a new day, a new me

i have been through some pretty heartbreaking obsticales lately. Spent 3 years with somebody i loved, my BEST friend, closer to me than ANYone, in history and present. Bought me a ring, and we we had future all planned out. besides the fact that he had been cheating, lying, abusing alcohol (alcholic), physical, literally would pee on me when drunk, list goes on. well, after he pursed women on craigslist while out of town, we broke up. 2 months later, we're trying to repatch things, and he's been staying with me for 3 weeks now. Its finals week (im in college) and so he went home last night to let me study in peace, and he borrowed my laptop. so today after one of my finals, i go to his house to claim it, and he's lying in bed with a naked girl.

I have to have the most lowest self esteem EVER to think of taking him back after all he put me through prior, i am a complete idiot.

SO, this is my commitment to weight loss, I haven't done **** for myself emotionally in a long time. 3 jobs, 6 classes, president of a student organization, etc, very busy. never take time for myself, well, ive wanted to loose 20 poounds for 4 years now.

as of tonight, I am no longer binge eating, no longer looking for food for comport and for a void, its me, the gym, the kettlebell, and my Dslr to get me through. I live in a college town, with not a lot of people around over winter break cause everyone goes home, i live in a one bedroom apartment, going home for christmas, but the 3 weeks i have off, i am going to sit in my apartment, hibernate in little menomonie wisconson, and work on MYSELF. gym twice a day every other day, excellent eating, and pure weight loss and replenishing my life. realizing i could be THAT dumb and have that many problems in my life i feel i need someone who can treat me like that for years, makes me step back and realize where i am at in my life. and it brings me to my knees frankly. i have SO much going for me right now, and i refuse to let my best friend/xboyfriend bring me down.

Stating now, i WILL loose the weight. I am making that promise to myself. Sorry for the rant, but its good to get it off my chest. I dont have close friends, nobody that itd come close to talking about this with, and my family constantly judges. so MFP is all i got for support right now i suppose.