why do I compare myself to every woman I see?

DeterminedFee201426

I do the same exact thing. I have stretch marks as well. and I would get a boob job if I had the money lol at least I now know im not the only one I thought I was kind of weird. It kind of sucks to compare yourself to others cause it makes you more self conscious and kind of makes you feel like your not good enough( at least that's how I feel) but its sooo hard to break the habit

yes i just did this yesterday i felt horrible its a bad habit yes i had the habit eversence i was 16 yrs old and still have it at age26

rockmama72

Read this today: "Comparison is the thief of joy."

That was a comment on this series of photos featuring Lewis CK talking with a girl...

Photo 1: girl looking very upset: "Why does she get one and not me? It's not fair"
Photo 2: Lewis CK looking down at girl and lecturing her: "You're never gonna get the same as other people; it's never gonna be equal"
Photo 3: similar photo as #2: "It's not gonna happen, ever in your life, so you must learn that now, okay?"
Photo 4: Lewis CK squatting down and looking seriously and compassionately at girl: "Listen. The only time you should look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure they have enough. You don't look in your neighbor's bowl to see if you have as much as them."

I think the same thing is true for any physical trait or success in life or whatever...

This is great!

AglaeaC

A good place to start is to treat yourself like you would your best friend. You are your best friend, if you really think about it; you have to put up with yourself from your first to your last breath, so better stop going to war with yourself permanently. If you can't figure it out on your own, perhaps talk to someone professional. Would you remind your best friend of her shortcomings constantly? Or would you do your best to lift her up, put a smile on her face? Why should you treat yourself any differently?

Pamela_in_Progress

I'm sorry you feel that way. *Hugs* As others have stated, it all comes down to self esteem. I have a feeling that even if you could change all the things you wanted to, you still wouldn't be happy and would continue to see only your flaws. I am 45 years old and have battled those demons for most of my life. It's like having this perpetual negative feedback running in your head telling you you're not good enough. Learning to love yourself for who you are now, with all your glorious flaws and being kind to yourself will do you wonders. The best thing you can do is to learn to shut those negative thoughts down and replace them with new positive ones. Compliment yourself on a regular basis and you'll be surprised how much better you'll start to feel. It's been a struggle but I've finally learned to love myself for who I am and to feel comfortable in my own skin. Flaws and all, I wouldn't want to be anyone else. Please be kind to yourself, you're worth it!! Good luck to you! :flowerforyou:

JoRocka

keep working on doing you- focus on things you are doing- and working toward- it will help push you toward YOUR achomplishements and help build that self esteem.

Almost everyone struggles with comparison/competition/self esteem at SOME point in their life. I'm incredibly secure with myself- and currently I'm struggling with the fact the girl who is younger than me- been lifting less- and is incredibly unsure of her self- is out lifting me. It makes me crazy that I bothers me.

But at the end of the day- I show up- and I do my work. I show and I work on ME being fabulous.

No one will do that for you- and as you keep working- you're realize as long as you are working on YOU then you can rely on your own self worth- you can step out head held high knowing YOU are doing amazing things in your life.

Go Forth Be fabulous- Be Fierce.

FLCullen

I have BEEN THERE. You hate people for no good reason and reading magazines actually makes you anxious - am I right?

You, my friend, have low self esteem. This is not easy to get rid off. And just so you know, if you lose those extra inches/lower your BFP, it's probably not going to be any better. There is always someone skinnier than you, there will always be girls with bigger boobs and bouncy hair and perfect noses. This is what I did when this was me (and it was totally eating into my life and everything I did):

1. I stopped buying magazines. I actually went further than that, and stopped going to the section in stores that sells magazines, because even that was a problem.
2. I stopped whatching music videos. This is the worst thing you can do when you feel bad about yourself.
3. Focus on the things you like about yourself (there is definitely something) and big those features up. Do your hair all nice or your make up of wear cute boots, whatever. Someone will compliment you, and you'll get a little high.
4. Repeat to yourself, over and over again, that there are somethings you can't change - that's your face, those are your legs, those are your boobs. You walk around on those legs all day, and you still resent them? Those legs keep you going! And remember - boob jobs need to be replaced like every 8 years - that is a life long commitment. And they take your nipple off and sew it back on. Small boobs stay perky longer, and there are a lot of guys out there that are small-boob aficionados.
5. Beauty comes in different shapes and sizes - Christina Hendricks is beautiful, and so is Mila Kunis. Kate Upton is hot, so is Chrissy Teigen. They don't all look the same, but they are still smokin' ladies. Your thighs and body fat aren't stopping you from being the best version of yourself - your head is!
6. At least three times a day, some guy walks past you and thinks - I would definitely hit that.

I conquered my terrible self esteem when my mum died at 50 - I had her body and I didn't want to be ashamed of what she gave me anymore. So I did and said those things above and now I feel infinitely better.

And PS - every girl you feel jealous of wakes up with eye crust and that weird morning mouth gunk. That's a nice thought, no?

ashandstuff

It's not just you. In fact, it's not just us girls who do this. Guys do it too. It's human nature honestly. There is a reason why there are so many beautification products and self-help books, everyone has features or aspects that they do not like about themselves. The severity of the discomfort towards how you view yourself will really boil down to learning to accept the flaws you have and love them.

I have stretch/shrink marks, a tummy, scars, a small butt, and uneven skin tone. I used to despise those things, and spend tons of money trying to "fix it". Thing is, you can't fix something that isn't broken. Now, whenever I start thinking about my bodily flaws I think to myself: even the girls on the magazine don't look like the girls on the magazine.

BlasianDoll23

I feel your pain! sadly I've been feeling this way before I had my daughter. Its even gotten worse seen shes here though. I'm forever comparing myself to women that I think is drop dead Gorgeous. I ahve days when I feel great about myself but thats rarely. I dont think im attractive. I wish I could get a nose job. I think my mouth is very small and not proportionate to my face at all. Im over weight. Yep I think highly negative about myself and I would like to fix this problem so I can live my life again without worrying about what other women look like.

EvgeniZyntx

Read this today: "Comparison is the thief of joy."

That was a comment on this series of photos featuring Lewis CK talking with a girl...

Photo 1: girl looking very upset: "Why does she get one and not me? It's not fair"
Photo 2: Lewis CK looking down at girl and lecturing her: "You're never gonna get the same as other people; it's never gonna be equal"
Photo 3: similar photo as #2: "It's not gonna happen, ever in your life, so you must learn that now, okay?"
Photo 4: Lewis CK squatting down and looking seriously and compassionately at girl: "Listen. The only time you should look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure they have enough. You don't look in your neighbor's bowl to see if you have as much as them."

I think the same thing is true for any physical trait or success in life or whatever...

This is great!

I think he's my brother's brother from another mother

fr053n

I've been there, but what's really helped me is the realization that how we look is not all that important in terms of if other people like us. Also, we are way too critical of ourselves, seriously. I try to appreaciate beauty when I see it, and think "You go girl" when I see a pretty lady. Also, I know that she's probably feeling insecure about something as well.

Unknown

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