Okcupid

MissyMissHotPants
MissyMissHotPants Posts: 11
in Chit-Chat
I see dating advice on this forum, so here goes! What would you do if your significant other was caught on a dating site multiple times and you found out every single time and it happened again afterwards? Even if there was no real activity besides answered questions? Oh and constantly clears out history and changes passwords non-stop. AND we have children.
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Replies

  • sentaruu
    sentaruu Posts: 2,206 Member
    move on
  • summertime_girl
    summertime_girl Posts: 3,945 Member
    How do you know there's no activity? He's looking for a hook up.
  • _Tink_
    _Tink_ Posts: 3,845 Member
    move on

    This. Duh.
  • Sunbrooke
    Sunbrooke Posts: 632 Member
    Immediately stop sleeping with him, and leave him.
  • thankyou4thevenom
    thankyou4thevenom Posts: 1,581 Member
    Leave him.
  • AJ_G
    AJ_G Posts: 4,158 Member
    Get outta there, can't trust em...
  • sentaruu
    sentaruu Posts: 2,206 Member
    AND we have children.

    move. on.
  • TitzMcGeez
    TitzMcGeez Posts: 104
    aaaaaaand yet another vote for MOVE THE HELL ON!

    Get outta there! If you think he isnt looking for a hookup somewhere you're mistaken.

    He's just going to keep doing what he is doing, no offense men, but ya'll seem to find a niche way of scouting hookups (bars, dating sites, picking people up off forums, ect) and stick with it.


    Why would you post something like this and expect anything but the GET OUTS and LEAVE HIMS.......
  • Rlyxpop
    Rlyxpop Posts: 6 Member
    Look at yourself in the mirror and decide what you are willing to live with and put up with and listen to what your heart says. I honestly think you already know the answer but you want validation that you are doing the right thing. Good luck to whatever you do decide. :)
  • 33Freya
    33Freya Posts: 468 Member
    aaaaaaand yet another vote for MOVE THE HELL ON!

    Get outta there! If you think he isnt looking for a hookup somewhere you're mistaken.

    He's just going to keep doing what he is doing, no offense men, but ya'll seem to find a niche way of scouting hookups (bars, dating sites, picking people up off forums, ect) and stick with it.


    Why would you post something like this and expect anything but the GET OUTS and LEAVE HIMS.......

    ^Because sometimes you need others' point of view.

    OP if you want to stay, stop sleeping with him or at least make him wrap it up. get yourself tested for STDs and require him to go to counseling with you. OR take the easier route and get out. Either way, they are both tough roads and I don't envy you. Good luck.
  • ashandstuff
    ashandstuff Posts: 442 Member
    I agree with the previous responses.

    Either agree to a polygamous relationship or move.
  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
    Yep time to kick him to the curb sorry. I'd also be pretty concerned about the times you haven't caught him out.
  • Macgeek74
    Macgeek74 Posts: 298 Member
    I think you know the answer to this. Unless you are cheating too then you deserve better than him. Now if you keep staying with that person then you deserve it. SOrry you are even having to deal with this and its sad that cheating is normal now but I say move on.
  • TitanGM
    TitanGM Posts: 1,161 Member
    Cut that damn internet :smile:
  • Chieflrg
    Chieflrg Posts: 9,097 Member
    I'm assuming this isn't an open marriage, I would of moved on the first time...
  • Sovi_
    Sovi_ Posts: 575 Member
    Move on
  • KarmaKills
    KarmaKills Posts: 99 Member
    I'd kick him to the curb and move on with my life. What total disrespect!!!
  • MissyMissHotPants
    MissyMissHotPants Posts: 11
    SO more info to clarify. I found out there was no real activity on his dating profiles, because well, I found them and accessed them and looked around, he had 2 profiles in the span of our relationship that appeared to have just answered questions, everything else was blank. Another one was the same account we met on years before, I found that profile and it showed his last log in was about a month after one of our children was first born. I confronted him about it, said I wanted the password - he gave it to me after he already accessed it first (he was at work), it seemed messages were deleted...He also has an issue with watching porn, I know most men do, but I discussed this with him that I was not okay with it, and he agreed not to, and still went along with it behind my back. I do know he never physically cheated on me - but I do want to make things work, but at times I feel like it is beyond repair. Thank you for the advice.
  • TitzMcGeez
    TitzMcGeez Posts: 104
    I hafta say this. YOU NEVER KNOW for sure if he hasnt cheated on you. I hate to be that jerk that says it, but someone has to. I feel as though dudes never really change unless they want to. You'll probably never get him to stop watching porn but the OK cupid stuff? Even the fact that he's making multiple profiles on there just screams SHADY CHEATER to me. :-(

    I hope whatever you decide to do works out the way you want it to.
  • summertime_girl
    summertime_girl Posts: 3,945 Member
    Porn would be far more ok with me than interacting with real people on a dating site. If he is deleting messages, he's hiding things from you. As soon as there is hiding, it's cheating, IMO.
  • Macgeek74
    Macgeek74 Posts: 298 Member
    I think you are looking for justification that he may not be cheating or getting gratification from others and that is normal. Its hard to realize the truth. i think most of us have been in your situation and it sucks. I just hate that you are going through this but I will tell you this, you might ever get the truth from him. What he is doing is deceptive so dont count on him being truthful with you. Also no, not all guys watch porn when in relationships.

    Many guys are respectful and we dont it cause we really respect and care about the person we are with. Being on dating sites and watching porn is a problem. Nothing with watching porn as long as its ok with the other partner. It sounds like he is not happy. Does that mean you should move on? Not if he is truthful and you both can fix whatever is wrong. There has to be real communication there so you both can build a real foundation so you can work on. I wish you luck.

    You seem really nice so I hope everything works out.
  • MissyMissHotPants
    MissyMissHotPants Posts: 11
    I hafta say this. YOU NEVER KNOW for sure if he hasnt cheated on you. I hate to be that jerk that says it, but someone has to. I feel as though dudes never really change unless they want to. You'll probably never get him to stop watching porn but the OK cupid stuff? Even the fact that he's making multiple profiles on there just screams SHADY CHEATER to me. :-(

    I hope whatever you decide to do works out the way you want it to.

    Very true, thanks. For the past few months i've been checking his emails and what not, but either he has stopped, or he has gotten smarter. And to be honest, not sure about the past but these days he does not have time to cheat physically. He goes to work, comes home, weekends he doesn't go out by himself, so I know his whereabouts.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    Porn would be far more ok with me than interacting with real people on a dating site.

    True.
  • TitzMcGeez
    TitzMcGeez Posts: 104
    I hafta say this. YOU NEVER KNOW for sure if he hasnt cheated on you. I hate to be that jerk that says it, but someone has to. I feel as though dudes never really change unless they want to. You'll probably never get him to stop watching porn but the OK cupid stuff? Even the fact that he's making multiple profiles on there just screams SHADY CHEATER to me. :-(

    I hope whatever you decide to do works out the way you want it to.

    Very true, thanks. For the past few months i've been checking his emails and what not, but either he has stopped, or he has gotten smarter. And to be honest, not sure about the past but these days he does not have time to cheat physically. He goes to work, comes home, weekends he doesn't go out by himself, so I know his whereabouts.

    They rarely quit doing the thing that they're doing, From experience, its not that they get "smarter" they get shadier and better at hiding crap... :(
  • MissyMissHotPants
    MissyMissHotPants Posts: 11
    I think you are looking for justification that he may not be cheating or getting gratification from others and that is normal. Its hard to realize the truth. i think most of us have been in your situation and it sucks. I just hate that you are going through this but I will tell you this, you might ever get the truth from him. What he is doing is deceptive so dont count on him being truthful with you. Also no, not all guys watch porn when in relationships.

    Many guys are respectful and we dont it cause we really respect and care about the person we are with. Being on dating sites and watching porn is a problem. Nothing with watching porn as long as its ok with the other partner. It sounds like he is not happy. Does that mean you should move on? Not if he is truthful and you both can fix whatever is wrong. There has to be real communication there so you both can build a real foundation so you can work on. I wish you luck.

    You seem really nice so I hope everything works out.

    Thanks so much for your insight.
  • MissyMissHotPants
    MissyMissHotPants Posts: 11
    I hafta say this. YOU NEVER KNOW for sure if he hasnt cheated on you. I hate to be that jerk that says it, but someone has to. I feel as though dudes never really change unless they want to. You'll probably never get him to stop watching porn but the OK cupid stuff? Even the fact that he's making multiple profiles on there just screams SHADY CHEATER to me. :-(

    I hope whatever you decide to do works out the way you want it to.

    Very true, thanks. For the past few months i've been checking his emails and what not, but either he has stopped, or he has gotten smarter. And to be honest, not sure about the past but these days he does not have time to cheat physically. He goes to work, comes home, weekends he doesn't go out by himself, so I know his whereabouts.

    They rarely quit doing the thing that they're doing, From experience, its not that they get "smarter" they get shadier and better at hiding crap... :(

    Doesn't help when he has all these computer skills to hid stuff either and multiple email addresses I'll never know about. I know what I need to do, just going to take time to be able to part ways! I am a stay at home mom on top of it so makes it even harder.
  • Blacklance36
    Blacklance36 Posts: 755 Member
    Two main reasons why guys cheat

    1) his needs are not being met at home
    2) he is a "notch carver" and is always looking for someone new.

    #1 can be worked out.
    #2 can't.

    End of story.
  • trojan_bb
    trojan_bb Posts: 699 Member
    Two main reasons why guys cheat

    1) his needs are not being met at home
    2) he is a "notch carver" and is always looking for someone new.

    #1 can be worked out.
    #2 can't.

    End of story.

    yes, and sounds like it's #1 based on everything given so far and the fact that he isn't allowed to look at videos of other women online
  • MissyMissHotPants
    MissyMissHotPants Posts: 11
    Two main reasons why guys cheat

    1) his needs are not being met at home
    2) he is a "notch carver" and is always looking for someone new.

    #1 can be worked out.
    #2 can't.

    End of story.

    yes, and sounds like it's #1 based on everything given so far and the fact that he isn't allowed to look at videos of other women online

    Um, no. We do have a good sex life actually, and videos are not reality
  • ashandstuff
    ashandstuff Posts: 442 Member
    I hafta say this. YOU NEVER KNOW for sure if he hasnt cheated on you. I hate to be that jerk that says it, but someone has to. I feel as though dudes never really change unless they want to. You'll probably never get him to stop watching porn but the OK cupid stuff? Even the fact that he's making multiple profiles on there just screams SHADY CHEATER to me. :-(

    I hope whatever you decide to do works out the way you want it to.

    Very true, thanks. For the past few months i've been checking his emails and what not, but either he has stopped, or he has gotten smarter. And to be honest, not sure about the past but these days he does not have time to cheat physically. He goes to work, comes home, weekends he doesn't go out by himself, so I know his whereabouts.

    They rarely quit doing the thing that they're doing, From experience, its not that they get "smarter" they get shadier and better at hiding crap... :(

    Doesn't help when he has all these computer skills to hid stuff either and multiple email addresses I'll never know about. I know what I need to do, just going to take time to be able to part ways! I am a stay at home mom on top of it so makes it even harder.

    Going to jump into this convo here: I had a set of friends that were engaged a few years back. The guy was caught on a dating site "just answering questions" and his fiance forgave him. I didn't buy his bull crap and I sat down, found the passwords to a private unknown email, and what do you know it was the email used for a different dating profile. I went further and messaged a few people that visited his profile often or his recurring previously viewed...got responses that were like "pick up where we left off?" and "when are we going to meet up again?"

    In the end, I caught him having sex with three other women over a summer...god knows how many before then. Needless to say, after I showed the evidence to the female fiance...she got the hell out of there and never looked back.

    I know it's not always that cut and dry with relationships and this sort of thing, but I say if you are unhappy in that relationship and he won't change then leave.

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