Can't stop bingeing and hate myself :(

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  • Graelwyn75
    Graelwyn75 Posts: 4,404 Member
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    I can relate. I have a history of anorexia and now struggle with occasional bulimic episodes, but also binge eating in and of itself. I am not so bad now, as I was, but I do have at least a few days a month where I will hit 4-5k calories. At my worst, I went through 8 weeks of daily binge eating, up to 3 times a day, hitting 10k calories sometimes. It was awful. I felt awful. The only reason I went out, was to buy another stash of junk food. And I gained 14-16 Ibs in those 8 weeks. Granted, I was not remotely overweight, but the associated guilt and despair, along with the physical feeling of constantly being sluggish and out of it have never been forgotten. I also suffer depression quite severely, so that does not help.

    Keep on keeping on, and hopefully you are looking to the real source of these binge episodes. For me, it is a combination of being a natural perfectionist who likes control, and likes to release control in a big way sometimes, alongside getting easily bored and often staying up too late, thus eating from tiredness.

    Feel free to add me for support.
  • ezloshead
    ezloshead Posts: 167 Member
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    I really can't say anything that hasn't already been posted so just keep your chin up! I think you can do this. I think you have it in you.
  • specky4eyes
    specky4eyes Posts: 18 Member
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    Thank you all so much :). Started off with all good intentions yesterday but failed . Didn't even bother tracking yesterday. Saying that I am going to track as I go along today so hopefully that will keep my eating in check. I really want to kick this binge eating habit - to make sure my daughter grows up healthy and without any problems food wise (my son is extremely fussy due to his condition).

    Thanks for your support - it helps loads x
  • sillyvalentine
    sillyvalentine Posts: 460 Member
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    You can stop. You choose not to.

    It's 100% willpower.

    You are the only one who can help yourself.
  • specky4eyes
    specky4eyes Posts: 18 Member
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    I wish it were that easy!!! When I start bingeing it's like a switch in my head - the more I try to stop the more goes inn:(!! It's like an urge that I jst cnt get rid of - the food goes in even if I feel poorly. I think it is more than willpower - I have even spiken to the docs about it for help. Today I am taking it one hour at a time - so far so good. I am also pretty sure that time is about to start.which cd b what brought about the binge - seems to.happen around then. Must find something more healthy to curb those cravings.
  • labrecqueclaire163
    labrecqueclaire163 Posts: 5
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    WOW...what great support you have from MFP!

    I wanted to share with you that I loss 10 lbs and for the past 4 weeks have been in emotional eating state and gain back 2 lbs due to high stress ( this is the most weight I have lost in ten years that has basically stayed off). I am seeing a very supportive nutritionist located right at my fitness center. One resource that changed my whole approach with my relationship with food was a book she referred to me Eat What You Love Love What You Eat ( a mindful eating program) by Michelle May, MD. I purchased my used & the edition for prediabetes or diabetes.

    I see my nutritionist once a week. Make partial payments each week. Exercise 3 times a week cardio (30 minutes) & strength training (pay by the month). And if I can't make it or choose not to attend, I don't hate myself...it is a victory just having the goals in place, . I have a incredible PCP whom happens to be male and have on and off again medical insurance so there are periods where I have to be very creative with my resources. And my husband knows Mondays Wednesday and Fridays are my committed time to exercise. My daughter comes with me on those days.

    Taking notice to what I am feeling or the cause before or after the time of the binge is the greatest tool I discovered. And then I have plans or distractions for the next time the urge to binge...STOP..... Feelings (angry, sad, happy)...Why ....What can I do instead.of using food (I do anything from a search word puzzle, journal, phone call, house clean, craft etc.). You know most of the time I have binged and have logged into MFP, I have been under or just a little over my desired calorie intake of 1500 (most of time it is my protein, sugar or carbs that are over..but not by much)! I am watching my protein, sugars & carbs mostly due to prediabetes. So there are many victories to be found in a day.

    Look into what is the cause of your depression and other alternative ways to heal or cope with your depression; we are our best advocates.
  • PhearlessPhreaks
    PhearlessPhreaks Posts: 890 Member
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    The uncontrollable desire to eat can indeed be overwhelming, I know. If you have a specific food or type of food that you are unable to control yourself around (for me, it's a few different things, but namely, cookies) it might help to not have those things in the house until you've gotten yourself under control. I love the whole 'if it fits your macros' idea, but that only works if you can practice moderation, and practicing moderation only happens when one is fully in control of themselves.

    If the problem isn't so much *what* you eat, but an inability to control yourself with any food (ie, emotional eating) stop and try to address *why* you're eating. What are you trying to quell, ignore or mask? Much of the time, binge eaters are emotional eaters, so it behooves us to identify the mental and emotional drive behind the inability to control our eating. The problem is, sometimes we don't associate how we're feeling with our actions. For me, the month of February was really difficult on a number of levels. I couldn't keep my cravings in check, which resulted in binges. At the same time, my husband and I were fighting a lot (mostly because of my insecurity) and I didn't connect the two at the time, but looking back on it, now that I'm outside the situation, I think my eating was a way of coping with how scared, insecure, frustrated and out-of-control I felt with my emotions.

    Sometimes it's both things, sometimes it's one or the other. It's difficult at times to discern what's happening without really stopping and analyzing the situation. Regardless, the best thing you can do for yourself is be present and mindful, and really, truly be honest with yourself. Log EVERYTHING. Make your diary private if you have to. (I had to) But be honest with yourself as to how much you're really taking in and what you're doing to yourself. Yes, we can acknowledge we've had a binge and that it isn't healthy, but it's a whole different ball of whacks to see the cold, hard number- that you've gone over your calorie goal, and not only have you gone over that, but you've gone over it by 1000+ calories. That stark reality can be helpful.

    You can do this. One day, one hour, one moment at a time.
  • PhearlessPhreaks
    PhearlessPhreaks Posts: 890 Member
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    You can stop. You choose not to.

    It's 100% willpower.

    You are the only one who can help yourself.


    Agreed- it is about willpower- but what happens when your willpower is sapped? There are many ways one's willpower can dwindle or be hindered, and that is often one of the problems binge eaters face. Willpower-depletion (or, ego depletion, if you want to look it up) has an effect on the choices we make. Is it an excuse? No,understanding why we do what we do and what effects us is useful in helping ourselves to effect change.
  • verptwerp
    verptwerp Posts: 3,659 Member
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    There is a group called Overeaters Anonymous. Www.oa.org. they have been my salvation. Look for a meeting in your local area. Good luck.

    ^
    ^

    definitely the above ....... hating yourself is so yesterday ..... best of luck to you !
  • Andrea3030
    Andrea3030 Posts: 161
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    Hi I am going through the same thing. I also have three kids!

    I do well all day, and then at night after I get up with my daughter to breastfeed all I want to do is binge. It's a constant battle and I've gained weight since bringing her home from the hospital. Now that she is 6 months old I am ready to get serious.

    I am logging all calories whether I binge or not. Good luck to you mama! I will add you:)
  • marian4marian
    marian4marian Posts: 94 Member
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    hi specky. i don't think any of us get here because we have perfect mental and emotional health. we eat for reasons that need to be uncovered and dealt with. you have been to doctors, how about some counselling? i also use overeaters anonymous, where i have learned to face my past and leave it there. we have issues, not just excess pounds.
  • ChubbieCanuck
    ChubbieCanuck Posts: 45 Member
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    I just came back from the abyss myself. I lost 24 pounds in just over two months but a work trip, with endless meals out and beers with clients put the weight back on in no time at all. It's terrible depressing to work hard at losing weight than gain it back so quick.

    I thought my MFP pals would abandon me for not posting for so long but they asked after me and brought me back from the brink. Please add me and join the support group.
  • dwalt15110
    dwalt15110 Posts: 246 Member
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    HI Specky,

    You might want to start preplanning your day. Decide the night before what you are going to eat and in what quatities. Then post it first thing in the morning. When you go to reach for something, you have to constantly ask yourself "Is that on my menu?" If the answer is no then it doesn't go in your mouth.

    Portion everything. Don't guess! Don't eyeball it! Measure and weigh!

    It's also helpful to make sure you are busy, especially your hands. They love to migrate towards food.

    Get out of the house if that's where you binge. If you have to spend extra money to buy something, you will think twice.

    Take walks and drink water with a slice of lemon, orange and/or lemon. So cool and refreshing and it has taste.

    It takes 21 days to form a habit and 6 months to break one. So as you are making new, healthier habits, the old unhealthy ones will be around for a while longer, but each day you succeed is one day closer to finally being free.
  • kdeaux1959
    kdeaux1959 Posts: 2,675 Member
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    Here are some thoughts.

    1. Eat BALANCED. Make sure you are getting adequate nutrients from all the food groups and all three of the major macros -- Carbs, Fats, and Protein. If you are deficient in something, your body is going to want to eat, eat, eat.

    2. Eat ENOUGH. There are several approaches... one that may work for you is to eat 5-6 small meals per day. Don't overdo but don't underdo it either. At your goal, I think setting a goal of a pound per week would be good and eat enough. Slow and steady wins the race.

    3. AVOID packaged snack foods such as chips, cookies, snack cakes, etc. Many of these contain appetite enhancers that make you want to keep going back for more. Try to choose snacks that have at least some nutritional value... I choose granola over candy for example... at 250 calories per candy bar the 160-190 calories for a snack bar seems cheap and at least there is some nutritional value in it... as in all things, regulate. Even better than that, eat an apple, some celery, or something that comes out of the ground rather than one that comes out of the chemistry lab.

    4. MOVE. Do things that are not compatible with eating when you get that urge to hit the refrigerator... (of preferably before)... take a jog, 20 minute walk, walk on the treadmill, trim the hedges, etc. Do something. Yeah, when you finish you may be hungry... eat something ... just make sure it is a healthy something.

    5. SLEEP. Many people do very well throughout the day. Then they stay up to "unwind" or take care of things after the kids are asleep and that is when they falter. If you have to do things after the kids are asleep, save some calories for the end of the day... Contrary to popular belief.. You won't balloon up like porky the pig by eating calories late in the evening... You may see a morning scale up-tick but that is temporary.

    6. MARATHON... This is a marathon, not a sprint. If you mess up today FORGET IT... start fresh tomorrow. Even if you overeat by 2000 calories today, don't fret... start fresh tomorrow... ALSO, going over by 50 -250 calories IS NOT A BINGE... These days SHOULD fit into your weight loss goals... For example, yesterday I was over by about 350 calories ... no problem, the day before I was under by 800 (not a typical day).... But between the two days, I was still under by 500 calories.... It is not a sprint ... you are in it for the long haul... I am more concerned about how I balance out at the end of the week than the end of the day.. all days are different with different things that get in the way... it is no big deal. Even if you mess up big, forget it and move forward... It is just not that big a deal... You can recover-- just don't make it a habit.

    7. PERSPECTIVE -- related to #6 Realize that if you set your goal for a one pound loss per week, you have about 500 calories per day built in for weight loss... IF you go over by under that, you are still within that range of weight loss. I have seen people say HELP-I've binged and they say, I ate 200 calories over today, will I gain weight? NO, No you won't ... It's ok... these days SHOULD work into any lifestyle change... It is more about the long term than a day by day. Another thing, from time to time, we will ALL have a bad day.. So what, no big deal. Just don't make a habit out of it.

    Best wishes on your every success. Keep at it. You've made good progress so far, you know what to do. You are ok.
  • csontos
    csontos Posts: 76 Member
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    I'm not sure what anti-depressant you are talking, but consider talking to your doctor about Welbutrin. I was taking 20mg of Lexapro since Nov 2012 and felt EXACTLY how you described. You can literally go through my forum history and find the topic that I posted. I got a new doctor and she put me on Welbutin 150mg/day to go with the Lexapro. Holy poop. The medication is fantastic. It curbs your appetite first of all. The first week I took it, I literally didn't crave food once. It also gives you more energy, so you feel like going to the gym or going a walk vs. staying in bed all day. So not only does it chemically make you feel happier, the fact that you're eating less and moving more makes you even happier!
  • jeslaughter
    jeslaughter Posts: 131 Member
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    I highly suggest you read this:
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants


    In short, log everyday. Weigh your food.

    You don't have to cut out anything or be super restrictive. You can still eat all of your favorite foods, but fit them into your calorie goal. If you feel your calorie goal is too low/hard to adhere to, then don't be scared to adjust it to a level you feel comfortable with. Doing these things has greatly helped me. I never binge because I get a healthy amount of calories, with the foods I crave/love.

    We can give you advice, but we can't hold your hand and make you do anything. YOU have to take control of YOU and make the changes you need to make. And speaking from experience, an illness/life threatening disease won't make you change your eating habits either. Only you can do that.



    OMG BEST SUGGESTIONS YET!!! This is so true, just eat what you enjoy, maybe start by only having 1/2 of what you usually treat yourself with...but do not deny you what you enjoy. And another good idea, make stuff from scratch, I know it is time consuming but is so much healthier than the packaged stuff...just change our a couple of things a week and you will see a huge change..and no need for drugs to deal with it.
    Good luck on your journey to happy healthy you!
  • italiangirlinva
    italiangirlinva Posts: 16 Member
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    Check out overeaters anonymous www.oa.org. It's changed my life forever. It saved me and is a wonderful real-world network that can support you in recovery.
  • lalamass2013
    lalamass2013 Posts: 2 Member
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    Hi! I'm a recovering binger!! Try adding protein at every snack and meal. It helps a lot!! I don't get as many triggers when I have enough protein!
    And don't hate yourself. Take one step at a time. You can do it!
  • specky4eyes
    specky4eyes Posts: 18 Member
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    Thanks all :). Managed a binge-free day yesterday and just got back from a walk around a very hilly field - historic quarry - so nice to. Get out in the fresh air :)
  • Andrea3030
    Andrea3030 Posts: 161
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    Good job!!! :)

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