Anyone else resent their parents for...

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  • JenniTheVeggie
    JenniTheVeggie Posts: 2,474 Member
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    Yeah....kinda...among other things. LOL.
  • becky10rp
    becky10rp Posts: 573 Member
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    Nah........my parents let us get our own portions of food - my Mom always set dinner up cafeteria-style - you brought your plate up to the stove and put what you wanted on your plate.

    I do the same thing now - you take what you want - and eat what you want.......

    BUT - they did dress me funny..........I have some killer photos of me wearing bell-bottom jeans (yeah, it was the '70's)....................
  • kgeyser
    kgeyser Posts: 22,505 Member
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    The only thing that bothered me about my parents and food was that there were different rules for different people. My brother refused to eat many foods growing up like bread, pizza, etc, and he was always allowed to have a separate meal or just not have to eat that food. I had to eat everything, even if I didn't like it. Which meant I spent a lot of time sitting alone after dinner was over with cold food on my plate. It didn't matter that I ate all the green beans, carrots, corn, and peas in my serving of mixed vegetables, I was forced to sit there until I also ate the damned lima beans. Shockingly, I still don't like lima beans.
  • kikilita
    kikilita Posts: 91 Member
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    Once I turned about 16 I stopped blaming things on my parents.

    I'll bet that saved you a lot of money for therapy:)

    On the flipside, I blamed myself for everything and had to go to therapy to realize that not everything was MY fault and some blame laid with my parents. Also, therapy is a wonderful thing and it's not expensive; you can actually get it for FREE through most local universities if you look into it and are willing to let undergrad psych students (that are guided by a licensed therapist who views tapes of your sessions) be your therapist.

    Resentment is a terrible thing, though, and it makes one live in the past so it's best to let go and live in the moment.

    As others have states, most, if not all, of our parents were raised by parents who experienced The Great Depression where food was scarce so if you had, you ate it, otherwise someone else wood. I don't really resent my parents for any food things. It just is what it is.
  • jtjunkie
    jtjunkie Posts: 59 Member
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    I know I had to clean my plate as a child and am still expected to eat what I take as an adult when at family meals, so I just take less. I don't make my kids clean the plate but when they say they are full and then ask for dessert I make them eat more dinner, telling them that if they have room for dessert then they have room to finish their dinner. I always give them appropriate size portions so if they haven't been snacking, they should have no problem finishing the meal.
  • FemaleSheogorath
    FemaleSheogorath Posts: 18
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    No because they didn't make me fat....I made me fat.

    What would you tell an overweight 16yo then... that they made themselves fat? Are parents not supposed to teach proper nutrition and manage their kids' weight to some extent?

    My niece is 16 years old and overweight. Her parents do teach her about eating, as well as my mom and myself. She knows about nutrition. But, when she gets home from school and nobody else is home, she has free reign. And guess what, you can overeat ANY food. They also live with my sister's father-in-law and the other two nieces are extremely active, so they can have some junk in the house.

    My niece owns the fact that she eats too much and this is the cause of her weight gain. Her mom, myself, and my mom all encourage her to exercise and participate when we can and help her find healthy substitutes.

    I'm sorry but when you are 16 you are responsible for the portions that you consume. She eats mindlessly out of boredom and she knows it and we have no problem having that discussion. If she were obese when she was 2 I would blame her parents... but not now. Sorry

    I'm new to posting on here but I just wanted to say something. Sorry if I mess up somehow!

    People do not develop their frontal lobes, which processes reasoning, self-control and decision-making, until they are about 20-25. A 16 year-old is still processing out of their amygdala, which is the part of the brain that is controlled by basic survival needs. It's what makes children, teenagers, and young adults so impulsive. While it's quite possible for a 16 year-old to have a fully developed frontal lobe, it's also improbable.

    That said, a 16 year-old will impulsively overeat if they are given the opportunity because it's a survival instinct to do so. There is no one to blame in this situation as her parents can't control her when they aren't there and at times, she can't quite help herself due to her natural impulsivity. She will grow out of the habits if she is reinforced as to why it they are wrong and as she develops her frontal lobe fully.

    (I'm a psych major. Hope this maybe helps!)
  • snazzyjazzy21
    snazzyjazzy21 Posts: 1,298 Member
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    My parents didn't make me eat everything on my plate so...
  • FieryNikkie
    FieryNikkie Posts: 61 Member
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    We do this same thing. My boys are 3 and (almost) 5. They are active and a healthy weight for their ages. In our house, they are welcome to eat as much or as little on their plates as they want. But if they don't eat, they get that plate right back. If they do eat it all and ask for a treat later, then we consider it.
  • iquiltoo
    iquiltoo Posts: 246 Member
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    No, I didn't resent my mom for doing that, but I think it contributed to my problem. A friend's mom had a right idea though - if she filled her kids' plates and they couldn't eat it all, that was fine because she didn't necessarily know how hungry they were. But if they filled their plates, and as grandma used to say, had eyes too big for their bellies, they had to eat it all if they expected to get dessert too!
  • Amandawith3kids
    Amandawith3kids Posts: 367 Member
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    i just asked my mom.. "when you told us to clean our plates when we were little, what country were the children starving in?"

    she didnt remember. i laughed at her.
  • kdeaux1959
    kdeaux1959 Posts: 2,675 Member
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    We all make mistakes and that is a common one. Ultimately we have to get past that... We are the way we are because we made bad choices either by eating too much or too much of the wrong thing all while not doing enough activity to burn it off. I choose to own my own problems and not refer them to my parents... They did the best they could and did wonderfully in many areas... admittedly, if I had continued to eat like my parents encouraged me to (drink more water, back off from the sodas, minimize snacking), the eating of all the fried foods on my plate would not have caused the obesity I experienced for years... Oh, and getting off my *** and doing something.... Should I finish everything on my plate? I usually still do that... but when we make smarter choices otherwise, we will be just fine most of the time.
  • TLondon24
    TLondon24 Posts: 4 Member
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    Once I turned about 16 I stopped blaming things on my parents.

    Amen.
  • BlueBombers
    BlueBombers Posts: 4,065 Member
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    No because they didn't make me fat....I made me fat.

    What would you tell an overweight 16yo then... that they made themselves fat? Are parents not supposed to teach proper nutrition and manage their kids' weight to some extent?

    Well obviously and they did. But I control what I do and I have no one else to blame but myself. I'm not one to point the finger at everyone else when I know I am in the wrong. And honestly at 16, did you really listen to what your parents said? I sure as hell didn't.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,741 Member
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    I don't resent my parents for anything food-related to be honest. They didn't make me clear my plate, though.

    The worst thing my mom instilled in me was the idea that lunch and dinner both require something sweet after as dessert. I don't resent her for it at all, though.
  • angf0679
    angf0679 Posts: 1,120 Member
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    When I was a kid, I was always under weight. I gained the freshmen 15++++.

    There were times they would make me eat everything on the plate and I would throw a fit because I didn't want. They didn't give me much in the first place! Most of the time if I didn't eat it, it would be on my leftovers for my next meal.
  • twinkles2121
    twinkles2121 Posts: 137 Member
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    When I was a child, my parents so rarely made meals that I always finished every bite when they did. I was often left to my own devices when it came to meals, and usually it would be whatever (child me) could find easily. Cookies, crackers, etc. That kind of scavenging attitude came with me in to my adult life and would show most when grocery shopping. I would only buy what was easily accessible.

    So, I can understand how that kind of guilt would grow with you into adulthood, I never really thought of that before, but it makes sense. Children are so impressionable.

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