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  • Platform_Heels
    Platform_Heels Posts: 388 Member
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    Very true, thanks. For the past few months i've been checking his emails and what not, but either he has stopped, or he has gotten smarter. And to be honest, not sure about the past but these days he does not have time to cheat physically. He goes to work, comes home, weekends he doesn't go out by himself, so I know his whereabouts.

    If you feel the need to check his emails, phone, online history etc. then there are serious issues here. Has he cheated on you before? There is obviously a reason why you're checking up on him.
  • KatieLouWho19
    KatieLouWho19 Posts: 776 Member
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    AND we have children.

    move. on.

    Totally THIS!
  • BigBellyGoAway
    BigBellyGoAway Posts: 781 Member
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    I see dating advice on this forum, so here goes! What would you do if your significant other was caught on a dating site multiple times and you found out every single time and it happened again afterwards? Even if there was no real activity besides answered questions? Oh and constantly clears out history and changes passwords non-stop. AND we have children.

    Why is this even a question? The most important thing in a relationship is trust. Without trust, you're having one night stands and don't know if this person will be there every night of the week. Move on.
  • Platform_Heels
    Platform_Heels Posts: 388 Member
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    all i can think of is the things my parents and grandparents had to deal with. yet still they loved each other, and still they learned to deal with things and stay together, no matter what.

    Yes, because people should always put up with a cheating spouse, a spouse who treats them like crap or just stay in an unhappy marriage. Different times my friend. If you're not happy and you've exhausted every possibility then it's time to get out and move on. This is not a dress rehearsal. You're not going to get another shot at life and happiness.
  • BigBellyGoAway
    BigBellyGoAway Posts: 781 Member
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    all i can think of is the things my parents and grandparents had to deal with. yet still they loved each other, and still they learned to deal with things and stay together, no matter what.

    Probably had more to do with the fact of how taboo divorce was (especially for women) not so long ago, not so much with how much couples loved each other back then. Not saying your parents and/or grandparents didn't love each other....just that it was common not so long ago for couples to stay together, even when they hated each other, because divorce was frowned upon by society and religions.
  • DarkAngel272
    DarkAngel272 Posts: 29
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    I'm sorry you're going through this OP. I really am, it's a horrible feeling. Just a few things though...

    1. How did you come about these profiles? If you were looking through his things/passwords online that makes me think maybe you were already mistrusting him or had some instincts?

    2. You say he's clearing his history and resetting passwords. Does he know you've found these accounts and continues to play around on them? Or is he just that paranoid he'll get caught. Either option is less than desirable for a partner.

    3. Your sex life is your business. If you say it is healthy, only you two know that. But I have to somewhat agree that if he is watching porn perhaps he's looking for something different? If you are dead set against porn, you have that right. But maybe try talking to him about what the attraction is to porn. Or compromise and find some that you could watch together and have a little fun with it.

    I hate you're going through this, but ultimately you know what is best for you. I found out my ex was cheating through all these dating sites once we broke up and it was way worse, and with much higher volume than I ever imagined when I saw the first profile. Just be smart and protect your heart and body.
  • The_1_Who_Knocks
    The_1_Who_Knocks Posts: 343 Member
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    I see dating advice on this forum, so here goes! What would you do if your significant other was caught on a dating site multiple times and you found out every single time and it happened again afterwards? Even if there was no real activity besides answered questions? Oh and constantly clears out history and changes passwords non-stop. AND we have children.

    If you want to save your marriage then you need to confront him about it and get into some marriage counseling pronto.

    He needs to understand how his actions are impacting you. He needs to take stock of what it will costs him an re-evaluate who he wants to be as a man.

    I've been there. At the very least this is gateway behaviour, very strong gateway behaviour.
  • The_1_Who_Knocks
    The_1_Who_Knocks Posts: 343 Member
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    I hafta say this. YOU NEVER KNOW for sure if he hasnt cheated on you. I hate to be that jerk that says it, but someone has to. I feel as though dudes never really change unless they want to. You'll probably never get him to stop watching porn but the OK cupid stuff? Even the fact that he's making multiple profiles on there just screams SHADY CHEATER to me. :-(

    I hope whatever you decide to do works out the way you want it to.

    Very true, thanks. For the past few months i've been checking his emails and what not, but either he has stopped, or he has gotten smarter. And to be honest, not sure about the past but these days he does not have time to cheat physically. He goes to work, comes home, weekends he doesn't go out by himself, so I know his whereabouts.

    They rarely quit doing the thing that they're doing, From experience, its not that they get "smarter" they get shadier and better at hiding crap... :(

    People have the ability to reflect on their lives and improve. I truly believe that. Is it a small percentage of men that actually do that? Maybe. It's not impossible.
  • The_1_Who_Knocks
    The_1_Who_Knocks Posts: 343 Member
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    Two main reasons why guys cheat

    1) his needs are not being met at home
    2) he is a "notch carver" and is always looking for someone new.

    #1 can be worked out.
    #2 can't.

    End of story.

    I don't agree with this. I think the biggest reason men cheat is they are insecure and need validation as a man.
  • zombilishious
    zombilishious Posts: 1,250 Member
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    Leave. Unless you're ok with the idea that he's hiding conversations/affairs/hook ups from you. As for the porn, I'm of the belief that those things should by enjoyed together as a couple to enhance your sex life and get ideas to try new things. If he's accessing porn regularly alone, he has an F'd up idea of what sex is about...which is probably why he's looking for greener grass.
  • AvalonsUnicorn
    AvalonsUnicorn Posts: 425 Member
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    I've been there done that and found out in the end he was cheating on me with 6 other women. I'm sorry to say it but move on. There are better people out there as hard to believe as that is. I know from experience it's true. It will hurt at first but you will feel SO much better in the end! I had a lot of health issues and soon after it was over I realized all of them were being caused by the worry stress and upset I felt knowing he was lieing to me. :flowerforyou:
  • Platform_Heels
    Platform_Heels Posts: 388 Member
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    Two main reasons why guys cheat

    1) his needs are not being met at home
    2) he is a "notch carver" and is always looking for someone new.

    #1 can be worked out.
    #2 can't.

    End of story.

    I don't agree with this. I think the biggest reason men cheat is they are insecure and need validation as a man.

    Or he's not attracted to his wife any longer.

    Or, as the first quote stated, his needs aren't being met at home.

    There is a plethora of reasons why men cheat. We can only assume what the reasons are that the OP's husband is doing what he is doing. We don't live with them so it could be something that goes a lot deeper than what the OP has posted.
  • wolfsbayne
    wolfsbayne Posts: 3,116 Member
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    Porn would be far more ok with me than interacting with real people on a dating site. If he is deleting messages, he's hiding things from you. As soon as there is hiding, it's cheating, IMO.

    This and I don't care for the porn watching, but it would be a far more forgivable offense.
  • Platform_Heels
    Platform_Heels Posts: 388 Member
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    If he's accessing porn regularly alone, he has an F'd up idea of what sex is about.

    Disagree completely with this statement.

    My husband watches porn by himself sometimes on his computer. He most certainly doesn't cheat nor does he have an 'F'd up idea of what sex is about".
  • The_1_Who_Knocks
    The_1_Who_Knocks Posts: 343 Member
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    If he's accessing porn regularly alone, he has an F'd up idea of what sex is about.

    Disagree completely with this statement.

    My husband watches porn by himself sometimes on his computer. He most certainly doesn't cheat nor does he have an 'F'd up idea of what sex is about".

    Absolutely stunning that someone with Ron Jeremy as their profile picture would feel this way.
  • Platform_Heels
    Platform_Heels Posts: 388 Member
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    If he's accessing porn regularly alone, he has an F'd up idea of what sex is about.

    Disagree completely with this statement.

    My husband watches porn by himself sometimes on his computer. He most certainly doesn't cheat nor does he have an 'F'd up idea of what sex is about".

    Absolutely stunning that someone with Ron Jeremy as their profile picture would feel this way.

    Ohhhhhh. So that right there tells you what kind of person I am.

    Gotcha.
  • The_1_Who_Knocks
    The_1_Who_Knocks Posts: 343 Member
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    If he's accessing porn regularly alone, he has an F'd up idea of what sex is about.

    Disagree completely with this statement.

    My husband watches porn by himself sometimes on his computer. He most certainly doesn't cheat nor does he have an 'F'd up idea of what sex is about".

    Absolutely stunning that someone with Ron Jeremy as their profile picture would feel this way.

    Ohhhhhh. So that right there tells you what kind of person I am.

    Gotcha.

    I don't presume to know anything about you. Just thought it was funny.
  • NinstonBiller
    NinstonBiller Posts: 69 Member
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    Ask him if you can create one too. If he gives you any other answer than yes then kick him to the curb. If he says yes, tell him it aint working out and it seems like the logical thing to do is move on.

    Regardless all signs point to grab your chips and cash out.

    Then again this is a forum and for the most part everyone is going to tell you to leave BUT only you know what's right for you, what you're willing to go through and how much this relationship means to you.

    Good Luck. :D
  • DarkAngel272
    DarkAngel272 Posts: 29
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    If he's accessing porn regularly alone, he has an F'd up idea of what sex is about

    I disagree with this as well. I am not opposed to watching it when my boyfriend is out of town or if the mood strikes me. It can be a safe way to experience a fantasy or spice up a night with your partner, in my opinion.
  • zombilishious
    zombilishious Posts: 1,250 Member
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    If he's accessing porn regularly alone, he has an F'd up idea of what sex is about

    I disagree with this as well. I am not opposed to watching it when my boyfriend is out of town or if the mood strikes me. It can be a safe way to experience a fantasy or spice up a night with your partner, in my opinion.

    many people enjoy porn...including me....alone and with a partner. But if it's viewed that regularly, there's most likely an issue.

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