Physical Attraction

I noticed the physical attraction thread on here about would You still be attracted to someone if they changed their weight and it got me thinking about my own situation.

In my case, a guy friend of mine told me that I was sloppy with my appearance. I asked him what he meant and he said that I wasn't as thin as I should be and that I don't wear perfume (something I have since fixed).

I'm trying to fix the weight thing as well since I am now feeling self conscious.

Really?

Gosh, get rid of the guy. Any guy who says something like that is not worth hanging with.

Also, never try and fix yourself for a guy. It's not at all worth it.

Ditch him you don't need that

I noticed the physical attraction thread on here about would You still be attracted to someone if they changed their weight and it got me thinking about my own situation.

In my case, a guy friend of mine told me that I was sloppy with my appearance. I asked him what he meant and he said that I wasn't as thin as I should be and that I don't wear perfume (something I have since fixed).

I'm trying to fix the weight thing as well since I am now feeling self conscious.

get rid of him. he's not a friend. I had a "friend" like that for 7 years and he was nothing but a doucherella intent on raining on everyone's parade so he could feel superior. My hair was too flat isn't there product for that?, I should be wearing make up, those sunglasses made me look like a dumb@$$, my boobs looked kind of ''ehhhhhh" (said with a look of disgust and a weird hand gesture). There was so much more. I just can't remember everything. All I know is that when I finally quit that friendship I didn't so much dodge a bullet as finally dig it out.

"Fix" your weight for yourself and nobody else. He sounds like a douche.

He sounds too high maintenance and finicky for my tastes. You sure you really want to bother with someone like that? Hope he has some other stellar qualities to make up for the effort he's putting you to.

I am who posted that other thread, your situation is 100% different. My post was more about massive change and losing the physical attraction part of the relationship, only the physical part.

Improving yourself should be for you, it can benefit someone else too but you must be priority. No one has a right to just make random judgments about your looks, or they can make them but you shouldn't have to hear them. Never change for someone, you must do it for you.

Who is the guy? A friend giving unsolicited advice or a romantic partner that is controlling. The post I made was more geared to longterm or married partners. A new guy trying to change you is just a jerk and will only get worse.

'fix' yourself for you. No one else.

This.

Not wearing perfume isn't sloppy -- it's a good thing. Between scents in detergents, lotions, shampoos, hair products, etc -- we have too many scents floating around, and most people tend to wear too much perfume and all those scents swirl around and clash. Ugh. I like quirky perfumes (black phoenix alchemy lab and the like), but I stopped wearing years ago.

As far as the physical piece - you should do it for you. Not for anyone else. We're all self-conscious it seems (or at least a lot of us are), regardless of our size. Heck, when I was in my 20s and gained weight up to where I'm at right now (179), I felt awful about myself and my body. Now that I'm losing and have been up to 291, I feel rockin' at 179 It's all in the perspective and the attitude!

Don't let some person guilt you into changing you. If you want honest opinions and such, great, ask for them and don't be upset when someone tells you what they think -- but also don't let their opinion mean everything to you. Attractiveness is so individualized that I wouldn't listen to him at all! But if you have friends you can trust who give good, honest opinions, those are the ones to seek out. I'm terrible at fashion. My husband has a great eye for it. His style isn't entirely mine, but I know him well enough that I can take his critiques and then apply them to myself in whatever measure I need. I get to decide whether or not I feel like I'm trying to change for myself or for someone else....and I know he loves me as I am so it's not necessary. That's what you need to look for in a friend to give you opinions. Not some twit who thinks not wearing perfume is sloppy and tries to make you insecure!

Thanks for all Your words....but isn't it true that people aren't obliged to find someone good looking, they might very well look at someone and think they need to lose weight? So I can't exactly blame my friend for that....

Sigh, I just got my period, I feel yucky, just did Insanity but now I have to do Level 3 30 Day Shred for the first time, it'll be hard doing all the exercises for the first time but my friend will look down on me even more if I don't lose weight.

I mean this with utmost kindness, but it sounds like you are putting too much stock in what you think your friend thinks about you. If that's you in your profile picture, you look pretty small. Do you really need to lose weight?

This guy just makes me so, so angry. What right does he (or anyone) have to police the way you look? What, is he perfect in every way? Do you think he would try to change if you pointed out one of his flaws? Honestly, if you are talking about attraction, every person has a different ideal. I had just as much success with guys when I was a bit bigger as I do now but I am doing this for myself to feel as healthy as I can be. The only person who should be giving you 'advice' about your weight is your doctor, if it is posing a medical threat.

F#%k this guy.

Are you holding perfume in your pic?
and you want to lose 26 pounds? You look like you're 100 pounds now.

'fix' yourself for you. No one else.

This X 100

SLLRunner, I didn't think I needed to lose weight until my friend's comments

See, this is what I was talking about. You don't look overweight at all in your picture. You are trying to please your friend whether or not you are overweight/underweight/somewhere in between.

Why do your friend's opinions count so much to you?

What is your weight? What are your goals for yourself? How do YOU feel about YOU?

ETA: I see you said you are 126 pounds. Gee, this guy's gotta go. Really.