why do I compare myself to every woman I see?
hollymccall
Posts: 88 Member
I'm constantly comparing myself to every woman I see. If shes thin and beautiful, I hate her. ( jealousy anyone?)If she's bigger, I wonder if I'm as big as her. I'm constantly picking myself apart, and thinking of something new to improve on before I've made it to my first goal. I have stretch marks from having kids, so I'm already trying to save up money for really expensive cream for those. On top of that I want a boob job, knowing I can't afford it. Next best thing, buy some pills that supposedly helps out a couple of cup sizes. I want to be beautiful. But all I can see are flaws flaws flaws. Everywhere flaws. I'm so burnt out. I may not weigh a whole lot, but trust me, the body fat % is high. Like 32% high.
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Replies
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...why do you get jealous? (seriously consider this)
Basically...it comes down to your own self-esteem.0 -
Because you're influenced by what Hollywood and Media has deemed as "beautiful" and "perfect".
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
I do the same exact thing. I have stretch marks as well. and I would get a boob job if I had the money lol at least I now know im not the only one I thought I was kind of weird. It kind of sucks to compare yourself to others cause it makes you more self conscious and kind of makes you feel like your not good enough( at least that's how I feel) but its sooo hard to break the habit0
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I'm constantly comparing myself to every woman I see. If shes thin and beautiful, I hate her. ( jealousy anyone?)If she's bigger, I wonder if I'm as big as her. I'm constantly picking myself apart, and thinking of something new to improve on before I've made it to my first goal. I have stretch marks from having kids, so I'm already trying to save up money for really expensive cream for those. On top of that I want a boob job, knowing I can't afford it. Next best thing, buy some pills that supposedly helps out a couple of cup sizes. I want to be beautiful. But all I can see are flaws flaws flaws. Everywhere flaws. I'm so burnt out. I may not weigh a whole lot, but trust me, the body fat % is high. Like 32% high.
It doesn't matter what you weigh or what size you are, it's a matter of how you perceive yourself. You have some self esteem issues and I would challenge you to assess those insecurities. No reason that you should compete with other women. The media pits against each other so much as it is.0 -
Holly, its not just you. I'm the same way. I think its the body dysmorphia thing where we never see anything good, just the bad.. I feel epic insecure near any women who have qualities I seek.. Although I don't do the jealous i hate you thing.. I just mope about it in private.0
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Maybe you need to talk to someone about your own issues? Really, I'm not trying to be mean, but you should live your life for you and be the best you can be and stop worrying about what others think. It might be mean to say, but there will always be someone more beautiful, thinner, younger, etc than you. You have to get past that. And everyone has imperfections. Hollywood is an illusion.0
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well a lot of females feel the same way that you do and are not impressed with what they have to offer but that on it's own is a negative and wont help you in any aspects of your life. What I recommend is finding the one thing about you that you truly love and get the most compliments on. Once you have found that one thing it's time to rock it and flaunt it with doing this you will reveal confidence you never thought you had and therefore maybe start seeing you in a different light. Fitness has to be something you want and in order to get there keep it as a goal along with being happy about you. Stop comparing you are beautiful
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I used to constantly compare myself to others until I started really getting fit as opposed to just dieting. I now feel amazing about myself most times and if I catch myself checking out a chick it's usually appreciating their physique or beauty as opposed to just hating them for being awesome while I hate myself.
I've lost a few pounds but the confidence I've gained in myself far surpasses the number on the scale.0 -
I admit, media does influence me. I see perfection on the tv screen and want so much to have the body she does. Yes, I realize I have some serious self esteem issues going on. How to I begin to address those? I just don't feel good about myself, and I'm trying to do something about it. It's just allot of pressure. And let me clarify, I don't hate every pretty thin woman, there's just that twinge of jealousy. Our maybe envy is a better word. I know they're is always gonna be someone prettier and thinner ect., I just want to feel comfortable with me.0
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Its super hard to feel comfortable with yourself, totally get it. What parts do you feel worst about? Your photo shows a beautiful woman, with great lips and a beautiful smile. AND AMAZING HAIR. From your face pic I can't see why you'd be insecure, but again, we all are our own worst critics. If there is a specific "trouble" spot that you feel insecure about, maybe try to find ways to camouflage it so you don't focus so much on it? I know for me it's my big arms, so I try to buy clothes that don't make them look any bigger
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You compare yourself to other women because many different factors in your life have conditioned you to do it. Its that simple. Your own personality will color this behavior and your reaction to it. For example, I do it because in high school, boys were vocal about what they found attractive and if you didn't measure up, they ignored you, teased you, evaluated you on a 1-10 scale, called you names, showed other boys that you were not desirable. And if boys ignored you, then girls (heterosexual girls, can't speak for lesbians) could see that you were inferior and they began to make sure that they weren't seen that way. Boys held the standard and girls wanted so much to be approved of so they evaluated themselves and others to gauge competition. So now, even as a 33 yr old adult, I still feel the consequences of growing up in a community like that. The reasons may be different for you. But that's why for ME. Something conditioned you to do this so you could have the approval of others.
Now comes the hard part: What can you do to slow or stop this behavior? :-) I very slowly began to like myself and remember that men who want that kind of perfection are just not for me. And that's ok. I don't need to be everyone's cup of tea. Maybe you will find YOUR own reason. Like, you might realize that we are all different and not in a competition. Or you might just become for comfortable with not being perfect and just being the YOU. I hope you find your answers. I know its difficult.0 -
@ itsadogslife
It's mostly my waist and my thighs. I want to get a flat tummy, and lean legs. Those bother me most. I camouflage as much as possible.And thank you for the compliment.!0 -
I admit, media does influence me. I see perfection on the tv screen and want so much to have the body she does. Yes, I realize I have some serious self esteem issues going on. How to I begin to address those? I just don't feel good about myself, and I'm trying to do something about it. It's just allot of pressure. And let me clarify, I don't hate every pretty thin woman, there's just that twinge of jealousy. Our maybe envy is a better word. I know they're is always gonna be someone prettier and thinner ect., I just want to feel comfortable with me.
Sorry if I sounded harsh before...but seriously I'd suggest talking to someone. I've never felt that jealousy before, but there've been times in my life when I'm not happy with the person I am, or even a situation I'm in and I know that can affect the way you (general you) think or act. Pick out things you love about yourself, or things in your life that you are proud of. Look into hobbies that occupy your mind so you aren't thinking this way. The media is designed to evoke these feeling so you will feel this way and spend money on products and magazines and movies and whatever else. You have to be confident in yourself, you have to have a strong value in yourself and your life.0 -
The unrealistic pressure the media puts on women is terrible. In general, I think we, as women, are critical of ourselves and we tend to focus on our flaws rather than our positive characteristics and features. Just realize that other women are not looking at you and seeing what you see. Just like you are not hyper-critical of other women, they are not examining your flaws under a microscope. Be kind to yourself and love your body - even in its imperfect state. It all fades eventually anyway. Besides, you will just waste time and money on expensive creams and treatments that WON'T work. I have stretch marks - creams don't help. The boob pills are a huge FAIL too. Do not waste your money! Tried them years ago and if anything I think they may have shrunk my boobs! :laugh:
If you want to feel beautiful, STOP comparing yourself to others. Take a "before" picture of yourself and improve from there. Seeing and comparing your own progress can be measurable success. Eat healthy, exercise and work on building your self-esteem, and realize you ARE beautiful.
Self-confidence shines through your countenance and IS beautiful!0 -
Natural thing to do - we are self-centered humans after all. That being said, the greatest progress comes when we compare ourselves to ourselves.. What PROGRESS are we making... Are we meeting our goals or marking time? Personally, I do compare myself to others in the gym as well but mostly to see what they have achieved and if it is close to what I am working toward, what are they doing to get there... Be the best you that you can be... that is all anybody can ask for... and if your hubby and kids are satisfied with you, that is all that really matters in the end anyway.0
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It comes from alot of places. Believe it or not, I'm usually a very up beat and positive person. I try to always encourage and uplift others. But I also have nights like tonight where I sulk about my insecurities and flaws. I have self esteem issues that stem from many places. Sometimes I just need to vent.You compare yourself to other women because many different factors in your life have conditioned you to do it. Its that simple. Your own personality will color this behavior and your reaction to it. For example, I do it because in high school, boys were vocal about what they found attractive and if you didn't measure up, they ignored you, teased you, evaluated you on a 1-10 scale, called you names, showed other boys that you were not desirable. And if boys ignored you, then girls (heterosexual girls, can't speak for lesbians) could see that you were inferior and they began to make sure that they weren't seen that way. Boys held the standard and girls wanted so much to be approved of so they evaluated themselves and others to gauge competition. So now, even as a 33 yr old adult, I still feel the consequences of growing up in a community like that. The reasons may be different for you. But that's why for ME. Something conditioned you to do this so you could have the approval of ot
Now comes the hard part: What can you do to slow or stop this behavior? :-) I very slowly began to like myself and remember that men who want that kind of perfection are just not for me. And that's ok. I don't need to be everyone's cup of tea. Maybe you will find YOUR own reason. Like, you might realize that we are all different and not in a competition. Or you might just become for comfortable with not being perfect and just being the YOU. I hope you find your answers. I know its difficult.0 -
You weren't too harsh or mean. I just have bad days like most, and tonight is one of those. I'm just tired of the pressure. I know I have good qualites, but I pick at my flaws. Health and fitness is my new hobby, just want to reach a milestone.I admit, media does influence me. I see perfection on the tv screen and want so much to have the body she does. Yes, I realize I have some serious self esteem issues going on. How to I begin to address those? I just don't feel good about myself, and I'm trying to do something about it. It's just allot of pressure. And let me clarify, I don't hate every pretty thin woman, there's just that twinge of jealousy. Our maybe envy is a better word. I know they're is always gonna be someone prettier and thinner ect., I just want to feel comfortable with me.
Sorry if I sounded harsh before...but seriously I'd suggest talking to someone. I've never felt that jealousy before, but there've been times in my life when I'm not happy with the person I am, or even a situation I'm in and I know that can affect the way you (general you) think or act. Pick out things you love about yourself, or things in your life that you are proud of. Look into hobbies that occupy your mind so you aren't thinking this way. The media is designed to evoke these feeling so you will feel this way and spend money on products and magazines and movies and whatever else. You have to be confident in yourself, you have to have a strong value in yourself and your life.0 -
I wrote this on my wall today..
beauty is as beauty does. dont be jealous or compare yourself to someone else.. they have insecurities too.. they just dont let them show.. so people that you may be envious of.. they may be envious of you for different reasons. so be your own person.. shine out bright.. dont compare yourself to others its a waste of energy that will get you nowhere. instead become the best version of you that's possible.. that's what they did.what are you waiting for? become that bright shining star i know that's inside of you wanting to come out from the darkness that you hide behind.. the mask you protect yourself with.. step out of your comfort zone and say world look at me.. im special because you are.0 -
Building positive self esteem is like building muscle. It's something you need to work at and you can't expect it to happen on its own. Start off by being your own best friend. Everytime you criticise yourself too harshly pull yourself up and say something positive about yourself instead. Start saying thanks for the good things in your life. There are lots of ways to start changing your mind set but like changing your body, it requires patience and dedication :flowerforyou:0
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Read this today: "Comparison is the thief of joy."
That was a comment on this series of photos featuring Lewis CK talking with a girl...
Photo 1: girl looking very upset: "Why does she get one and not me? It's not fair"
Photo 2: Lewis CK looking down at girl and lecturing her: "You're never gonna get the same as other people; it's never gonna be equal"
Photo 3: similar photo as #2: "It's not gonna happen, ever in your life, so you must learn that now, okay?"
Photo 4: Lewis CK squatting down and looking seriously and compassionately at girl: "Listen. The only time you should look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure they have enough. You don't look in your neighbor's bowl to see if you have as much as them."
I think the same thing is true for any physical trait or success in life or whatever...0 -
Love this!!!I wrote this on my wall today..
beauty is as beauty does. dont be jealous or compare yourself to someone else.. they have insecurities too.. they just dont let them show.. so people that you may be envious of.. they may be envious of you for different reasons. so be your own person.. shine out bright.. dont compare yourself to others its a waste of energy that will get you nowhere. instead become the best version of you that's possible.. that's what they did.what are you waiting for? become that bright shining star i know that's inside of you wanting to come out from the darkness that you hide behind.. the mask you protect yourself with.. step out of your comfort zone and say world look at me.. im special because you are.0 -
That makes alot of sense. I guess I just have my sulky moments.Read this today: "Comparison is the thief of joy."
That was a comment on this series of photos featuring Lewis CK talking with a girl...
Photo 1: girl looking very upset: "Why does she get one and not me? It's not fair"
Photo 2: Lewis CK looking down at girl and lecturing her: "You're never gonna get the same as other people; it's never gonna be equal"
Photo 3: similar photo as #2: "It's not gonna happen, ever in your life, so you must learn that now, okay?"
Photo 4: Lewis CK squatting down and looking seriously and compassionately at girl: "Listen. The only time you should look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure they have enough. You don't look in your neighbor's bowl to see if you have as much as them."
I think the same thing is true for any physical trait or success in life or whatever...0 -
Building positive self esteem is like building muscle. It's something you need to work at and you can't expect it to happen on its own. Start off by being your own best friend. Everytime you criticise yourself too harshly pull yourself up and say something positive about yourself instead. Start saying thanks for the good things in your life. There are lots of ways to start changing your mind set but like changing your body, it requires patience and dedication :flowerforyou:
^^^ I agree with this - it's something you need to learn and practice and you get better at it with time
Don't say anything about yourself that you wouldn't say about a friend. Start trying to find your good points, things you like about yourself - not just physical things, but all the things related to your character and talents. Learn to value yourself for all the things you can do, and give these a higher priority than what you look like. When you love all of yourself as a person then it's easier to see yourself in the mirror and not pick yourself apart. And when you feel happy and confident about who you are, you don't constantly try to measure yourself up against others to see if you're good enough. But as the person above said, this takes practice.... but you can start practicing now. Don't allow yourself to say bad things about yourself (same as you wouldn't for a friend) and try to make a list of things about yourself that you like, including your personal qualities and skills. Try to see yourself as a unique individual who has great things to offer the world.... start small and your confidence should grow over time.
if you can't do this by yourself with self-help, that's where therapy/counselling can be really helpful.0 -
get a professional help. i used to be like you too when i was younger. but now even when guy i like made fun of my small boobs i just laughed. there's nothing more attractive than confidence0
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I admit, media does influence me. I see perfection on the tv screen and want so much to have the body she does. Yes, I realize I have some serious self esteem issues going on. How to I begin to address those? I just don't feel good about myself, and I'm trying to do something about it. It's just allot of pressure. And let me clarify, I don't hate every pretty thin woman, there's just that twinge of jealousy. Our maybe envy is a better word. I know they're is always gonna be someone prettier and thinner ect., I just want to feel comfortable with me.
While being content with who you are don't fall in this trap of feeling comfortable with whatever you are right now, try to become a better version of yourself without comparing yourself to others, we're all different, that's where your motivation is coming from, that's what drives you forward. Once you see outcome of your work it encourages you even more to become a better person, physically, mentally, emotionally, lifts your self esteem, gives you more motivation to work towards your best0 -
I'm constantly comparing myself to every woman I see. If shes thin and beautiful, I hate her. ( jealousy anyone?)If she's bigger, I wonder if I'm as big as her. I'm constantly picking myself apart, and thinking of something new to improve on before I've made it to my first goal. I have stretch marks from having kids, so I'm already trying to save up money for really expensive cream for those. On top of that I want a boob job, knowing I can't afford it. Next best thing, buy some pills that supposedly helps out a couple of cup sizes. I want to be beautiful. But all I can see are flaws flaws flaws. Everywhere flaws. I'm so burnt out. I may not weigh a whole lot, but trust me, the body fat % is high. Like 32% high.
I can relate to what you are saying....i have been thru this myself and occasionally still catching myself being a hater ( mostly on myself thu) You have to learn to appreciate what your body is capable of and how far you have come to making that happen. I think you are a beautiful woman and we all have flaws. Some you can change and some you cant. You do the best you can with what you got and what you want. take it from someone who has been there...carrying around all that hate and body dislike will make you crazy. Be proud of your body and be your own kind of Beautiful. Just dont give up.0 -
I think it's good that you see it as a problem. I have similar feelings sometimes.
I think it's deliberately there because women get exposed to so much makeup and fashion advertising. Those industries deliberately make us feel insecure so that we will buy more stuff. We wouldn't waste money on it if we weren't insecure.
What is motivating me to get over it is that I don't want them to manipulate me. I don't want to be insecure because of them. It's ridiculous.0 -
I've never in my life been able to feel a shred of jealousy towards another woman. My self-esteem isn't even the greatest, but I focus on the many good things about myself and never dwell on the bad things unless I'm doing something to change them. FWIW, I think you're absolutely gorgeous. Find what you love about yourself and build upon that. Identify what you dislike and come up with a strategy to improve yourself. :flowerforyou:0
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Because you're influenced by what Hollywood and Media has deemed as "beautiful" and "perfect".
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
This. If our society worshiped a woman's ability to do math, you'd be envying high IQs and advanced degrees in mathematics and wondering if there was a pill that would make you smarter.
We really need to create that society, even though I'll be totally screwed, since I have to count on my fingers.0 -
alot of ppl i know are defenately influence by this .. and defenately some ppl here including myself well i use to be feeling that way but not anymore influences of the media / hollywoodBecause you're influenced by what Hollywood and Media has deemed as "beautiful" and "perfect".
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0
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