Failing :(

I think it's time for you to step out of the child role in your family (being cooked for, being shopped for) and into the adult role. Which means you have to be firm with your parents, clue them into your goals and do your best to get their support.

Spend time in the kitchen with your dad and watch how he cooks, quantities and ingredients. If you have to, say you're making a note of the recipe just so that you know what you're eating.And who knows when you might want to recreate his cookery?

To change things you can't just claim helplessness, if you truly think there's nothing you can do that might help you, strangers on the internet are unlikely to be able to help.

Be clear with your mother about exactly what you don't want in the house and why you don't want it, and if she must buy it to either hide it or to get those tiny one-portion packs so that you can't overdo it. Go shopping with her if you must, and explain to her what your goals are and what you need to achieve them.

Your best hope is to get them on your side and they can be your encouragement and your help when you need it. You don't want to do this all on your own. Let them be part of the solution. Don't fall into dejection and despair, this isn't over while you choose to play on.

100% agree with this post. You have a kid, it's time to be an adult. Tell your parents you are trying to be healthy for you and your child. Take control of your life instead of letting others walk all over you. I understand you are in a tough spot as far as housing goes, but if your parents respect you enough to let you move back in, they will absolutely respect your decision to get healthy. If they say they won't stop buying the junk, then have some willpower, and just tell yourself no. Keep focused on your goal of being a good role model, it will help you through the tough spots.

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So hard....LOL

I keep telling my mom we DON'T need it, but she continues to get it. I rather not have it in the house at all, but she is just as addicted as I am. I swear, they put crack in that stuff....they have too...
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I understand about the Nutella thing. When I was on maternity leave (will be 3 in November) I ate it CONSTANTLY and marathon watched "Psych" on Netflix because the only way my daughter would sleep was when she was held. I have so conditioned my self with those two things that if Psych comes on the TV, I can TASTE Nutella and will start to crave it.

It seems you have had some major life changes that are a big deal. Cut yourself some slack. No one will judge you as harshly as you judge yourself and until you are TRULY ready to make changes you won't. I have lived in that world for years and it sucks. Trying to do things for you child is a great sentiment but when we are doing things for others instead of doing it for the love of us, it's not going to stick.

Take a step back and truly evaluate why you want to lose weight, Is it because you want to be healthy regardless of your size and model healthy BEHAVIORS (MIND and Body) for your child, or is it to be thin so you can show off to your Ex? Believe it or not there is a difference in mentality, and one can over come set backs but with the other set backs can derail your plans.

Also, if your parents aren't responsive to your requests for healthier eating options, you may need to accept the fact that you are going to have a harder time with temptation but your parent's love you and if they think you are serious about losing weight, I am sure they will hop on board.

If you would like to add me, I would love to be an accountability buddy.

Like what everybody else said baby steps. Maybe if you can't get into logging food right away reduce your portion size. Also maybe say hey every night my son and I are going to go do something active even if its just a walk. The point is to get use to being active then you can add in the running or the biking once you get into that habit. Also start saying no if they make a lot of desserts either have a small bite or say no and walk away maybe once a week and slowly build up till where you can say no I don't need whatever food it is everyday. This will slowly get you to a healthy and more active you.

There are a lot of good suggestions here, but I didn't read all the comments so I may be repeating someone.

Have you tried to take a more active role in the kitchen with cooking the meals for you AND your parents? You mentioned you're not working, maybe this is a way you can give back to your parents for bringing you and your son in? I know there was something in there about schooling so I don't know if that will have an impact on your help in the kitchen, but if you're able to take over some of the cooking you can make things healthier. Don't add so much butter to the rice, in fact dont add any at all and let your Dad put butter on his portion, not the entire batch! If plain rice with water is not palatable to you, try cooking it with chicken or vegetable stock in place of the water. Adds flavor without a ton of added calories.

Just a thought. Even if you take a weekend to cook up a bunch of casseroles, chicken, etc for yourself to eat throughout the week would be helpful. Every little bit helps.

Also, the key to this thing is to not deprive yourself of anything (unless it is a medical reason for cutting it out). If you want that nutella, have it. But make yourself have something healthy with it and cut down on the portion size. Scoop out 1Tbsp of it into a bowl and eat it with a banana, or something like that!

I know how hard it can be to make these changes when there are others in the household who don't care about it. When I was growing up, it was the same with my parents. Now that I'm out of their household and into my own, my husband is supportive and appreciative of these changes because he would like to be healthier too. I hope you can find a way around their unsupported behavior, or find support soon. Good luck!

I think you just need to suck it up and do it. You're making too many excuses for yourself. If there is a problem, then there is a solution. You just have to find it. Don't lose hope. Control your own life and make it work for you.

You have gotten a lot of great advice. I understand how you feel and it is not easy. One thing, you have to make a life change for yourself, that you can keep up with. This means when the next time your stressed, you move, or something changes, you can still work around that change and keep up with your weight/fitness goals. This is my ultimate goal, to keep up with my weight for the rest of my life and never go back to emotional eating, over eating, and just eating. What better time than now to change, not tomorrow, not later, but now. If you want to change, than start trying. I made so many excuses for myself during the last year when I could have been just doing, and probably feeling better about my stressed out situations.
I am not going back to who I was before I started losing, even if something horrible happens, I will keep learning to live healthy with food. I love my runs outside. Or at least I fake it enough to do it at times ^_^ This is what a life change means. I am still working on it and will keep it up, till I am happy with it. I struggle but I keep getting back up.
I looked up your disorder. I fit that, however, I have never thought of my personality as a disorder or anything, just weak points to work through. And doing for your son or someone else really will only get you so far, you will have to make it about you. Do a work out vid at home if possible, go outside on walks or to the park with your son. Watch your dad cook, ask to cook, limit your potions, write everything down, and talk to your parents too. You have control over you and your life, even when you feel like the control slips, it is still there. I have to remind myself of this, alot!
As far as your can not resist food, it is hard, I buy cookies and eat 6, well, bought some, ate 3 one day and than one a day after. I was soooo happy with myself. However Cinnamon Disc hard candies, I still have little control over. :grumble: Taking it one step at a time is great, or two steps at a time. Do what you can now, right this moment.
Good luck hun :flowerforyou:

Also, that really offends me that I am being called a "child". I don't know the tone since I am just reading it, but it really bothers me. I am a grown woman, I have a child of my own, have been out of my parents house since 2006 and I just got stuck in a very ****ty situation which gave me no option BUT to move into my parents house. Calling me a child because my parents cook (wtf?) is kinda not a nice thing to say....just thought I would throw that out there...I do NOT enjoy cooking. I never have. Some people like it, some don't. But just because my dad mostly cooks, doesn't mean I don't occasionally, despite me hating it. But even then my dad will sometimes go behind me and "fix" things.

I don't think the person meant you're actually a child, they meant you're sort of living in the *role* of a child as you live in your parents' home... which is very common for adult children who move back in with their parents so you're not all that out of the ordinary in that respect... But the way it looks right now is that you're allowing yourself to be somewhat dependent upon them (i.e., to cook and shop and such), which is the role of a dependent. Your role of a dependent is further exacerbated since you're also upset that you can't "control" what they cook and feel you can't lose weight because of it. This puts you in the role of a victim.

If you're genuinely upset about the inability to lose weight, and yet you're really an adult, then you shall have to step outside your comfort zone of "not enjoying cooking" and take control of your own situation. This is what an adult would do. A person in a child's role would continue to blame the parents and say they "just don't like cooking" and that's the end of it. Like you said, you're an adult and even a mother yourself - so you will have to act like one, in this situation, like you do in other areas of your life.

I think you'll find tremendous self-fulfillment, power, and peace in this, even though cooking isn't your favorite. And let's not forget - if you are divorced and will eventually move out of your parents, then you WILL be the primary caregiver in your home and will HAVE to cook for your child. May as well start now, right?

Also, that really offends me that I am being called a "child". I don't know the tone since I am just reading it, but it really bothers me. I am a grown woman, I have a child of my own, have been out of my parents house since 2006 and I just got stuck in a very ****ty situation which gave me no option BUT to move into my parents house. Calling me a child because my parents cook (wtf?) is kinda not a nice thing to say....just thought I would throw that out there...I do NOT enjoy cooking. I never have. Some people like it, some don't. But just because my dad mostly cooks, doesn't mean I don't occasionally, despite me hating it. But even then my dad will sometimes go behind me and "fix" things.

I don't think the person meant you're actually a child, they meant you're sort of living in the *role* of a child as you live in your parents' home... which is very common for adult children who move back in with their parents so you're not all that out of the ordinary in that respect... But the way it looks right now is that you're allowing yourself to be somewhat dependent upon them (i.e., to cook and shop and such), which is the role of a dependent. Your role of a dependent is further exacerbated since you're also upset that you can't "control" what they cook and feel you can't lose weight because of it. This puts you in the role of a victim.

If you're genuinely upset about the inability to lose weight, and yet you're really an adult, then you shall have to step outside your comfort zone of "not enjoying cooking" and take control of your own situation. This is what an adult would do. A person in a child's role would continue to blame the parents and say they "just don't like cooking" and that's the end of it. Like you said, you're an adult and even a mother yourself - so you will have to act like one, in this situation, like you do in other areas of your life.

I think you'll find tremendous self-fulfillment, power, and peace in this, even though cooking isn't your favorite. And let's not forget - if you are divorced and will eventually move out of your parents, then you WILL be the primary caregiver in your home and will HAVE to cook for your child. May as well start now, right?

You posted while I was typing. Jinx. :drinker:

That's great that you've maintained some healthy changes! It's also great that you posted here. You are by no means a failure. You need to stop beating yourself up, which I'm sure you know. I wish I could give more advice on that but it's something I struggle with too (depression here). Perhaps look into cognitive behavioral therapy/techniques to end the negative self-talk, there are plenty of techniques available free on the web (just did a quick cursory google search myself). Talk to yourself kindly like you would another person, be fair to yourself. Call that negative voice on its bull**** when it starts talking to you.

I agree with other advice to just begin with logging everything, most of my healthy changes came from this act alone. This is probably the most valuable thing you can do. You cut out drinks other than water/coffee/almond milk, you can approach other changes the same way you managed that. Measure everything to the extent you can.

I don't see why you can't cook your own meals separate from what your parents eat. Making your own meals will require extra effort... but isn't it worth it? It doesn't have to be elaborate either, if time is an issue.

I get that it sucks to live with people who don't care about making the same healthy changes but you can't change them and it's their house. The best & most influential thing you can do is lead by example, but even then they may not be interested. Control what you can: yourself. This isn't about them, it's about you. You can't use what they eat or do as an excuse for the choices you make. Other than cooking your own meals (which is probably the most feasible course of action), can you take over the cooking completely? Or cook with your dad? There are plenty of recipes on sites like skinnytaste.com that anyone could appreciate.

As for the Nutella and other junk, I've found that "out of sight, out of mind" works wonders. Can you convince your family to keep snacks like that out of sight, like in a special cabinet? Otherwise just measure how much of it you eat, gradually cut down-- or you may find it easier to abstain from it all together than to limit yourself. Personally, I make room in my calories to have something sweet almost every day, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. For best most long lasting results (imo), the food you eat to lose weight shouldn't be that radically different from what you'd normally enjoy.

You are stuck in a ****ty cycle... you need to break it and start a new cycle. Take some control. You are not powerless. I find that making one positive change leads to more and more... start a new cycle.