I wish I had a tall fat boy to make me feel thin.

He probably doesn't notice. I've almost always outweighed my husband. I outweighed him by a good 20lb when we got married (when I was about 130lb), and then every time I was pregnant... it was way more. lol. We've both gained some in the ten years we've been together, him more than me (hooray!) but I think I still have a pound or two on him (at 146lb). I spent a lot of years wondering if it bothered him and recently got up the courage to actually ask him if it bothered him that I was bigger than him.

He said "What? You're not." Completely flabbergasted. All those years I felt bad! He didn't even think about it.

I think that happens a LOT! I've had male friends who were just chubby or average, and average height to tall, and they seriously assumed that being female and their height or shorter, I weighed much less than they did. These guys weren't saying that to be nice. They were genuinely shocked that I was WELL over 200 lb, because they were around 190 and pretty big guys and even though I was clearly fat and not petite, they just assumed that I weighed like 170 or something....similarly, I think a lot of fit women who weigh 145-150 or so, guys assume they're 110 lb! haha

ETA: I'm talking about random guys who aren't into diet/weight loss or fitness. Athletes and more "aware" guys do tend to have a better notion of what people weigh, including women.

I feel the same way in my marriage only it's a bit different. He's taller than me and swears I'm not over 5' tall but I weigh more than him and it bothers me. He's about 5'9" and he's way underweight but not by his choice, his upbringing and country kind of made him that way and I always manage to fatten him up a little when he's with me stateside, but, it still bothers me he's 10-20lbs less than me.

We're both pretty fit still and we love each other no matter what, but silly things bother girls. It bothers him a bit too but he knows how hard it is for him to change his weight even though we've tried.

I love my boyfriend. And I wouldn't trade him to lose 50 pounds. But it is hard when we're the same height (I may be a little taller, an inch tops), and I have a bigger frame than him and weight more. As you can see in my picture, he's fit, and I'm a little more fluffy in comparison. I weigh less than ten pounds more, but I look much larger.

I feel that even at my goal weight I will still look larger. And that scares me. If we have a future, and I have a child with him, I may never get down to what I am now even. I don't want to spend my life cringing at photos.

I was a gymnast, and I'm still strong. I feel like for now I should concentrate mostly on cardio, then do strength more down the road so I don't bulk up fast or something. Am I right with that?

My earlier reply was short, because actual work and stuff.

First, I'll repeat it, you do NOT look bigger than him now, and ya know what, even if you did, who cares? Who has decided men *must* but bigger? He looks like a fit strong dude. Stand back to back. Are your shoulders broader than his? I really doubt it.

Second, loosing pregnancy weight really isn't that hard. I've done it 3 times. Of course you can get back down to were you are now. There will be no reason to cringe at any photos.

Third, you will NOT bulk up lifting while on a calorie deficit. All you'll do is preserve muscle as you lose fat. Right now you might be strong and have big muscles (this is good) but they might look a little bigger than they actually are due to intramuscular fat. As you lose they will tighten up and just look awesome. Trust, me. You want to keep your muscles. You do. So no, you are not right. Do a good mix of strength and cardio. I'd recommend a good program like Strong Lifts 5x5, which is 3 times a week and can be done in about 40min.

Lastly, story time: I am 5'9", as is my husband. I weight 155lbs currently, and he's about 163. I've been heavier than am in the past. But his biceps are still way bigger than mine (and I've been lifting for 2 years) and his shoulders are bigger. When I was younger, yeah, I would seek out the tall fat boys to make me feel thin. Had I continued on that course I would have missed out on a really really great man. He's an awesome father and partner. We are totally in love after 12 years together. What if I let my own insecurities get in the weigh and decided to move on? I was the same as you. It was really MY insecurities. I didn't like feeling "big" but the truth is, I AM big, and that's okay. Women are beautiful and have worth at all sizes. Being 5'9", broad shouldered and big hipped is just as normal as being 5'2" and petite. And yeah, when I was 9 months pregnant I weighed 190lbs, a good 30lbs more than he did. I never cringed looking at photos because there's nothing wrong with me, not even when compared to him. And yeah, I lost the extra pregnancy weight 3 times. I am now more fit, and have a better body composition than I did before I had children.

Seriously. Work on getting over it. It's not a big deal.

He probably doesn't notice. I've almost always outweighed my husband. I outweighed him by a good 20lb when we got married (when I was about 130lb), and then every time I was pregnant... it was way more. lol. We've both gained some in the ten years we've been together, him more than me (hooray!) but I think I still have a pound or two on him (at 146lb). I spent a lot of years wondering if it bothered him and recently got up the courage to actually ask him if it bothered him that I was bigger than him.

He said "What? You're not." Completely flabbergasted. All those years I felt bad! He didn't even think about it.

Anyway. Your body will change over the years. It can't really be helped. Just try and remind yourself that he loves you and your body, because I'm sure he does.

(I'm not assuming you outweigh him. I'm just relating my experience.)

Wait, am I reading that right -- that your husband weighed 110 lbs when you got married?

I don't know about everyone else, but fat tall boys always make me feel bloated and hungover.



Oh, wrong kind of tall boy. My bad.

To the OP, lift weights now, not later.

Believe me, its much worse to have a 6ft 2in boyfriend who weighs 170lbs and can eat whatever he wants and not gain a pound... In fact, he usually looses weight. And than there is me who is 5'4'' and doesnt have a body like that. We literally calculated his calorie intake one day and it was 3500+

Bottom line, you cant compare yourself to who you are with. Its hard enough that I am always eating healthy and live with someone who just eats and eats. If I compared my weight with his, I would drive myself insane! But like you, I wouldnt trade him for the world and have been with him for 7+ years.

Women and Men have different body types. And I think its important to evaluate why he is with you and why you are with him. Looks are just a part of the equation.