Bring me your corniest jokes!

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  • Go_Mizzou99
    Go_Mizzou99 Posts: 2,628 Member
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    I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
  • quiksylver296
    quiksylver296 Posts: 28,442 Member
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    My son's favorite...

    What do you call a penguin on the moon?














    LOST!
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
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    How do you catch a unique rabbit?




    U 'neek up on it!





    How do you catch a tame rabbit?






    Da tame way... u 'neek up on it!
  • sullus
    sullus Posts: 2,839 Member
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    A man entered 10 puns into a pun contest, hoping to win ... Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
  • eroc71
    eroc71 Posts: 5 Member
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    Pirate walks in the vegetable stand and asks, "How much is the corn?" A Buck an Ear screams the attendant.


    A large rock wanted to lose weight but he could never ask anybody for help, he just need to be a little boulder.
  • MrsG31
    MrsG31 Posts: 364 Member
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    Q: How do you get an elephant off of a roof?
    A: Take the “r” out of grass and the “f” out of way.

    There is no f in way! (say it fast!)

    My sister told my dad that joke when she was around 8 or 9 years old. My dad laughed so hard, his face turned red and he was crying~
  • MrsG31
    MrsG31 Posts: 364 Member
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    I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

    Bahahahahaha!
  • kzivic
    kzivic Posts: 326 Member
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    A dyslexic man walked into a bra...
  • 281Danielle
    281Danielle Posts: 113
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    What did the ghost say to the bee?
    Boo-Bee
  • TX_Rhon
    TX_Rhon Posts: 1,549 Member
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    Why was 6 afraid of 7?

    Cuz 7 ate (8) 9!!

    My daughter's fav joke as a kid.
  • April_KT
    April_KT Posts: 332 Member
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    Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?




    A. Ground beef.
  • April_KT
    April_KT Posts: 332 Member
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    “Ok everyone,” said the the instructor at the birthing class trying to get everyone’s attention. “We are going to do an exercise now, that’s purpose is to help the men sympathize with their partners.” “We have here what’s called a pregnancy suit,” said the woman instructor, holding up an artificial stomach with a strap. ”This imitates the feeling of being pregnant.” Which Husband volunteers to be the first one to try it on?” “I will” said one man, taking the suit and trying it on. ”This isn’t too bad said the man walking around. I think I could get used to this.” “Ok”, said the instructor smiling, “now I would like you to bend down and pick up my pen from the floor.” “You want me to pick it up?” he said hesitantly, ”just as I would if I was pregnant?” “Yes!” said the instructor. “Honey,” said the man turning to his spouse “do you mind picking up that pen for me?”
  • BrainyBurro
    BrainyBurro Posts: 6,129 Member
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    Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle packing factory. For many years he had a powerful urge to put his penis in the pickle slicer. Unable to dismiss the thought he sought professional help. After six monthly sessions, his therapist gave up. He advised Yossel to go ahead and do it or he would never have peace of mind.

    Several days later, Yossel came home from work very early. His wife Sarah became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened. Yossel tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. He went on to explain that he finally went ahead, did it and had just been fired from his job.

    Sarah gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and boxer shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis. Looking up she said, "Yossel, I don't understand. What happened with the pickle slicer?"

    Yossel replied, "She got fired, too."
  • Ilikelamps
    Ilikelamps Posts: 482 Member
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    Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a Polish pickle packing factory. For many years he had a powerful urge to put his penis in the pickle slicer. Unable to dismiss the thought he sought professional help. After six monthly sessions, his therapist gave up. He advised Yossel to go ahead and do it or he would never have peace of mind.

    Several days later, Yossel came home from work very early. His wife Sarah became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened. Yossel tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. He went on to explain that he finally went ahead, did it and had just been fired from his job.

    Sarah gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and boxer shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis. Looking up she said, "Yossel, I don't understand. What happened with the pickle slicer?"

    Yossel replied, "She got fired, too."

    Holy FK I'm supposed to read this? Footnotes anyone?
  • April_KT
    April_KT Posts: 332 Member
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    A group of prosperous businessmen were dining at the Sam’s Hotel in Las Vegas.

    “Seems to me you are getting a little slimmer,” remarked one.

    “I should be!” replied the other.

    “I went on one of those high protein diets. Nothing but expensive steaks and chops. And would you believe it?-in just two weeks I lost thirty dollars!”
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
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    What kind of milk do you get from a cow with no legs?

    Dragon milk.
  • rick3791
    rick3791 Posts: 4 Member
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    Why do golfers wear 2 pair of pants ?



    In case they get a hole in one
  • tlangenfeld
    tlangenfeld Posts: 2,330 Member
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    what do you call 10 blondes standing in a row?

    a wind tunnel
  • tlangenfeld
    tlangenfeld Posts: 2,330 Member
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    what is a brunettes mating call?

    where are all the blondes :laugh:

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