romance in real life vs fairytales

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  • Iknewyouweretrouble
    Iknewyouweretrouble Posts: 561 Member
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    you definitely should have these expectations and wait for them. it sounds like you attract a certain kind of person, someone who is not like your dreams. being with someone different might mean you have to be different and change.
  • TheFisherKing
    TheFisherKing Posts: 935
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    Films provide escapism, not a How To. Can relationships be like in the movies? Possibly. Is it natural? No. Relationships require work, effort, compromise. Films require a script where all has already been decided. Did you ever notice when that couple finally gets together in the film we do not hear from them again? Think of SERENDIPITY for instance. We never see Jonathan and Sarah when they reach the point where they argue about money, fight because one had a stressful day, ***** because she left leg hair in the shower or panties hanging from the shower curtain, whine that they he just doesn't get me anymore, or ANY of the trappings of a real relationship. I don't encourage you to settle, but I do suggest you be realistic. Remember how many stories feature a Prince Charming? That means that dude is banging SEVERAL women! Snow White, CInderella all get a piece of the fella. You want the guy who wants to be with YOU!!!
  • stormydestiny
    stormydestiny Posts: 24
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    if there was a like button i would press it
    Hmmm, well, that's a complex question, really, because relationships are complex.

    A psychologist named Robert Sternberg came up with the Triangular Theory of Love that involved three major principles that contribute to relationships: Intimacy (emotional closeness), passion (physical arousal), and commitment (rational aspect, determined by strength of your decision to be with and stay with your partner). These three aspects put together are known as "consummate love" (the absence of all three would be "nonlove").

    Relationships often have two of these factors but not all three, or just one:
    Intimacy only = liking someone
    Intimacy + passion = romantic love
    Passion only = Infatuation
    Intimacy + commitment = companionate love
    Commitment only = empty love
    Commitment + passion = fatuous love

    Relationships can fall into any one of these categories, and Sternberg's statement is that it's actually pretty rare to have a true consummate love relationship because he considers it to be difficult to maintain long term. So according to at least one "expert"'s research, fairytale love as you put it might be the ideal but in reality doesn't often work out. (I'd take this as you will, though--I don't think it's intended to find fault in anyone's relationship or cause doubts, I believe its intention is to figure out what you need to work on in your relationship or figure out why something didn't work in the first place)

    Honestly, though, in order to figure out what you really want in a relationship, just do some self reflecting and understand what you're looking for in a partner. Go look up the 5 Love Languages test and see what it says about what's most important to you in a relationship and if you agree with it maybe be upfront about your needs with potential paramours.

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