Can't stop bingeing and hate myself :(

I can relate. I have a history of anorexia and now struggle with occasional bulimic episodes, but also binge eating in and of itself. I am not so bad now, as I was, but I do have at least a few days a month where I will hit 4-5k calories. At my worst, I went through 8 weeks of daily binge eating, up to 3 times a day, hitting 10k calories sometimes. It was awful. I felt awful. The only reason I went out, was to buy another stash of junk food. And I gained 14-16 Ibs in those 8 weeks. Granted, I was not remotely overweight, but the associated guilt and despair, along with the physical feeling of constantly being sluggish and out of it have never been forgotten. I also suffer depression quite severely, so that does not help.

Keep on keeping on, and hopefully you are looking to the real source of these binge episodes. For me, it is a combination of being a natural perfectionist who likes control, and likes to release control in a big way sometimes, alongside getting easily bored and often staying up too late, thus eating from tiredness.

Feel free to add me for support.

The uncontrollable desire to eat can indeed be overwhelming, I know. If you have a specific food or type of food that you are unable to control yourself around (for me, it's a few different things, but namely, cookies) it might help to not have those things in the house until you've gotten yourself under control. I love the whole 'if it fits your macros' idea, but that only works if you can practice moderation, and practicing moderation only happens when one is fully in control of themselves.

If the problem isn't so much *what* you eat, but an inability to control yourself with any food (ie, emotional eating) stop and try to address *why* you're eating. What are you trying to quell, ignore or mask? Much of the time, binge eaters are emotional eaters, so it behooves us to identify the mental and emotional drive behind the inability to control our eating. The problem is, sometimes we don't associate how we're feeling with our actions. For me, the month of February was really difficult on a number of levels. I couldn't keep my cravings in check, which resulted in binges. At the same time, my husband and I were fighting a lot (mostly because of my insecurity) and I didn't connect the two at the time, but looking back on it, now that I'm outside the situation, I think my eating was a way of coping with how scared, insecure, frustrated and out-of-control I felt with my emotions.

Sometimes it's both things, sometimes it's one or the other. It's difficult at times to discern what's happening without really stopping and analyzing the situation. Regardless, the best thing you can do for yourself is be present and mindful, and really, truly be honest with yourself. Log EVERYTHING. Make your diary private if you have to. (I had to) But be honest with yourself as to how much you're really taking in and what you're doing to yourself. Yes, we can acknowledge we've had a binge and that it isn't healthy, but it's a whole different ball of whacks to see the cold, hard number- that you've gone over your calorie goal, and not only have you gone over that, but you've gone over it by 1000+ calories. That stark reality can be helpful.

You can do this. One day, one hour, one moment at a time.

There is a group called Overeaters Anonymous. Www.oa.org. they have been my salvation. Look for a meeting in your local area. Good luck.

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definitely the above ....... hating yourself is so yesterday ..... best of luck to you !

hi specky. i don't think any of us get here because we have perfect mental and emotional health. we eat for reasons that need to be uncovered and dealt with. you have been to doctors, how about some counselling? i also use overeaters anonymous, where i have learned to face my past and leave it there. we have issues, not just excess pounds.

HI Specky,

You might want to start preplanning your day. Decide the night before what you are going to eat and in what quatities. Then post it first thing in the morning. When you go to reach for something, you have to constantly ask yourself "Is that on my menu?" If the answer is no then it doesn't go in your mouth.

Portion everything. Don't guess! Don't eyeball it! Measure and weigh!

It's also helpful to make sure you are busy, especially your hands. They love to migrate towards food.

Get out of the house if that's where you binge. If you have to spend extra money to buy something, you will think twice.

Take walks and drink water with a slice of lemon, orange and/or lemon. So cool and refreshing and it has taste.

It takes 21 days to form a habit and 6 months to break one. So as you are making new, healthier habits, the old unhealthy ones will be around for a while longer, but each day you succeed is one day closer to finally being free.

I'm not sure what anti-depressant you are talking, but consider talking to your doctor about Welbutrin. I was taking 20mg of Lexapro since Nov 2012 and felt EXACTLY how you described. You can literally go through my forum history and find the topic that I posted. I got a new doctor and she put me on Welbutin 150mg/day to go with the Lexapro. Holy poop. The medication is fantastic. It curbs your appetite first of all. The first week I took it, I literally didn't crave food once. It also gives you more energy, so you feel like going to the gym or going a walk vs. staying in bed all day. So not only does it chemically make you feel happier, the fact that you're eating less and moving more makes you even happier!

Check out overeaters anonymous www.oa.org. It's changed my life forever. It saved me and is a wonderful real-world network that can support you in recovery.

I have the same problem. I'm trying some head-work for it. It runs like this:

Yes, I want to eat an entire package of cookies with frosting on top. But I want to lose/maintain my weight more.

It's okay to want to go to the store, buy Mac & Cheese, burrito shells, and salsa, and create the most disgustingly delicious binge food ever. I am visualizing it. I can almost taste it. Ultimately, I'm not actually going to go do it. Not because I can't. I can. But I want something else more. I want to be healthy, energetic, and not have that hateful post-binge depression. Oh yeah, and I want to wear my favorite jeans, too!

Yes, I could go to the store right now and clean out the bakery aisle, but why don't I go to the thrift store instead and try on clothes? Or go to a movie? Even a movie costs less than a binge. Or I could save the money I would have spent, put it in a jar, and buy something really nice that has nothing to do with food.

I want to go down to the kitchen and get into my kid's cookies. But they're his cookies, not mine. Sure, I could just buy him more, but why don't I watch a DVD instead?

Yep, I'm stressed. I'm angry. I'm ready to rampage, and since I can't rampage without all sorts of social and possibly legal woes, I want to turn all that justified rage inwards and fill my belly to bursting. But I'm not going to. Because I deserve better and no one and nothing is going to stop me from having better. So I'm going to punch the hell out of this pillow and lift these stupid weights and run in place and scream at the top of my lungs (neighbors permitting) until I'm not furious and craving anymore.

Yeah, I was a dummy and ate something for breakfast that has turned me into the human food shoveler. Okay, let's figure out what did it and not do it again. Meanwhile, it's okay to crave and feel like I'm starving. I will just deal with it today and not give in. Yep, it sucks, but know what sucks more? That post-binge, bloated feeling-like-a-massive-failure misery.


I can't say changing my thinking like this is foolproof, but it helps a lot.

Edit because I forgot a major one: Yes, I'm strangely craving and hungry. But I bet I'm just thirsty. (Chugs water). Oh, that didn't work? I bet I'm sleep deprived. (Goes to sleep).

i can totally relate to your situation. just like quiting smoking i can only tell you my expirience. for me i found that having a goal that was worth driving me forward in a positive direction. for smoking it was meeting a woman that i fell in love with. from there it was a matter of changing my daily habits. same holds true for food. i invite you to explore your true drive in you life. your kids? husband? find something that pulls you to be able to force youself to change to benifit your goal whatever that may be.

i eat a lot !!! but using fitness pal i was able to see how much i really was eating. it started with buying a scale. understanding portion sizes and week by week teach yourself what works in your lifestyle.

if you leave it to guess work and not logging in your food your only cheating yourself. if you do eat some cake. put it in. after you see how much that cake eats up your calories and has no real nutrition you well learn to substitue better choices. you can definently eat cake and lose weight but you have to have one or the other and fit it into your daily life style and goals.

as far as excersise goes i would leave walking for strictly recreation. its not a fair trade for burning calories and your time. its as simple as get your body moving and using all your muscles at once ( full body excersises) at your own pace work with only your body wieght ( asuming you are mobile ) body squats , jumping jacks,,,,if its to strenuous just modify it. start slow and progess.

most usefull thing you can do besides using fitness pal is to make a log book you can take with you. i print my daily caloires and put it with my workout diary in this,
if you dont know what you did you have no way to see where you need to adjust to keep losing weight. so if you lose some wieght and then stop you can simply go back and see that you only worked out 2 days for the week and ate to many caloires. that for me makes it so i can get out of my head thinking that im just not able to lose wiedht no matter what i do. you can lose wight you just need to adjust the three key ingridients.....sleep,,,,,excersise,,,,,,,and caloires,,,,,iF YOUR NOT LOSING WIEGHT THE ANSWER LIES IN THOSE 3 KEY FACTORS.

step 1: google your bmr, figure out how many calories you need a day. start with your actual wieght.

step 2: google a macronutrient calculator. enter in your numbers from step one and follow the steps to calcuate the proper balance of nutruients you need and how many you need per meal.

step 3 : enter this into my fitness pal for your goals. a good rule of thumb to lose healthy bodyfat and keep your muscle is to restrict yourself only 500 caloires a day from your total needed calories.

step 4: you tube is my best friend. search for healthy alternative recipies and add one to replace a bad food in your current diet once a week. like me i no longer eat any bad food i have traded them all for healthy alternatives but it took me a few months.

step 5: you tube quick full body work outs and follow them. work yourself up to one a day . most of them are 15 minutes long and can be fun. DO NOT BUY DVD'S OR WORK OUT PROGRAMS !!!!!!! everything you need is on you tube.

last thing think of your calories is like having a daily spending allowance. your only have so much and can only buy som many different things. so you have to spend wisely or youll find you dont have necesaties. having children im sure you learned this from expirence. now just aplly it to your calories.

hope this long rant of horribible spelling errors helps lol