Feeling defeated as always (sorry a little bit of a rant)

hey, start small, ok? Myfitnesspal sets a very low calorie count- check out mynetdiary for a comparison- and it's hard sometimes to find time when you're not working out regularly. Can you try to start small, like just track everything and try to walk a mile three times a week?

Different things work to motivate different people.

For me this time I told myself a couple things. 1) I will commit to doing this for at least three months. I will do the calorie thing and I will do 20 minutes of exercise at least 5 times a week. I will not stop no matter what for 3 months and I can decide after that what I want to do. 2) I will not stop if I'm not perfect and I won't compare myself to others. Can't do that video - I'll do the best I can but I will finish it and I will do it again tomorrow. Can't do it today even though I planned to - OK - I will use one of my off days and I'll do it tomorrow. Ate 2800 calories today? OK, that was one entry. The next entry is still under my control. Everyone else exercises 90 minutes a day? Well I can manage 20 and that is better than zero so I still win.

Yesterday was 3 months and I didn't die or have a break down, lol. My new deal with myself is that I will go to the end of the year. It is one year of my life and I'll do it.

I am learning that the days go slow and the years go fast. I never get a re-do. There are a whole lot of things in my life that I wish were different and are not in my control. What I put in my mouth is not one of them.

I motivate myself to exercise by scheduling an activity with another person ahead of time. I'll tell my son he has to go to the gym with me that night, or I'll schedule a walk with a friend a day or two in advance. Once I know someone else has planned their day around me, I will always follow through.

Cassie,

Like everyone else here, I'm going to take the parts of your story that sound like my story, and focus on that.

The parts that stood out to me were how your overeating was triggered by stress, such as unemployment or a bad day at work or even just feeling down about yourself.

(WARNING: I'm about to use words like "psychology" and "your Inner Child". When I try to tell this story to people in person, I can see in their eyes that they tune out immediately upon hearing these words, that they're conditioned to think that it's all feel-good nonsense that people use as a crutch in place of "hard work" and "willpower". I beg the reader to hear me out on this, and I assure the reader that hard work and willpower aren't going anywhere, they're still going to be required--not only required, but they'll be *bolstered* by this stuff.)

I'm currently reading a book called "Taming Your Outer Child" by Susan Anderson. The book's subtitle is "A Revolutionary Program to Overcome Self-Defeating Patterns". The cover goes on to say, "Improve your love life...Stay on a diet...End procrastination....and reach your goals." I'm about 60 pages in, but what she talks about sounds like it's right up your alley. I know it was right up mine! It's only been a few weeks, but I haven't binged ONCE since I dug into this book, and binging had been a problem for me in recent months--that's why I went to the library to get help. I was stuffing huge amounts of calories into my mouth, even to the point of asking, "WHY am I doing this? I don't even WANT this donut! Why am I feeling an irresistible compulsion to eat it any way?" Those times you describe when you're eating between meals sound like you're not PHYSICALLY hungry, that it's PSYCHOLOGICAL hunger (usually comfort food).

A quick overview of what I've read so far: You've probably heard the pop psychology phrase "your Inner Child", the whiny, emotionally needy side of your personality. The author assures us that that's real, even pinpoints the area of the brain where it resides. She also maps out in the brain where your Adult Self resides. Then she introduces to the world the middle ground in your brain where a third component of your personality resides, which she dubs your Outer Child. Think of your Outer Child as your Inner Child's protective older sibling. When Inner Child is upset, Outer Child acts out in an effort to placate Inner's feelings. "Have some ice cream/bread/chips, you'll feel better!", etc. Get it? Inner Child *feels*, Outer Child "acts out" in response, usually impulsively and inappropriately.

Again, projecting my own problems onto your story, it sounds to me like your Inner Child was upset by your circumstances (trigger), and your Outer Child acted out, because that's what she does (response).

So far, this book has helped me to recognize these three different sides of my personality (Inner, Outer, and my Adult Self); to SEPARATE them; and to help my Adult Self take control and to PARENT these children--to nurture and comfort Inner's doubts and fears, and to set boundaries on Outer's behavior, and assure him that he needn't act to protect Inner any more, that I'VE got this now.

The results have been incredible, and not just with my weight loss. I've seen radical improvements in all those areas listed on the cover. The binging has stopped, now I can see a cookie and not instantly WANT a cookie. I've got some money in the bank for the first time in my life, instead of impulsively blowing it as soon as I get it. I'm even shooting pool and playing poker better! "Self-defeating" used to be my middle name! And again, I'm only 60 pages in, I'm just getting warmed up! All I've done so far is learn to separate "feelings" from "actions", and that sounds like something from which you might benefit.

***

Finally, I should note that the next thing you'll see on this page after this wall of text is that I've lost 191 lbs so far, and I feel I should point out that no, this book didn't help me lose 191 lbs. I had lost 190 lbs before I had ever heard of this book. But I had set a goal to lose 200, and as I approached that number, binging suddenly became a problem, over 20 lbs worth. I knew there was something psychological going on the day I ate a dozen STALE cookies. They didn't taste good, they even hurt the roof of my mouth! Yet I felt compelled to shove them into my face, almost crying as I did so, wondering what was driving me to do such a thing, feeling the regret and remorse DURING the act, not after. Now I know this was my hapless Outer Child, ham-handedly trying to make my Inner Child feel better about some fear or worry.

(The book that most helped me lose the first 180? "The Body Fat Solution" by Tom Venuto! It shattered every myth that had doomed every diet/exercise effort in my life, and had led me to think that maybe I was meant to weight 380 lbs, that maybe it was genetics or something, because I knew damned sure it wasn't "lack of effort" or "willpower"--when I got kicked out of the army for being overweight, I had the highest Physical Training test scores in my platoon! Mr Venuto taught me that I was eating all the wrong kinds of foods, and was doing all the wrong kinds of exercises....but even before he got to that part, the first 100 pages or so were even more valuable, focusing on psychology and motivation, changing the very way I *think* about food, even changing what I thought was possible. I had sure never thought losing 191 lbs was possible, I literally never even daydreamed about it. And "healthy" food can be delicious, too? Who knew? I can't wait to write this guy a Thank You note when I smash that -200 lb mark!)

Also, a great motto: Feedback, not failure.

When I screw up, I try to think about why:

Did I wait too long to eat and then eat the first thing I could get my hands on...and those are never good choices.

Am I really tired and just eating mindlessly just to try to energize myself?

And, since your child is a little one...am I eating all the kid leftovers cause I think it is somehow "bad" to waste food?

I did an experiment one week and put all the kid snack food I would have finished off in a grocery bag. At the end of the week, I had a one lb weight bag of goldfish, cheerios, Triscuits, etc. All of which a toddler likes, none of which I should have been eating...particularly since I wasn't aware of it.

Everytime you screw up..forgive yourself and see if you can figure out why. I think forgiving ourselves and working on our issues is where success begins.

BTW, I don't want to jinx this...but what a great, great supportive group this has been!