In denial, need brutal honesty

First of all, a lot of good stuff's been said.

Second, is this: Dangerous Effects of Diabetes

Diabetes is a kind of metabolic disease that is either caused by the insufficient production of insulin in the system or by the inability of the cells to take in the insulin produced by the body (effects of diabetes).

As a metabolic disease, the effects of diabetes can be manifested all throughout the different organ systems, making it a very dangerous and fatal condition if left undiagnosed or untreated. Below are the dangerous effects of diabetes.
Effects of Diabetes in the Cardiovascular System

Those who have diabetes are also very prone to heart diseases and stroke. This is primarily because of the accumulated amounts of glucose that is stored up in the blood.

High glucose increases the viscosity of the blood, which can in turn produce very high blood pressures. Aside from that, diabetes can also lead to high amounts of blood cholesterol.

Cholesterol can accumulate at the linings of the blood vessels, blocking the flow of the fluid entirely and cutting off oxygen and nutrient supply to various tissues and organs in the body.

Over time, these accumulated amounts of cholesterol can also damage the blood vessels. These effects of diabetes can lead to heart attack and even death.
Effects of Diabetes in the Nervous System

Diabetic patients are also very prone to never damage, a condition called diabetic neuropathy.

The extent of nerve damage can vary from one patient to another and this can occur in various parts of the body. However, these effects of diabetes start out commonly as a pain, numbness or tingling sensations in the upper and lower extremities of the body.

This is a very common complication in diabetic patients. Studies have revealed that 60-70% of all diabetic patients have some form of diabetic neuropathy. Although dangerous, this kind of complication can easily be prevented by simply controlling blood glucose concentrations.



Effects of Diabetes

The most common effects of diabetes in female patients are urinary inconsistency or bladder problems such as polyuria or the excessive production of urine. This kind of complication can have a huge impact on the patient’s lifestyle.

Most of the time, diabetic patients with bladder problems limit their physical activity and interactions with the outside world.

Diabetes can also impair very important senses such as the sense of sight. The disease can lead to a condition called diabetic retinopathy.

Diabetic retinopathy is a condition wherein the retina of the eye is damaged. This condition can eventually lead to total blindness if left untreated. Diabetic retinopathy is highly manageable and there are now plenty of options that diabetic patients can choose from for treatment.

So it is very important to seek medical treatment immediately once you are diagnosed with the condition. The effects of diabetes are indeed very serious if the condition is left untreated.

Honestly, it doesn't sound like you're in denial. You know how bad things are and, I'm assuming (since you've tried to knock some sense into yourself before) you know how bad things can/may/will get. You're choosing not to take the steps to change things, because as others have said, maybe you're just not ready. You're not ready to care enough about this yet.

I think a lot of times people wait for some magical moment of clarity where they suddenly know exactly what they need to do, and are filled with the required amount of Motivation to carry it through. That's not really how it works though. Some people have that "rock bottom" moment; a lot don't. A lot have that moment, but it's not enough to sustain the momentum needed to get the job done. Stop waiting for the lightening to hit. This is about making choices and taking responsibility for your future. Then, taking the steps to make it happen. Changing habits.

The other problem that often holds people back is that they see weight loss as this insurmountable obstacle. Some kind of tortuous rite of passage. Again, that's not how it works. Yes, weight loss is hard, and weight maintenance is hard (even harder for a lot of folk). But it's not impossible and it doesn't have to be torture. You don't have to go on a strict diet and cut out all the foods you love (diabetes management notwithstanding obviously). You don't need a personal trainer or to go from being sedentary to doing 6 days a week of intense exercise. This truly needs to be a lifestyle change, which means that you need to make changes that you can live with - forever. Not just temporarily to get the weight off before going back to "normal".

Keep it simple. Set MFP up to lose 1 lb a week, eat your normal diet and meet your calorie goal. ("Meet" means eat right up to it, including at least half of your exercise calories. Don't aim to come in under your goal.) Track accurately - use a weighing scale to measure portions. Do whatever exercise you enjoy doing and can sustain. If your diet needs to change to be more balanced or nutritious, that can happen gradually, naturally over time as you start paying more attention to nutrition. In the beginning though, meet your calorie goal.

Also, read this: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants

I think you're asking people to be brutal so that you get scared enough to be "motivated" to change. That's not what you need. You already have motivation. You know your health is crap at the moment and will likely get worse if you don't change. You have children that you want to live for and see grow up. The motivation is there. Maybe you're not the kind of person who will have a "rock bottom" moment. Not everyone does - look at all the people who slowly kill themselves with their lifestyle and never, ever change. It's about choice and taking responsibility. Do it, or don't do it. It's up to you. Stop looking for someone to light a fire under you, and just slowly, quietly make the small adjustments to your lifestyle that will enable you to lose weight.

All this time and energy you're spending telling yourself you're in denial or that you don't want it enough - put that energy into tracking your food accurately and developing new habits. Stop overthinking it and talking yourself out of it. It takes hard work, but you have the tolls to do it - if you want to.

'Find a good therapist and resolve those psychological issues you have. Learn to love yourself.

This. Losing weight isn't going to solve your problems. All it's going to do is lessen one single symptom of an all-encompassing problem - You don't care.

Or you claim you don't.

I suspect the real truth is you don't think you're worth the effort. You're afraid to fail and show everyone that you are weak. You're afraid of proving that negative voice right. You think that if you don't nail it right off the bat, you won't have the strength to try again. That means even guilt of what you are doing to your loved ones by abusing yourself with food and apathy isn't going to be enough to make anything stick. They'd be better off without all "this" anyway, right? Why put out the effort if it's not really going to change anything and you're only going to fail? The last thing you {and your loved ones} need is more things to be embarrassed about, eh?

Yeah, I know those voices.

You don't need to start here. You need to start by figuring out why you think you are so worthless. Then you need to figure out that you AREN'T worthless. THEN this part becomes possible. Eventually it even becomes "easy" because your self-worth and strength are coming from you; not from the numbers on your scale, your bloodwork or your pants.

You need to want to be a "better" person, not get bullied and shamed into it. Find a therapist to talk to. Take up journaling and focus on the things that once made you feel good instead of all the ways things suck. Start doing some slow, meditative yoga to get active and further focus on listening to the part of you buried deep under all the emotional scars and conditioned reactions. Then hike up your skirts and take on all the things you have to do to make your life something YOU WANT.

I'm not diabetic, nor have a ever been... but reading the responses in this thread are SCARING me, lol. If me, being healthy now, am scared of this... then you, being sick, should be terrified. Please do something now... for your sake, your children's sake. You CAN do it, it's completely achievable.

The only person who can change you is you. Stop asking for help from others until you're ready to put in the work, because you're otherwise wasting everyone else's time.

The most brutally honest thing that to do is record, or log in, everything you eat. Let this site show you what that food consumption will do for you, or to you. Be honest about the quantity you want to consume. And then, find some type of exercise that you can do that you will do consistently. I tried a hard core body pump class that I could not keep up in for the entire hour. So I switched to an exercise that I could do for at my pace for the entire 60 minutes.

You must also get off of your pity pot. You are young enough to correct this before the end of the year if you would just start with the very next meal that you eat. Making the right decisions one meal at a time puts you in control of what you can change, your mind. Train your mind to accept the fact that for this meal you will not eat what you know will hurt you and make you feel bad later on.

And if that doesn't work, look at me. I am 44 and I am just now finally getting it. I have finally accepted the fact that I am responsible for that meal and what it is. NO matter what stressors are around me, I am still responsible for the meal in front of me.

My grandfather is overweight, has been his whole life. He has had diabetes since his 40s. He has sleep apnea due to his weight and could have died in his sleep before it was discovered. Having diabetes that long has destroyed his kidneys and now he's been on dialysis for several years which is very hard on him. As poor as his health is, he's lucky that he didn't die earlier. Heart attacks aren't something that just happen to old people. You could have one tomorrow.

This is why I'm losing weight. I don't want to die. I don't want to develop diabetes and have my kidneys shut down then go through dialysis multiple times a week. I don't want to die from sleep apnea or heart attack or stroke. I want to live as long as possible so that I can spend that time with my family.

Do you want to sleep with a mask over your face every night? Do you want to go through several hours of dialysis treatment every 2 days? Do you want to take 30 pills a day? That's where you're headed if you don't get a grip on it. Not caring about your diabetes and not losing weight is going to cause you to have a miserable life if you even survive. Dying early or having very poor health is not worth that stupid second helping of food. That food isn't going anywhere. When you're healthy, retired, and 65 years old...you'll be able to go out and eat a moderate portion of your favorite foods instead of being dead.

I am in denial about my health and have tried lots of things to really knock it in to me how bad things are but it's just not registering. All the people in my life don't know what is going on with me and I don't want to turn to them.
I need to hit ROCK BOTTOM. I would like some brutal honesty please to wake me up and see what I have done to myself.

I felt that way years ago when I wanted to stop smoking. I knew all the health reasons. I was tired of colds, sinus infections, and worrying that I might have throat cancer every time I got a sore throat. I was starting to develop a persistent little cough. I knew all the health reasons. I still couldn't quit.

I had to find my own personal reason. For me, I realized that I was like an alcoholic or a drug addict. I couldn't get through the little ups and downs of the day without cigarettes. I got mad at myself. I told myself that smoking once in a while for enjoyment was one thing, but I was not going to be an addict. I had more personal pride than that. I also realized I was very much an addict and signed up for classes.

You are neurotic about food. You have all the addiction signs, including the guilt.

Your head knows. Your heart is not listening. Find your own reason plus get professional help so you can stick with it during the transition to a better life.

Sounds like maybe you're a food addict. You have issues with food and you need to sort that out by either reading up on the subject or seeking professional help if you can afford it.

I think there is a group called "over eaters anonymous" I'm sure they have a website and a forum where you can explore more.

good luck…and you are reaching out and that is a great first step.

You are not in denial. You know how bad things are, you just love food more than yourself or your kids. Simple as this. And no one can help you or tell you anything you do not already know.