I Hate my Gym/Confidence Issue
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Dude if you live in Hollywood, etc., that's what you have to deal with on a daily basis. Just go to the gym, work out, and go home. That's all you're paying for, that's all you need to do.0
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Had the same feelings, until I realized that if I compared myself to the young, thin, buff babes at the gym - my 54 yr old overweight body with two rebuilt knees would never, ever measure up. But, if I compare myself to the general population - dang, I look good!
So, having said that - I have a radical proposal for you and all the MFP'ers. The next time you go to the gym, make an effort to smile or say something nice to someone else. Who knows, you may make a friend.0 -
I'm a 5' 9" 145 lb blonde from SoCal that moved to Fort Worth, TX a few years back. I didn't judge other folks at the gym back in CA and I do not judge folks at the gym here in TX. I'm gratified to see women, especially women my age (44), getting it done! I felt that way in my 20's too. If someone is judging you for ANY reason, in any situation, they are jerks. My mom used to say, "If someone tells you something, CONSIDER THE SOURCE". Let's say, for arguments sake, someone is judging you. By considering the source, they, and their attitude, are worthless by definition.
I can understand not being too thrilled with an overpriced gym. My step-sister swore the workout she got at her overpriced gym was better than my cheap-o gym workout. We had a "contest". As it turns out she was losing more than fat! They were taking her money too! LOL. Still, as long as you're happy...0 -
Most of the super cute are so self absorbed they are not paying attention to anyone except how to get themselves ahead--I don't think they think about us mere mortals at all!0
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I wear little short shorts to the gym, I'm defo not a leggy 6 footer but I weigh 100lbs and am in the best shape I've been for a while. However, I can guarantee you that I will feel just as insecure/paranoid as you and will be comparing myself to someone else who I perceive to be better than me. What I'm getting at is that these 'leggy gym bunnies' you mention will have just as many hang ups about their appearance and will still compare themselves to others. If I see anyone in the gym regardless of their size I have this automatic respect for them, simply for making the effort to be there.0
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So, having said that - I have a radical proposal for you and all the MFP'ers. The next time you go to the gym, make an effort to smile or say something nice to someone else. Who knows, you may make a friend.
Making friends, even with those you seemingly have little in common with can go a long way. I try to smile and acknowledge everyone whose path I cross. Doing this, I've met professional bodybuilders, professional athletes and many stepping into a gym for the first time Ever. I try to help with the confusing new equipment and encourage when I can.
Don't make assumptions... You never know ...0 -
I think that you should feel proud of yourself that you are going to the gym, and not worry about what other people are probably not even thinking anyway. You're all there for the same reason - to work on your health and get/keep your body strong, so why would anyone judge you for doing the exact same thing that they are doing?
Kudos on losing almost 100 lbs, by the way!0 -
I'm a college professor and I can use the gym for free. As a 55 year old woman, being naked or in a bathing suit in front of bunch of a 20 year olds is not my idea of a good time.
So I hear you!
Close your eyes and think of England. Have fun in spin. They're too busy looking good to pay attention to you.0 -
It's fascinating how many people chose to focus on the fact I noticed other people's appearances to the exclusion of everything else I wrote. I know no one is looking at me. I've been at this for eight years and am bored out of my ****ing mind with all of it.0
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I lost around 95 pounds (not using MFP- on my own) and lately I've just been feeling really bad about myself when I go to the gym. It all started when I started taking new classes and everyone, including the instructor, turned out to be endurance athletes. I live in SoCal, and currently in a VERY image-conscious part, and all I see in the gym are these tiny 5'10 blonde women with really long legs who I highly doubt ever had a weight problem in their lives. I just feel like I don't belong in this gym. It's high end, expensive, and doesn't live up to the hype or price in many ways, but the alternatives are very undesirable due overcrowding and general crappiness. In general, I enjoy the ritual of going to the gym; I often work out by myself but I also like to take spin.
On top of this, I have been struggling with health problems that cause me to bloat up, so my clothes are a bit tighter than normal and I feel even bigger, then I feel even worse when I observe the booty shorts around me. It's ridiculous because I started at the gym weighing 250 pounds and just did my thing. Now, I'm haunted by "not thin enough, not hot enough, and not enough of an athlete to be here." Imposter syndrome.
I'm mainly looking for commiseration by posting this and wondering if anyone else has gone through something similar.
Just put your headphones on and rock on. Let these tiny women be your motivation. You can do it,Hun.0 -
Then I guess that wasn't addressed to you, was it? I expressed honest concerns. Thanks for being encouraging and for telling me to go back to being fat, That's pretty helpful0
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"Comparison is the thief of happiness."
You don't know these women at all. Many probably struggle every day, and are just as trapped by the image norms surrounding them as you are. Maybe you can try to make some friends and stop viewing them as a foreign species to yourself. If you can't, it sounds like that gym is a bad fit. ideally, you leave the gym feeling awesome, not down on yourself!
I also think that you are feeling some really normal stuff. I've heard that a lot of people are much more self-critical after losing weight, maybe because your self-esteem gets very tied to the work you're doing on your body. Can you shift your focus to performance goals? You know you rock- you lost 95 pounds!
THIS!!!0 -
I have the same problem.. i dont go to a gym, but ive been trying to start running around the neighborhood. and its so hard because even if no one is out, i imagine them looking out their windows and judging me.. i know how ridiculous that is, but when im there and doing it, it doesnt feel ridiculous at all.
Yes! ^^^This!!
I used to live in a townhouse and imagined everyone was looking out their windows making fun of me. Now I live out in the country and the only ones that can judge me are the cows in the field across the road from me! :laugh:0 -
do you have a planet fitness in your area?? I used to feel the same at the gym and i started going to planet fitness last week and i love it!!! You even have a trainer available all the time. Good luck and congrats on your weight loss
please do not do this...0 -
do you have a planet fitness in your area?? I used to feel the same at the gym and i started going to planet fitness last week and i love it!!! You even have a trainer available all the time. Good luck and congrats on your weight loss
please do not do this...
LOL, I may be a raging ***** but I am not stupid. I won't go near 24 Hour, let alone Planet Fitness.0 -
Good luck.0
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At the end of the day, those people don't matter. Your in the gym to work, improve upon yourself, and reach your own personal goals. If you compare yourself to other people, in the gym or life in general, you set yourself up for disappointment. Remember there will always be someone prettier, skinnier, smarter, whatever it is. Just enjoy the person you are. For as many people you envy, I bet there are a few out there that look up to you.
I recently started swimming again at nearly 300 lbs. I know people stare and some of the ruder ones might even giggle, but I'm swimming to not be 300lbs. That's the only thing that matters to me.0 -
I think a lot of us have that fear at the gym that everyone is looking and comparing.
But the reality is, so are we, right?
We are noticing others and subconsciously assessing their level of fitness/weight and scaling ourselves lower and sometimes even higher (though I don't ever look down upon someone no matter their level, I do notice it)
There were a lot of people at my gym who I assumed (maybe wrongly) must have been either bodybuilders or definitely just there for fitness/maintenance, so that was intimidating for me as well. It was hard to think "Wow thats motivating, if I keep it up I can look good too" instead of "I look awful, please don't notice me...I don't wanna be here....I wont be here."
BUT, looks aside, we do not know what they really think of us. We don't know what they started out like. We have no idea whether or not that fit person next to us used to be many pounds heavier, and it can be tempting to think they have it easy. The reality is, they probably just worked hard and came back again and again no matter what.
I think that there are three choices really:
1. Continue going, get some looser clothes that make you feel more comfy, and try to maybe talk with people in your class before or after. You might be surprised to find some friendly people. Getting to know people at your gym might make it seem less intimidating.
2. workout alone or with someone you are comfortable around for a while to re-gather your confidence and make some progress. Are you able to workout on your own as effectively?
Maybe you could bring your focus inwards with your own music, or by watching tv if they have screens on the exercise machines. Or personal training to get you some personalised workout goals you can do alone. Group fitness is really hard sometimes, and it is not for everyone. It's not something I enjoy as much as being on my own.
3. Try another gym/class/place to workout. The demographic can be different in different places. I've been a member of a regular looking all female gym, and a member of a fancy brand new state of the art gym. The womens gym felt much more comfortable than the new gym.0 -
I invested in weights and a treadmill at home. Its probably paid for itself versus a gym membership at this point. Between cardio, HIIT, body weight exercises, and occasional heavy lifting I get everything accomplished I need to get done to maintain myself at a high level of fitness and all I do is have to walk down the steps to the basement in the morning. I found all the stuff on craigslist except for the chrome handled kettlebells. Those suckers are badass, btw!!0
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Give up the gym you are going to and find yourself a Planet Fitness....felt the same way you do about gyms but tried Planet Fitness and it is awesome....0
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I totally get where you are coming from. I used to work out at the YMCA and actually quit because of that issue. After a lot of research, I found an all women's gym in the city where I live. It's nice because the door opens with a key p, and I am usually the only one in there using the gym when I go. I feel a little bit better that I don't have the intimidation of men when I am working out.0
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Most of the super cute are so self absorbed they are not paying attention to anyone except how to get themselves ahead--I don't think they think about us mere mortals at all!
It's no more acceptable to judge people's personality because they are attractive than it is to judge them because they're ugly. Being cute does not mean someone is worse, better, selfish, generous, cruel or kind. It just means they're cute.0 -
There was a whole 'nother thread about gym fear. It is valid. Everyone is their worst critic.
You may want to shop around and choose a different class. If you can do the class and keep up, then you are as good as anyone else there!.
Look around the gym and try to find the chubby people trying to make a difference in their lives. They are the heroes. Go to WalMart and look around, and thank whatever deity that you are taking care of yourself so well.I lost around 95 pounds (not using MFP- on my own) and lately I've just been feeling really bad about myself when I go to the gym. It all started when I started taking new classes and everyone, including the instructor, turned out to be endurance athletes.
Losing 95 lbs is FREAKING AWSOME. Ask one of the uber-instructors if they would be willing to backpack 95 lbs every waking minute of their lives. No? Wimps!
I joined a gym that has a varied population and no criticism allowed. Certain groups show up throughout the day. In the early morning, it is the middle-aged office workers before commuting. Later around 10am it is all the older retirees. About 4pm there are lots of very fit college student lifting weights after class.
I always see some people that make me feel stupid. The 60 yo grandma that can do 50 push-ups. The college kids that press their body weight. The yoga women that can hold a pose for minutes at a time. That will never be my body - genetics are against it. I try to keep to my own goals.0 -
"Comparison is the thief of happiness."
I love this quote, why have I never heard it before?
Neither have I! And it's so true. I used to be OBSESSED with what other people thought of me and how I compared to others. Over the years I have come to realize if I'm not thinking about them, they probably aren't thinking about me. Living in a world of constant comparison will suck you dry.
If you are really worried about it though, I would consider switching gyms. At least where I live there are definitely different groups of people who go to different gyms. That's why I go to the local YMCA and not the most elite top of the line gym. Its just more comfortable for me.0 -
do you have a planet fitness in your area?? ...i started going to planet fitness
please do not do this...
NDJ1979 Why not do this? What is so wrong with it? What is a better approach? Not criticizing, just want to learn.0 -
Believe it or not but most of those "hot blondes" probably work their butt off and eat right to wear those booty shorts. It sounds like you know what you're doing with all the weight you have lost! I would keep at it and try to focus more on yourself during your workout rather than the surroundings. Otherwise maybe it's time to find a gym where you feel more comfortable!0
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Give up the gym you are going to and find yourself a Planet Fitness....felt the same way you do about gyms but tried Planet Fitness and it is awesome....
Another one? Isn't this the same statement the other Planet Fitness person used a page ago? :huh:0 -
I lost around 95 pounds (not using MFP- on my own) and lately I've just been feeling really bad about myself when I go to the gym. It all started when I started taking new classes and everyone, including the instructor, turned out to be endurance athletes. I live in SoCal, and currently in a VERY image-conscious part, and all I see in the gym are these tiny 5'10 blonde women with really long legs who I highly doubt ever had a weight problem in their lives. I just feel like I don't belong in this gym. It's high end, expensive, and doesn't live up to the hype or price in many ways, but the alternatives are very undesirable due overcrowding and general crappiness. In general, I enjoy the ritual of going to the gym; I often work out by myself but I also like to take spin.
On top of this, I have been struggling with health problems that cause me to bloat up, so my clothes are a bit tighter than normal and I feel even bigger, then I feel even worse when I observe the booty shorts around me. It's ridiculous because I started at the gym weighing 250 pounds and just did my thing. Now, I'm haunted by "not thin enough, not hot enough, and not enough of an athlete to be here." Imposter syndrome.
I'm mainly looking for commiseration by posting this and wondering if anyone else has gone through something similar.
OP, I can sympathize with the feeling gross about bloating. It does make one feel less attractive and less confident. It sucks. I can look great for most of the day but in the evening I look at myself, 107 lb short little me, and still be like, "ew, I don't like what I see." And it's because of my darn stomach. GRR.
I don't go to gyms because I am generally leery of/intimidated by them. I'd rather workout outdoors anyway but I know many people like going to the gym.
Now I don't know how helpful this is, but if you like taking a spin class, perhaps you could take some of the $ you spend on this gym where you feel uncomfortable, and buy yourself a nice road bike and ride outside? I imagine that would be an option for much of the year in SoCal.
I have to say that I feel some of the same discomfort when I look at the Athleta catalog, which carries clothing I love, and I compare myself to the models in the magazine. They are tall and more muscular than I'll probably ever be since I don't want to take up heavy lifting. . . it's just not healthy to dwell on it too much.0 -
Look for an alternatve gym one where you feel more comfortable. Not all gyms are created equal. I am a fitness instuctor and stuggle with my weight on a daily basis. I share my story when asked, try not to preach to the class. People often share their fat pictures with me and I would have never guessed they had ever been overweight. Buy a new pair of shoes and hit the gym!0
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OP, I promise I am not saying this to be mean, but you sound absolutely miserable/borderline depressed. Somehow I feel like there is a lot more going on with you than the fact that you hate your gym.0
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