Question for the single ladies of MFP
Replies
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This whole dating thing still baffles me. Well, I think I have seen enough English speaking movies depicting dates, but I always thought most of it was an exaggeration and not actually real.
I hope I don't sound like an idiot for asking this, but I hope someone can answer this: Is it true that people set up dates with other people they don't really know in order to see how compatible they are? Do you guys actually interview each other and test chemistry for a few hours in a pre-arranged meeting? I'm not judging or anything, but reading this thread made me aware of how different romance / romantic relationships are in different places. Where I live, people don't go on dates and interview each other. They usually start off by being friends, feel attracted and they fall in love. Some take it to the next level and plan their life together. That's it.0 -
This whole dating thing still baffles me. Well, I think I have seen enough English speaking movies depicting dates, but I always thought most of it was an exaggeration and not actually real.
I hope I don't sound like an idiot for asking this, but I hope someone can answer this: Is it true that people set up dates with other people they don't really know in order to see how compatible they are? Do you guys actually interview each other and test chemistry for a few hours in a pre-arranged meeting? I'm not judging or anything, but reading this thread made me aware of how different romance / romantic relationships are in different places. Where I live, people don't go on dates and interview each other. They usually start off by being friends, feel attracted and they fall in love. Some take it to the next level and plan their life together. That's it.
Yes. We do. All the time. It's hilarious.0 -
Woman - I have certain standards and I expect the man I'm with to live up to them. He had best have a decent job, I ain't supporting no bums. And he'd better have his own car and his own place. If he doesn't have a 401K he better get one. I have a certain lifestyle and I expect to be taken care of.
Man - I don't date fat chicks.
Woman - WHY ARE MEN SO SHALLOW?!?!?!
lmao. so true.
I'm absolutely fine with being expected to make great money, have a strong career path planned, great place to live, nice car, retirement savings. I'm more than willing to completely cover whatever expenses she has or needs. Want to stay at home and raise children? fine by me.
My expectation? Look good, don't nag too much, engage in stimulating conversation with me at least once a day, keep fit. Help feed me and clean because I hate household chores.
That's a fair trade. Maybe I'm shallow. I really don't care, at all.0 -
Generally I go on online dating sites, so a lot of those questions are already answered in peoples' profiles. If they're not or if I go out with someone I met offline, I wouldn't think to ask those kinds of questions off the bat... they just kind of naturally happen within conversation. Not just with prospective boyfriends, but with people in general I feel like people tend to ask "so what do you do for a living?" Once you get to a certain age, anway.
There are plenty of reasons why someone might be out of work ... but unless it's a really temporary unemployment, it's a deal breaker for me. Also having a place to stay is a must, though I couldn't care less where they're living - I still live @ home with my parents, so I really have no judgement to pass if they still do too. I'm just looking for stability within a relationship with someone, and for me that includes being able to hold down a job and afford their bills and food. I grew up very poor, so the lux life isn't what I'm looking for, I just like being comfortable.
The car thing is really hit and miss for me ... I don't really care if they have a car or what kind of car they do have, but I've dated guys who didn't have cars and once it turned out to be because it got repoed because he was living outside of his means and didn't care to get his crap together (which is a definite dealbreaker) and two other times I just kind of turned into their taxi service / they mostly just wanted me to drive them around and pick them up from places and considered that our "hang out" time. (also a dealbreaker).
I feel like these are all things you eventually find out about someone one way or another, so yeah no ... wouldn't just straight up and ask unless I felt like something was wrong.0 -
READ THE POST: IT SAYS "....FOR THE SINGLE LADIES........."
Ladies who cannot read is #2.
it was my stubbornness and sarcasm that first got my boyfriends attention, and the fact that since first grade I've always read above my grade level that really pulled him in. :laugh:0 -
READ THE POST: IT SAYS "....FOR THE SINGLE LADIES........."
Ladies who cannot read is #2.
it was my stubbornness and sarcasm that first got my boyfriends attention, and the fact that since first grade I've always read above my grade level that really pulled him in. :laugh:
Did you meet him in grade school?0 -
Woman - I have certain standards and I expect the man I'm with to live up to them. He had best have a decent job, I ain't supporting no bums. And he'd better have his own car and his own place. If he doesn't have a 401K he better get one. I have a certain lifestyle and I expect to be taken care of.
Man - I don't date fat chicks.
Woman - WHY ARE MEN SO SHALLOW?!?!?!
oh really? all men don't date fat chicks? wow how did I manage to date when I was fat ...they must of all just felt bad for me or were really desperate eh?0 -
This whole dating thing still baffles me. Well, I think I have seen enough English speaking movies depicting dates, but I always thought most of it was an exaggeration and not actually real.
I hope I don't sound like an idiot for asking this, but I hope someone can answer this: Is it true that people set up dates with other people they don't really know in order to see how compatible they are? Do you guys actually interview each other and test chemistry for a few hours in a pre-arranged meeting? I'm not judging or anything, but reading this thread made me aware of how different romance / romantic relationships are in different places. Where I live, people don't go on dates and interview each other. They usually start off by being friends, feel attracted and they fall in love. Some take it to the next level and plan their life together. That's it.
If you want to see how it's really done where we live, please watch the English-speaking movie, "American Pie." Pay attention to any reference to "band camp."0 -
Woman - I have certain standards and I expect the man I'm with to live up to them. He had best have a decent job, I ain't supporting no bums. And he'd better have his own car and his own place. If he doesn't have a 401K he better get one. I have a certain lifestyle and I expect to be taken care of.
Man - I don't date fat chicks.
Woman - WHY ARE MEN SO SHALLOW?!?!?!
oh really? all men don't date fat chicks? wow how did I manage to date when I was fat ...they must of all just felt bad for me or were really desperate eh?
:indifferent:
Kidding.
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READ THE POST: IT SAYS "....FOR THE SINGLE LADIES........."
Ladies who cannot read is #2.
it was my stubbornness and sarcasm that first got my boyfriends attention, and the fact that since first grade I've always read above my grade level that really pulled him in. :laugh:
Did you meet him in grade school?
lol! no- that would be interesting though, wouldnt it?0 -
READ THE POST: IT SAYS "....FOR THE SINGLE LADIES........."
Ladies who cannot read is #2.
it was my stubbornness and sarcasm that first got my boyfriends attention, and the fact that since first grade I've always read above my grade level that really pulled him in. :laugh:
Did you meet him in grade school?
lol! no- that would be interesting though, wouldnt it?
Then what does your grade school reading level have to do with anything? 0 -
Woman - I have certain standards and I expect the man I'm with to live up to them. He had best have a decent job, I ain't supporting no bums. And he'd better have his own car and his own place. If he doesn't have a 401K he better get one. I have a certain lifestyle and I expect to be taken care of.
Man - I don't date fat chicks.
Woman - WHY ARE MEN SO SHALLOW?!?!?!
oh really? all men don't date fat chicks? wow how did I manage to date when I was fat ...they must of all just felt bad for me or were really desperate eh?
Your interpretation skills need a little work.
He's saying if a guy said that he wouldn't date a fat chick, he'd be burned at the stake, but women are allowed to have any and all kinds of stipulations.0 -
You menz are so sweet and deserve ALL the cookies and sex for allowing us to vote!!!!! :flowerforyou:I'm not single nor a "lady", but I don't like that this is only for single ladies because rules are stooopid.
I don't think I would ever ask these questions. It seems offensive to ask something that everyone should already have. I think they would reveal themselves quickly if they didn't have any of these things, but I could be wrong.
Whew, I'm glad I'm married and don't have to deal with this crap. Oh, and he has a car, job and a place to live. He just doesn't know how to use our washing machine yet. I should have asked that question.
In his defence it is women's work. Do you expect him to learn to cook too?
My head just exploded. You just set women back about 50 years right there.
I don't know why you're mad after we let you gals vote after your incessant nagging.0 -
READ THE POST: IT SAYS "....FOR THE SINGLE LADIES........."
Ladies who cannot read is #2.
it was my stubbornness and sarcasm that first got my boyfriends attention, and the fact that since first grade I've always read above my grade level that really pulled him in. :laugh:
Did you meet him in grade school?
lol! no- that would be interesting though, wouldnt it?
Then what does your grade school reading level have to do with anything?
oh, and I'M the one who cant read, huh? i said SINCE first grade, silly! so it was starting foundation.0 -
READ THE POST: IT SAYS "....FOR THE SINGLE LADIES........."
Ladies who cannot read is #2.
it was my stubbornness and sarcasm that first got my boyfriends attention, and the fact that since first grade I've always read above my grade level that really pulled him in. :laugh:
Did you meet him in grade school?
lol! no- that would be interesting though, wouldnt it?
Then what does your grade school reading level have to do with anything?
oh, and I'M the one who cant read, huh? i said SINCE first grade, silly! so it was starting foundation.
Nvm, missing my point. :laugh:0 -
Woman - I have certain standards and I expect the man I'm with to live up to them. He had best have a decent job, I ain't supporting no bums. And he'd better have his own car and his own place. If he doesn't have a 401K he better get one. I have a certain lifestyle and I expect to be taken care of.
Man - I don't date fat chicks.
Woman - WHY ARE MEN SO SHALLOW?!?!?!
oh really? all men don't date fat chicks? wow how did I manage to date when I was fat ...they must of all just felt bad for me or were really desperate eh?
Your interpretation skills need a little work.
He's saying if a guy said that he wouldn't date a fat chick, he'd be burned at the stake, but women are allowed to have any and all kinds of stipulations.
we have to remember where we came from when it comes with this. back in the cave men days, thats how men and women picked their family. the women looked for a man who knew how to build a fire, who could protect the family, wrestle a bear, etc etc. and the men looked for big chest because thats what fed the baby. wide hips, because the chances of carrying full term were a bit more slim back then. it was more about survival, and deep down we still have those instincts. things are just way different when it comes to survival, women dont need wide hips anymore and men dont have to wrestle a bear.0 -
Just curious, when dating, how many of you need to ask your potential suitor if they have a job/car/place to live?
Are any of those a deal breaker?
I would ask at some point- but as general conversation.
I don't think I would make them like a stock list of questions I had to ask- but it usually comes out- I'm a nosy person- I ask questions.
And yes- job- car- place to live- these are all important. I would never date someone drifitng with no job- my BF had lost his job- was collecting part time and working part time when I met him- after we started dating he moved to full time at the part time job (shtty job but bishes be expensive!!!)
Speed bumps- were a massive issue over summer when I told him to get his chit together- needed to move out of mom's house and get a real job and start stepping up. 2 years in and I wasn't seeing enough drive to move forward. We were going no where if he didn't get his life together- fortunately he did when he realized I was serious about that.
These things matter- he may be wonderful but if he can't pull his weight around the house- then he's got to go.0 -
Woman - I have certain standards and I expect the man I'm with to live up to them. He had best have a decent job, I ain't supporting no bums. And he'd better have his own car and his own place. If he doesn't have a 401K he better get one. I have a certain lifestyle and I expect to be taken care of.
Man - I don't date fat chicks.
Woman - WHY ARE MEN SO SHALLOW?!?!?!
oh really? all men don't date fat chicks? wow how did I manage to date when I was fat ...they must of all just felt bad for me or were really desperate eh?
Your interpretation skills need a little work.
He's saying if a guy said that he wouldn't date a fat chick, he'd be burned at the stake, but women are allowed to have any and all kinds of stipulations.
we have to remember where we came from when it comes with this. back in the cave men days, thats how men and women picked their family. the women looked for a man who knew how to build a fire, who could protect the family, wrestle a bear, etc etc. and the men looked for big chest because thats what fed the baby. wide hips, because the chances of carrying full term were a bit more slim back then. it was more about survival, and deep down we still have those instincts. things are just way different when it comes to survival, women dont need wide hips anymore and men dont have to wrestle a bear.
Yes, we do!0 -
I don't have to wrestle a bear, but that doesn't mean it's still good fun.Woman - I have certain standards and I expect the man I'm with to live up to them. He had best have a decent job, I ain't supporting no bums. And he'd better have his own car and his own place. If he doesn't have a 401K he better get one. I have a certain lifestyle and I expect to be taken care of.
Man - I don't date fat chicks.
Woman - WHY ARE MEN SO SHALLOW?!?!?!
oh really? all men don't date fat chicks? wow how did I manage to date when I was fat ...they must of all just felt bad for me or were really desperate eh?
Your interpretation skills need a little work.
He's saying if a guy said that he wouldn't date a fat chick, he'd be burned at the stake, but women are allowed to have any and all kinds of stipulations.
we have to remember where we came from when it comes with this. back in the cave men days, thats how men and women picked their family. the women looked for a man who knew how to build a fire, who could protect the family, wrestle a bear, etc etc. and the men looked for big chest because thats what fed the baby. wide hips, because the chances of carrying full term were a bit more slim back then. it was more about survival, and deep down we still have those instincts. things are just way different when it comes to survival, women dont need wide hips anymore and men dont have to wrestle a bear.
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Woman - I have certain standards and I expect the man I'm with to live up to them. He had best have a decent job, I ain't supporting no bums. And he'd better have his own car and his own place. If he doesn't have a 401K he better get one. I have a certain lifestyle and I expect to be taken care of.
Man - I don't date fat chicks.
Woman - WHY ARE MEN SO SHALLOW?!?!?!
oh really? all men don't date fat chicks? wow how did I manage to date when I was fat ...they must of all just felt bad for me or were really desperate eh?
basically, or there are some chubby chasers out there.
but I can gurantee these phaggots you dated were unaesthetic betas. real talk. no way would I ever even talk to a fat or ugly chick.
I've literally left countless restraunts, stores etc.....because the waiter or check out girl was fat and ugly. ummmmmm no thanks. I find it offensive.0 -
As a grad student living in a city, I know plenty of people without cars...so that one isn't that weird.
But I probably wouldn't go on a date with someone without a job (career) or place to live.
....but I never really date....soooooo.
To the people saying there is a gender double standard...same thing if I was trying to date a girl. I'd want her to have a job/car/place to live. It's not gender specific really, more about having baggage.0 -
My goal is to find a happy and confident partner. I've worked very hard to be confident and happy.
I don't think men are happy if they don't have a job or their own place to live. The car is just a side effect. Whatever.
I may be wrong.....
Then again, my logic is never involved with these decisions anyway! My ovaries are non judgemental when it comes to sperm! Lol!0 -
Woman - I have certain standards and I expect the man I'm with to live up to them. He had best have a decent job, I ain't supporting no bums. And he'd better have his own car and his own place. If he doesn't have a 401K he better get one. I have a certain lifestyle and I expect to be taken care of.
Man - I don't date fat chicks.
Woman - WHY ARE MEN SO SHALLOW?!?!?!
lmao. so true.
I'm absolutely fine with being expected to make great money, have a strong career path planned, great place to live, nice car, retirement savings. I'm more than willing to completely cover whatever expenses she has or needs. Want to stay at home and raise children? fine by me.
My expectation? Look good, don't nag too much, engage in stimulating conversation with me at least once a day, keep fit. Help feed me and clean because I hate household chores.
That's a fair trade. Maybe I'm shallow. I really don't care, at all.
What if I don't need you to cover my expenses? Can I nag more?0 -
I'm in a long term relationship now, but when I was dating yep all three of those were deal breakers. I have a home, a car and worked for the same company for close to 30 years. I don't expect someone to make as much as I do, but I do expect them to have a job, not live with mom and dad and my days of riding double on a bike with a boyfriend were over a long time ago ;-)0
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I look for a match. I require something different than I did when I was a teenager, vs in college, vs mid-twenties, vs now. Where I am now means that a car, career, and home are all musts.0
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No, it doesn't, lol. It only shows how they manage debt.
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Which to me is more important than how much they are worth or how much they make.0 -
You mean the first or the others followed? I'll be honest, I didn't see the others that followed, but I assume they were bad as the original. I was hoping you'd point out some other teen flick or an actual good movie that didn't oversimplify american people to actually help me understand this dating business. I may be ignorant about the US, but even I know better than to think you'd be so primitive.This whole dating thing still baffles me. Well, I think I have seen enough English speaking movies depicting dates, but I always thought most of it was an exaggeration and not actually real.
I hope I don't sound like an idiot for asking this, but I hope someone can answer this: Is it true that people set up dates with other people they don't really know in order to see how compatible they are? Do you guys actually interview each other and test chemistry for a few hours in a pre-arranged meeting? I'm not judging or anything, but reading this thread made me aware of how different romance / romantic relationships are in different places. Where I live, people don't go on dates and interview each other. They usually start off by being friends, feel attracted and they fall in love. Some take it to the next level and plan their life together. That's it.
If you want to see how it's really done where we live, please watch the English-speaking movie, "American Pie." Pay attention to any reference to "band camp."0 -
No, it doesn't, lol. It only shows how they manage debt.
Which to me is more important than how much they are worth or how much they make.
...why?0 -
As a grad student living in a city, I know plenty of people without cars...so that one isn't that weird.
But I probably wouldn't go on a date with someone without a job (career) or place to live.
....but I never really date....soooooo.
To the people saying there is a gender double standard...same thing if I was trying to date a girl. I'd want her to have a job/car/place to live. It's not gender specific really, more about having baggage.
I live in a city, but the public transportation around here is absolute crap. Taxis are kind of novelty (though they do exist in the area, they are just a bit rare), buses are few and far between and really only run in the downtown/metro area, and we have no subway or train system. No car kind of makes it hard to get around unless you live/work/play in the downtown/metro area of the city.0 -
Just curious, when dating, how many of you need to ask your potential suitor if they have a job/car/place to live?
Are any of those a deal breaker?
I don't ask these questions but usually get the answers as I'm getting to know the guy.
As far as any of these being a deal breaker, I would have to know what the deal is?
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