Getting blamed for someone else's overeating
calliegirl1973
Posts: 23 Member
nearly 2 months ago on super bowl sunday, I bought queso cheese dip. we ate it over a few days. my aunt had a little bit of it. Fast forward to last week. There was Queso in the fridge. yesterday there was a giant jar, almost all eaten. i had barely had any. Last night my family told me I was the one at fault for my aunt overeating it this past week. I just do not understand how I can be to blame just because I bought it nearly 2 months ago. It seems me buying it made her want it 2 months later and she didn't have enough will power not to buy it.
If we are going this route, I once had an ice cream about 10 years ago, now i want another one. my diet is blown.. It's not right to blame someone else for the overeating you are doing. We need to take responsibility for our own actions.
Since I live with my aunt, I am now not allowed to buy certain things because of her overeating. I can't buy it and use the family fridge because then she will want it. I am so disheartened this morning. it seems everything I like eating, makes her want to overeat. I am going to have to accept this is not my problem.
If we are going this route, I once had an ice cream about 10 years ago, now i want another one. my diet is blown.. It's not right to blame someone else for the overeating you are doing. We need to take responsibility for our own actions.
Since I live with my aunt, I am now not allowed to buy certain things because of her overeating. I can't buy it and use the family fridge because then she will want it. I am so disheartened this morning. it seems everything I like eating, makes her want to overeat. I am going to have to accept this is not my problem.
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I sorta had to deal with this a few years ago when I had a couple female roomeates. They ate my food... and when I bought a treat, it would be gone in a day or two. And suddenly I get blamed for thier overeating cuz I bought ruffles chips or made a huge macaroni salad (supposed to have lasted several days, but was gone it two).
I infested in a mini fridge. I kept it in my own room, so that I could hid any treats I needed to. I kept the simple stuff, like milk, or eggs, and the like in the main fridge, but kept my special stuff in my own space. I also kept any dry treats (think the occasional box of cookies) on top of my mini fridge.
My roommate made me feel so bad, even tho her lack of will power was the only thing to really blame. So after I got the mini fridge, it straightened itself out. Roommates were a little surprised my my solution, but they understood how they made me feel even tho it really had nothing to do with me.
Moral of the story: Talk to your aunt, and let her know that you don't appreciate the blame. If she overeats, she can mention that it was one something you bought, but there's no sense in guilt tripping. Then, buy the mini fridge! I love that thing... My boyfriend (whom I now live with) uses it the same as I did. I'm trying to get healthy, so if he wants beer, fatty dips, or deep friend left overs, they are in the mini fridge and not in my sight
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Meanwhile, in another thread, said aunt is complaining about her niece sabotaging her and not being supportive of her "journey."0
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It sucks being a guy and having no one to blame for being overweight. Women get babies, their unsupportive husbands, their catty female friends, TOM, their emotions, childhood trauma, a-hole family members, etc etc. Men just get labelled as having no self control. Doh!0
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I was thinking the same thing.Meanwhile, in another thread, said aunt is complaining about her niece sabotaging her and not being supportive of her "journey."0
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So so sad. too bad it doesn't work that way with exercise. maybe you ran two months ago and that made your aunt run too.
Hilarious and childish that your aunt ( a grown woman I'm guessing) and family blames the buyer of cheese dip 2 months prior do to her flimsy will power. Sounds like a gust of wind could blow her over.
you didn't plug her nose and force her to swallow it right? you didn't force feed her? What she puts in that mouth is up to her.
grown ups of the world-- ASSEMBLE!0 -
nearly 2 months ago on super bowl sunday, I bought queso cheese dip. we ate it over a few days. my aunt had a little bit of it. Fast forward to last week. There was Queso in the fridge. yesterday there was a giant jar, almost all eaten. i had barely had any. Last night my family told me I was the one at fault for my aunt overeating it this past week. I just do not understand how I can be to blame just because I bought it nearly 2 months ago. It seems me buying it made her want it 2 months later and she didn't have enough will power not to buy it.
If we are going this route, I once had an ice cream about 10 years ago, now i want another one. my diet is blown.. It's not right to blame someone else for the overeating you are doing. We need to take responsibility for our own actions.
Since I live with my aunt, I am now not allowed to buy certain things because of her overeating. I can't buy it and use the family fridge because then she will want it. I am so disheartened this morning. it seems everything I like eating, makes her want to overeat. I am going to have to accept this is not my problem.
1. It's entirely your aunt's fault for eating it. Period.
2. If you want to keep your own food you have to get your own place. If you live with her you live under her rules.
Agreed.0 -
"Fault" is the language of blame. "Responsibility" centers on the person taking the action. So your aunt is responsible for her own food choices, as are any of us for our own eating. I'd guess that family issues around blame go beyond food in that home; that's a large burden to shoulder in any family. It's easy to build resentments, judgement, and other defensive techniques in that kind of environment.
However unfair it may feel at times, it does seem considerate to be mindful of the people with whom we live. If your aunt has identified certain trigger foods and wants to keep temptation at bay within her own home, it's considerate to keep those foods to yourself if you must have them in the home. Until you are living in your own home where you can set the rules, it's a matter of respecting the boundaries of the home and finding ways to live within them. If it's in your means and you have the space in a room of your own, a mini-fridge seems a simple solution.
If you don't the means or the privacy, then it's about accepting current conditions until you're better positioned to make the change you'd like for yourself--like moving.0 -
Meanwhile, in another thread, said aunt is complaining about her niece sabotaging her and not being supportive of her "journey."
Lol this. I'm sorry. Definitely get a mini fridge!0 -
I once dated a guy with paleo aspirations. One evening I made myself a little bit of rice to go with the paleo meal he made. He became very upset with me for tempting him with carbs and accused me of being unsupportive and unhelpful. He also made me throw away a lot of my baking supplies and wanted me to support him by researching recipes and planning all his meals for him. Basically he wanted me to bend over backwards and rearrange my life to support his desired lifestyle.
I'm not dating him anymore because he was a controlling jerk. Don't let the controlling jerks in your life make you feel guilty or change your behavior. They are responsible for their own food and other choices. If they didn't act like controlling jerks about food they'd be controlling jerks about something else stupid, like whether to put your pants on right leg first or left leg first.0 -
I once saw a commercial for Pringles chips... 10 years ago... and it's true, once you start, you can't stop. I'm going to sue.0
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Meanwhile, in another thread, said aunt is complaining about her niece sabotaging her and not being supportive of her "journey."
Lol this. I'm sorry. Definitely get a mini fridge!
Pffft it's the aunt's problem - she can buy her own minifridge! 0 -
My SIL does something similar. She is almost 50 years old and 400+ pounds. She says her weight problems are her mother's fault for making her clean her plate as a kid, completely ignoring that she has had 30 years old adulthood to stop doing that.0
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Your aunt sucks. Get your own fridge or your own place.
Unrelated but why is your goal weight 99 pounds?0 -
Meanwhile, in another thread, said aunt is complaining about her niece sabotaging her and not being supportive of her "journey."
Lol this. I'm sorry. Definitely get a mini fridge!
Pffft it's the aunt's problem - she can buy her own minifridge!
It's the aunt's house ... the fridge IS her own minifridge.0 -
Unrelated but why is your goal weight 99 pounds?
Unrelated and unwelcomed. Take that crap elsewhere.0 -
I'm smiling while I read this because it is such a common problem. My sweet husband wants sweets all over the house, candy, cookies, ice cream, soda pop, chips, and chocolate. If I had to depend on him giving up his sweets so I could lose weight, all would be lost. I can't blame him, I decide what to eat. I also can't blame the grocery store for having candy bars by the checkout counter. I also can't blame friends who drop off cookies, just to say "I love you". I also can't blame my neighbor who drops off a freshly baked loaf of bread to be neighborly. I alone am responsible. Your aunt has not accepted responsibility yet. She will never win this battle until she does. Good luck, sweetie. I like the idea of a personal fridge.0
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Well alas if you are living in your Aunts house then you will have to sneak food into your space. Def get yourself a mini fridge, even second hand ones are good. I'd invest in a non see-through sealed bin for any foods that you need to keep out of her line of sight.
and then move out when you can0 -
^^^:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: ^^^Meanwhile, in another thread, said aunt is complaining about her niece sabotaging her and not being supportive of her "journey."0 -
And somewhere a little kid is having to eat rolls with icing instead of real cupcakes.0
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Is she an adult ? .. yes ?? .. nuff said
She is is own responsibility0 -
Does your aunt use you as the scapegoat on other things than food?
If not, and it's only a food-related issue, then ask her if it would be ok if you used one of these for her trigger items: http://www.fridgelocker.com
I figure you'll soon find out if your aunt is willing to work towards a solution, or if she's using you as a scapegoat to enable her bad behaviour.0 -
Yes..nearly 2 months ago on super bowl sunday, I bought queso cheese dip. we ate it over a few days. my aunt had a little bit of it. Fast forward to last week. There was Queso in the fridge. yesterday there was a giant jar, almost all eaten. i had barely had any. Last night my family told me I was the one at fault for my aunt overeating it this past week. I just do not understand how I can be to blame just because I bought it nearly 2 months ago. It seems me buying it made her want it 2 months later and she didn't have enough will power not to buy it.
If we are going this route, I once had an ice cream about 10 years ago, now i want another one. my diet is blown.. It's not right to blame someone else for the overeating you are doing. We need to take responsibility for our own actions.
Since I live with my aunt, I am now not allowed to buy certain things because of her overeating. I can't buy it and use the family fridge because then she will want it. I am so disheartened this morning. it seems everything I like eating, makes her want to overeat. I am going to have to accept this is not my problem.
the answer you may or may not like is yes..
Yes we do not have will power or control.
Yes Most of us are here because we are fat and overweight can NOT CONTROL what we eat.
Yes if you know certain family members can not/should eat eat something you should not buy it or bring it into the hosue.0 -
But don't you UNDERSTAND???? Some people are addicted to food!!!! Would you keep heroin or crack lying around?0
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100% not your problem. Work on getting other peoples issues and feelings out of your head. Each time you feel anxious about how someone else feels or what they say ask yourself whose problem and feelings are in question. If the problem and/or feelings are not yours - do not spend any more time thinking about them. They can worry about it all on their own. Shrug your shoulders and force yourself to think about other things. Don't allow your thoughts to get mired down. It gets easier the more you practice it.
So - not your house so you have to go by her rules. That is your problem. How to fix? Get a mini fridge and a crate in your room for your personal foods. Put together a plan to get your own place. Life is easier in untold ways when you have your own space.0 -
And somewhere a little kid is having to eat rolls with icing instead of real cupcakes.
Yes, she is. LOL. :laugh:0 -
Meanwhile, in another thread, said aunt is complaining about her niece sabotaging her and not being supportive of her "journey."
Lol, no. she's not like that all.
It's not a I live with my aunt and live under her rules. I actually live with my mom and pay rent, my aunt moved in with us. we are all adults. I just get blamed for it. If i bought the nacho dip a year ago, i'd still get blamed.
I like the get my own fridge idea might just do that.0 -
I can see why your aunt has the self-control of a toddler. Sounds like her entire family helps her blame everything but herself for her decisions.0
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:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:And somewhere a little kid is having to eat rolls with icing instead of real cupcakes.0 -
I'm SO glad you're here--you've been reinforced that your aunt's weight loss is her issue, not yours. Hold your head high, keep going on your own weight-loss path, and don't let her get you down. You're going to do really well, because you're owning your weight issues, and you're able to separate the truth from the malarkey.0
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