Do you feel it is important to sleep with your spouse?

245

Replies

  • Mischievous_Rascal
    Mischievous_Rascal Posts: 1,791 Member
    I think going to bed together is very important, but my hubby has a tricky back and some nights, halfway through the night, he has to get up and "change his sleep number", as he says. So he heads to the spare room for a few hours and there's no way I'm going to make him stay in bed watching me sleep and getting grumpy because he can't. That would be selfish and ultimately make us both cranky.

    And he always comes back in every morning to snuggle me awake and deliver my first coffee. :wink:
  • BlueBombers
    BlueBombers Posts: 4,064 Member
    Yes, but if he works overnights I'm all for having the bed to myself :drinker:
  • jenlindsaymorgan
    jenlindsaymorgan Posts: 25
    My husband works night shift so I get the best of both worlds!! (btw I sleep better when he isn't there but don't tell him that!!)
  • mlanders22
    mlanders22 Posts: 140 Member
    I don't have a spouse, but when I'm in a relationship I believe sharing a bed is important. Some of the best conversations and moments I've shared with someone were right before falling asleep or when waking up in the morning. It's a closeness/connection thing for me.

    This is where my cynicism takes over. I love sharing a bed with my wife, and think it is vital to building and encouraging a strong relationship, but sadly it rarely happens. For one, we have an infant. He keeps her pretty occupied between late night feedings and the occasional cry fest. We also have a 3 year old who is transitioning to her own room. This means, if I don't wake up to find her sprawled in-between us with a foot in my face, I am usually waking up on the floor next to her bed where I must have gone in the middle of the night to try and put her back to sleep. Outside of those things, conversations before bed usually consist of, "hey babe, do I have work clothes for tomorrow?" Conversations in the morning rarely happen because of this strange phenomenon called morning breath. This means closed mouth kisses and light conversation until someone gets out of bed and gets themselves straightened out. The hallmark, lifetime idea of snuggling and cuddling and soft whispers filled with heartfelt romanticism is not my reality.

    That's totally your opinion. I don't have a "hallmark, lifetime idea" of anything, actually. I'm divorced, sharing custody of a toddler who doesn't sleep, and that's my reality. Doesn't mean I don't want to share a bed with my future partner for the reasons I stated.
  • rileysowner
    rileysowner Posts: 8,331 Member
    We both sleep better in separate rooms and separate beds. For a while we had separate beds in the same room, then tried a king size bed, but at least in my opinion sleep is better alone.
  • Mustangsally1000
    Mustangsally1000 Posts: 854 Member
    I do feel it is important. It is actuallly a source of argument between my BF and I. He falls asleep on the couch on a very regular basis and doesn't come to bed till 2 or 3 in the morning (if at all). We both wake ~6am, so basically I don't feel like he is making an effort to get off the couch and sleep with me even though I have made it VERY clear that is is a huge deal. I know people who have sepearate bedrooms because of snoring or differing sleep hours, etc, but I think that people should make an effort to be close, even when it isn't sexual in nature. I'm curious to see all kinds of responses!!! Maybe I will pick out the good ones and have him read :)

    My husband does the same thing. Drives me nuts. Heh..I thought i was the only one. Guess not~
  • Iceberg_Simpson
    Iceberg_Simpson Posts: 737 Member
    I do not sleep well if my husband isn't in the bed. When I have insomnia, I find that if we're touching or spooning, I can fall asleep. Once asleep though, I like my own space. That's why we have a king bed.
  • BigBellyGoAway
    BigBellyGoAway Posts: 781 Member
    Meh. We sleep in the same bed most of the time, but our schedules are different, so since there isn't any chit-chat or cuddling when either of us actually go to sleep, the sleeping part irrelevant. Then you have the fact that I snore and she steals the covers, or the youngest kid had a bad dream, and one of us will end up in the recliner every once in a while. :laugh:
  • histora
    histora Posts: 287 Member
    Sleeping together is important to us, but if we aren't together, it isn't the end of the world. We have some of our most complicated, indepth conversations lying on our backs in the dark late at night. I fall asleep holding onto his pinky finger under the pillow usually. There's usually no kissin and smoochin in the morning, 'cause even with brushing teeth right before bed, morning breath takes over pretty quick.

    That said, we don't wilt and die alone if we are separated for a night. In fact, the man actually likes to tell me on the phone how wonderful the middle of the bed is. I know he's lying, 'cause that's where the hump is. :D
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
    Sure, until snoring starts. Then I start kicking.

    Thankfully, I sleep alone.
  • Ranocchia
    Ranocchia Posts: 73 Member
    .
  • Ranocchia
    Ranocchia Posts: 73 Member
    My wife and I are definitely not compatible sleepers.
    Does she squeeze you?
  • devilwhiterose
    devilwhiterose Posts: 1,157 Member
    Meh. We've been together 11 years and have such a different schedule...I don't really care.

    He goes to bed at 10 and gets up at 4:00. I go to bed around 11:30 and get up at 5:30. More times than not, a kid ends up in bed around 4:30... meh.
  • CassandraBurgos83
    CassandraBurgos83 Posts: 544 Member
    .
  • Ilikelamps
    Ilikelamps Posts: 482 Member
    My wife and I are definitely not compatible sleepers.
    Does she squeeze you?

    like your nuts?does she squeeze your balls?
  • MagJam2004
    MagJam2004 Posts: 651 Member
    That's totally your opinion. I don't have a "hallmark, lifetime idea" of anything, actually. I'm divorced, sharing custody of a toddler who doesn't sleep, and that's my reality. Doesn't mean I don't want to share a bed with my future partner for the reasons I stated.

    I never meant to insinuate that you didn't. I quoted your comment since my experience seems contradictory to the image of husband and wife cuddling, talking, and sharing. It happens from time to time, but rarely. And yes ma'am, you are completely correct in that it is solely my personal opinion derived from personal experience and does not mean a universal truth, though I did not state it as such. I mentioned my cynical nature merely to put a lop-sided grin on my comment; not to be taken too seriously.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    depends on how you feel about being glorified roomates.

    If you don;t have an issue with it, no need not to Donna Reed it and have separate beds.
  • PghPensFan69
    PghPensFan69 Posts: 2,393 Member
    My wife and I are definitely not compatible sleepers.
    Does she squeeze you?

    :laugh:
  • miss_jessiejane
    miss_jessiejane Posts: 2,819 Member
    I prefer to sleep with YOUR spouse.
  • Galatea_Stone
    Galatea_Stone Posts: 2,037 Member
    It's important.

    I'm a terrible sleeper and stay up late, so I don't always make it to bed at the same time, but I do make a point of being in bed by midnight or 1 am at the latest. Waking up together is important. My husband is generally a heavy and quiet sleeper, so I don't tend to wake him up when I go to bed later. I'm really trying to go to bed earlier, but it's difficult for me. I sometimes go to bed with him, wait for him to fall asleep, get up for a couple hours and sneak back in before he realizes I've gotten up. I really wish I was a better sleeper.
  • tlcarolinagirl
    tlcarolinagirl Posts: 1,700 Member
    Umm. I dunno. I think if you have a very close relationship and you are sleeping in separate beds because of true sleep related issues..ie, bad back/tossing turning, snoring, etc, then I think that's cool and understandable.

    If you are sleeping in separate beds bc you can't stand to sleep next to your spouse or for other reasons, then uhh, yeah, that's not good for your marriage....in MY opinion. I mean, it just sounds like a roommate situation to me.

    And if you're in separate beds, how can you roll over in the middle of the night and have some of that slow, lazy loving that is ohhh so good?
  • eddiesmith1
    eddiesmith1 Posts: 1,550 Member
    My wife and I have never been compatable sleepers, For a long time My snoring would keep her awake, now hers keeps me awake. We also spent a good part of our lives on differing shifts so our sleep times were not in sync (still aren't really)
  • PghPensFan69
    PghPensFan69 Posts: 2,393 Member
    I appreciate all of the responses thus far. This thread is soley about sleep related issues.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    I do not sleep well if my husband isn't in the bed. When I have insomnia, I find that if we're touching or spooning, I can fall asleep. Once asleep though, I like my own space. That's why we have a king bed.

    spooning leads to forking
  • One_Last_Time
    One_Last_Time Posts: 125
    No not really. I like to cuddle and sleep together but I don't think it's something you have to do.
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
    We have separate bedrooms. I would love to sleep with my husband every night, all night. I love the closeness.
    But he cannot sleep comfortably on my bed, which is too soft for him. I cannot sleep at all on HIS bed, which is hard and uncomfortable, plus he has a cat, which lives in that room and the adjacent screen porch. That thing jumps on the bed, walks across my body, jumps to the floor, does it again, assuring that I can't even begin to fall asleep (and if I stayed there, I would take that ****ing thing and throw it into the wall). Now he doesn't sleep in his own bedroom either, he gets a good night's sleep only if he sleeps on the sofa, with the TV on and the light on. That would drive me nuts; I like it dark and quiet. So he'll come upstairs if I ask, and stay with me until I fall asleep, good man that he is, and then go back down to his sofa.
  • smelons
    smelons Posts: 450 Member
    As much as I would like to share a bed with my boyfriend, it's just not good for our relationship. He snores like a pneumatic drill and thrashes around and I am a light sleeper with chronic fatigue syndrome who needs every bit of sleep I can get. We've just bought a house and will have separate bedrooms. Not very romantic, but we rarely argue and I'm sure if we shared the same bed, we'd be much more fractious.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    It is very difficult for me to sleep when my husband is not there. I stay awake until he is in the bed. Initially, 16 years ago, it was difficult for me to not sleep alone. But then my comfort level completely shifted. I feel happy when he is there.
  • michelle_816
    michelle_816 Posts: 621 Member
    It's important.

    I'm a terrible sleeper and stay up late, so I don't always make it to bed at the same time, but I do make a point of being in bed by midnight or 1 am at the latest. Waking up together is important. My husband is generally a heavy and quiet sleeper, so I don't tend to wake him up when I go to bed later. I'm really trying to go to bed earlier, but it's difficult for me. I sometimes go to bed with him, wait for him to fall asleep, get up for a couple hours and sneak back in before he realizes I've gotten up. I really wish I was a better sleeper.

    This sounds like hubby and me, other than hubby being a quiet sleeper. If I go to bed late, I have more trouble falling asleep because he is already in full snore mode. But it's funny because even if he is that sound asleep and I come into bed, he always rolls in my direction and wraps his arms around me. Love that; just not the snoring :tongue:
  • Kaylee_F93
    Kaylee_F93 Posts: 90
    I think it is very important. We both work a lot so that is were we talk and cuddle. :) We only have a full size bed so we are usually touching somehow. He has elbowed me in the eye I don't know how many times(and he tells me I grind my teeth) but we will probably never sleep in separate beds or rooms we have 4 couches and a futon, so we have the room but I would never do it. :) the only bad thing is that he steals the blanket. :P

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