I Hate my Gym/Confidence Issue

I'm 65 and carry weight around my waist. I've always been big, 6'2" 235lbs. So now, being older I work out for me. Let me clue you to something.....nobody. cares what you look like! Any serious person realizes that you are working to better yourself, and will encourage your efforts. If those at your gym do not...change gyms.

OP, it just sounds like you need to mix it up - you've been at this a while, you've put in the work but you're still not one of those fitness freaks who love to live at the gym, you sound like the happiest thing for you in the world would be to never see the inside of those four walls again...so don't. Why not look for another, more pleasurable way, to be active? So many types of dance, sports, hiking, volunteer house-painting...something out there must speak to you more than an activity you seem completely - and legitimately - burned out on.

I agree with this poster. We're all just thinking about our selves anyway, those girls are probably thinking about what that even better looking girl next to them is thinking about them. Just do it, you'll feel great!

I'm not even going to sugar-coat it. My entire self-worth is wrapped up in my appearance. I was fat for the first 30 years of my life and no one ever let me forget it. I knew what fat was and that it was bad when I was five years old. When I lost all this weight, people acted like I hit the lottery. Nothing happened and nothing really changed. Of course I feel better physically. But I'm still single and I have the same career.

To me this seems to be your whole problem in a nutshell; because you've bought into the whole “fat is bad and I am fat” thing from a very early age maybe you too had the expectation that losing the weight would be like winning the lottery? Like it was the only thing standing in the way of a perfect life.
I too learned this mantra when I was only five, and I fully admit that the above has unfortunately been my thinking process ever since then. I've delayed living my life (still am, as unlike you I have not lost the weight yet nor have I completely broken this thought-cycle) because LIFE, the “proper kind”, doesn't start until I am thin. Except that's not how it works, is it... it's just that when your self-worth is tied to your appearance it is easy to hide behind the fat and pretend all the issues in your life are caused by it. But once the fat is gone so is the excuse you've used your whole life, but things didn't magically change either.

I think maybe you feel quite disillusioned with the reality, and that's why you feel hostile against the people who you feel have had it easier, and who you for some reason still think are somehow better than you. And on top of this you've had a major health scare; I can't imagine how that feels, but I would imagine that can really mess with your head big time.
Maybe the solution is to really think what you want to do with your life, how to accomplish it, and then go out and do it. And maybe, if you feel like you have issues that you can't work through on your own talking to someone about it might be helpful.


Obviously, this is just me reacting to a few posts on an internet forum, so I could be way off base here. But if the whole problem you are facing is that you dislike your gym/the people in it, surely you would have changed gyms or started working out at home/outdoors by now..?
Whatever it is, I hope you find a way to feel better about things and enjoy your accomplishment. :flowerforyou:

It's fascinating how many people chose to focus on the fact I noticed other people's appearances to the exclusion of everything else I wrote. I know no one is looking at me. I've been at this for eight years and am bored out of my ****ing mind with all of it.

you know how therapists and interrogators poke at people to get at the truth? i feel like this is your truth right here.

I think you need to get OUT of the gym.

Now that you are thinner it's time to explore what your in shape body can do. Try any variety of challenging activities. Make a "bucket list" for this year or the next two. Go all out. At the end of the bucket list go back and make a habit of the ones that truly MOVED you in your soul. For me dance is life. For a guy I dated surfing fed his soul. For a woman I knew when I was a girl Rock Climbing challenged her every weekend. She said to me that she felt "triumphant" reaching the top EVERY TIME. Some people like the exploratory nature of mountain biking or trail running. Inside you, you are a dancer, a reacher for the top, an adventurer, a meditator, SOMETHING. And you now have given yourself this wonderful gift of the physical body to do it with. Go do it. Find it and do it. Do it now. While you can. The other lady is right, years pass fast, make them count. There's a song in spanish that says "Mrs. ____ don't take years off your life (lie about age), give life to your years". You will be X age one day like it or not, it's your choice what those years are filled with. Adventure or woe, it's up to you. YOU CAN DO IT.:flowerforyou:

It's fascinating how many people chose to focus on the fact I noticed other people's appearances to the exclusion of everything else I wrote. I know no one is looking at me. I've been at this for eight years and am bored out of my ****ing mind with all of it.

you know how therapists and interrogators poke at people to get at the truth? i feel like this is your truth right here.

I think you need to get OUT of the gym.

Now that you are thinner it's time to explore what your in shape body can do. Try any variety of challenging activities. Make a "bucket list" for this year or the next two. Go all out. At the end of the bucket list go back and make a habit of the ones that truly MOVED you in your soul. For me dance is life. For a guy I dated surfing fed his soul. For a woman I knew when I was a girl Rock Climbing challenged her every weekend. She said to me that she felt "triumphant" reaching the top EVERY TIME. Some people like the exploratory nature of mountain biking or trail running. Inside you, you are a dancer, a reacher for the top, an adventurer, a meditator, SOMETHING. And you now have given yourself this wonderful gift of the physical body to do it with. Go do it. Find it and do it. Do it now. While you can. The other lady is right, years pass fast, make them count. There's a song in spanish that says "Mrs. ____ don't take years off your life (lie about age), give life to your years". You will be X age one day like it or not, it's your choice what those years are filled with. Adventure or woe, it's up to you. YOU CAN DO IT.:flowerforyou:

Yeah! This is great advice.

Also, I need variation. On a day to day basis I need choices available. And every couple of years I need to make changes. I join a gym for a few years, then unjoin, join a new gym, then switch gyms. I have options available and financially work my way towards it. I chose to live near gyms. Within walking distance (20 minutes each way) there are 4 gym options. Also a free outdoor exercise park. And now I have weights at home. Dancing is also my passion. And I explore active recreation.

I am 5'10, have matching gym outfits and look like I know what I am doing at the gym.

I am faking it. I have to squash the voices of self doubt and it's getting easier.

My friends won't come to the gym or classes with me because I am much fitter than them.(apparently... I have only been doing it for 6 months)
I was up and down weight wise. I always convinced myself that everything would be better if I was just thinner / prettier/ had bigger boobs... It's rubbish. Being fit is great but it's not going to fix every aspect of your life. It's a terrifying realisation when you first discover that it's not the be all and end all. You need to find a way to be happy in all areas of your life. At least now you can take the first step!

"Comparison is the thief of happiness."

I love this quote, why have I never heard it before?

i second that

also, try to imagine that some of the skinny women dont look at you to judge, but that they are looking at you thinking "good for her bravo!"

You are a glass half full, not one half empty. Consider your accomplishments. As long as you are not being ridiculed or abused at this facility, don't worry about what others thing -- do this for you... When I first started working out at the gym I was somewhat self conscious about what others may have thought about this "fat guy" doing everything wrong sort of image I had of myself... Of course, I actually WAS a fat guy and probably did more things wrong than right. But I persisted. After a few short months, one of the guys ( in really pretty good shape -- a body image I would aspire toward), said to me, "Hey, didn't you just start here a few months back and were really big"? I responded, yes and told him a bit about myself -- we are friends to this day @ the gym... Long story short, this guy who looked much like I would aspire to look like did not think, "hey what in the heck is he doing' or look at fat-so... He was impressed with the fact that I was doing something about it... Guess what, my guess is that MOST of those people are really not studying you... By all means, pursue your goals and one day you will be one of those girls that others look forward to... Otherwise rest assured, most of them are just impressed that you are coming in and doing something about it. Relax and do it for the only one that matters -- you.

I am over it. I work out at home, mostly yoga, Barre3, and wear a nike fuel band to track my 10,000 + steps in a day. I am 55, and only go to the gym when we visit our son and daughter in law out of state or am traveling. If a Barre3 studio opens up in my neighborhood I will attend one class a week to keep focused. I like an occasionally zumba class or barre class. I applaud those who find the gym a fitness haven, I just don't.

I am in better shape than I was in high school. During the short "it is pleasant to be outside in Houston, TX" season I walk/run a 5k every morning. I take the stairs, park as far away as it is safe in every parking lot, etc. If I am working in Downtown Houston I walk the tunnels at lunch.

Honestly, every time I joined a gym or series of yoga classes or signed up for tennis lessons stuff happened - suddenly my "NO TRAVEL" job had required travel, or the gym management changed and the place was much less than when I joined (favorite classes dropped, dirty, trashy new people at the front desk that said pleasant things like "oh, do you want to sign up to be a new member " -when I had a membership for over 3 months, etc.



I own my self-image issues and lack of confidence in my appearance - I am in a better place than I have ever been. You don't need a gym membership to get and stay fit. I decided my emotional health is better off with working fitness into my life all day long rather than the trial and tribulations (many of my own doing) of going to the gym.