NOT pregnant

sweetsarahj
sweetsarahj Posts: 701 Member
in Motivation and Support
A coworker that I hardly see stopped me in the hall, touched my stomach and exclaimed "OOOOO you're getting ROUND!"

I said, "Really? I'm not pregnant. Just fat"

She said "Oh my god, you're not? Are you well?"

Me: "Oh I'm fine. Just Fat. Thanks for pointing it out."

THen I sent her an email.... "I want to be clear that comments on my appearance are not welcome. I’ve put some weight on, but that does not mean that I am either pregnant or unwell. I am, in fact, quite healthy. However, my health and appearance are not subjects that I’m not interested in discussing with colleagues. "


WTH is wrong with people!!!!!
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Replies

  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
    That would have caught me so off guard I'd probably have blurted out something that HR would not have appreciated.
  • _MG_
    _MG_ Posts: 453 Member
    People are idiots.

    That's unacceptable behavior pregnant or not.
  • aabucher78
    aabucher78 Posts: 1
    Oh my, I'm so sorry. I have had the same thing happen to me. I had someone ask me and when I said "no, I guess this must not be a flattering dress," the person responded "no, way, you must be!" I had to just walk away. And to make it even more terrible, she's much more heavy than me.
  • sweetsarahj
    sweetsarahj Posts: 701 Member
    Thanks. SHe is an older lady, it made me want to say to her: "Oh Sue, aren't you retired yet?"
  • gerla_k
    gerla_k Posts: 495 Member
    i know exactly how you feel.
    this happened to me 5-6 years ago back in college, a girl that i hardly knew ( not even her name, we just had some classes together), pointed on my stomach and goes" aww, how far along are you " / ? when i told her that i was not pregnant, she was very ashamed of herself. And me, i was humiliated in front of the whole class.:mad:
  • Pirate_chick
    Pirate_chick Posts: 1,216 Member
    wow! that is so rude.
  • emilyc85
    emilyc85 Posts: 450 Member
    I am glad I am not the only one to give than f*cking answer!! I live in a small town, and was constantly getting asked!! But is drives me CRAZy when people ask when I am due or "I didn't know you were pregnant"! I ALWAYS reply with, "i'm NOT pregnant, just fat." Luckily, being in a small town word has spread and I haven't gotten asked in awhile. Never assume a women is pregnant! Or, if you like your assumptions, at least keep them to yourself! Please! We don't need it pointed out we have gained weight, or look fat. Trust us, we know :/

    Very nice way of handling it though! :drinker: :drinker: :drinker:
  • GreenEmbers
    GreenEmbers Posts: 8
    GRR! When I eat certain things I become bloated and people do the same thing to me. Even if I know someone is pregnant, I will not touch their belly or ask questions. It's so rude to do so, a lot of pregnant women don't want to be pestered about their appearance or be touched. Unless someone brings up that they're pregnant, I don't even ask questions or talk about. I'm so sorry that happened to you, that lady is a really dummy.
  • GreenEmbers
    GreenEmbers Posts: 8
    You look really good btw, I swear she was just doing that to be ignorant.
  • RBXChas
    RBXChas Posts: 2,708 Member
    Oh my, I'm so sorry. I have had the same thing happen to me. I had someone ask me and when I said "no, I guess this must not be a flattering dress," the person responded "no, way, you must be!" I had to just walk away. And to make it even more terrible, she's much more heavy than me.

    Whaaaaa?

    Open mouth, insert foot, push foot down throat?

    I've heard it said that you shouldn't assume a woman is pregnant unless you see a baby coming out of her.

    Even when I was pregnant, I didn't like being touched or commented on.
  • sweetsarahj
    sweetsarahj Posts: 701 Member
    Aw thanks, my profile pic was July 2012, when I was at a "happy place" with my weight (about 130). I hope seeing it will help me get back there.

    I've put on 40 pounds since then..... I am petite, so I have a belly now. But still. NOT PREGNANT.
  • sweetsarahj
    sweetsarahj Posts: 701 Member
    People are so dumb. THe woman who said it to me has struggled with her weight, to the point that her weight loss story was featured on teh company intranet. So she of all people should know better.
  • 3dogsrunning
    3dogsrunning Posts: 27,167 Member
    I've never understood this. I will never, ever, I mean ever, mention someone being pregnant unless I know for a fact they are and still usually let them bring it up first.
    I met a lady at swimming who was pregnant and she was alluding to the fact that she was. She appeared to be pregnant and she sounded like she was saying she was pregnant. I still played dumb and when she mentioned she wasn't doing other exercises now, just swimming, alluding to the fact she was pregnant, I asked her why and let her tell me specifically because it was because she was 8 months pregnant.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    there are some people who SERIOUSLY carry all their weight in their belly and forward.

    I know a girl like that- and she has told me 3 people have asked her if she was- breaks my heart because she abosolutely looks about 4-5 months along- but I knew better.

    you NEVER ask- let them bring it up.

    easy for me- babies are gross- I hate talking about them- so I just pretend pregnant people don't exist until they engage me directly- pregnant women creep me out. it's like an alien growing in there.

    I'd rather just assume you were fat- that's easier and safer!

    Sorry OP- that's so rude- glad you followed up with an email- but I like the "seriously you haven't retired yet!!!" comment- that would have been good ;)
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
    I did this one time. It was a total accident to an old friend I haven't seen in years. She was sporting a ring in the Wal-mart maternity section talking about her recent wedding.

    And guess what I said "How far along are you?"

    Apparently she hates me forever now... but seriously... ring, maternity section, wedding...

    It seemed logical and her belly was freakin' huge!

    (Apparently she was aware of that which is assumingly why she was in maternity section in the first place..)

    I wouldn't do that at work though.
  • RllyGudTweetr
    RllyGudTweetr Posts: 2,019 Member
    Sage advice from a comedian: "Do not make a comment about a woman being pregnant unless you can actually see the baby emerging. Never. Nope, not even then."
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    I did this one time. It was a total accident to an old friend I haven't seen in years. She was sporting a ring in the Wal-mart maternity section talking about her recent wedding.

    And guess what I said "How far along are you?"

    Apparently she hates me forever now... but seriously... ring, maternity section, wedding...

    It seemed logical and her belly was freakin' huge!

    (Apparently she was aware of that which is assumingly why she was in maternity section in the first place..)

    I wouldn't do that at work though.

    that's an honest mistake- she shouldn't have been that miffed.
  • Ely82010
    Ely82010 Posts: 1,998 Member
    there are some people who SERIOUSLY carry all their weight in their belly and forward.

    I know a girl like that- and she has told me 3 people have asked her if she was- breaks my heart because she abosolutely looks about 4-5 months along- but I knew better.

    you NEVER ask- let them bring it up.

    easy for me- babies are gross- I hate talking about them- so I just pretend pregnant people don't exist until they engage me directly- pregnant women creep me out. it's like an alien growing in there.

    I'd rather just assume you were fat- that's easier and safer!

    Sorry OP- that's so rude- glad you followed up with an email- but I like the "seriously you haven't retired yet!!!" comment- that would have been good ;)

    You could have answer the OP's comments without adding your own feelings about babies or pregnant woman. Your references about babies and expectant mothers are more out of place, rude and gross that what the coworker said to the OP.
  • GorillaNJ
    GorillaNJ Posts: 4,024 Member
    I get asked that ALL the time....




    On the other side of the coin... I have asked a woman on the subway if she wanted my seat just to find out she was not preggers. I was pretty upset about giving that up!
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    could have- but it explains why it's easy for me to avoid them- and I would highly disagree- it's not nearly as offensive as walking up to someone and saying "are you pregnant" or walking up to someone and saying "I hate pregnant people"

    . I didn't address anyone in particular. i'ts a generic feeling. I wasn't attacking anyone.

    not everyone has to love or even like the whole baby process and I don't have to be.
  • madhatter2013
    madhatter2013 Posts: 1,547 Member
    When I was pregnant, all I ever wanted was my very own large knife to cut off the hands that came anywhere near me. I don't understand why people, especially older people just assume they can touch whoever the heck they want when they want. I just read a story on a boy that got suspended from school for pinching a girl on St. Patty's Day for not wearing green. I'm sorry but I am a firm believer that NO ONE has the right to touch me for ANY reason unless I'm married to them, I gave birth to them or I ask them to.
  • vytamindi
    vytamindi Posts: 845 Member
    You should have launched into a performance about your water breaking, contractions, you can feel the dilation (would work best in a skirt), omg it's crowning, and then you give birth to two middle fingers.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member

    easy for me- babies are gross- I hate talking about them- so I just pretend pregnant people don't exist until they engage me directly- pregnant women creep me out. it's like an alien growing in there.

    In for baby shaming
  • pghfitgirl
    pghfitgirl Posts: 44
    Good for you for sending the email to her! I have received that comment in the past and just slunk away in shame....wish I had the bravery to put those people in their place!!!
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
    there are some people who SERIOUSLY carry all their weight in their belly and forward.

    I know a girl like that- and she has told me 3 people have asked her if she was- breaks my heart because she abosolutely looks about 4-5 months along- but I knew better.

    you NEVER ask- let them bring it up.

    easy for me- babies are gross- I hate talking about them- so I just pretend pregnant people don't exist until they engage me directly- pregnant women creep me out. it's like an alien growing in there.

    I'd rather just assume you were fat- that's easier and safer!

    Sorry OP- that's so rude- glad you followed up with an email- but I like the "seriously you haven't retired yet!!!" comment- that would have been good ;)

    No no, it IS an alien growing in there. :laugh:
  • jess7386
    jess7386 Posts: 477 Member
    Just here to say I LOVED your response and especially the follow up email. I'm glad you have enough balls to call her out on it, rather than just being upset about it (which is probably what I would have done!) Has the woman responded to you yet? If so please tell me there was a guilty apology...
  • runner475
    runner475 Posts: 1,236 Member
    I've never understood this. I will never, ever, I mean ever, mention someone being pregnant unless I know for a fact they are and still usually let them bring it up first.
    I met a lady at swimming who was pregnant and she was alluding to the fact that she was. She appeared to be pregnant and she sounded like she was saying she was pregnant. I still played dumb and when she mentioned she wasn't doing other exercises now, just swimming, alluding to the fact she was pregnant, I asked her why and let her tell me specifically because it was because she was 8 months pregnant.


    I'm like that .... EXACTLY... DITTO
  • Josalinn
    Josalinn Posts: 1,066 Member
    People will know I am pregnant because I am going to have one of those shirts that says "geek inside" or "baby loading" with the load bar under it. Also I will have a dog that will growl at anyone who tries to touch my belly.:drinker:

    This happened to my mom. I was in a choir and at one of the functions this lady (whom I remember being huge) asked how far along my mom was. Mom was humiliated. She was a single mom and wasn't seeing anyone (never did till I set her up with her now hubby, lol) and I'm pretty sure the woman knew or should have known this because the choir was a small group and the parents all had to talk to each other. She never wore that dress again and cried when she got home.

    I mean how awful would it be for you to ask if someone is pregnant and then say "no, I'm just fat, and thanks by the way for reminding me I can't have kids." That's why I never ask. I think that would be the worse thing to hear.
  • Jenky85
    Jenky85 Posts: 190 Member
    You should have launched into a performance about your water breaking, contractions, you can feel the dilation (would work best in a skirt), omg it's crowning, and then you give birth to two middle fingers.

    FTW!
  • spdoughe
    spdoughe Posts: 51
    This happened to my mom when we were out shopping one time.. she asked how far along she was. I could tell my poor mom was so mortified and coudlnt even find words to respond so i just reached over and put my hand on her stomach and said "She's 52 weeks. How's your husband's new wife? I heard she was my age, some people!!"

    I'm not suggesting taking the low road like I do.. but sometimes it might make you feel better lol ;)
    i'm sure you look fine, that karama will come back to her some day..

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