Anyone feel bashed for "gaining weight" ?

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  • funforsports
    funforsports Posts: 2,656 Member
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    You know what you want, go out and get it.

    Tell them there is a difference between being skinny and healthy. They gym is part of being healthy.
  • brinabj
    brinabj Posts: 28
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    i never looked at it this way and i nerver really tried to understand how people who are in the right weight range feel but this opened my eyes that just because you are in the right weight range doesnt mean you cant want to improve your body or keep it there . My family and some friends always say you have lost enough weight you are getting out of control and im like what are you talking about they act like im starving myself or something, i am significantly over weight it just doesnt look like it because im 6ft tall so i wear my weight well i was 309 pounds i am 259 now and they say thats a enough smh and that they are worried im gonna be a pole but its not enough i wanna be fit and healthy not pole smh some people just dont understand your trying to be healthier just because your skinny does not mean you cant workout
  • goredguar
    goredguar Posts: 63 Member
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    When I lost weight due to my ed, nobody at university said a word. Not one. The only people who confronted me about it was my family and old high school friends.

    But NOW that I'm a healthy weight and have decided to build muscle, I have been getting comments from my lecture buddies and strangers, left right and centre! My lunch box has been gawked at "oh my god that's SO much chicken! Are you sure you should eat all that?" Was one the other day, and when I first mentioned I was starting to weightlifting, feeling really proud I'd decided to do so, I got a particularly memorable one - "oh are you sure? I started weightlifting once, but started to get so massive and bulky, I quit"
    Yeah...even if it were TRUE you get "bulky", I'm doing weightlifting more for the strength part, I like feeling powerful and couldn't care less. (But if it gets me a good booty in the meanwhile well hey, I'm not gonna complain! ;) )

    Now I just don't talk about my weightlifting, as I've given up trying to explain it rationally and challenge the "women mustn't lift" myth - and I found myself saying "funny, because my waist size has decreased" when someone told me I'd "get fat if I ate that for lunch"
    (scrambled eggs and various veg etc in a box)

    So yes, I do feel I get bashed for wanting to gain weight. Funny how people were quiet when it was the other way around!
  • Dedshot
    Dedshot Posts: 145
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    I am also 105 but I am 5' 3". I get the same comments from people questioning why I go to the gym especially since I am naturally very small. I'm there the same reason everyone else is, to be fit. Just shrug it off. People are dumb.
  • NextPage
    NextPage Posts: 609 Member
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    It is strange that people think that cardio and strength training are only to lose weight. It is mostly about health and being able to live life to the fullest and I have yet to see a post on MFP stating that someone is looking forward to never exercising again when they get to their target weight. There is also nothing wrong with deciding that you want to have a particular asthetic (i.e. olympic diver's body or fitness model, for example).
  • csuhar
    csuhar Posts: 779 Member
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    I guess this post is more geared towards the ladies.

    But I am 105 and 5 feet tall. I don't want to gain weight persay, but I want to get toned and that will put weight on me and I am okay with that. If I lose anymore I might start to look unhealthy.

    Anyways, people always bash me. "You don't need to lose weight." "If I was your size I would eat whatever I want." "If I was a size 0 I would drive right past the gym." If I even talk about wanting to workout, or eating to tone up, I get criticized. Especially with he dreaded, "I WISH I had that problem." Comment.

    It makes me feel self conscious, like I shouldn't talk, or that I should be ashamed of myself.

    Anyone else deal with this?

    I've had a variant of it, even though I'm a guy. I was talking about how I'd been spending a lot of time in the gym and another guy said "but you look great, already". I'm sure he meant it as a compliment, and I just replied by saying "Yes, I may look good, but I'm not at the PERFORMANCE level I want to be at, yet."

    So sometimes, you can correct them by simply acknowledging their perspective but then informing them that you have a goal that is not tied to what they were talking about.

    And that's the big thing: It doesn't matter if someone would eat anything she wanted if they looked like you, or someone else would drive by the gym if they had a given dress size. Those would be THEIR goals, and that's fine for them. You have your goals and you have your plan as far as how to get there.

    As long as you're making progress towards your goal, don't worry too much about what they say.
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
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    In situations where screaming "F U" is inappropriate, I just smile and say "Don't diet and exercise: Fuel and Train."

    It's usually enough of a non sequitur from their perspective that they leave me alone after that.
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
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    Why has exercising become something you only do if you are trying to lose weight? Everyone should exercise - for their health and well being. It isn't just about losing weight. There are benefits for everyone - heart health, mental health, too many benefits to mention.

    ^^^^ this

    in fact I'd go so far as to say that humans shouldn't be sedentary and being sedentary is harmful to the health and that everyone should exercise. The idea that exercise is only to lose weight is totally utterly and completely missing the point about exercise, it's just one benefit of it, and not even the main reason.

    note: I realise that there are some medical conditions that make exercise impossible or even dangerous, therefore those people are exceptions and have to do what's best for their health in their circumstances. But for the general population, the above applies.
  • cshulga
    cshulga Posts: 17
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    I'm glad you shared that, because I'm guilty for saying these things to 'naturally thin, or thin' people. I really didn't think it bothered them... but really it can be just as bad as calling someone fat I suppose. Honestly, I always (ignorantly) thought they were looking for attention, which is an unfair accusation.

    I'll definitely be more aware now when I'm in that situation. I'm sorry you feel that way, because it's not fair. I hope more people become aware of this as well!

    Good luck with toning/healthy bulking! :)
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
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    I've actually started to believe that all the arguing we do about diet is focusing on the wrong issue. Activity is the key to health. Diet makes us active.

    Most studies show that cholesterol, for example is controlled through activity. The research on controlling cholesterol through the diet seems a little more in the "grey" zone.
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
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    I'm glad you shared that, because I'm guilty for saying these things to 'naturally thin, or thin' people. I really didn't think it bothered them... but really it can be just as bad as calling someone fat I suppose. Honestly, I always (ignorantly) thought they were looking for attention, which is an unfair accusation.

    I'll definitely be more aware now when I'm in that situation. I'm sorry you feel that way, because it's not fair. I hope more people become aware of this as well!

    Good luck with toning/healthy bulking! :)

    One day, you'll have somebody tell you that you are naturally thin with a great metabolism and just don't understand what they are going through.
  • bludflower
    bludflower Posts: 21
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    That's really unfair and insensitive of some people. I've been overweight since I was about 11 or 12, but my oldest sister has the exact opposite problem. She could never put on weight and looked downright sick at times. One thing she taught me is that being called "skinny" to your face hurts just as much as being called "fat". We once joked that if I could donate half my body weight to her, we'd both be smoking hot.

    Some people--usually those who struggle to lose weight mistakingly think there's nothing better in the world than to be thin, but I've known thin girls who were still blubbery and had cottage cheese thighs. Everyone needs exercise to be healthy. Do what feels right.
  • __freckles__
    __freckles__ Posts: 1,238 Member
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    That's really unfair and insensitive of some people. I've been overweight since I was about 11 or 12, but my oldest sister has the exact opposite problem. She could never put on weight and looked downright sick at times. One thing she taught me is that being called "skinny" to your face hurts just as much as being called "fat". We once joked that if I could donate half my body weight to her, we'd both be smoking hot.

    Some people--usually those who struggle to lose weight mistakingly think there's nothing better in the world than to be thin, but I've known thin girls who were still blubbery and had cottage cheese thighs. Everyone needs exercise to be healthy. Do what feels right.

    Amen!
  • MightyMini2014
    MightyMini2014 Posts: 5 Member
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    I am 5'1' , and 118 pounds. I have always been on the smaller size, and I have been smaller. And I am looking to gain weight, hoping to get to the 130 mark soon. I love myself, and my body! But, I do agree that people can be very critical of us women that want to gain. The comments can be very annoying! I don't care, I will continue to work toward my goal.
  • kyliesuebam
    kyliesuebam Posts: 22 Member
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    I know resurrecting this topic, but I took a 3 month hiatus because I got so discouraged from family and friends. I finished reading all the replies and want to say thank you to everyone! I'm back on board!
  • ChelseaWelseyKins
    ChelseaWelseyKins Posts: 272 Member
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    I've got kind of the problem you do. I'm athletic and skinny, at 5'8" and 135lbs. I still feel like I need to at least lose a little fat and tone up, but anytime I talk to anyone about it they say the same thing over and over: "Girl, you don't need to do that. Are you crazy?"

    Most people would WANT that reaction, but when you need motivation and support to get going, it's a little rough.
    I recently found a friend, who is now my best friend, that had the same goal in mind as me. I just had to ask. It's easier when you have someone there that will push you and not just say "you're skinny already." Hopefully you find a friend to keep you motivated and on the right track :)
    It's not like you're asking to lose 40lbs at 105lbs already.
  • postrockandcats
    postrockandcats Posts: 1,145 Member
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    I'm glad you shared that, because I'm guilty for saying these things to 'naturally thin, or thin' people. I really didn't think it bothered them... but really it can be just as bad as calling someone fat I suppose. Honestly, I always (ignorantly) thought they were looking for attention, which is an unfair accusation.

    I'll definitely be more aware now when I'm in that situation. I'm sorry you feel that way, because it's not fair. I hope more people become aware of this as well!

    Good luck with toning/healthy bulking! :)

    One day, you'll have somebody tell you that you are naturally thin with a great metabolism and just don't understand what they are going through.

    Yup. I get that now (which is weird to hear O_o ) and I always have to say "LOL there isn't a natural thing about my situation! LOOK AT MY FOOD AND EXERCISE LOG. OBSERVE ME ALWAYS WEARING AN ACTIVITY TRACKER."

    I'm "naturally" a person with no impulse control who can consume truly absurd amounts of food at a given moment. There was a reason I had an almost 100 pounds weight loss; it would have been a LOT more if I didn't start where I did.
  • jimmmer
    jimmmer Posts: 3,515 Member
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    I know resurrecting this topic, but I took a 3 month hiatus because I got so discouraged from family and friends. I finished reading all the replies and want to say thank you to everyone! I'm back on board!

    Part of being serious about this stuff is realising most people don't know anything about anything. And then doing what you need to do to get where you need to get.

    People are background noise, at best. And unless they have many years training experience, I'm including friends, family, co-workers, etc in that too. Filter it all out and do what is necessary to achieve your goals.
  • stealthq
    stealthq Posts: 4,298 Member
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    This is an issue I had while cutting, not bulking.

    I had plenty of people tell me I was 'too thin' and needed to stop cutting (at the mid-range of BMI and ~25% BF, mind you). It never really bothered me. Probably because the only people who said anything like that are people I'm already well aware are a$$hats of the first order or so clueless they never think about what flies out of their mouths.

    Bulking, I just got some curious questions - why was I suddenly seeming to eat so much more - and really confused looks when I explained. Especially when I mentioned I'd be cutting again soon enough :) They always shut up again at that point. I guess they have no frame of reference so don't know what to say.
  • milkgainer
    milkgainer Posts: 5
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    Welcome back! I hope you don't let those people get to you again. I've lived my whole life as a "skinny" person, and it's just not worth listening to others on the matter. It's your body to take care of, so do what you think is healthiest for you.

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