HOW DO I TELL THE HUSBAND TO SHUT UP WITH OUT BEING MEAN!!!!

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13

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  • crazorbaq
    crazorbaq Posts: 74 Member
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    You don't. That won't solve anything. What will help is if you let most of what he said roll off your back like water on a duck. The other part, well, look through it and see if you can pick out anything that he might have a point about and work on it. It may have come off rude/hateful, but in my 18 years of marriage experience, I can honestly say most of the time when the hubbs has acted like this it wasn't out of malice. Like I read in a previous post, men like to fix things. He sounds like he is feeling a little helpless in your current situation and would like nothing more than to make it better, just doesn't know how. I have learned there is always a little hurt in the truth and it is a hard fact to deal with. If he really hurt your feelings, please let him know gently, but also acknowledge the fact that he is a great guy and very supportive and you really appreciate it when he tries to take care of you. Hope this helps :) Have a great week!
  • DucklingtoSwan
    DucklingtoSwan Posts: 169 Member
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    I know that we were not there and since it's hard to convey tone when you're typing it's impossible for us to have heard how he was saying these things to you... he could have meant no harm, or he could have been being very nasty. My husband can sometimes act like a total jerk and say things that reduce me to tears, though if I typed a simple transcript here it would be harder to see what I mean. (Likewise we can have a perfectly normal conversation but if I typed them out, people would be like wtf??) :huh:

    It would be all too easy to give up out of spite. Don't let one bad week and one argument derail you. You have been succeeding, there is no reason you can't get right back up at your very next meal.

    That said, don't give him the opportunity to hurt you again. Just quietly go back to taking care of yourself, logging, exercising, surfing these boards (they help me tremendously as well) and if he brings up the subject, remind him nicely that he said he was through talking about your weight, and change the subject. You can't change him, but you can change how you react to things he says and does. An important lesson I have learned is how NOT to engage people and how to NOT promote their drama.

    And on the days where you decide to relax and eat a damn burger, because this is real life and real life does have the occasional burger in it, and he makes a remark, tell him that if he can't be positive, and can't believe in you, and is instead going to comment on every bite you put in your mouth, then he is not allowed to mention, or even have an opinion, about your food or your weight. I speak from experience on that one.

    You need to be doing this for YOU. Only you. Not for him or anyone else.
  • bgrmystr
    bgrmystr Posts: 10 Member
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    Speaking from the husband's perspective, you should either lose weight or not for yourself. Each person in the marriage should take care of themselves first, spouse/family second.
  • lmmathis86
    lmmathis86 Posts: 223 Member
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    Thank you for all your help! Sometimes I just get upset with myself and when he joins in I take it the wrong way! I feel like alot of you have good points. I have been really up set with myself over me falling off the wagon. I could be just taking it out on him. Thanks again!
  • Sharon_C
    Sharon_C Posts: 2,132 Member
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    I rarely talk to my husband about my weight loss. It's my journey. My problem. My issue to deal with. I don't do it for him or anyone else but me.

    Plus, I don't think my husband would even know how to make a burger and fries.
  • amyc115
    amyc115 Posts: 32 Member
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    My best advice to you is to stay off the forums. People in here are awful. While you may be venting or seeking for others with partners who don't understand the trials and tribulations of weight loss to empathize with. You won't be finding it on the forums. People who troll the forums aren't supportive or helpful. Neither are men for that matter. Good luck with you're husband, he'll never understand until he wants to lose weight. Stay off the forum, it'll just make you mad.
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
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    My best advice to you is to stay off the forums. People in here are awful. While you may be venting or seeking for others with partners who don't understand the trials and tribulations of weight loss to empathize with. You won't be finding it on the forums. People who troll the forums aren't supportive or helpful. Neither are men for that matter. Good luck with you're husband, he'll never understand until he wants to lose weight. Stay off the forum, it'll just make you mad.

    People just don't get you, amirite?
  • jayliospecky
    jayliospecky Posts: 25,022 Member
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    My best advice to you is to stay off the forums. People in here are awful. While you may be venting or seeking for others with partners who don't understand the trials and tribulations of weight loss to empathize with. You won't be finding it on the forums. People who troll the forums aren't supportive or helpful. Neither are men for that matter. Good luck with you're husband, he'll never understand until he wants to lose weight. Stay off the forum, it'll just make you mad.


    Mmk.

    I'm gonna' start a list. Tell me if I miss anyone.

    People who are unsupportive

    1. People on the forums
    2. Men
  • Mr_Bad_Example
    Mr_Bad_Example Posts: 2,403 Member
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    My best advice to you is to stay off the forums. People in here are awful. While you may be venting or seeking for others with partners who don't understand the trials and tribulations of weight loss to empathize with. You won't be finding it on the forums. People who troll the forums aren't supportive or helpful. Neither are men for that matter. Good luck with you're husband, he'll never understand until he wants to lose weight. Stay off the forum, it'll just make you mad.

    You get what you give, lady.

    Good luck on your gurney.
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
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    My best advice to you is to stay off the forums. People in here are awful. While you may be venting or seeking for others with partners who don't understand the trials and tribulations of weight loss to empathize with. You won't be finding it on the forums. People who troll the forums aren't supportive or helpful. Neither are men for that matter. Good luck with you're husband, he'll never understand until he wants to lose weight. Stay off the forum, it'll just make you mad.


    Mmk.

    I'm gonna' start a list. Tell me if I miss anyone.

    People who are unsupportive

    1. People on the forums
    2. Men

    People on her FL
  • jayliospecky
    jayliospecky Posts: 25,022 Member
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    My best advice to you is to stay off the forums. People in here are awful. While you may be venting or seeking for others with partners who don't understand the trials and tribulations of weight loss to empathize with. You won't be finding it on the forums. People who troll the forums aren't supportive or helpful. Neither are men for that matter. Good luck with you're husband, he'll never understand until he wants to lose weight. Stay off the forum, it'll just make you mad.


    Mmk.

    I'm gonna' start a list. Tell me if I miss anyone.

    People who are unsupportive

    1. People on the forums
    2. Men

    People on her FL

    I was about to add

    3. *kitten*

    Would that cover it? Or should I add both to cover all the bases?
  • LiftAllThePizzas
    LiftAllThePizzas Posts: 17,857 Member
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    My best advice to you is to stay off the forums. People in here are awful. While you may be venting or seeking for others with partners who don't understand the trials and tribulations of weight loss to empathize with. You won't be finding it on the forums. People who troll the forums aren't supportive or helpful. Neither are men for that matter. Good luck with you're husband, he'll never understand until he wants to lose weight. Stay off the forum, it'll just make you mad.
    I am a men and I am helpful and supportive.
  • jade255
    jade255 Posts: 1 Member
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    Tell him that women with a little extra weight usually live longer than the man who mentions it!
  • MysteriousLdy
    MysteriousLdy Posts: 306 Member
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    I took the matter personally into my heart when my man said that to me back in Jan 2014. Insensitive man, thats why I have neutral feelings to him!

    Cannot he see it with his own eyes, I am trying my best to shed pounds off my body to be healthy and fit? I am busting my *kitten* to do cardio and strength training (weight lifting). ALL the sweats and muscle pains AREN'T for him but myself.

    He is just jealous when men checking out on me, in front of him. Some even commented how great I look now

    I want to be attractive and wear sexy clothes. I am totally fed up with myself being obese since young. I am even more annoyed that he is unable to adapt the changes in me. Green-eyed man!
  • 4aces61
    4aces61 Posts: 292 Member
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    Tell him that women with a little extra weight usually live longer than the man who mentions it!
    LMAO!!!
  • EvgeniZyntx
    EvgeniZyntx Posts: 24,208 Member
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    My best advice to you is to stay off the forums. People in here are awful. While you may be venting or seeking for others with partners who don't understand the trials and tribulations of weight loss to empathize with. You won't be finding it on the forums. People who troll the forums aren't supportive or helpful. Neither are men for that matter. Good luck with you're husband, he'll never understand until he wants to lose weight. Stay off the forum, it'll just make you mad.


    Mmk.

    I'm gonna' start a list. Tell me if I miss anyone.

    People who are unsupportive

    1. People on the forums
    2. Men

    Hey, that's me twice. Cool, I can be two times unsupportive.
  • Otterluv
    Otterluv Posts: 9,083 Member
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    My best advice to you is to stay off the forums. People in here are awful. While you may be venting or seeking for others with partners who don't understand the trials and tribulations of weight loss to empathize with. You won't be finding it on the forums. People who troll the forums aren't supportive or helpful. Neither are men for that matter. Good luck with you're husband, he'll never understand until he wants to lose weight. Stay off the forum, it'll just make you mad.
    I am a men and I am helpful and supportive.

    You don't count, you went through a cut cycle and in it wanted to lose weight, so now you understand. Silly.

    I have a men upstairs who has never tried to lose weight and therefore is apparently neither helpful nor supportive as a result. He must have been faking being all supportive and stuff for the past 2 years. I think he and I are going to have to have a little chat :angry:
  • jayliospecky
    jayliospecky Posts: 25,022 Member
    Options
    My best advice to you is to stay off the forums. People in here are awful. While you may be venting or seeking for others with partners who don't understand the trials and tribulations of weight loss to empathize with. You won't be finding it on the forums. People who troll the forums aren't supportive or helpful. Neither are men for that matter. Good luck with you're husband, he'll never understand until he wants to lose weight. Stay off the forum, it'll just make you mad.
    I am a men and I am helpful and supportive.

    You don't count, you went through a cut cycle and in it wanted to lose weight, so now you understand. Silly.

    I have a men upstairs who has never tried to lose weight and therefore is apparently neither helpful nor supportive as a result. He must have been faking being all supportive and stuff for the past 2 years. I think he and I are going to have to have a little chat :angry:

    If he tries to play innocent and all "what did I do?" show him my list. Solid proof, right there.
  • Otterluv
    Otterluv Posts: 9,083 Member
    Options
    My best advice to you is to stay off the forums. People in here are awful. While you may be venting or seeking for others with partners who don't understand the trials and tribulations of weight loss to empathize with. You won't be finding it on the forums. People who troll the forums aren't supportive or helpful. Neither are men for that matter. Good luck with you're husband, he'll never understand until he wants to lose weight. Stay off the forum, it'll just make you mad.
    I am a men and I am helpful and supportive.

    You don't count, you went through a cut cycle and in it wanted to lose weight, so now you understand. Silly.

    I have a men upstairs who has never tried to lose weight and therefore is apparently neither helpful nor supportive as a result. He must have been faking being all supportive and stuff for the past 2 years. I think he and I are going to have to have a little chat :angry:

    If he tries to play innocent and all "what did I do?" show him my list. Solid proof, right there.

    I think he knows I'm onto him: I found a Cadbury egg on my nightstand. He's trying to deflect my attention. IT WON'T WORK!





    Well, maybe it will. Nomnomnomnom.
  • MysteriousLdy
    MysteriousLdy Posts: 306 Member
    Options
    My best advice to you is to stay off the forums. People in here are awful. While you may be venting or seeking for others with partners who don't understand the trials and tribulations of weight loss to empathize with. You won't be finding it on the forums. People who troll the forums aren't supportive or helpful. Neither are men for that matter. Good luck with you're husband, he'll never understand until he wants to lose weight. Stay off the forum, it'll just make you mad.
    I am a men and I am helpful and supportive.

    You don't count, you went through a cut cycle and in it wanted to lose weight, so now you understand. Silly.

    I have a men upstairs who has never tried to lose weight and therefore is apparently neither helpful nor supportive as a result. He must have been faking being all supportive and stuff for the past 2 years. I think he and I are going to have to have a little chat :angry:

    If he tries to play innocent and all "what did I do?" show him my list. Solid proof, right there.

    I think he knows I'm onto him: I found a Cadbury egg on my nightstand. He's trying to deflect my attention. IT WON'T WORK!





    Well, maybe it will. Nomnomnomnom.


    LOL..I cannot resist chocolate too ;-)

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