Anyone else resent their parents for...

VanillaSmile427
VanillaSmile427 Posts: 45
in Food and Nutrition
... making you eat everything on the plate even when you were stuffed?

I know I can't be the only one... I LOVE my parents and I know they did the best job they could but sometimes I feel they are the reasons I packed on pounds when I was a child and now I struggle with my weight as an adult. We grew up in Mexico and having food and especially meat was always very valued, so my mom instilled with me the mentality that letting any food go to waste is a sin and a waste. To this day I know I've gained weight because I would eat food out of guilt of letting it go to waste. It's very hard to change that mentality and get my portions out of control. My mom always used the whole "there are starving children in the world who don't have food and we aren't wasting any... " ugh. Anyways, now as an adult I am aware of this and taking my life back, no excuses.. but I still kind of resent my parents for this...
«13

Replies

  • McKenzieLeigh
    McKenzieLeigh Posts: 113 Member
    I think of this a lot as I raise my two boys...there is a fine line in making sure they eat enough so they aren't asking for a snack in 5 minutes and forcing them to eat past when they are hungry.
    I was also made to clear my plate most of the time and so was my husband so it is a hard habit to break. I am currently working on my portion control and weight loss and my husband isn't so I feel a little more sensitive to it when he makes them eat more and more.
  • SPeffer1
    SPeffer1 Posts: 74 Member
    My parents never did this, but I know what you are saying is the reason I refuse to make my son clean his plate. I have a "You have to try 1 bite of everything" rule. I don't think the "clean plate club" is a great thing, and I do think it teaches to overeat. Glad you are taking control now though!
  • Pensworth
    Pensworth Posts: 31 Member
    I don't really resent my parents, however I do wish they might have been more active in my eating habits... My dad in particular had enabled me to eat very poorly. I don't blame him for that, I have certainly taken advantage of his generosity in going out for fast food and preparing me comfort foods as a kid. I just wish it had been different, because making the changes now can be kind of lonely. My family was never huge on pushing vegetables, and homecooked meals were pretty basic, didn't vary much, and were limited in frequency. My mom has asked me in recent years if I hold it against her that she rarely ever cooked meals at home. My answer is no. It just means I have to discover cooking for myself. At least she seems pleased when I tell her about all the new things I try on my own.

    The one thing I do have negative feelings about, was when my family (except for dear old dad) would tease me about being a picky eater. Being called picky does not make me want to branch out, it just makes me feel defensive. I have broadened my diet enormously since leaving home, but that will always be a sore spot.
  • erockem
    erockem Posts: 278 Member
    Yes, I heard it all the time. And 'kids are starving in the world......'. By the time I was in double digits I felt I had to 'clean' all of the bowls/plates on the table regardless of how full I was. At 40, I still think about it all the time.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    Mine didn't do it that much. They however let me eat anything I wanted at any given time, and I still have problems with that.
  • No_Finish_Line
    No_Finish_Line Posts: 3,661 Member
    they left me with much worse habits... such as eating the entire bag/container of whatever candy/chip in one sitting is normal
  • mortuseon
    mortuseon Posts: 579 Member
    I use smaller plates.
  • ThickMcRunFast
    ThickMcRunFast Posts: 22,511 Member
    Once I turned about 16 I stopped blaming things on my parents.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    making me? Yes. about once every 28 days. Fer realz.
  • cuinboston2014
    cuinboston2014 Posts: 848 Member
    I also think there is a fine line with this - I hear people talk about it all the time and I guess I just don't get how this can be the cause for obesity into adulthood. I'm NOT trying to be rude, but I am interested to understand the link.

    So, your parents made you finish your plate at dinner. So did mine. But then they didn't make me eat the chips, ice cream, cake, etc when I was done that was the real cause of my obesity. I guess once I got older I never felt like I had to finish my meal if I was full.

    I do make my daughter finish her meal at dinner. I also give her small portions of everything on a plate and if it's something I know she hates I will sometimes let her get her own meal ready with help (she's 7). Last night we had grilled chicken and red potatoes. She didn't like the potatoes but I did make her eat 3 slices of one as sometimes she changes her mind. I made her eat the chicken because I gave her a small portion and it's good for her.

    I HATE when I make a meal, she eats 4 bites, says she's full and asks for a snack later. No. Not happening.
  • cuinboston2014
    cuinboston2014 Posts: 848 Member
    they left me with much worse habits... such as eating the entire bag/container of whatever candy/chip in one sitting is normal

    Things like this are what got me.... or never saying anything when I would eat half a pan of brownies after school. FML I love brownies
  • motivatedmartha
    motivatedmartha Posts: 1,108 Member
    I was at boarding school where the mantra was 'think of the starving children in Biafra (OK so I'm old). However, now I tell myself that buying or cooking too much food is where the problem with waste occurs. Children should be encouraged to try different tastes and textures but these trials should be with small quantities at first.

    I ran a holiday park and ws always shocked at the amount of food people would purchase at the beginning of their holiday and throw in the bins as they were leaving - completely untouched - including fruit, bread and vegetables that they could take home (99% were travelling by car and were not from overseas). One week 3 whole and still frozen chickens were thrown in the bin!!!

    Don't clean your plates because you're worried about waste but don't overbuy either!
  • gkauf744
    gkauf744 Posts: 128 Member
    I don't do the clean plate thing with my kids for just that reason.
  • bermudamel
    bermudamel Posts: 212
    a lot of us had parents from the generation where you had to do that, but you also went outside all day and played/did chores etc to burn that all off. My mom is notorious for doing that even now and i'm 34! She will continue to pressure everyone to have 2nds, 3rds, 9ths, LOL. I basically told her once I got onto a strict diet to not even try it or I'd leave. That's all I continue to say when she tries it. She's slowly learning w/my hubby and I. Not sure if she does it to my sister still...
  • shak29
    shak29 Posts: 114 Member
    I make my children clean the plate, but I also know how much they eat. If they are still hungry they eat more after that. Although like the previous poster I am having issues with the whole snack after dinner thing. I mean really!!
  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
    I was very lucky we had chickens. My mom served everything family style so we took what we wanted and were scolded if we took too much but if we didn't eat it, it went to the chickens. Those were some yummy eggs.
  • superfox12082
    superfox12082 Posts: 512 Member
    We were supposed to clean our plates. I was never overweight as a child, but I think it contributes to my bad eating habits now.
  • Cathalain
    Cathalain Posts: 424 Member
    I actually don't blame my parents for that. They were raised by "Depression" kids in the 40's - my mother in particular was always told to "clean her plate" because HER mom and dad (my grandparents) lived through a time where they literally had NOTHING and were grateful to get any scrap of food that they could. So... my mom only taught me what SHE knew. It's not like she deliberately set out to sabotage my health or anything - it's just the way things were.

    None of us have any clue of what it's like to go hungry - none. My grandparents, on the other hand.... they knew all too well and didn't want to see their kids struggle like they had to, know what I'm saying?

    I can't blame my parents for teaching me to "clean a plate" when they didn't know any better. And my bad habits later in life had nothing to do with them. My mom didn't force Twinkies down my gullet, you know?
  • Meliikinz
    Meliikinz Posts: 66
    My parents made me sit there all night until it was all gone! I hated it! And Now that I am a parent I can do things differently!

    As smaller children (5&3) I do make my children eat all of their food currently. My children are skinny and I want to make sure they get everything they need as they both are VERY VERY active children, But if they tell me they are full or not hungry anymore, Im NOT making them finish that food.

    And when They get older it will be up to them. I want portion control in my family so my children know how to eat healthy and know when to stop!

    Im taking my life back from food, and Im giving my children a choice to choose.
  • snappyapples
    snappyapples Posts: 76
    My mom had us clean our plates, but I don't resent her for it. She was a struggling single mom and was doing the best she could. I have my three nieces about half the time, and I am sure to give them small portions. They normally clean those up and they are more than welcome to seconds, but they pretty much know not to take more than they can eat on those seconds. If I make something they might not like, they try it first to decide if they want that or if I should make them something else.

    My ex brother in law drives me insane with how he feeds them. Mac n cheese, chicken nuggets, buttered noodles. They LOVE it, but all those empty calories UGH
  • laurie62ann
    laurie62ann Posts: 433 Member
    Life is too short! You're an adult now; live your life and make good choices. If that's the worst thing your parents did was make you finish all the food on your plate, then consider yourself pretty lucky. Just saying, it could have been worse.
  • VanillaSmile427
    VanillaSmile427 Posts: 45
    I didn't eat chips, cakes, and "unhealthy" food to gain weight. Just because one is overweight doesn't mean they are eating unhealthy. I ate healthy, just too much food. Traditional mexican food is quite healthy but when my portions are too big I gained weight. When you're used to eating everything on your plate you get used to eating too much until you're stuffed. This may not be the case for everyone, but it is harder to change habits as an adult.
    I also think there is a fine line with this - I hear people talk about it all the time and I guess I just don't get how this can be the cause for obesity into adulthood. I'm NOT trying to be rude, but I am interested to understand the link.

    So, your parents made you finish your plate at dinner. So did mine. But then they didn't make me eat the chips, ice cream, cake, etc when I was done that was the real cause of my obesity. I guess once I got older I never felt like I had to finish my meal if I was full.

    I do make my daughter finish her meal at dinner. I also give her small portions of everything on a plate and if it's something I know she hates I will sometimes let her get her own meal ready with help (she's 7). Last night we had grilled chicken and red potatoes. She didn't like the potatoes but I did make her eat 3 slices of one as sometimes she changes her mind. I made her eat the chicken because I gave her a small portion and it's good for her.

    I HATE when I make a meal, she eats 4 bites, says she's full and asks for a snack later. No. Not happening.
  • MomTo3Lovez
    MomTo3Lovez Posts: 800 Member
    My parents never did this but my moms parents were like that so she vowed never to do that to her kids and she didn't.
  • wolfsbayne
    wolfsbayne Posts: 3,116 Member
    No, I'm responsible for my choices. All my dad would say was "Get all you want, but eat all you get."
  • Frank_Just_Frank
    Frank_Just_Frank Posts: 454 Member
    No I don't. It's a dumb habit they were raised to do as well and they didn't get fat so that's not what happened to me.
  • Bounce4
    Bounce4 Posts: 288 Member
    One of my favorite sayings is "resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

    Find a way past this one (and all the others that are around the corner because life will present you with many).

    My mom also used to talk about the starving children. I hear that in my head. I finally told myself I'll drop groceries off at the food pantry for the starving children because my growing *kitten* isn't helping any of them.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    No...and I still believe in cleaning ones plate. I hate wasting food; it is expensive and I spent valuable time preparing it. If you take it and put it on your plate then you best eat it.

    My parent's always made me clear my plate...but they also let me put the food on my plate...I learned portion control at a pretty young age. I still clear my plate, but I have a reasonable serving of whatever it is on my plate....if I want more I can go back for more but I don't pile my plate up to the point where I'm going to have to either stuff myself or let the food go to waste; personally I think that's where people go wrong. It's all about proper portions.

    I didn't get fat from clearing my plate....I got fat because I used to be extremely active and ate to support that activity...then I became far more sedentary but continued to eat like I was moving all of the time. To rectify this situation I brought my consumption back in line with my activity.
  • TriShamelessly
    TriShamelessly Posts: 905 Member
    I was very active as a child and therefore, never needed that admonition. (I got fat as an adult when my activity level dropped off due to career demands and my food intake didn't take a similar dive). Same goes for my 5 y.o. twins. What I do try to instill in them is that they have to finish all of the "healthy" food (the proteins, veggies, etc.) on their plate if they expect to get a treat - which is inevitably asked for within 10 minutes of dinner being finished. Seems to be working as they can readily identify what they should be eating and what is a treat.
  • Bounce4
    Bounce4 Posts: 288 Member
    No I don't. It's a dumb habit they were raised to do as well and they didn't get fat so that's not what happened to me.

    Ha! Good point.
  • SarahWSU36
    SarahWSU36 Posts: 19 Member
    I for sure blame my Mom for giving me an unhealthy relationship with food. She started taking me to Weight Watchers when I was 8. I think that if she would have just left me alone and let me grow out of my baby fat I would have just gone about my business and settled into a healthy weight.

Categories