Question for the single ladies of MFP

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  • ashandstuff
    ashandstuff Posts: 442 Member
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    As a grad student living in a city, I know plenty of people without cars...so that one isn't that weird.

    But I probably wouldn't go on a date with someone without a job (career) or place to live.

    ....but I never really date....soooooo.

    To the people saying there is a gender double standard...same thing if I was trying to date a girl. I'd want her to have a job/car/place to live. It's not gender specific really, more about having baggage.
  • Springfield1970
    Springfield1970 Posts: 1,945 Member
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    My goal is to find a happy and confident partner. I've worked very hard to be confident and happy.

    I don't think men are happy if they don't have a job or their own place to live. The car is just a side effect. Whatever.

    I may be wrong.....

    Then again, my logic is never involved with these decisions anyway! My ovaries are non judgemental when it comes to sperm! Lol!
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    Woman - I have certain standards and I expect the man I'm with to live up to them. He had best have a decent job, I ain't supporting no bums. And he'd better have his own car and his own place. If he doesn't have a 401K he better get one. I have a certain lifestyle and I expect to be taken care of.

    Man - I don't date fat chicks.

    Woman - WHY ARE MEN SO SHALLOW?!?!?!

    lmao. so true.

    I'm absolutely fine with being expected to make great money, have a strong career path planned, great place to live, nice car, retirement savings. I'm more than willing to completely cover whatever expenses she has or needs. Want to stay at home and raise children? fine by me.

    My expectation? Look good, don't nag too much, engage in stimulating conversation with me at least once a day, keep fit. Help feed me and clean because I hate household chores.

    That's a fair trade. Maybe I'm shallow. I really don't care, at all.

    What if I don't need you to cover my expenses? Can I nag more?
  • skippygirlsmom
    skippygirlsmom Posts: 4,433 Member
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    I'm in a long term relationship now, but when I was dating yep all three of those were deal breakers. I have a home, a car and worked for the same company for close to 30 years. I don't expect someone to make as much as I do, but I do expect them to have a job, not live with mom and dad and my days of riding double on a bike with a boyfriend were over a long time ago ;-)
  • emirror
    emirror Posts: 842 Member
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    I look for a match. I require something different than I did when I was a teenager, vs in college, vs mid-twenties, vs now. Where I am now means that a car, career, and home are all musts.
  • skippygirlsmom
    skippygirlsmom Posts: 4,433 Member
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    [/quote]

    No, it doesn't, lol. It only shows how they manage debt.
    [/quote]

    Which to me is more important than how much they are worth or how much they make.
  • estaticaa
    estaticaa Posts: 67 Member
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    This whole dating thing still baffles me. Well, I think I have seen enough English speaking movies depicting dates, but I always thought most of it was an exaggeration and not actually real.

    I hope I don't sound like an idiot for asking this, but I hope someone can answer this: Is it true that people set up dates with other people they don't really know in order to see how compatible they are? Do you guys actually interview each other and test chemistry for a few hours in a pre-arranged meeting? I'm not judging or anything, but reading this thread made me aware of how different romance / romantic relationships are in different places. Where I live, people don't go on dates and interview each other. They usually start off by being friends, feel attracted and they fall in love. Some take it to the next level and plan their life together. That's it. :embarassed:

    If you want to see how it's really done where we live, please watch the English-speaking movie, "American Pie." Pay attention to any reference to "band camp."
    You mean the first or the others followed? I'll be honest, I didn't see the others that followed, but I assume they were bad as the original. I was hoping you'd point out some other teen flick or an actual good movie that didn't oversimplify american people to actually help me understand this dating business. I may be ignorant about the US, but even I know better than to think you'd be so primitive.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
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    No, it doesn't, lol. It only shows how they manage debt.

    Which to me is more important than how much they are worth or how much they make.

    ...why?
  • silver_arrow3
    silver_arrow3 Posts: 1,373 Member
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    As a grad student living in a city, I know plenty of people without cars...so that one isn't that weird.

    But I probably wouldn't go on a date with someone without a job (career) or place to live.

    ....but I never really date....soooooo.

    To the people saying there is a gender double standard...same thing if I was trying to date a girl. I'd want her to have a job/car/place to live. It's not gender specific really, more about having baggage.

    I live in a city, but the public transportation around here is absolute crap. Taxis are kind of novelty (though they do exist in the area, they are just a bit rare), buses are few and far between and really only run in the downtown/metro area, and we have no subway or train system. No car kind of makes it hard to get around unless you live/work/play in the downtown/metro area of the city.
  • DymonNdaRgh40
    DymonNdaRgh40 Posts: 661 Member
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    Just curious, when dating, how many of you need to ask your potential suitor if they have a job/car/place to live?

    Are any of those a deal breaker?

    I don't ask these questions but usually get the answers as I'm getting to know the guy.

    As far as any of these being a deal breaker, I would have to know what the deal is?:wink:
  • UpEarly
    UpEarly Posts: 2,555 Member
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    When I started dating my now husband, he had a bicycle, a part-time job and lived in the cheapest, most run-down place in town (with 4 roommates). I knew all those things about him - he never tried to hide any of it, but I never questioned him either. It just came out in natural conversation. At that time, I already had a successful career, owned my own home and had a nice, newer car. It didn't really matter to me though, because I liked him as a person immediately.

    We've been married almost 17 years now.
  • M00NPYE
    M00NPYE Posts: 193 Member
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    I'm not single now but when I was, yes... no job, living with mommy, in my experience these also come with no vehicle and trouble... definite deal breakers! :yawn:
  • journalistjen
    journalistjen Posts: 265 Member
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    A smart lady wouldn't have to ask outright--they would get to know you and find these things out.

    For most decent ladies, they can be deal breakers.
  • LadyGhostDuchess
    LadyGhostDuchess Posts: 894 Member
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    I AM single and in the dating world. I do NOT ask those questions, exactly. We do discuss careers as a natural part of conversation. Never discuss transportation or living arrangements. If it comes up, it comes up, and a couple times it has.

    As far as a deal breaker...

    many people probably won't like my response but you don't know where I've been and/or come from. I refuse to be burnt /screwed over again! So, while I can't say for sure, perhaps if the person didn't have a job, home and vehicle, it just might be a deal breaker. I won't be a sugar momma to anyone an ylonger! PERIOD!

    I am in the same boat as this!
    I don't care if you live with friends or family. No car? How about a bike? If you have a driver's license I am okay with that. I prefer if you have a job because I HATE being the one to always pay for stuff. I dated a guy who didn't have a job (he was a full time student) and I paid for everything but the rent, did not like it. But I mean it doesn't have to be a high end job, it could be McDonald's for all I care, as long as there is some income.

    But I do not ask questions like that off the bat, normally comes up in conversation
  • benniesmother
    benniesmother Posts: 269 Member
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    personally, these things are deal breakers. I want my man to love his career. I mean.. he could be a freaking garbage man. but if he really truly loves what he does, that is super sexy to me. edit: even if he doesn't love his job, that's ok too. as long as he's a hard worker and willing to have a job. if he isn't willing to pay for his own self to live, how would he support children? which I do (in 2394873 years) want.

    in regards to a home.. I don't think I could date someone without a place to live. I mean, where would we snuggle?
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
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    I would rather be dating a man that has his own transportation and job, if not then I have to drag him everywhere and waste my money on him. So both partners need a job, it would make life a lot simpler also. I've been in that boat before, my ex had no job, no car, no license, still living with mama. He asked me for everything, and I was always broke because of him. Of course that relationship ended within a few months.

    I've been there too. No more driving someone to work because his car got repossessed because he wouldn't make the payments.
    No more personal loans that never got paid back.

    Being financially irresponsible is a deal breaker.

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