make a bad choice(s) and do have issues, doesn't mean they are bad people, per se.

    Lack of morals indicates a bad person.

    Yes, but take testosterone and androgens in men for example. The more androgens in the body, the less empathy and ability to 'connect' with others, shown via a number of studies. Couple this with the sex drive effects of androgens, and you have a recipe for cheating and an inability to empathize with others...men can rationalize it under these circumstances. Of course, this doesn't legitimize cheating, self control is still possible. But, there are reasons behind everything.

    On the flip side, women cheat too. And it's not due to androgens obviously.

    I have no idea what the actual numbers are...but I highly doubt that men cheat more than women by a considerable amount, if at all.

    So, in theory then....the fitter the man, the more likely he is to cheat?
    *Note to self, do not date men from my gym*

    Smart girl. I concur.
  • summertime_girl
    summertime_girl Posts: 3,945 Member
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    Cheaters cheat because they are ****ty people with no respect for their partner or their relationship. Period.

    Disagree. While they do make a bad choice(s) and do have issues, doesn't mean they are bad people, per se.

    Lack of morals indicates a bad person.

    Yes, but take testosterone and androgens in men for example. The more androgens in the body, the less empathy and ability to 'connect' with others, shown via a number of studies. Couple this with the sex drive effects of androgens, and you have a recipe for cheating and an inability to empathize with others...men can rationalize it under these circumstances. Of course, this doesn't legitimize cheating, self control is still possible. But, there are reasons behind everything.

    On the flip side, women cheat too. And it's not due to androgens obviously.

    I have no idea what the actual numbers are...but I highly doubt that men cheat more than women by a considerable amount, if at all.

    Actually, I think recent studies show that women cheat more. The reasons behind it are just different. Men are more biologically/hormonally inclined, while women approach it emotionally. But both are capable of rational thought, and separating right from wrong. So IMO, it does go back to morals. Saying good vs. bad is too black and white, I suppose (thought it seems pretty clear cut when you're dealing with it), but I do think if someone is capable of cheating, there's a fundamental breakdown in the ability to adhere to right and wrong.
  • freckledjezebel
    freckledjezebel Posts: 65 Member
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    Lack of morals indicates a bad person.

    Problem there is, people start grading those morals. They will lie themselves, maybe fudge taxes, or do something that is morally wrong themselves, but THAT isn't as bad as cheating.

    Steal a penny or steal a million dollars.
    It is still stealing.

    Anywho, I know a few very good people that have made bad decisions.

    Usually commentary like calling cheaters ***tty people is some pent up bitterness from experience, which is really unfortunate.

    You're right- I do have experience. I cheated. Because I was a ****ty person with no respect for my partner or my relationship. People do make bad decisions, and they may change, but that doesn't make them any less ****ty at the time that they were engaging in the behavior.

    BTW, having an opinion or experience different from your own does not indicate "bitterness", either.
  • jacques57
    jacques57 Posts: 2,129 Member
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    There are people quoting statistics and arguing about which gender cheats more, but the answer is oh-so-simple:

    Cheaters (applies to men and women and people who identify with both or neither) cheat because they are ****ty people with no respect for their partner or their relationship. Period.

    By "period" you mean "end of discussion" Black and white. Right or wrong. No gray allowed.

    Problem is we live in this continuum of time. Making a bad choice at one moment in time is definitely bad, at that time. But you have to hold out for hope and redemption. You have to live with the consequences of your choices and be hopeful enough to want to choose differently next time because you know better.

    I cheated 8 years ago.

    I was mad, on new bipolar meds that had serious side effects, and I hurt my wife beyond measure. At that time.

    After years of work, years of accepting the consequences of breaking a vow, we have made peace and we remain married, and we remain dedicated to taking care of each other, and we keep working to make our marriage a little happier every day. One day at a time. Your results may be different. The world is not black and white, it is a billion shades of gray and tolerance and an open mind willing to keep loving and hoping are the most important tools we have for coping. Fundamentalist black and white, right and wrong judgmental thinking is for the Taliban.

    Period.
  • mank32
    mank32 Posts: 1,323 Member
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    tolerance and an open mind willing to keep loving and hoping are the most important tools we have for coping. Fundamentalist black and white, right and wrong judgmental thinking is for the Taliban.

    truer words were never spoken. not EVER! period! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • sadiebrawl
    sadiebrawl Posts: 863 Member
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    Lack of morals indicates a bad person.

    Problem there is, people start grading those morals. They will lie themselves, maybe fudge taxes, or do something that is morally wrong themselves, but THAT isn't as bad as cheating.

    Steal a penny or steal a million dollars.
    It is still stealing.

    Anywho, I know a few very good people that have made bad decisions.

    Usually commentary like calling cheaters ***tty people is some pent up bitterness from experience, which is really unfortunate.

    this....... people usually don't cheat because they *want* to. Is it almost always a very bad decision yes, but it's rarely a deep desire to cheat or hurt others... Is it a downright awful thing to do? Abso****inglutley. Does it make them a bad person forever and ever? Not always....
  • headofphat
    headofphat Posts: 1,599 Member
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    One word: swingers
  • TitanGM
    TitanGM Posts: 1,161 Member
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    There is only one reason for both Men and Women who cheat, and it is lack of COMMITMENT.
  • erickbrian
    erickbrian Posts: 53 Member
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    What I've come to find out from most guys I know that cheat, they:

    - Are insecure and have low self-esteem

    - Horny as ****, and aren't having their sexual needs met

    - Lack the connection with their current mate, and are intrigued by a 3rd party, and typically make a mistake of cheating even if they really didn't want to (but usually say they wish they could have that same connection with their current partner they cheated on)

    - Lack intimacy with their partner (I'm not talking about kisses or sex, I mean REAL intimate stuff to THAT person, as most people have a different definition for what's intimate for them)

    - Are no longer stimulated or encouraged to be successful or to better themselves and feel like they're on a sailboat in the middle of the ocean with no where to go.

    I've got a lot of buddies of mine that have cheated. Some still with the one they cheated on, some aren't. I know many women that cheat/cheated too, but you asked about men. I've never cheated, but hope all that helps.




    Other things to take into consideration:

    - Men an Women have had multiple partners in the past, and the history of monogamy is still fairly fresh.

    - The media today displays a lot of sexual appeal everywhere. There's always the idea that "you can get something hotter" and raises expectations for people to have high beauty standards and expect everyone to act and look like a porn star in bed.

    - People hide a lot from their partners, and consider most problem the fault of the other, but typically do not take the time to see how they can improve themselves and their relationship. Always trying to point fingers.

    - People aren't sexually open with people very much. With friends and a few drinks, sure! Talk about it! But hardly ever in an intimate place with their S.O., whom they should confide in.

    - Sometimes "I'm not in the mood" can lead to big arguments, typically when a woman is rejected. (Men are rejected their whole lives and learn how to take it.) I've found this to usually be a cause for cheating, because the woman blames the man for being sexually inept, cheating, no longer loving nor interested, when it could be a problem the man is suffering from (stress, medication, lack of intimacy, etc.)

    - People stick around with a cheater to fix things. If you don't have kids or aren't married, DTB.
  • raneylfrick
    raneylfrick Posts: 380 Member
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    OPEN RELATIONSHIPS!!!! I get bored too easily...I wouldn't want to have a serious one on one thing ever again.

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