Am I a SELFISH person, need OPINIONS please!!!
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liftsforchocolate
Posts: 273
So I've posted about my family on this site before in other threads, and their really screwed up attitudes towards body image and size, and the "unpleasant" comments I have gotten from them in the past. My parents think I was/am "fat" because I just ate unhealthy and was lazy. They still don't understand bulimia, binge eating, etc.
So now, that I'm no longer overweight, but still trying to tone up and lose some body fat (which I will follow up with some more muscle gain) by lifting weights and minimal cardio, mostly by eating right I want to really get out of my 2 steps forward, 1 step backward cycle. What I mean by this, is I feel like I am making progress, but it isn't as consistent as it was during the middle of my weight loss "journey".
When I started a couple months ago, I used whatever tools I had (dusty treadmill in the garage and old 5lb dumbbells, and a little calorie counter book I got in the mail for free) to lose weight, then eventually my mom forced me to sign up for the gym. She paid for it, and I know its a privilege but now my dad and sister also have memberships (they are both overweight, dad has been for 20 yrs, sister just recently) and I "have" to go with them. My mom is basically forcing me to go with them, but really I'm the one who "takes" them and I'm tired of it.
It's been about 2 months now this way (before I had later classes, so it wasn't so stressful) I'm the one who wakes up at 4am, eats/changes, then goes at 4:15 to wake them both up, goes BACK again at 4:25am to wake them up again or make sure they didn't fall back asleep, then pour their breakfast and water (b/c otherwise they take an extra 15 minutes), and do what feels like a billion other things. And on top of that, my dad likes to sit by the t.v., drink his coffee (half of which he wastes, leaves the cup in my car too if I tell him we need to leave) for 15 min. It's so stressful and complicated and I know it shouldn't be. I'm just so fed up with the pure CHAOS and done with it.
Going to the gym is my favorite part of the day. For the past 3 days (including today), I have not cared about them at all. I have not woken them up. I purposely slept around 9pm, woke up at 2:30-3am, had my protein bar and coffee and was out by 3:15, I ate in peace, worked out in peace (hit a lot of personal records finally), and had my post-workout meal. I saw them leave when I came back, they didn't really seem to care that I left w/o them, but my dad seemed a little surprised/unhappy. Am I selfish for doing this? I love my family, and obv want them to go to the gym too, but they just don't see it the way I do. My dad mostly hangs out with his gym buddies (in the sauna and pool) and my sister has just always been negative towards me. I on the other hand, must have my pre work out meal, warm up, 10 min cardio, free weights, some machines, maybe more cardio, post workout meal)
Again, I have told them many times they need to leave at ___ time and do ____ etc, but they're ALWAYS late and I always have to remind them a million times. If I do this one thing for myself to reach my goal, and eventually get ready to bulk for a competition (something I really really want to do), does it make me a bad person, cruel in a way?
Thank you
***I am really 20 btw
So now, that I'm no longer overweight, but still trying to tone up and lose some body fat (which I will follow up with some more muscle gain) by lifting weights and minimal cardio, mostly by eating right I want to really get out of my 2 steps forward, 1 step backward cycle. What I mean by this, is I feel like I am making progress, but it isn't as consistent as it was during the middle of my weight loss "journey".
When I started a couple months ago, I used whatever tools I had (dusty treadmill in the garage and old 5lb dumbbells, and a little calorie counter book I got in the mail for free) to lose weight, then eventually my mom forced me to sign up for the gym. She paid for it, and I know its a privilege but now my dad and sister also have memberships (they are both overweight, dad has been for 20 yrs, sister just recently) and I "have" to go with them. My mom is basically forcing me to go with them, but really I'm the one who "takes" them and I'm tired of it.
It's been about 2 months now this way (before I had later classes, so it wasn't so stressful) I'm the one who wakes up at 4am, eats/changes, then goes at 4:15 to wake them both up, goes BACK again at 4:25am to wake them up again or make sure they didn't fall back asleep, then pour their breakfast and water (b/c otherwise they take an extra 15 minutes), and do what feels like a billion other things. And on top of that, my dad likes to sit by the t.v., drink his coffee (half of which he wastes, leaves the cup in my car too if I tell him we need to leave) for 15 min. It's so stressful and complicated and I know it shouldn't be. I'm just so fed up with the pure CHAOS and done with it.
Going to the gym is my favorite part of the day. For the past 3 days (including today), I have not cared about them at all. I have not woken them up. I purposely slept around 9pm, woke up at 2:30-3am, had my protein bar and coffee and was out by 3:15, I ate in peace, worked out in peace (hit a lot of personal records finally), and had my post-workout meal. I saw them leave when I came back, they didn't really seem to care that I left w/o them, but my dad seemed a little surprised/unhappy. Am I selfish for doing this? I love my family, and obv want them to go to the gym too, but they just don't see it the way I do. My dad mostly hangs out with his gym buddies (in the sauna and pool) and my sister has just always been negative towards me. I on the other hand, must have my pre work out meal, warm up, 10 min cardio, free weights, some machines, maybe more cardio, post workout meal)
Again, I have told them many times they need to leave at ___ time and do ____ etc, but they're ALWAYS late and I always have to remind them a million times. If I do this one thing for myself to reach my goal, and eventually get ready to bulk for a competition (something I really really want to do), does it make me a bad person, cruel in a way?
Thank you
***I am really 20 btw
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Replies
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If they wanted to get up they would, don't worry about it.0
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I don't think that you are being selfish...honestly if anything your family is being selfish by seemingly trying to hold you back. Just my opinion.0
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Nope.0
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No not at all. They're adults and capable of making their own decisions and plans and if those don't coincide with yours, then it's not unreasonable to do something separate. It may be worth explaining this as tactfully as you can (particularly to your parents), but they'll adjust either way.
Oh and by the way - if I was getting up that early to work out - I wouldn't want to be around anyone else anyway :yawn:0 -
Thanks guys
Also 95% of the time on my rest days (every wednesday), they don't wake up. It's always b/c of me forcing them to go, they actually go (but claim they wake up themselves and love to workout)
Haha @cheeky, I'm a morning person0 -
They are adults, you are not their mommy, I have less trouble then this getting my kids ready for school. Getting them moving is not your responsibility, you were nice enough to try and support them and in return they made it harder for you to take care of yourself
Putting yourself first does not make you selfish. Encourage them and leave it at that. Put some coffee on for your dad before you leave and when you see them going to or returning from the gym say good for you. Do what you need to do to get right with yourself, and nevermind them.0 -
when it comes to your body and your health...sometimes we need to be "selfish".
i commend you for putting so much effort into your family and trying to get them on board the health train. however, as you and i both know, your dad and sister have to want to do it. if they aren't motivated to eat better and exercise, you are going to have to begrudingly force them day after day after day and probably end up resenting them as well as them resenting you.
i understand being a daughter who loves her daddy and wants what's best for him.
what you've done so far is probably more than what most people would consider doing in reality.
you're mom probably wants you to be the one in charge because she can see you're awesome results and how motivated you are.
there is nothing wrong with focusing on yourself when it comes to your health. don't let others bring you down verbally, mentally, physically, in any way.
when it comes down to it, how can you lose weight? by YOU getting up and doing x, y, z just like you are.
have a heart to heart with dad and your sister. let them know 1) what it takes to lose weight, 2) that they need to want it badly for themselves not for others, and 3) that you love them and you'll support them by taking them to the gym with you and helping them along, but they have to meet you half way by getting up on time, etc.
love is super important to me and it's the only motivation that works for me.
don't be too hard on yourself girl, you look great and i wish you the best.0 -
Not selfish.
It sounds like it's time to leave the family nest though. If you are in a position to do so, please consider it. I would lose my mind if I had to live with my parents.0 -
I wouldn't worry about it. If they wanted to go, they would've woken up and went. So don't make a big deal out of something that isn't one. You said they didn't seem Bothered about you not waking them, so leave it alone and continue todo what works for you. If they have an issue, I'm sure they'll speak up and let you know. Otherwise, just keep on going and you'll be fine.0
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My opinion?
Tell them both that you're leaving for the gym at 4:45 or whatever time you're ready to leave and actually leave at that time. They will either be ready to go or not.
If they are, then they go with you. If they're not, then leave without them.
After a few days of this, they will get the hint.
You are not their parents. They are not your responsibility.
You do not need to 'make their breakfast'. You do not need to 'wake them up'.
All you are doing is making it easier for them to not have to take responsibility for their own actions.
The only person you are responsible for is you.0 -
I think if you've posted about this before and most likely gotten similar responses that this post is attention-grabby.
It's obvious that you aren't selfish. You're an adult. They're adults. Your life can be separate from theirs, and will be in the future I'm sure. You do you and let them do them.0 -
Why are you stressing over 2 grown people? If they want to go they will pull themselves together and do it. Don't let other people side track you from your path.If they give you grief just say, "I am up and ready at xxam, I leave at xxam so if you want to join me be ready to rock by xxam." What they do when they get to the gym is up to them. You do you!0
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I agree with vjohn04.0
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You are 26 years old. Move out.0
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Time to fly, little birdie, time to fly0
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It sounds like it's time to leave the family nest though.
QFT
Get out of there.0 -
You are 26 years old. Move out.
+10 -
Make your breakfast and go to the gym.
When they get up they can make their own breakfasts and go if they want.
Spend that extra energy toward your workout instead.
Edit: didn't realize you were an adult. Okay what I wrote x100 then.0 -
I apologize in advance as I haven't read your previous posts on this topic -- but why in the world is your family SO involved in your body/eating habits??0
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You are 26 years old. Move out.
I should have just "+1"
Will never understand post-college adults living alongside family forever. Never.0
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