Feeling defeated as always (sorry a little bit of a rant)

I've done the same thing off and on for several years, I understand what you're saying. Especially the part about "meant to be this big."

And my poor boyfriend. Oh my god, the whining I did to him about how I hate how I look and whatever and he started saying "Well then do something about it!" and it was like I didn't even hear or comprehend that. The last time I lost a fair chunk of weight, I didn't complain to him ONCE. The scale was going down, I was doing well and I felt good, even if I was still heavy because I knew that I was going in the right direction. I've only been at it for about a month this time, but it's the same. I don't whine at all at this point because I know I'm doing the right thing.

Then I have absolutely no clue what happened. I just stopped giving a ****, I guess?

And I can't say that it won't happen this time either. I have to do things differently than I did before. I truly wish I would have spent a few days logging what I actually ate in a day before starting the calorie reduction because that probably would have been an eye opener. It was probably close to 2500 calories a day, and I'm a 5'3 woman. That's not good.

It's hard to get going. A huge contributor to that for me was that I would get hungry later on in the day (like you) and I would literally say to myself "I'll eat whatever I want today because TOMORROW I'll start reducing calories" like it was a last horrah or something lol. I did that for a few months before I ACTUALLY started. I felt crummy about that. I stopped saying "tomorrow" eventually. The day I started I just decided NOT to have my "last meal" lol.

It's so hard to do. I know that. I replaced higher calorie items with lower calorie things like fruits and veggies which I thought I hated. I do not. When I do that, I have way more room to eat when I'm hungry, even if that happens 8 times a day. And if I want a treat, I can make room for it during the day that way without starving, or wonder if it's truly worth the misery to eat that thing and go over.

Don't close your food diary tonight until you're truly done. Log it all and see what it amounts to. Don't beat yourself up. Start when you are ready. Don't have countless "last meals" hahaha. I don't know how many people do that, and you may not, but that was my downfall. You are not defeated! Don't think you're doomed! You are NOT doomed! It's just really effing hard to do. But stop believing it won't work before you commit seriously to it.

That might be useless advice and may not even apply, but it's what got me personally to finally do this again. I hope you get back to it! You'll feel a lot better about yourself and you deserve that!

I feel like I could have written this! I have had so many "last meals" in the last 6 months that I gained 14lbs! I'm 5'3" and 240lbs, I just reached my 5 year mark as a BC survivor....my oncologist just said....get the weight off! It's rough...I do the same overeating thing at night....I agree that the key to all of this could be the power of positive thinking.....I can do this!

You know what the biggest difference between now and when you were able to consistently work out 4 days a week and stay on top of your food intake? THE FACT YOU HAD A BABY!!! Your circumstances and how you are able to spend your time has changed. I know for me being a mom of two under the age of two, it is hard when working full time and trying to keep your house in some sort of reasonable manner to work in exercise when you really just want to crash on the couch and watch the newest episode of Arrow (to watch topless salmon ladder workouts by the main character... ;-) ) and eat the entire pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. But you have to decide what is the most important thing to you. Do you want to teach your child to hate their body and constantly be focused on the number the scale says or love their body and do the things they need to take care of it? I struggle with this daily myself and I frequently found myself complaining about my weight to the hubby and then be angry when ever he would suggest going for a walk with the dogs.

I also think that it is a HUGE adjustment when you are going from what you are used to eating to eating the calories suggested by MFP. Your stomach stretches based on how much you eat at a given time, so my logic is that if you are used to eating a Big Mac, large Fries, and 32 oz drink (which is probably double what MFP is suggesting for you to eat) it is going to take some time to adjust to the new way of eating and allow your stomach to catch up. So I suggest eating as close as you are comfortable with and each day aim to eat a little less. If you leave your self feeling deprived and hungry all of the time, you likely will be defeated and not want to continue.

As with anything we pursue, it's the journey that's important not the destination. Also, you didn't get this way over night so don't expect it to take over night to get back.

Losing weight is a simple calorie deficit process, but for some of us a calorie deficit is easier to achieve eating far less sugar and white flour products than other people can manage.

I find the more sugar and white flour I eat the more I want to eat. I went from eating those foods almost daily to now having a dessert once a week. It was a process, but I feel much better and my weight is easier to maintain.

It took a lot of treatments to have that little guy in the photo and with each I gained 30 to 40 lbs...by gradually reducing sugar and white flour I found it easier to the lose the weight each time.

My simplest advice: Start where you can. I think eating protein each time I eat makes a difference, but at least start with having protein at each meal.

Good luck! You can do this! And, I think as mothers one of the greatest motivators is wanting to keep up with and be there for our children.

One thing you can do is PLAN. If you start planning what you will eat, and planning to eat within a calorie goal, then you start doing it, then you will overcome the defeat.
“If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail!” - Benjamin Franklin

Of course everyone has slip ups sometimes but if you start following and sticking to a plan for the most part, it won't matter, you can get beyond that and establish habits which will enable weight loss.

Yes. ^This. I plan what I am going to eat the night before and put it in MFP to be sure I'm getting enough calories but not too many.

hey, start small, ok? Myfitnesspal sets a very low calorie count- check out mynetdiary for a comparison- and it's hard sometimes to find time when you're not working out regularly. Can you try to start small, like just track everything and try to walk a mile three times a week?

Different things work to motivate different people.

For me this time I told myself a couple things. 1) I will commit to doing this for at least three months. I will do the calorie thing and I will do 20 minutes of exercise at least 5 times a week. I will not stop no matter what for 3 months and I can decide after that what I want to do. 2) I will not stop if I'm not perfect and I won't compare myself to others. Can't do that video - I'll do the best I can but I will finish it and I will do it again tomorrow. Can't do it today even though I planned to - OK - I will use one of my off days and I'll do it tomorrow. Ate 2800 calories today? OK, that was one entry. The next entry is still under my control. Everyone else exercises 90 minutes a day? Well I can manage 20 and that is better than zero so I still win.

Yesterday was 3 months and I didn't die or have a break down, lol. My new deal with myself is that I will go to the end of the year. It is one year of my life and I'll do it.

I am learning that the days go slow and the years go fast. I never get a re-do. There are a whole lot of things in my life that I wish were different and are not in my control. What I put in my mouth is not one of them.

I motivate myself to exercise by scheduling an activity with another person ahead of time. I'll tell my son he has to go to the gym with me that night, or I'll schedule a walk with a friend a day or two in advance. Once I know someone else has planned their day around me, I will always follow through.

Cassie,

Like everyone else here, I'm going to take the parts of your story that sound like my story, and focus on that.

The parts that stood out to me were how your overeating was triggered by stress, such as unemployment or a bad day at work or even just feeling down about yourself.

(WARNING: I'm about to use words like "psychology" and "your Inner Child". When I try to tell this story to people in person, I can see in their eyes that they tune out immediately upon hearing these words, that they're conditioned to think that it's all feel-good nonsense that people use as a crutch in place of "hard work" and "willpower". I beg the reader to hear me out on this, and I assure the reader that hard work and willpower aren't going anywhere, they're still going to be required--not only required, but they'll be *bolstered* by this stuff.)

I'm currently reading a book called "Taming Your Outer Child" by Susan Anderson. The book's subtitle is "A Revolutionary Program to Overcome Self-Defeating Patterns". The cover goes on to say, "Improve your love life...Stay on a diet...End procrastination....and reach your goals." I'm about 60 pages in, but what she talks about sounds like it's right up your alley. I know it was right up mine! It's only been a few weeks, but I haven't binged ONCE since I dug into this book, and binging had been a problem for me in recent months--that's why I went to the library to get help. I was stuffing huge amounts of calories into my mouth, even to the point of asking, "WHY am I doing this? I don't even WANT this donut! Why am I feeling an irresistible compulsion to eat it any way?" Those times you describe when you're eating between meals sound like you're not PHYSICALLY hungry, that it's PSYCHOLOGICAL hunger (usually comfort food).

A quick overview of what I've read so far: You've probably heard the pop psychology phrase "your Inner Child", the whiny, emotionally needy side of your personality. The author assures us that that's real, even pinpoints the area of the brain where it resides. She also maps out in the brain where your Adult Self resides. Then she introduces to the world the middle ground in your brain where a third component of your personality resides, which she dubs your Outer Child. Think of your Outer Child as your Inner Child's protective older sibling. When Inner Child is upset, Outer Child acts out in an effort to placate Inner's feelings. "Have some ice cream/bread/chips, you'll feel better!", etc. Get it? Inner Child *feels*, Outer Child "acts out" in response, usually impulsively and inappropriately.

Again, projecting my own problems onto your story, it sounds to me like your Inner Child was upset by your circumstances (trigger), and your Outer Child acted out, because that's what she does (response).

So far, this book has helped me to recognize these three different sides of my personality (Inner, Outer, and my Adult Self); to SEPARATE them; and to help my Adult Self take control and to PARENT these children--to nurture and comfort Inner's doubts and fears, and to set boundaries on Outer's behavior, and assure him that he needn't act to protect Inner any more, that I'VE got this now.

The results have been incredible, and not just with my weight loss. I've seen radical improvements in all those areas listed on the cover. The binging has stopped, now I can see a cookie and not instantly WANT a cookie. I've got some money in the bank for the first time in my life, instead of impulsively blowing it as soon as I get it. I'm even shooting pool and playing poker better! "Self-defeating" used to be my middle name! And again, I'm only 60 pages in, I'm just getting warmed up! All I've done so far is learn to separate "feelings" from "actions", and that sounds like something from which you might benefit.

***

Finally, I should note that the next thing you'll see on this page after this wall of text is that I've lost 191 lbs so far, and I feel I should point out that no, this book didn't help me lose 191 lbs. I had lost 190 lbs before I had ever heard of this book. But I had set a goal to lose 200, and as I approached that number, binging suddenly became a problem, over 20 lbs worth. I knew there was something psychological going on the day I ate a dozen STALE cookies. They didn't taste good, they even hurt the roof of my mouth! Yet I felt compelled to shove them into my face, almost crying as I did so, wondering what was driving me to do such a thing, feeling the regret and remorse DURING the act, not after. Now I know this was my hapless Outer Child, ham-handedly trying to make my Inner Child feel better about some fear or worry.

(The book that most helped me lose the first 180? "The Body Fat Solution" by Tom Venuto! It shattered every myth that had doomed every diet/exercise effort in my life, and had led me to think that maybe I was meant to weight 380 lbs, that maybe it was genetics or something, because I knew damned sure it wasn't "lack of effort" or "willpower"--when I got kicked out of the army for being overweight, I had the highest Physical Training test scores in my platoon! Mr Venuto taught me that I was eating all the wrong kinds of foods, and was doing all the wrong kinds of exercises....but even before he got to that part, the first 100 pages or so were even more valuable, focusing on psychology and motivation, changing the very way I *think* about food, even changing what I thought was possible. I had sure never thought losing 191 lbs was possible, I literally never even daydreamed about it. And "healthy" food can be delicious, too? Who knew? I can't wait to write this guy a Thank You note when I smash that -200 lb mark!)

Also, a great motto: Feedback, not failure.

When I screw up, I try to think about why:

Did I wait too long to eat and then eat the first thing I could get my hands on...and those are never good choices.

Am I really tired and just eating mindlessly just to try to energize myself?

And, since your child is a little one...am I eating all the kid leftovers cause I think it is somehow "bad" to waste food?

I did an experiment one week and put all the kid snack food I would have finished off in a grocery bag. At the end of the week, I had a one lb weight bag of goldfish, cheerios, Triscuits, etc. All of which a toddler likes, none of which I should have been eating...particularly since I wasn't aware of it.

Everytime you screw up..forgive yourself and see if you can figure out why. I think forgiving ourselves and working on our issues is where success begins.