LADIES ONLY: Dating before and after weight loss

katemiddletonisawesome
katemiddletonisawesome Posts: 152 Member
edited December 16 in Chit-Chat
If a guy knows you at your heaviest, but then sees you at your lightest and takes a sudden interest....... do you go for it? Or do you hold off thinking - he should have gotten to know me before I lost the weight, as I'm the same person, just smaller?
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Replies

  • DoctorKyrina
    DoctorKyrina Posts: 130 Member
    It's a complicated thing. It somehow feels wrong if they just suddenly notice you after the weight loss, but I don't see it as a problem unless they seem rude about it.
  • ONE03
    ONE03 Posts: 125 Member
    Definitely the latter for me.
  • StephTheBookworm
    StephTheBookworm Posts: 177 Member
    I feel like I would be offended because you always hope someone will love you for your personality and all that, but at the same time, I would understand. I don't look very attractive at my current weight lol. In fact, there is someone I know right now who I hope takes an interest in me when I look better. :ohwell:

    I would say go for it if you're interested too!
  • bikinibeliever
    bikinibeliever Posts: 832 Member
    I think if he knew you just as well when you were heavier as he knows you now (thinner) then I would pass. But men are visual creatures. :laugh: . I just wouldn't want a guy to go for me just because of my looks. I guess I would be thinking, what would happen if I gained weight again, would he be gone?
  • erh12275
    erh12275 Posts: 40 Member
    Ask yourself the dreaded question that no one HERE wants to ask...and you will have your answer. If you put the weight back on would he be gone? If something happened and you gained it back would he still want to be with you? Maybe but, judging by his past actions...probably not.
  • missbp
    missbp Posts: 601 Member
    Well, I think you have to be attracted to someone to want to date them, so I am going to say . . . it is perfectly understandable if he wasn't interested in dating you when you were heavier.

    The same logic could be used in the opposite. If you lost a lot of weight, and he no longer found you attractive because of it, should he be judged for losing interest?

    I personally don't think this is an indicator of poor character. We find people attractive for all sorts of reasons. The heart wants what it wants.

    That is my humble opinion.
    M
  • DoctorKyrina
    DoctorKyrina Posts: 130 Member
    Ask yourself the dreaded question that no one HERE wants to ask...and you will have your answer. If you put the weight back on would he be gone? If something happened and you gained it back would he still want to be with you? Maybe but, judging by his past actions...probably not.

    That is a rough thing. That's why I generally tend to base it on how rude they are about it. I admit I can be a bit of a shallow person sometimes when it comes to meeting a new partner, but I'm a lot more forgiving when it come to an established one. I guess I just can't be too harsh on someone for noticing me after I've lost weight because I know deep down I'd be more likely to notice them too.
  • raichuM
    raichuM Posts: 1 Member
    I don't know. I'd probably consider them jerks if they knew me before I was fat and all of a sudden started paying attention to me because I lost weight. But we have to remember that men are visual creatures too. It's kinda hard but hey if you are looking good and feeling great and those vibes are getting put out there..then there's always another man out there. I have a feeling that alot of the reason I dont have an activate dating life is because I'm overweight. Hahaha, I'll tell you when I lose 50lbs :)
    :noway:
  • LexieSweetheart
    LexieSweetheart Posts: 793 Member
    screw him he didn't want you when you were heavy he doesn't deserve the new and healthier you!
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    *Most* people tend to want someone who is not overweight. Let's be real here. This is not offensive to me at all. You know you're not looking and feeling your best when you're bigger. It doesn't even seem rational to expect someone else to look past the same thing that made you feel miserable about yourself and find your inner beauty. It just doesn't work like that.
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,219 Member
    It depends on how he treated me before. If he was nice and a decent friend I would date him. There's nothing wrong with being more attracted to someone because they've lost weight. I wouldn't date a guy who was a **** before and suddenly wants to date because I already know his true colors.
  • reshapemariah21
    reshapemariah21 Posts: 184 Member
    *Most* people tend to want someone who is not overweight. Let's be real here. This is not offensive to me at all. You know you're not looking and feeling your best when you're bigger. It doesn't even seem rational to expect someone else to look past the same thing that made you feel miserable about yourself and find your inner beauty. It just doesn't work like that.

    I completely agree with that!
  • mes1119
    mes1119 Posts: 1,082 Member
    Go for it.
    I met my boyfriend a year and a half ago at the gym when I was my lightest during my adult years. I'm about 10 pounds away from being where I was when I met him. I gained about 25 pounds thanks to him lol. :happy: :laugh:
  • DaughterOfTheMostHighKing
    DaughterOfTheMostHighKing Posts: 1,436 Member
    you know, if you were in his place, being in shape and good looking, would you have given him the time of day if he was like you were? people think about these things in strange ways. I'd give him a chance. there are a lot of guys on this site that started out much larger than they are now, and honestly, I'd be their friend, but probably not date them... go out and be friends, yes... romantic interest, no.
  • msartishia
    msartishia Posts: 123 Member
    I am with everyone else. I am a thick girl and I have always been. As the song goes...Take me as I am....take me baby or leave me.....

    You need to have someone that loves you for you...big or small or inbetween...My friend just wants me healthy...he has never said anything about my size...he says that most sickness comes when you have a stomach...and I know that..but I want to lose weight for me. He met me in the 240ish range and my goal is 175. So he can stay along for the ride or he can leave. I can do bad all by myself.
  • kbcarey111
    kbcarey111 Posts: 3 Member
    It might not all be about looks. It might be about how YOU feel about you. Are you happier now that you're thinner? Is that coming through in how you interact with people? It may be that people are taking notice because you are a more confident and happier person. My guess is you're not giving yourself enough credit.
  • Sherbog
    Sherbog Posts: 1,072 Member
    He may be attracted to your hard work, dedication and commitment to your health. Shoot ask him...:) It's just a date at this point.
  • HauteP1nk
    HauteP1nk Posts: 2,139 Member
    Men are visual creatures. And heck, so are women. There has to be somewhat of a physical attraction - at least initially.

    It is so easy to point fingers and say that if he couldn't like me when I was fat then he can't have me now when I am thin. That being said, maybe there were reasons that the person wasn't attracted to me for other then the physical reasons. Maybe now being thin I am more confident - AND confidence is SEXY!
  • LatinaGordita
    LatinaGordita Posts: 377 Member
    This is an interesting question. I have dieted most of my life and been heavy most of it, however, I know that my personality is different when I am lighter, feel great about myself, and I am more confident. HE may be more attracted to you not because of the physical but because you, yourself have changed.

    When I am thinner, I smile more, I flirt more, I have more fun, and I enjoy life more. Don't judge him just because you think he may not have been interested because you were bigger, it could be that you weren't as outgoing, flirty etc.

    Just my 2 cents :D
  • WhitneyT586
    WhitneyT586 Posts: 279 Member
    Honestly, women do the same thing. I know the type of men I'm attracted to and if I knew a guy for a while who was overweight then he started taking care of himself, exercising, and got toned (I like muscles), I might notice him more as a potential dating partner. Physical attraction is always first because humans are such visual creatures. Also, even if you think you haven't changed since losing weight, your confidence and personality may show more now with you unaware of it.

    BUT if he was not friendly to you before the weight loss, he is probably not worth your time.

    That said, at the end of last year, I was sort of re-introduced to a guy from high school. He gave me his number and we've been on several dates. Weight-wise I haven't changed since high school, but I'm more comfortable with myself. And he is not the person I thought he was. If the guy shows interest, give him a bit of a chance if you feel the attraction. He just might surprise you!
  • Karrix
    Karrix Posts: 288
    I went from a unhealthy weight (poor living conditions, lack of funds), to a higher healthy one. Since my gain I've been getting stopped left and right. :tongue:

    It's all about confidence and how you hold yourself. All body types are beautiful.
  • Angela_Freeborn
    Angela_Freeborn Posts: 62
    I somewhat agree with the rest of the ladies here, however if this is a guy whom you may have tried to speek to before, but he just shunned you off because of your weight; then really is he worth it? I understand that if we are not happy with what we see then how can the next person be? senerio works,
    but again if this is a guy who clearly knows you; who has not "just" meet you, then he should know what kind of person you are deep within, not just your exterrior. Relationships are saposed to be based on the people within, so if you give him the chance to grace him with your beauty inside and out, and you find yourself questioning yourself will he stick around if I gain a few pounds, then maybe its something thats not worth putting yourself through.
    You will get plenty of oppinions or suggestions here, some agree its ok, some disagree, some dont know, But the right awnser is within yourself hun, its your choice, just think to yourself," would I have done the same thing?"
    Wish you all the best :)
  • Sunscreenandsweat
    Sunscreenandsweat Posts: 190 Member
    "if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” - Marilyn Monroe
  • LilRedRooster
    LilRedRooster Posts: 1,421 Member
    I've been there before. I don't follow it up, unless it's just a fun fling sort of thing, because honestly, their sudden interest tells me that if I were to change, they would probably stop being as interested. Which doesn't work for me, so I avoid getting too invested.

    For some fun, though, hell, why not?
  • EBFNP
    EBFNP Posts: 529 Member
    This is a tough one..I think I prob won't date someone who became interested AFTER I lost the weight. I had the same problem with men in high school or knew for a long time where they told me they used to be in love with me blah blah years ago, yet never told me. Now I have to wonder if they are more interested now because of my success or what! IDK.
  • mamacita99
    mamacita99 Posts: 66 Member
    I am actually looking forward to my goal size so that I can say..."see what you could have had if you weren't such a shallow a-hole!"
    I haven't always been heavy, and my boyfriend of 11 years broke up with me when I was a size 14 (from a size 8) because he was embarrassed to be seen with me because I had gotten "bigger and bigger".

    Although I am doing this for me - I will enjoy flaunting my gorgeous new self, and say FU ~ because I can lose the weight and he'll ALWAYS be an *kitten*.
  • EBFNP
    EBFNP Posts: 529 Member
    I am actually looking forward to my goal size so that I can say..."see what you could have had if you weren't such a shallow a-hole!"
    I haven't always been heavy, and my boyfriend of 11 years broke up with me when I was a size 14 (from a size 8) because he was embarrassed to be seen with me because I had gotten "bigger and bigger".

    Although I am doing this for me - I will enjoy flaunting my gorgeous new self, and say FU ~ because I can lose the weight and he'll ALWAYS be an *kitten*.

    Love it! I hate when people are so superficial about looks and give up good relationships. Like men who cheat on their wives after they give birth when their bodies are not the same. It sounds so shallow.
  • insatiable_need
    insatiable_need Posts: 127 Member
    I actually had this happen. I had a crush on the guy for a long time but he wouldn't give me the time of day at my heaviest. When I lost weight, he started flirting with me, so I went ahead and dated him. I shouldn't have because he was a jerk! Very shallow.
  • juicysmilez
    juicysmilez Posts: 3
    This is a very old post but I would like to answer for the benefit of anyone else that deals with the same dilemma.

    Yes, I agree men appreciate a healthy slender body opposed to a heavy woman because they value beauty (and status) just like women appreciate men who can work and generate income opposed to a man that is chronically jobless because we value security.

    To answer the OP's question about dating a man who was uninterested in her when she was overweight but likes her new "slimmer" self it is best to weigh all options. Now that you are a slimmer woman and posses the ability to be a "status" symbol for more men than you did before the ball is in your court. You now have more options of men to date and discover then you did before and you are able to be choosier so date them first. I think it is better to meet a new man who didn't know your former self because you may not worry about gaining weight and losing him like you would the other man who suddenly finds you worthy.

    It sounds like you are just curious to be with this man because you have liked him all this time but he should definitely come last on your list of prospects.

    Think of it like this. Pretend you were a man working at McDonalds. You make a modest living but you have everything you need and are ready to settle down. The women you encounter refuse to invest their time into getting to know you because they can't see past your McDonald's manager salary. Then one day you hit the lottery. You are know a hundred-millionaire and woman are falling out of the sky like rain. Would you date the women who were very vocal about there displeasure in your job title or would you start over and attract the woman of your dreams with your new found success? A man would definitely kick all the other woman to the curb, bask in his new found fortune, and share it with the woman of his dreams. Yes, you can say the man there is a chance that if he loses his fortune he may lose his dream girl; just like an obese woman who lost weight can lose a man if she gains it back but it's almost a guarantee if he or she dates people who rejected them when they weren't at there best.

    "If you can't accept me at my worst than you don't deserve me at my best."
    -Marilyn Monroe
  • pudadough
    pudadough Posts: 1,271 Member
    I wouldn't. I struggle with my weight. Always have. Likely always will. Don't want someone who values me more or less based on how much I weigh. Because if we're together for any substantial amount of time, the likelihood is that I will gain weight again at some point.
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