Husband's ridiculous excuse for no activity (rant)

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Replies

  • janeishavingtrouble
    janeishavingtrouble Posts: 10 Member
    Wow. Exercise and food are very personal. You can not make someone do or believe what you want them to do. A person needs to have internal motivation.

    I have been over weight for a very long time and one day it just clicked that I should get motivated. I have had thin people passively telling me how they lose weight for a long time. It only irritated me.

    You have to let go. And if you are home together, go for a walk together because that really is better than nothing.
  • Fullsterkur_woman
    Fullsterkur_woman Posts: 2,712 Member
    That depends on the spouse. My husband has several medical conditions, and sometimes I have to counter his whining with facts. Wholehearted or not, sometimes people need to hear the facts from their best friend because no one else is going to tell them.

    indeed.

    sometimes you have to be the one to speak up and say "that's not how this works"

    or that's a "really bad idea and I think you should REALLY think ahead before committing to a decision"

    being a truly good friend means sometimes you have to say the unpopular thing.
    I agree with you in the sense that it's ok to say it once, but beyond that would be nagging. I worked very hard for years to stop being a nag and I won't go back to it. Chiefly because it's wholly ineffective.
  • Platform_Heels
    Platform_Heels Posts: 388 Member
    That depends on the spouse. My husband has several medical conditions, and sometimes I have to counter his whining with facts. Wholehearted or not, sometimes people need to hear the facts from their best friend because no one else is going to tell them.

    indeed.

    sometimes you have to be the one to speak up and say "that's not how this works"

    or that's a "really bad idea and I think you should REALLY think ahead before committing to a decision"

    being a truly good friend means sometimes you have to say the unpopular thing.

    But what "unpopular" thing?

    Perhaps her husband just doesn't like to workout. She said he power walks -- which someone did point a finger and laugh about but when done properly it's damn hard. My husband used to power walk and he'd be pouring with sweat and sore the next day from it -- maybe that's what he likes to do. Not everyone likes lifting. Not everyone likes the gym, hell not everyone likes to exercise. So she works out and he doesn't. Big deal.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    But what "unpopular" thing?

    Perhaps her husband just doesn't like to workout. She said he power walks -- which someone did point a finger and laugh about but when done properly it's damn hard. My husband used to power walk and he'd be pouring with sweat and sore the next day from it -- maybe that's what he likes to do. Not everyone likes lifting. Not everyone likes the gym, hell not everyone likes to exercise. So she works out and he doesn't. Big deal.

    " you're full of rubbish and what you are saying is just an excuse."
    "marrying that guy who doesn't have citizenship yet is a bad idea"
    "you don't' have money to pay your bills and you want to have a baby- that's a bad idea"
    " you don't quit smoking because you are going to kill someone with your cranky attitude- it's just a damn excuse"
    " I don't have time to work out is rubbish- you just don't think it's a priority"

    these are things that need to be said sometimes to your closest friends if you actually care about them.

    say it and move on. It doesn't have to be a big issue. just say I love you- but you're full of *kitten*- I'll support you- and I don't care what you are doing- you're a grown *kitten* adult.

    But your _________________ is just an excuse and it's annoying- stop telling me.

    It REALLY bothers me when people don't just own up to what's really going on- I don't care one way or the other- my old roommate was like that- he used to get super defensive about the smoking- and say he would go crazy and it's just the wrong time- to much stress this that and the other thing- bla bla bla. I said I dno't CARE that you don't want to quit.

    But the reality is- you just don't want to quit- so stop excusing yourself to me. You're a grown *kitten* adult- but I don't want to sit here and listen to your lame excuses. Period.
  • rosebette
    rosebette Posts: 1,660 Member
    My husband, who still doesn't work out as much as he should, used to have a similar excuse. If he had aches and pains or couldn't go "all out" on a workout, spend an hour, sweat bullets, do everything to the max, he would say just doing something, but not "all out" is worse than doing nothing. I think part of this is the male mentality (sorry guys) that some men have that is "all or nothing." He would actually tell me if I complained about how my body wasn't changing enough that I wasn't "doing enough" or "pushing myself," whereas I would be going to the gym every day or walking every day, doing something.. However, I almost dropped him from our membership because he rarely went. Flash forward a few years -- now he's diabetic, he goes to the gym even if it's only for 45 minutes, he takes walks, and if he travels for a week and has no exercise, his blood sugar spikes and his legs look like balloons. He had to learn the hard way. The only nagging that got him to the gym was a health emergency when he traveled and a medical diagnosis.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    Not all men are all or nothing....I for one am ok with just the tip.
  • Fullsterkur_woman
    Fullsterkur_woman Posts: 2,712 Member
    Not all men are all or nothing....I for one am ok with just the tip.
    It's always refreshing to get your perspective on any issue. :drinker:
  • merisaOct3
    merisaOct3 Posts: 197 Member
    In for future post from husband who found out that his wife is tempted to laugh in his face, is annoyed by him, and refers to him as ignorant in public forums. Your husband sounds like he's making excuses and you sound like a real peach.


    Alright. Edited to not be a b*tch. With a special needs child, and opposite work schedules, it sounds like you two already have enough stress in your lives. It seems like you overall care about him and want to be supportive. Coming online and bashing him behind his back isn't conducive to that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with walking. In fact, go on walks with him.
  • knra_grl
    knra_grl Posts: 1,566 Member
    He doesn't really need a gym membership for "power walking" - if this is his choice of exercise at the moment, support him on it and maybe once he has done it for a few weeks he will actually be more interested in some other form of exercise, try and be supportive and offer to do walks or hikes with him on your off weeks.

    Not sure if you get any type of home support workers where you can take breaks from your child, I know it's difficult. Maybe you can schedule someone to come and watch your child for you so the two of you can have a couple hours to spend together doing these activities.

    If he really wants to hit the gym once he gets started then he will have to find a way to fit it in as you have. Also remind him it's healthy for couples to do things on their own sometimes.
  • cuinboston2014
    cuinboston2014 Posts: 848 Member
    This would annoy the crap out of me. Not because he's not working out but because he has excuses for it. I have a few friends who say "i want do work out but I don' thave the time" or "I want to go back to school but I'm too busy" or whatever it may be. No, you don't actually want those things or you would do it.

    I'm not a super hero and I do these things. Millions of people do. People don't want to sacrifice their free time to do other things they previously enjoy.

    When my husband, or anyone, makes excuses about why they can't do XYZ I get super annoyed by it. And I call them out on it. And they do the same thing to me. Sometimes, I don't want to go to the gym at 5am and I say "I'm just too tired" and my husband calls me out on ita nd I go.

    it's not annoying that he doesn't want to work out - it's annoying that he has excuses not to.....
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
    Don't try to be your spouse's coach.

    He does kind of semi- have a point; consistency is the key to fitness gains. But to say "I can't have consistency, therefore I'm not going to exercise," is an obvious cop-out.

    So, yes, you are correct. However there is no winning if you try to argue your spouse into exercising.
    Run your own program; let him run his.

    Consistency doesn't mean "Monday from 1:45 - 2:45"

    Consistency means "following a progressive lifting program 4 times a week for 6 years"

    Yes, you're right. But I doubt many spouses have got their other halves to participate in a 6 year fitness program, by defeating them in an argument.

    I think that zero spouses have gotten their other halves to participate in a fitness program.

    well apparently I nagged mine just enough (read shamed) him just enough to get him into doing SOMETHING on his own time- I would say he barely works out- buuuuuuut - about once or twice a week he goes- "I'm going running". So not a fitness program- but enough to get him off his *kitten*. Grantd I don't live with him- so I poked the bear with a stick and let him lumber along at his own pace in his own time.

    LOL_ but I was trying to "encourage" (he thought I was nagging) and at some point after I gave up but occasionally poked him in the stomach... he now does stuff.

    it's lame- and it sucks and it's not a program- but it's something- whatever- he isn't obese so that's all I care about.

    You might have helped him with the motivation, but he's the one that owns the fitness program.

    Currently, I'm working to get my husband fitted for running shoes. It's been four months. It'll either happen...or not.

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