Friends not happy for you!?

Options
2

Replies

  • therealkat
    therealkat Posts: 53 Member
    Options
    I've adopted the phrase "Love Thy Hater."

    I love this!
  • BobcatGirl110
    BobcatGirl110 Posts: 364 Member
    Options
    this is one of the most common problems.....I think there are several reasons for why it happens. I have found that it's a wonderful thing when you can celebrate it here on MFP with people who have similar struggles and understand what you working toward. Use this as your place to find encouragement and inspiration and let your IRL friends just be "friends" rather than support groups....different friends are for different purposes and MFP will provide you with the support and understanding you need in that area so find people here to share those successes with :)
  • kdeaux1959
    kdeaux1959 Posts: 2,675 Member
    Options
    People with common goals usually are higher support. That is the value of MFP. I find that my personal friends noticing without my saying anything is the greater reward. Beware though; as you near your ultimate goal, many times they will view you as having gone "too far" due to the general public misconception of what "healthy" is... Many times, especially in the South, they have a concept of "healthy" as being about 25 pounds overweight to mildly obese... anything less than that and you will find that they will think you are "anorexic"...
  • Christi132
    Christi132 Posts: 67 Member
    Options
    I also think that many "friends" consider what we're going through as a fitness phase and that we'll eventually "return to normal." What they don't realize is how much positive energy it takes to become physically fit and that positive energy opens up other doors in life. I totally agree with the cliche "AwesomeSauce" mentioned that misery love company and now I try very hard to establish relationship boundaries with toxic, negative people. Once those people aren't around then more positive people seem to show up in my life.
  • cstringfellow2013
    cstringfellow2013 Posts: 172 Member
    Options
    its not even that I care about what they think, its just that they have the same goals and I'm proud of myself and would like to be an inspiration for them and show that even though I have a desk job 7-5 it IS attainable once you decide what your priorities are! I just thought I could be an inspiration and instead I feel like I can't share any successes because I won't get a response. its not that I get a negative response..i just don't get a response. but oh well... I have MFP to share successes on. and I love seeing the transformation in the mirror

    I totally understand this! I came to the realization that my IRL friends just don't want to hear it, so I don't mention my losses. If they want me to be their inspiration, then they can come to me when they see I've met my goals. It sucks, though, because I'm proud of how far I've gone and I can only really share this with my husband and my mom. So I come here, because EVERYONE here understands and is supportive.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
    Options
    I tend to find that people give the deer-in-headlights look if you haven't mentioned much to them in the past about your goal(s). But my friends in general are very supportive and encouraging. I DO find that people who have a history of failure with their own diet and fitness are the least interested and supportive. I have one friend in particular who seems to feel bitter and threatened. But I think that's because we go way back, and as teens we were a similar (obese) weight and that's continued to the present day. However, as I've gradually lost weight and become more active, she has gained more and tried a lot of the fads (shakes etc) and therefore is not supportive. She is jealous, and does not believe that I have lost over 100 lb without some sort of "secret" which in her mind is either pills, starvation, voodoo, etc. It has put a huge wedge in our friendship and I'm at the point of not even caring anymore.
  • rockmama72
    rockmama72 Posts: 815 Member
    Options
    Let me just throw out a bit of (calorie-free) food for thought.

    I know someone who lost a bunch of weight. Someone I care about very much! She was quite obese and it was absolutely awesome to see the changes.

    As she lost, things like this started to happen:

    ME: Ugh. I gained five pounds over the holidays.
    HER: I don't know how I did it, but I managed to LOSE five in December!!!

    ME: I could really use some new jeans.
    HER: (standing up to demonstrate): ME TOO! Look at how these are FALLING OFF!

    ME: mmmmmmm... Cheeseburgers
    HER: UGH! I have absolutely NO appetite for greasy foods!

    It got pretty hard to be around her for a while. She thought I was being unsupportive.

    I'm not saying this is the case with you, OP, because I don't know you and your friends. But maybe take a second to look inward?
  • ALNoog
    ALNoog Posts: 413 Member
    Options
    I get the same thing...,... I get lectured about how I should just love my body and every size is beautiful blah blah blah BUT they don't even bother to ask why I am doing it.... I am unhealthy!!! I have so many medical problems it's unreal...... I was on a quick road to my death bed.... I'm not doing it because I hate myself... I'm doing it because I love myself.

    Most people are supportive... But some just dismiss it. I'm glad that some of my bigger friends love their bodies..... More power to them.... But I can't just be like I am big and beautiful and hear me roar.... Im not aiming to be skinny.... I'm aiming to be healthy!
  • mschicagocubs
    mschicagocubs Posts: 774 Member
    Options
    Let me just throw out a bit of (calorie-free) food for thought.

    I know someone who lost a bunch of weight. Someone I care about very much! She was quite obese and it was absolutely awesome to see the changes.

    As she lost, things like this started to happen:

    ME: Ugh. I gained five pounds over the holidays.
    HER: I don't know how I did it, but I managed to LOSE five in December!!!

    ME: I could really use some new jeans.
    HER: (standing up to demonstrate): ME TOO! Look at how these are FALLING OFF!

    ME: mmmmmmm... Cheeseburgers
    HER: UGH! I have absolutely NO appetite for greasy foods!

    It got pretty hard to be around her for a while. She thought I was being unsupportive.

    I'm not saying this is the case with you, OP, because I don't know you and your friends. But maybe take a second to look inward?

    Great perspective. It took me a while to realize I was your friend. When I had lost a lot of weight, I was constantly screaming about my excitement without even noticing that I was making my other friends feel bad about themselves.

    Now I am back working to lose a few lbs and eventually gain muscle, I try to make sure I am not really talking about it around certain people as they take it as "Well if you're fat, what the hell am I?"

    You need to find the friends that are supportive of you on your journey. Which might just be your MFPals :)
  • Slim_strategy
    Slim_strategy Posts: 199
    Options
    All my friends sort of distanced themselves as I became thinner, I don't know why.. I guess they were always just used to the funny fat girl and they thought I had changed or something #sigh
    Plenty of fish in the sea I guess :)
  • jlahorn
    jlahorn Posts: 377 Member
    Options
    I know family and friends are happy for me, but seriously, I finally got my *kitten* in gear and lost weight - it isn't like I cured cancer.

    Love this.

    I actually get kind of confused if somebody makes a big deal about my weight loss. Keeping your body healthy should be something we expect from everyone (who has access to proper nutrition) by default. While it's certainly hard work to lose weight, we did it to ourselves. We're just fixing something we've been doing wrong to begin with.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
    Options
    I know family and friends are happy for me, but seriously, I finally got my *kitten* in gear and lost weight - it isn't like I cured cancer.

    Love this.

    I actually get kind of confused if somebody makes a big deal about my weight loss. Keeping your body healthy should be something we expect from everyone (who has access to proper nutrition) by default. While it's certainly hard work to lose weight, we did it to ourselves. We're just fixing something we've been doing wrong to begin with.

    I completely agree!
  • Kymaaa3
    Kymaaa3 Posts: 19 Member
    Options
    Love this post. I've experience this and I've put it into prospective "It's their issue not mine." my main concern is to get healthly mind body and soul, so if family members and friends start looking at me side eyed then so be it they will get over it or they wont but I'm going on with my plan no matter what. Now, on the positive side I also found that I have encouraged alot of people and that's wonderful I never thought that I would have that affect on somebody but it's does my heart good to see that someone is getting inspired by my weight loss and I want to be a support to them in any way that I can. So, to all those who are secretly hating let them it's there problem just keep doing what you're doing and don't sweat the small stuff. Peace and Blessings!
  • _lyndseybrooke_
    _lyndseybrooke_ Posts: 2,561 Member
    Options
    I only have one friend that I talk to about my weight loss on a regular basis. She's actually very unhappy with her weight, but hasn't yet found the motivation to put the work in to lose it. I don't tell her every time I lose a couple of pounds, though, because I've got my husband for those small victories. However, this weekend was a pretty big deal for me - I took my measurements for the first time (wish I would've done it 15 lbs ago), took some "during" photos (never took photos for this purpose before, but wish I had), and bought my first food scale. I told her all of this via text and said, "I think I may be on a bit of a kick." She agreed with a few "haha"s thrown in and I told her that I hoped it stuck this time because I was sick of yo-yo dieting and I just wanted to feel and look healthy for good. She replied, "I think it will." I also told her a couple weeks ago that I started drinking protein shakes because I was so excited about it and she said she might look into that because she gets really hungry between breakfast and lunch while she's teaching and I told her that the protein shake kept me full all morning (along with my daily oatmeal). She's supportive, but I try not to bombard her with it because I don't want her to think I'm gloating that I'm doing something about my weight and she's not, because that's not my intention. Maybe my excitement will encourage her, but maybe not. I only do it because I'm very excited about my new lifestyle and I want to share it with my friend.

    If I texted her and she didn't respond, I'd stop sharing it with her. I would probably have my feelings hurt a bit that she wasn't happy for me, but I wouldn't keep going. I'm very lucky to have my husband, who is super supportive even though he doesn't think I need to lose weight. Just don't let it discourage you - you've got us to talk about your milestones with! :)
  • allana1111
    allana1111 Posts: 390 Member
    Options
    I only have one friend that I talk to about my weight loss on a regular basis. She's actually very unhappy with her weight, but hasn't yet found the motivation to put the work in to lose it. I don't tell her every time I lose a couple of pounds, though, because I've got my husband for those small victories. However, this weekend was a pretty big deal for me - I took my measurements for the first time (wish I would've done it 15 lbs ago), took some "during" photos (never took photos for this purpose before, but wish I had), and bought my first food scale. I told her all of this via text and said, "I think I may be on a bit of a kick." She agreed with a few "haha"s thrown in and I told her that I hoped it stuck this time because I was sick of yo-yo dieting and I just wanted to feel and look healthy for good. She replied, "I think it will." I also told her a couple weeks ago that I started drinking protein shakes because I was so excited about it and she said she might look into that because she gets really hungry between breakfast and lunch while she's teaching and I told her that the protein shake kept me full all morning (along with my daily oatmeal). She's supportive, but I try not to bombard her with it because I don't want her to think I'm gloating that I'm doing something about my weight and she's not, because that's not my intention. Maybe my excitement will encourage her, but maybe not. I only do it because I'm very excited about my new lifestyle and I want to share it with my friend.

    If I texted her and she didn't respond, I'd stop sharing it with her. I would probably have my feelings hurt a bit that she wasn't happy for me, but I wouldn't keep going. I'm very lucky to have my husband, who is super supportive even though he doesn't think I need to lose weight. Just don't let it discourage you - you've got us to talk about your milestones with! :)

    I agree with this a lot! I've never bombarded.. I've only told them a few times and we were the same starting weight (139) and once she told me her goal was 120... and I'm now at 124... all I got one time was she told me not to get too skinny.. but yet she has the same goal as me! Oh well though... all we can do is love and treat people the way we'd like to be treated
  • lthames0810
    lthames0810 Posts: 722 Member
    Options
    Other than My MFP friends, I've only shared details about my weight loss with one other person. Just this past Saturday, while on a bike ride together, I brought the subject up (again) and she absolutely glazed over. I've become a bore with all this nutrition stuff! Time to take this topic off the "things to talk about" list.

    One other perspective. If you were wealthy, you probably wouldn't regale your broke friends with tales about shopping for your new Lexus. You know it would make them feel bad. I know it should be different when talking about an accomplishment worthy of congratulations, but they may feel it's the same.
  • Fedup23
    Fedup23 Posts: 80 Member
    Options
    Some people think they are the first person in the world to lose 20 pounds and want some kind of award...it can go both ways. LOL
  • allana1111
    allana1111 Posts: 390 Member
    Options
    yeah I totally understand better now. its just that I used to live with her and we'd always talk about eating healthy... .we'd sporadically go to the gym together... have dreams of getting super fit and sexy... and now we live far away from each other and I've done it and she hasn't it probably makes her want nothing to do with it.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
    Options
    I only have one friend that I talk to about my weight loss on a regular basis. She's actually very unhappy with her weight, but hasn't yet found the motivation to put the work in to lose it. I don't tell her every time I lose a couple of pounds, though, because I've got my husband for those small victories. However, this weekend was a pretty big deal for me - I took my measurements for the first time (wish I would've done it 15 lbs ago), took some "during" photos (never took photos for this purpose before, but wish I had), and bought my first food scale. I told her all of this via text and said, "I think I may be on a bit of a kick." She agreed with a few "haha"s thrown in and I told her that I hoped it stuck this time because I was sick of yo-yo dieting and I just wanted to feel and look healthy for good. She replied, "I think it will." I also told her a couple weeks ago that I started drinking protein shakes because I was so excited about it and she said she might look into that because she gets really hungry between breakfast and lunch while she's teaching and I told her that the protein shake kept me full all morning (along with my daily oatmeal). She's supportive, but I try not to bombard her with it because I don't want her to think I'm gloating that I'm doing something about my weight and she's not, because that's not my intention. Maybe my excitement will encourage her, but maybe not. I only do it because I'm very excited about my new lifestyle and I want to share it with my friend.

    If I texted her and she didn't respond, I'd stop sharing it with her. I would probably have my feelings hurt a bit that she wasn't happy for me, but I wouldn't keep going. I'm very lucky to have my husband, who is super supportive even though he doesn't think I need to lose weight. Just don't let it discourage you - you've got us to talk about your milestones with! :)

    I think you have a great attitude about it!!
  • Fedup23
    Fedup23 Posts: 80 Member
    Options
    There are people that have become so obsessive about things that its ALL they talk about. I have one friend, I swear, I know every exercise he does, every day at crossfit from his facebook posts. Theres only so much you can say in response, so maybe my silence on his posts of what he is up to has his undies in a bunch, but hey..we are all different. I do my workouts and weigh ins and keep it to myself, thats my way of doing things.

    I think there are a lot of people reading much more into what their family or friends are actually thinking. It may be an insecurity from being overweight, it may an issue of feeling superior becauseof those accomplishments, or it may be as simple as not reading people really well, but I tend to hope for the better than expect the worse from people.

Categories