why am i lying to myself?

I have the same issues and keep trying to address them with therapy (long underlying that I don't deserve it and not figuring out why I still feel that way but that's why I keep checking in with my therapist so we can find it and flip my switch).

I started by vowing to log everything (regardless of not wanting to see it) just to see my patterns so I can better identify the triggers and address those. Give yourself a month, just to see the patterns (or whatever other lie you need to tell yourself to get through the month of honest tracking). Trust me, you'll start doing little things like deciding against the impulse (or emotional) purchase of food and then eating it. You'll also start trying to go for walks, or other things to offset the emotional eating (it's the idea of starting to become an emotional exerciser instead).

I will say, you may have to do this several times through your journey but you will see results. Purchases and eating due to emotional reasons (depression, feelings of unworthiness, etc diagnosed or not) are going to happen if those are the things that brought you to your heaviest weight. You've got to do what you can to recognize the issues so you can address them.

After 50+ pounds lost for me, I'm finally starting to switch my thinking. Now I'm saying things like (making promises to myself and my son), when I get to OneUnderLand (so weight of 199 or less), I'm going to try Indoor Rock Climbing. I'm counting down the pounds, etc. That's my other helpful hint, find little rewards that are weight loss related but not food. Perhaps a massage at 10 or 15 pounds lost, or things like that. That is another way to overcome the emotional purchases/eating. If I give into this, then I can't have that idea and make it good enough that you don't want to give it up.

You recognize the problem so you're more than halfway there! You've got this!

My response is this (and as my mom says, take what you want and leave the rest...)

Evaluate yourself. On your drive to work/the gym/ wherever... turn the music off... sit in peace and ask yourself that question. Figure out what it is in your life that is "out of balance" or "not quite right".

For example... I found a relationship between when I feel "out of control" or when I'm "eating my feelings". When hubby and I had a fight and I didn't speak my mind - I ate my feelings. When my kids were acting crazy and I couldn't control their behavior, I ate my feelings.

Food was comfortable. Food was comforting. I didn't have to be anyone other than myself. I didn't have to "fix" food. It just made me feel better..... In the moment.

So... again.. that's just me... take what you want and leave the rest

If you're going to eat it, own it. A lot of times I will even prelog if I decide it's going to be an eat all the food day. That has put a damper on my bad days before. And if I eat more than I logged, I make sure to go back and log the rest. If I've totally lost track, I put in at least a thousand over what I know it had to be. Seeing MFP say "If every day were like today, you'd weigh 200 pounds in five weeks" is very sobering. At least it makes me try harder the next day.

^^this is very true for me

I do the same thing and I've done it all along. I've been rather successful in spite of my foolishness, but how much farther along would I have been if I just knocked it offf? Last week I was cutting up an onion, knowing full well that I should not eat onions due to the fact that they spike my blood glucose. I accidentally cut myself... Immediately stopped the bleeding and proceeded with my onion. Really? My blood glucose spiking up over 200 was probably much riskier than the cut on my finger but I deal with it immediately. I'll deal with eating things that I shouldn't tomorrow. Tomorrow, yeah...

For me you hit the proverbial nail on the head when you called it "lying" because the thing about the food demon in our head is to recognize the lies. You know the lie that begins with "eat because you've been feeling lonely and this ice cream will really help", or the one that says "may as finish this pizza because you already ate 3 pieces", or I'm just too tired to fix dinner tonight so fast food it is", or the really big lie " I'll just eat everything I want and start my diet tomorrow". Oh there are so many lies and my own ability to deceive myself astounds me. I would lie and tell myself that the constant severe pain I was in was not related to my obesity. I lied and told myself that since I was so disabled I couldn't exercise and of course I couldn't lose any weight being sedentary. Then there was the lie that it just wasn't my fault because being obese was genetic. My best lie though was the one that got me every time and it played constantly in my head and it went like this. "Food is my best friend and it never lets me down" Well, thank God I finally saw through the lie and I admitted that I was own worst enemy. It wasn't the RA that had helped cripple me, nor was it the heart disease and apnea that threatened my life everyday. Nope, it was my refusal to accept personal responsibility for my own health. I wanted my food fix and I wanted my doctors to fix me. Crazy as hell, eh? I had a wake-up at 339 pounds when I'd been housebound for more than 2 years and I tried to get a surgeon to replace my right knee. It hurt so bad that if I could have it amputated I would have considered it...seriousy. The first surgeon I went to said to me "Your weight is killing you". I actually looked at his face move from concern to astonishment when I replied, "I know". I went home and thought about this and even then I denied and lied for another 6 months until another surgeon referred me to a bariatric surgeon. I thought that perhaps that was a new chance for me and so I began the 6 month journey required by my insurance company before they would approve the surgery. I began a new mantra in my head that began to compete with the lie. The new mantra was a prayer really, a plea for strength to fight for my own life. One day at a time, one meal at a time I fought the lie. I made it through the holidays and I began to feel hope. At the end of the 6 months the bariatric surgeon told me I was rejected for the "sleeve" because of too many co-morbidities, but the good news was that I had lost 50 pounds. I just kept doing what I had been doing for 6 months, logging in several times a day to MFP, logging my food, substituting high calorie food for low calorie foods, eliminating completely the things I could not resist, and reading the many success stories I found here. Today I'm 118 pounds down and still putting one foot in front of the other. The lie still plays in my head but now I am more conscious ot it. I finally had my knee replaced last month and even the post surgery pain was a relief compared to before. I'm dong great in rehab and I'm off all heart meds except one, I breathe so much easier and my GERD is under control as well. I am no longer killing myself but I am living to keep on living. I'm also not arrogant enough to believe that I have it under control. Nope, I'm still vulnerable, but the difference is that I'm putting up a fight, resisting the lie, and some days I don't hear it at all.

I say its the same reason we lie to any other person-- we don't want to take responsibility for the actions and our wrong choices. However, when we lie to someone else they are liable to call us out on it and in some cases we choose to tell the truth but when you lie to yourself, who will be the one to make you accountable for your wrong doing?? NO ONE! It is because we know there is no one to call it out that we continue to do it-- and so the saying remains true "you only hurt yourself by lying"

It will take time, be honest with yourself, I say that even if you don't log them on MFP you need to find another way to call yourself out. Write it in a diary, this way you can make yourself accountable without feeling embarrassed or ashamed, eventually you will see what you need to change, for yourself.

Although, I wouldn't be ashamed to log in my set backs or unhealthy choices here....you see we are all here to change those habits and support each other.

Wishing you the best on your healthier lifestyle

i need help understanding why i keep reverting back to old, bad bad habits.

hiding snacks from my boyfriend. cheating by getting a junior chicken and not logging it, knowing ill be over calories if i do. i bought cookies from the dollar store the other day - why would i do that when i know my goals and how to reach them?

these habits (or whatever) are what brought me to my highest weight - a scary 244lbs - last year. i am desperate to not repeat history, and yet i keep letting it happen. i remember a few years back, my mom was watching oprah (naturally) and one of the things she (or dr phil, or oz, or whomever) said was 'why do you keep breaking the promise to yourself?' and that has really stuck with me.. but.. i keep breaking the promise. why?

how do you keep your promises to yourself? what (helpful, please) advise would you offer me?

Since I started on MFP, my motto has been "Being honest with myself." I think that you are the only one that can identify why you do these things, unless you have a friend, family, or significant other that knows you well and is willing to be honest with you. Good luck!

For me you hit the proverbial nail on the head when you called it "lying" because the thing about the food demon in our head is to recognize the lies. You know the lie that begins with "eat because you've been feeling lonely and this ice cream will really help", or the one that says "may as finish this pizza because you already ate 3 pieces", or I'm just too tired to fix dinner tonight so fast food it is", or the really big lie " I'll just eat everything I want and start my diet tomorrow". Oh there are so many lies and my own ability to deceive myself astounds me. I would lie and tell myself that the constant severe pain I was in was not related to my obesity. I lied and told myself that since I was so disabled I couldn't exercise and of course I couldn't lose any weight being sedentary. Then there was the lie that it just wasn't my fault because being obese was genetic. My best lie though was the one that got me every time and it played constantly in my head and it went like this. "Food is my best friend and it never lets me down" Well, thank God I finally saw through the lie and I admitted that I was own worst enemy. It wasn't the RA that had helped cripple me, nor was it the heart disease and apnea that threatened my life everyday. Nope, it was my refusal to accept personal responsibility for my own health. I wanted my food fix and I wanted my doctors to fix me. Crazy as hell, eh? I had a wake-up at 339 pounds when I'd been housebound for more than 2 years and I tried to get a surgeon to replace my right knee. It hurt so bad that if I could have it amputated I would have considered it...seriousy. The first surgeon I went to said to me "Your weight is killing you". I actually looked at his face move from concern to astonishment when I replied, "I know". I went home and thought about this and even then I denied and lied for another 6 months until another surgeon referred me to a bariatric surgeon. I thought that perhaps that was a new chance for me and so I began the 6 month journey required by my insurance company before they would approve the surgery. I began a new mantra in my head that began to compete with the lie. The new mantra was a prayer really, a plea for strength to fight for my own life. One day at a time, one meal at a time I fought the lie. I made it through the holidays and I began to feel hope. At the end of the 6 months the bariatric surgeon told me I was rejected for the "sleeve" because of too many co-morbidities, but the good news was that I had lost 50 pounds. I just kept doing what I had been doing for 6 months, logging in several times a day to MFP, logging my food, substituting high calorie food for low calorie foods, eliminating completely the things I could not resist, and reading the many success stories I found here. Today I'm 118 pounds down and still putting one foot in front of the other. The lie still plays in my head but now I am more conscious ot it. I finally had my knee replaced last month and even the post surgery pain was a relief compared to before. I'm dong great in rehab and I'm off all heart meds except one, I breathe so much easier and my GERD is under control as well. I am no longer killing myself but I am living to keep on living. I'm also not arrogant enough to believe that I have it under control. Nope, I'm still vulnerable, but the difference is that I'm putting up a fight, resisting the lie, and some days I don't hear it at all.

You are amazing. Thank you so much for your share.

I too developed mantras to help me when I lose my focus. That's a good tactic that everyone should develop.

For me you hit the proverbial nail on the head when you called it "lying" because the thing about the food demon in our head is to recognize the lies. You know the lie that begins with "eat because you've been feeling lonely and this ice cream will really help", or the one that says "may as finish this pizza because you already ate 3 pieces", or I'm just too tired to fix dinner tonight so fast food it is", or the really big lie " I'll just eat everything I want and start my diet tomorrow". Oh there are so many lies and my own ability to deceive myself astounds me. I would lie and tell myself that the constant severe pain I was in was not related to my obesity. I lied and told myself that since I was so disabled I couldn't exercise and of course I couldn't lose any weight being sedentary. Then there was the lie that it just wasn't my fault because being obese was genetic. My best lie though was the one that got me every time and it played constantly in my head and it went like this. "Food is my best friend and it never lets me down" Well, thank God I finally saw through the lie and I admitted that I was own worst enemy. It wasn't the RA that had helped cripple me, nor was it the heart disease and apnea that threatened my life everyday. Nope, it was my refusal to accept personal responsibility for my own health. I wanted my food fix and I wanted my doctors to fix me. Crazy as hell, eh? I had a wake-up at 339 pounds when I'd been housebound for more than 2 years and I tried to get a surgeon to replace my right knee. It hurt so bad that if I could have it amputated I would have considered it...seriousy. The first surgeon I went to said to me "Your weight is killing you". I actually looked at his face move from concern to astonishment when I replied, "I know". I went home and thought about this and even then I denied and lied for another 6 months until another surgeon referred me to a bariatric surgeon. I thought that perhaps that was a new chance for me and so I began the 6 month journey required by my insurance company before they would approve the surgery. I began a new mantra in my head that began to compete with the lie. The new mantra was a prayer really, a plea for strength to fight for my own life. One day at a time, one meal at a time I fought the lie. I made it through the holidays and I began to feel hope. At the end of the 6 months the bariatric surgeon told me I was rejected for the "sleeve" because of too many co-morbidities, but the good news was that I had lost 50 pounds. I just kept doing what I had been doing for 6 months, logging in several times a day to MFP, logging my food, substituting high calorie food for low calorie foods, eliminating completely the things I could not resist, and reading the many success stories I found here. Today I'm 118 pounds down and still putting one foot in front of the other. The lie still plays in my head but now I am more conscious ot it. I finally had my knee replaced last month and even the post surgery pain was a relief compared to before. I'm dong great in rehab and I'm off all heart meds except one, I breathe so much easier and my GERD is under control as well. I am no longer killing myself but I am living to keep on living. I'm also not arrogant enough to believe that I have it under control. Nope, I'm still vulnerable, but the difference is that I'm putting up a fight, resisting the lie, and some days I don't hear it at all.

Thank you.

good thread, I keep telling myself I need to take care of myself and not do destructive things like overeating. When I overdo it, I try to cut back the next meal or get back on track the next day. I tell myself I cannot be mean to myself, get a grip, get on those scales, weigh and be cautious. I have to have a good little talking to to myself!