The Challenge Of Being Honest

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Replies

  • PhearlessPhreaks
    PhearlessPhreaks Posts: 890 Member
    I really appreciate all the replies, from both those who understand it or experience this same thing, as well as those who (fortunately!) do not have this particular issue. Respectful feedback and dialog is a great help, and so many positive responses is definitely encouraging! :flowerforyou:
  • bimpski
    bimpski Posts: 176 Member
    this is a great thread. I completely understand the op, but I cannot explain it. it will definitely take some soul searching.
  • ravenribbs
    ravenribbs Posts: 289 Member
    I keep my private for same reason. I can be 100% brutally honest with myself and nobody will judge me for it.

    Yup, that's me.
  • DorisInTheDena
    DorisInTheDena Posts: 151 Member
    I've never had an open diary. I am hard enough on myself and need to be honest. Everyone has to find what works for them. Keep at it! :wink:
  • jmv7117
    jmv7117 Posts: 891 Member
    I find this interesting...

    Not to diminish the struggle but why lie about what you eat??? esp to strangers who have no care really on if you eat in a deficet or not????

    Family and friends can see if you are in a deficet and most can't see your diary.

    I have mine open, it will remain open to all...

    For me it was those strangers who were most critical. I decided that since I didn't really know these people - and they didn't know me - I didn't really need their "advice." So, it's closed. It's for my use only anyway, so doesn't need to be open.

    Again, I know that for some people, having it open is the motivator. But clearly, for some of us, it is not helpful.

    I definitely could not handle the judgmental comments others make which is why my diary is closed and will remain closed. The criticism is given whether or not asked for as soon as you post in the forums. I've seen it become used as a weapon when attacking another member. So, no thanks. I think anyone with poor self-esteem would have issues with this type of criticism.
  • Sreneesa
    Sreneesa Posts: 1,170 Member
    I leave mine open to friends but haven't been posting it on newsfeed lately because ive been under my 1800 cals by 400-500 at times. Still eat at least 1200 but was doing good keeping track and at least eating 1600-1700 but got tired of the constant keeping track of eating most cals and maro watching that im kind of hiding...not trying to bring attention to myself.

    There was a few days a few weeks ago where I was under 1000. Just too tired and exhausted to eat.

    yesterday did well with macros and ate a little over 1600 but that is my confession. Lol

    Feels good to get it off my chest. Lol

    edit.,, looks like there was a few days of under 1000 last weekend as well but I m sure it was me not logging drinks. No excuse to skimp on nutrition.

    Thanks for this blog. I need to get my **** together
  • electrickazoo
    electrickazoo Posts: 55 Member
    I definitely understand this... I do log everything, but when it's getting close to my calorie goal or *gasp* even over, I feel like if I just don't write it down, my eating it never actually happened. I have mine opened (I think) because I know I am a lot harder on myself than anyone else is.
  • PhearlessPhreaks
    PhearlessPhreaks Posts: 890 Member
    Thank you all for the replies! Support is encouraging- both giving and receiving it. I'm writing down how I feel in the "note" section of my diary- I haven't yet discerned what exactly the triggers are- sometimes it's not eating properly earlier in the day; other times it seems to be just mindlessness, and yet others there seems to be no real reason other than seemingly uncontrollable desire.

    I think the most important thing for me is being honest with myself. I haven't figured it all out yet, and I really am so fearful of falling back to that place of absolutely no control- *knowing* I shouldn't but feeling so unable to help myself. I can't actually explain what's in my head when it's happening. Perhaps I should write that down!



    It takes a while to really get in touch with why you feel the urge to binge eat. For me it's not so much feeling bad or feeling good. My issue is more one of not wanting to really feel any emotions good or bad. So, I try to keep myself in a state of numbness. Eating to the point of excess allows me to avoid processing my feelings or really thinking about anything other than food. I know you feel like it's mindless and a compulsion solely related to food's taste or texture. I'm also sure you're starting to learn that it's often not about the food at all. It does get better and you can train yourself out of these habits. Use your fear to develop a plan for how to avoid binges and how to quickly get back on track. If you have a plan in place you won't feel so lost and hopeless when a binge happens. And they will happen. Hopefully, you can get to a place where they aren't frequent and don't last long. Good luck to you!

    Thank you so very much, Gruno, I really appreciate your advice and support!
  • PhearlessPhreaks
    PhearlessPhreaks Posts: 890 Member
    I leave mine open to friends but haven't been posting it on newsfeed lately because ive been under my 1800 cals by 400-500 at times. Still eat at least 1200 but was doing good keeping track and at least eating 1600-1700 but got tired of the constant keeping track of eating most cals and maro watching that im kind of hiding...not trying to bring attention to myself.

    There was a few days a few weeks ago where I was under 1000. Just too tired and exhausted to eat.

    yesterday did well with macros and ate a little over 1600 but that is my confession. Lol

    Feels good to get it off my chest. Lol

    edit.,, looks like there was a few days of under 1000 last weekend as well but I m sure it was me not logging drinks. No excuse to skimp on nutrition.

    Thanks for this blog. I need to get my **** together

    It appears we have opposite problems! Nevertheless, if my post is in some way helpful, I am glad! Everyone is on their own journey, unique and individual as the person who's living it. :smile:
  • blunderball
    blunderball Posts: 21 Member
    Oh my gosh! Thank you so much for this post. I closed mine for the same reason. Having an open diary seems to be such a "thing"on here that I was feeling like I might be "doing it wrong". It is so reassuring to know that others fudged with their diaries when they're open. I've been doing much better since I closed mine.
  • Sreneesa
    Sreneesa Posts: 1,170 Member
    tmi
  • PhearlessPhreaks
    PhearlessPhreaks Posts: 890 Member
    Oh my gosh! Thank you so much for this post. I closed mine for the same reason. Having an open diary seems to be such a "thing"on here that I was feeling like I might be "doing it wrong". It is so reassuring to know that others fudged with their diaries when they're open. I've been doing much better since I closed mine.

    ^5! You're welcome :smile: I feel very grateful tonight for having connected with so many people over this. Keep on keepin' on!
  • alfiedn
    alfiedn Posts: 425 Member
    I lied because I felt ashamed about all the sweets I eat (even if it fits in my calories). Also, my mom is my friend on this site...
  • ash8184
    ash8184 Posts: 701 Member
    I know how you feel! One of the scariest parts of losing weight that nobody talks about is the fear - every day for me - that I'll wind up where I was before. It's not that gaining 200+lbs back would be quick, but it's that I won't have the willpower to stop myself from reverting to bad habits. I have made peace with the knowledge that every. single. day. will be a battle of willpower. As it becomes habit, it becomes easier, but as one gets closer to his goal, it takes even more strength, when he's probably already really worn out. Maintenance is a whole different issue, requiring all kinds of crazy willpower.

    Sorry this isn't really advice or more positive, but I know what you're going through. No matter which way you slice it, it's tough. Hang in there and keep up your awesome work :)
  • nofearbebravelive
    nofearbebravelive Posts: 49
    My diary is private for the same reason. I go over every day but I log every bite and I really don't want opinions on it. Because for the first time, this journey into whatever it is, is only for me. I lost all the weight once and then I gained it back and there are tons of reasons why, but now, whatever will be will be. I track, I workout, I am happy. In the end maybe I will be fat, fit and happy, maybe not, but I would rather live a lift worth living than a life paranoid about every crumb of food. BTDT. I may never lose another pound, but I can lift more weight today than I could six weeks ago, I ran a 5k this morning, slowly, but I ran it and I can get faster and I can go further and I can lift more and punch and kick better and harder, to me, that is a better success than not eating when I am hungry because I am to scared to go over my calorie count. I went over my count forever at least now I can see exactly where I am at and if I am hungry I eat, if not, then well, now I can make a real conscious decision. That is worth the "weight"
  • tmt2003
    tmt2003 Posts: 176 Member
    I closed my diary too. I log for no one but myself. As someone overweight my whole life, I'm very self conscious about others watching what I eat. All it took was a few well meaning comments about how I should sub grilled chicken instead of my chicken mcnuggets, try to eat more veggies, etc. First I found myself first logging "fake" food with same calorie content because I was embarrassed, then I got too lazy to do that and slowly stopped logging my treats.
    I also got tired of hearing, "wow I would be starving if I ate that little!!" Um I eat enough, I know what I'm doing. Thanks for the advice I did not ask for...

    Bottom line is, logging only works if you're honest. For some, sharing public helps them do that . It started giving me anxiety about being silently (or not so silently) judged by complete strangers and I stopped being honest.

    You have to do what works for you!
  • GodMomKim
    GodMomKim Posts: 3,712 Member
    this is interesting, my log is honest, and private. If I felt I needed help on some aspect I might open it for a short time probably asking a friend to look at it and then re-closing it. Judging is done all the time by everyone; that is why the first 20 seconds you meet someone is so important, granted most of that judging is done silently and some judging is good; some is neutral and some is bad. In my bio-family all judging is bad and verbal - I have learned to self protect with privacy.

    I think the most interesting aspect of this healthy journey we are all on; is the side journeys we are taking to understand, confront and learn from the old habits that we are breaking and re-learning in a more positive way.
  • sunnyeuphoria
    sunnyeuphoria Posts: 85 Member
    I keep mine open and am completely honest on it. I respond well to accountability... and it helps me to know that others who are going through the same struggles can get ideas from me, or can learn from my mistakes. I make notes on my food journal many days about why I ate what I did, or how I could improve just for myself. I have second thoughts sometimes about eating things because of how it will look on the journal... and many times that keeps me accountable. I have a good group of friends that ask me questions and make suggestions. Many read my notes and let me know they are going through the same thing, or how they handle things when it happens. Sometimes they let me know where they notice I could use improvements.
    Honestly, I am as affected by others opinions as anyone else, but at the same time, I know that I have a problem with food, and once I lose this weight I want it gone for good. I have to face my issues and get rid of them so that I don't regain what I am working so hard to lose. I don't want to fall back into old habits. I MUST form new habits- and if I can gain confidence and knowledge from people who are further along on that road than I am, and it helps me to be successful, then I am all for being brutally honest with my food. Me hiding behind my food face is how I got to 400 pounds. I am only fooling myself if I think no one can look at me and tell I eat too much. By hiding the journal, I would not be hiding that I overeat, just the details of what it includes. Everyone is different, and I can understand someone just needing to see for themselves what they are doing to themselves by getting a real snapshot of what they consume. I am just keeping mine open so that I can be open to any and all avenues of help and encouragement as I change my behaviors and fight this addiction. Theres a saying- " Addictions thrive in dark corners". I wanna keep mine in the light where it is exposed and can be battled.
  • PhearlessPhreaks
    PhearlessPhreaks Posts: 890 Member
    I keep mine open and am completely honest on it. I respond well to accountability... and it helps me to know that others who are going through the same struggles can get ideas from me, or can learn from my mistakes. I make notes on my food journal many days about why I ate what I did, or how I could improve just for myself. I have second thoughts sometimes about eating things because of how it will look on the journal... and many times that keeps me accountable. I have a good group of friends that ask me questions and make suggestions. Many read my notes and let me know they are going through the same thing, or how they handle things when it happens. Sometimes they let me know where they notice I could use improvements.
    Honestly, I am as affected by others opinions as anyone else, but at the same time, I know that I have a problem with food, and once I lose this weight I want it gone for good. I have to face my issues and get rid of them so that I don't regain what I am working so hard to lose. I don't want to fall back into old habits. I MUST form new habits- and if I can gain confidence and knowledge from people who are further along on that road than I am, and it helps me to be successful, then I am all for being brutally honest with my food. Me hiding behind my food face is how I got to 400 pounds. I am only fooling myself if I think no one can look at me and tell I eat too much. By hiding the journal, I would not be hiding that I overeat, just the details of what it includes. Everyone is different, and I can understand someone just needing to see for themselves what they are doing to themselves by getting a real snapshot of what they consume. I am just keeping mine open so that I can be open to any and all avenues of help and encouragement as I change my behaviors and fight this addiction. Theres a saying- " Addictions thrive in dark corners". I wanna keep mine in the light where it is exposed and can be battled.

    I wish that worked for me; your rationale is why I originally had my diary open. Unfortunately, I found that my need to 'save face' trumps public accountability. But I'm glad it works for you!

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